Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So, I slept with a woman last night. It was good -- I felt almost like a virgin, because my parts are new and it's a completly different experience/feeling. So, there was some sense of awkwardness, but I also enjoyed it.

There was a sense of familiarity because of post-op experience, but un-familiarity  at the same time because I started to let go more than I ever have. Post-op, I'd do most of the pleasuring on someone else because of the awkwardness surrounding the ugly-stick. I usually didn't like it to be touched, seen, used, etc. So this was the first time I got to actually sit back and feel a sense of fulfillment sexually. It felt like a new door opened up, and I realized just how much I've been missing out sexually in my relationships (a lot of my past relationships broke down over the sexual part over time... sex isn't the only factor in a relationship, but it can be an important role in a relationship and with bonding).

I've been thinking about it all day (and grinning). I think that the next time and the time after that is going to be better. In a way, I'm not transitioning into my new vagina -- if that makes any sense at all. I feel complete and happy, but psychologically it takes time for the walls I built up to be taken apart. I realized that I have put up walls sexually with my partners in the past due to having the incorrect parts -- and now that part is gone, and the correct one is in place, the walls are slowly starting to come down.

I had a sense of something I never felt -- a sense of letting go for one moment and finally actually being part of the moment fully without walls or borders. I'm very elated to feel this way, even if I recognize that this is just the beginning.

Even non-sexually, I'm starting to notice more confidence in myself. I don't look in the mirror and question myself anymore. I'm starting to feel a sense of completion. Others are noticing it as well, and I've had a few people mention that "there's something different about you" (ppl who don't know about the surgery, ie, regular customers coming into the store). It's a wonderful feeling.

Even when I am with myself, exploring my own body and check'n out the part that should have been there from the beginning, I feel a lot of good things. Not only is there a physical change, but a psychological one was well.  It feels as if there's a lot of tensions working their way out.  I feel as if a new door has opened up. And most importantly, I feel like myself. I can be confident wearing those tight jeans now. :)

Anyway, that's my experience anyway. I thought I'd share it although I'm pretty sure others in here have read similar experiences like this over and over and over again in this message board. I just thought I'd write it out anyway. ;)

--natalie

Hi Natalie, well I am happy to hear that you are experiencing something that is wonderfully delightful for you. Well I say that I believe you came to the right place to share your wonderful news but I also know about the feeling that maybe other readers here have read the same story to many times. But it is only natural to want to share this wonderful news with whomever will read these posts. But what truly counts is that you have experienced something wonderful instead of all the dreadful stuff you experienced getting here where you are now. You are happy with the  physical and psychological changes and the confidence will continue to grow. You are no longer the same person that started this journey.

Cindy

WoAh.

Head rush.

I totally feel what you mean about sexually closing yourself off.  Not only is it a chemical thing, but a mental one.

Must feel nice to open back up again...

Is it that sensitive that you can be stimulated orally?  I always thought the surgery killed a lot of feeling down there... are you still able to reach well, you know, um... completion of the experience?

Sorry for these awkward questions, I just really wanna know what it's like...

Quote from: gothique11 on August 06, 2008, 03:46:38 AM
I realized that I have put up walls sexually with my partners in the past due to having the incorrect parts -- and now that part is gone, and the correct one is in place, the walls are slowly starting to come down.

I had a sense of something I never felt -- a sense of letting go for one moment and finally actually being part of the moment fully without walls or borders.

I experienced a similar problem with my partner. Although with a family, we have obviously been having hetro sex, I have never felt comfortable with it and I can never "let go".

This has caused difficulties with our marriage. To compensate I have found myself working harder on the "foreplay" to keep my wife happy, and living with a hug in return.  I am coming to realise that I am effectively acting out a one sided Lesbian relationship. I long for something more fulfilling....

Chrissty

I waited like 9 months to have sex after SRS and it was something I will never forget. My boyfriend and I went to a tropical location for a week of whatever floated our boat. I had so much anticipation built up inside. It was just the most wonderful experiance I have had so far.

Deb

It wasn't very long after SRS when I found myself seduced - unique being "mentally 14" and physically 24  ;D

The first time wasn't great. I was only 6 weeks post-op and scared to death - I was a virgin having sex for the first time - of course I was scared! By the second time, it was a whole nuther story  :o I knew what to expect, as at ease with myself, young, and 'full of the juices of life' (I.E. "horny"!) There is no way I could compare before/after. Orgasm rocked my world!

:) I never made it to the recommended 8 weeks after surgery. I tried and did manage to not have sex like immediately after but gave in after a few weeks of build up.

Us MtF's seem amazingly non-inclined to sexual tendencies and yet it seems once we're post up we go crazy:-p

Quote from: Annwyn on August 19, 2008, 08:52:37 AM
Us MtF's seem amazingly non-inclined to sexual tendencies and yet it seems once we're post up we go crazy:-p

Well to me that would stand to reason.  We are in the wrong body and we don't like the equipment we are given.

