Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Men are like placemats...

They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like mascara...

They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like bike helmets...

They are handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like government bonds...

They take so long to mature.

Men are like parking spots...

The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Men are like copiers...

You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like lava lamps...

Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like bank accounts...

Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like high heels...

They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like curling irons...

They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like mini skirts...

If you're not careful, they`ll creep up your legs.

Men are like....Coffee...

The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night!

Men are like coolers...

Just fill them up with beer, and you are able to take them anywhere you want.

Men are like horoscopes...

They always tell you what to do, but generally they are wrong.

Men are like snowstorms..

You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they will last!

Men are like vacations...

They are never long enough

Men are like the weather...

Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like commercials ...

You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like department stores ...

Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

*************************************************************

Enjoy your evening everyone!  >:D

tink :icon_chick:

Okay... you just set women's rights back about 1000 years. That was ridiculously bigoted and crude.

Aw, it was a joke. Ask her. It's funny for goodness' sakes! Laugh at it and move on. Trust me, if you haven't yet you'll be making worse ones soon about women. :)  And all the other guys will laugh. :) It's what we do, luv. :laugh:

Nichole

I don't, and won't, because I really see very little difference between men and women that wasn't forced upon them by culture and upbringing.

Rafe, this thread was intended to be a joke.  So sorry you took it the wrong way, so let's not make a tempest in a teapot, alright?

tink :icon_chick:

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.  To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.
    No further testing is planned.

 :D

Do you know why Moses wandered the desert for forty years?  Because even back then men wont ask for directions.  ;D  I dont care who you are that's funny right there.. Larry the Cable Guy.

Come on now if we cant laugh at each other then we come the joke for everyone else.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.



Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

Quote from: Bas
Okay... you just set women's rights back about 1000 years. That was ridiculously bigoted and crude.

Quote from: Nichole
Aw, it was a joke. Ask her. It's funny for goodness' sakes! Laugh at it and move on. Trust me, if you haven't yet you'll be making worse ones soon about women. :)  And all the other guys will laugh. :) It's what we do, luv. :laugh:

Quote from: Bas
I don't, and won't, because I really see very little difference between men and women that wasn't forced upon them by culture and upbringing.

In a way, this exchange helps illustrate what I posted in the "In all seriousness" (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,36321.msg266036.html#msg266036 (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,36321.msg266036.html#msg266036)) thread. Whether things are funny or offensive depends on one's point of view.

As a bio-male, these are quite disappointing to read from one POV. But, I understand that these things were jokes without any malice intended. If these had been posted at a different place and by a different person, malice might have been intended.

I've worked as a writer for standups for 30 years now, I assure you, its all done with a mean spirit, and malice.  Really what kind of wood does not float?  Natalie Wood.   Could be twice as funny if James Wood died in a tragic sea accident.

All jokes are at someones expense.  Really.

Of course I think the best working stand up is Neil Hamburger.

See

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5NOt3ClPKA (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5NOt3ClPKA)

OH YEAH, way beyond parental warnings.

Not to mention his Michael Jackson set.  (I wrote one of these lines - and no, you will not find it funny)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw&feature=related)

Quote from: Tink on August 04, 2008, 10:36:06 PM
Men are like placemats...

They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like mascara...

They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like bike helmets...

They are handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like government bonds...

They take so long to mature.

Men are like parking spots...

The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

Men are like copiers...

You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like lava lamps...

Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like bank accounts...

Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like high heels...

They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like curling irons...

They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like mini skirts...

If you're not careful, they`ll creep up your legs.

Men are like....Coffee...

The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night!

Men are like coolers...

Just fill them up with beer, and you are able to take them anywhere you want.

Men are like horoscopes...

They always tell you what to do, but generally they are wrong.

Men are like snowstorms..

You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they will last!

Men are like vacations...

They are never long enough

Men are like the weather...

Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like commercials ...

You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like department stores ...

Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

*************************************************************

Enjoy your evening everyone!  >:D

tink :icon_chick:

All that aside, Men make me feel sooo very secure in bed!!!!

Sorry.

I truly LOVE my men.

Can't live without them!!!!

(giggle!)

Sorry April,

But I could not resist...............

Men cant live with them, Cant kill them except in Texas.

Sorry have man trouble, not me actually but I am getting the fallout.

Mistress Janet

Quote from: Tink on August 04, 2008, 10:36:06 PM
Men are like...

I enjoyed reading that.  I found much of it to be funny and I was able to relate some of my experiences with men to some of it also.  I guess to make it PC one would have to say, "Some men are like..."  "Or occasionally some men are like..."

I realize there are some people out there who still get an impression of a sex or a race and then judge everyone of that sex or race by that one experience or worse yet by something they were told while growing up but seriously, are those people smart enough to figure out how to join this website?

A new individual came into my life about three years ago.  She was always accusing other people of being prejudiced and nothing was ever funny to her.  Turns out she is very bigoted but in denial.  She hates what she thinks she sees in others.  I avoid her like the plague whenever possible.  And I know that people are individuals with their own unique ideas and skills and gifts to offer, even the gift of laughter.  I have to admit that while watching the first video posted up above I laughed so hard I nearly choked to death on my coffee but the second video was removed before I could watch it.

See... just some harmless humor.  BUT IF ANYONE EVEN THINKS OF POSTING SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT WOMEN I AM GOING TO GO FRACKING POSTAL !!!  >:-)  (just kidding)  :-*

Now that was really funny, sweet faerie!  I guess color me bigot right along with you, but I think it is good to laugh.  But I'm afraid you were too kind and you "forgot" some:

Men are like.....Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the $hit out of you.