After SRS, we are now correct and cant wait to make up for time lost.

Mistress Janet

Massive congrats are in order :D

Quote from: Annwyn on August 19, 2008, 08:52:37 AM
Us MtF's seem amazingly non-inclined to sexual tendencies and yet it seems once we're post up we go crazy:-p

I went a really long time without any interest, pre op, to being pretty active right before surgery. :) And as far as my sanity goes, I am completely crazy and do not hide it.  ;D

Hi Janet Lynn hon, your realy look good in that photo, much different then the one you had up before. What ever it is you are doing you appear to be getting some wonderful results.

Cindy

Congrats Nat. Thats awesome. Go for it girl.

Quote from: Annwyn on August 19, 2008, 08:52:37 AM
Us MtF's seem amazingly non-inclined to sexual tendencies and yet it seems once we're post up we go crazy:-p

But of course!

You see, as a teen I knew I was a girl in every way that mattered (except physically) and I knew I wasn't Gay so that really put a kink in anything even remotely sexual. When I was young, most girls lost their virginity in high school and got to know their own sexuality - I couldn't do that. I couldn't even date like other girls 'cause I had "fences" that dare not be crossed. So, by the time I got to 24 and the fences were gone, I had 10 years of catching up to do (which I did in about 2 years  :o )

It's all perfectly normal and natural Hon.

Meh.  I'm not disinclined to sex in a RELATIONSHIP, but I must say I can't wait to try it out as a girl and not someone's ->-bleeped-<- sexual OBJECT.

Idk.

Gah.

COllege.  Laterz.

The whole relationship thing can wait and since I don't really think I want casual sex, that has to wait too.

I don't neccessarily agree that MtF's are "amazingly non-inclined to sexual tendencies".

I'm a lesbian, have always known and never really had any great confusion over my sexual orientation. I like girls (men repulse me) and it was natural to want to be with them. I had sexual tendancies that were as healthy as any other girls. I had absoultely no issues being intimate to another girl provided it didn't invlove the incorrect part of my anatomy. I simply hated them going anywhere near there. So I guess in that way I was inhibited but that didn't stop me from wanting to fulfill another girls pleasures (and to an extent my own) just because they couldn't please me the same way.

Natalie now gets to experience everything instead of just part of it.

Quote from: Lydia on August 20, 2008, 08:30:10 AM
I don't neccessarily agree that MtF's are "amazingly non-inclined to sexual tendencies".

I'm a lesbian, have always known and never really had any great confusion over my sexual orientation. I like girls (men repulse me) and it was natural to want to be with them. I had sexual tendancies that were as healthy as any other girls. I had absoultely no issues being intimate to another girl provided it didn't invlove the incorrect part of my anatomy. I simply hated them going anywhere near there. So I guess in that way I was inhibited but that didn't stop me from wanting to fulfill another girls pleasures (and to an extent my own) just because they couldn't please me the same way.

Natalie now gets to experience everything instead of just part of it.

Exactly. ;)

In my experience sensation gradually returns.  I remember thinking each time how much better "it" was than the last time.  It was like every time was better and there was no end in sight (to the betterness).  And each time was like the greatest "experience" I had ever had.

I don't exactly remember the time line but the clitoris was the first thing to come back online.  First orgasm at 30 days with Hitachi magic wand.  For a long time I was afraid of my vagina and stuck to the vulva and clitoris except when dilating.  Dilating was incredibly painful for me, later uncomfortable and then just kind of a numb place I was afraid to touch.  I don't think I touched myself there until at least a full year or longer had gone by.

Gradually the vaginal canal came on line and is a "Happy Place".  I have never had an orgasm from oral but I took myself out of circulation about two years ago because of passability issues.  My GID experience is such that I cannot tolerate the idea of having sex with someone who thinks of me as a man with a vagina and my social experiences so far have only confirmed for me that anyone who knows about my past thinks of me as a man with a vagina so for myself validation as a woman takes a much higher priority than sexual gratification.  Besides sex with another person is great but it is never as good as the real thing :P (that was humor).

I have only had an orgasm one time since SRS with another person because I was comfortable with that person (another M2F) and I felt like "acceptance" was never an issue.

Looking back on my life, having had SRS nearly five years ago, when I think back on my sexuality I am appalled and embarrassed for myself.  Growing up with GID, when I started puberty and the hormones started flowing I felt like my body and my life had fully betrayed me.  During that time I tried to commit suicide with poison, it was the only time I have tried to kill myself, such was my dysphoria and my sense of being "wrong".  And sexuality.. it was like my body no longer belonged to me and I attributed my sex-drive to something evil, of course it was a situation full of conflict because like the apple in the Garden of Eden there was something very satisfying about it but the consequences felt horrible.  I felt out of control and the more I gave into my desires, the more I was driven to give in again.

I enjoyed and despised my sexuality before SRS, especially when I was younger.  Now I feel in control and that control was begun to be given back as soon as I started HRT, before SRS.  That was part of my sense that this was the absolutely right thing for me although the sense of rightness went far beyond that.