Men are like.....Noodles.
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.


(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: tekla on August 09, 2008, 05:27:17 PM
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

I loved that one!


I personally dont take any offence to that I thought it was pretty damn funny!

Hahahahahahaha! *Gigglesnortsputterwheeeeeeeeze*

If we can't laugh at ourselves, somebody else surely will.  :D

Mina.

Quote from: Kristi on January 04, 2009, 10:33:09 PM
I'm afraid you were too kind and you "forgot" some

Yes, I did "forget" some!  ;D  Thank you for updating this thread, Kristi! LOL

Quote from: Caprica-6 on January 04, 2009, 09:11:55 PM
BUT IF ANYONE EVEN THINKS OF POSTING SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT WOMEN I AM GOING TO GO FRACKING POSTAL !!!  >:-)  (just kidding)  :-*

Someone did post something about women under this thread, but I deleted it.  If they wish to post something like this about women, they are more than welcome to do so on a different board, NOT HERE, for this is MY blog!

tink :icon_chick:

You will get no argument from me.  :)

Still funny after all these months! Even tekla's women jokes are funny. :)

Thanks for pinning it, Tink! And thanks for the additions, Kristi! :icon_hug: :)

N~

Great! Just funny as hell, too!

A fine wine as they age and mature they improve immeasurably.

The best ones are those lovingly stored in a cool dark place for many years.

A really fine one can cost a fortune.

They should be savoured slowly and not a single drop should be wasted.

If you aren't careful with them they can stain your clothes (ooer!)

The cheaper ones can always be put to good use in the kitchen.

They make good presents at xmas!

France, USA, Australia, Italy, and most hispanic countries all make the really good ones. Britain turns out some quirky types with loads of character but no real body or staying power... ;D

Quote from: rejennyrated on December 23, 2009, 05:37:15 AM
A fine wine as they age and mature they improve immeasurably.

The best ones are those lovingly stored in a cool dark place for many years.

A really fine one can cost a fortune.

The should be savoured slowly and not a single drop should be wasted.

If your aren't careful with them they can stain your clothes (ooer!)

The cheaper ones can always be put to good use in the kitchen.

They make good presents at xmas!

France, USA, Australia, Italy, and most hispanic countries all make the really good ones. Britain turns out some quirky types with loads of character but no real body or staying power... ;D

D'awww.

Quote from: tekla on August 09, 2008, 05:27:17 PM



Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

Lol thats brilliant

Heh

A long time ago I recieved an email with these crude jokes:

Stereotypical advantages of being (straight) male:

- You don't mind when nobody sees you have had a haircut
- If you leave for 5 days you only have to pack 1 soutcase
- You can savour a banana everywhere in public
- Your underwear costs 10$ per 3
- You don't have to shave below your neck
- you don't have to crawl close to a hairy body at night
- wet t-shirts don't bother you
- All orgasms are real  ::)

Quote from: rejennyrated on December 23, 2009, 05:37:15 AM
A fine wine as they age and mature they improve immeasurably.

The best ones are those lovingly stored in a cool dark place for many years.

A really fine one can cost a fortune.

They should be savoured slowly and not a single drop should be wasted.

If you aren't careful with them they can stain your clothes (ooer!)

The cheaper ones can always be put to good use in the kitchen.

They make good presents at xmas!

That is really sweet.

Quote from: Octavianus on August 17, 2010, 02:08:03 PM
You can savour a banana everywhere in public

Ecchi, anyone?  :laugh:

enjoyed it immensely, thanks tink!

Quote from: tekla on August 09, 2008, 12:43:49 PM
Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.  To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.
    No further testing is planned.

LOL, that is so funny!

The only reason men are better than vibrators... not one of my vibrators has ever left a c-note on my nightstand!

Motorcycles- They can give you a pleasant feeling between the legs, but are happy to stay in their shed all night.

....the lottery. No matter how excited you were the night before, the odds are around six billion to one you'll wake up with the winner!

...good sound systems.  They're only fun when they're turned on and pumping to a great beat ;) lol

Quote...good sound systems.  They're only fun when they're turned on and pumping to a great beat lol

So true hehe.

some are like oranges
you gota take off the bad tasting shell to find out the awesome one

Women are like tornados...they come into your life unexpected, turn everything upside down and take your house when they leave...
Sorry couldn't help it.
I like the original post, I did get the impression someone felt hurt inside. :(

Men are like canines: always hungry, always trying to get a leg up, always letting everyone know they're there, always barking at invisible threats, always ruining your favorite anything, always making a scene of their bodily functions, always shamelessly addressing an issue with their genitals; and at the end of the day, always nuzzling up for any affection you've got. :P

I know that this thread is meant as a joke, but all kidding aside, I've noticed that there seems to be a lot of man hating trans women; why is that?

Men are like plants. Some of them are poisonous, but you can't always tell the good from the bad, so to protect yourself you treat them all like poison.

HAR HAR I THINK I'M CLEVER  :angel:

"Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why."

We do like to bring our weird gadgets with us everywhere and don't bother trying to read the owner's manuals, they're horrendously translated.  :laugh:

Quote from: tekla on August 09, 2008, 12:43:49 PM
Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.  To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong.
    No further testing is planned.

Quote from: Suzy on January 04, 2009, 10:33:09 PM
Men are like.....Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.

  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Quote from: Janet_Girl on August 09, 2008, 04:57:28 PM
I dont care who you are that's funny right there.. Larry the Cable Guy.