I never worried about SRS or consequences.  I felt peaceful leading up to SRS and I have never regretted what I did.  I just wish I could share my sexuality with another person.  Perhaps I will manage to get myself in a situation in the future where my past will not sap away my joy and where I will be unshackled and have the freedom to experience life as the woman I have always been.

I feel more sensitive than I felt prior to having SRS.  For a while my clitoris was so sensitive that I couldn't stand to touch it directly and that lasted for about two and a half years or longer.  I too thought that SRS would reduce sensitivity, it only makes sense that it would but at five years... I realize I was entirely wrong about that.  I do hope that in the next couple of years I am able to begin to self lubricate more.  I realize however that given my current biology I need to be "warmed up" in order for that to occur and how often does that happen?  Especially now that visual stimulation does basically nothing for me and being alone and not regarded as a woman.

It was amazing and not so amazing all at the same time. Amazing because I was finally a woman. I was about 9 months post-op and been seeing a guy for while. He didn't know and after a fun night out one thing lead to another. Since he didn't know, I was treated just like the woman I always imagined and knew I was.  He kissed me and gently laid my head back on the bed. He pulled off my jeans leaving my panties exposed. Then my top leaving me with just a bra on.  He reached behind and undid my bra letting "the girls" free.

After some foreplay he reach down and rubbed my clit and pussy. I can self lubricate some, but not alot, so I told him I was hvaing a dry spell and took out a tube of lube from my purse.  He smiled and said, "you knew what you were going to do tonight"  I smiled back and said "maybe" with a giggle. Some more kissing and he put some lube on his finger and proceed to finger me till I was lubed up.

He put on a condom and began to enter me as I pulled up my legs. This is where amazing turned into not so. I was rather tight and although it was amazing to have him inside me, it wasn't exactly comfortable. I have of course dilated before, but this was different, he felt huge!   Holding my legs up we made love. It only lasted about 10 minutes, but 10 minutes in heaven. He made me a woman by taking my girl virginity

Jess

I am four years post op and still a virgin.  I hadn't anticipated ever having sex because I was married and my spouse chose to stay but made it very clear that sex wasn't an option.  I respected that and took it as the price I would pay to keep her in my life because I love her immensely and could live without sex.

Now she is leaving and I'm finding myself back in the dating pool.  It's very confusing and can only assume that I am bisexual, although I seem to have a preference for guys, at least sexually.  I'm not even sure where to start though I know for sure I want to at least try a guy at least once.

We get to that question to tell or not tell.  It seems many people have no problem having casual sex and not revealing but once the relationship becomes more serious, then you need to have that talk.  I'm not sure I can do casual sex.  And how do you approach the first time?  I think I'll be nervous.  How do you conceal the fact that you're a 40 year old virgin?

I would suggest that you say you had a small surgical procedure down there recently due to "women's troubles", haven't actually had sex since then and would they please take it a bit slowly and gently.
(btw - I'm pre-op so WTF do I know )

Quote from: DawnL on August 30, 2009, 12:55:30 AM
How do you conceal the fact that you're a 40 year old virgin?

40 years or 18 years, whatever. If you tell a guy you just got out of a long term relationship with another woman...and have never been with a man, I'd imagine most of them are going to be eating out of your hand.

My first time was about 14months after srs, its a good few years ago, but I remember I was very tight and he seem so big, it hurt a little, I was afraid he'd do harm, but he was very gentle with me, I think most girls it hurts the first time, guys just have to know how to treat and please a lady, being a gentleman in sex makes a girl feel special.
p

You girls are making me envious! I can't wait to have a man inside of me and let him release his "juice."

Whenever I orgasm (which isn't often), I imagine that he's penetrating me!

Hopefully, I won't have to wait too long!

Quote from: Steffi on August 31, 2009, 03:00:06 PM
I would suggest that you say you had a small surgical procedure down there recently due to "women's troubles", haven't actually had sex since then and would they please take it a bit slowly and gently.
(btw - I'm pre-op so WTF do I know )

Your so right there Steffi, in my experience the best excuse which always works is ''women troubles'' if a guy is understanding he knows not to go there, guys don't go near ''women troubles'' its a ''girl thing'' end of story.

Quote from: Steph2003 on September 09, 2009, 04:45:55 PM
You girls are making me envious! I can't wait to have a man inside of me and let him release his "juice."

Whenever I orgasm (which isn't often), I imagine that he's penetrating me!

Hopefully, I won't have to wait too long!

Sex was never that important to me Steph, but when he releases his juice as you put it, well its very powerful, its a big thing for a guy, the experience for me I think the woman has the better deal, its over for him and thats it, for me I feel very feminine and womanly, he's excepting me as a woman, its great being a girl, I love being a woman, that the best part for me, not just the sex act.
p

Just out of curiosity Steph, have you ever had sex with a man?

Hi Becca -

No I haven't had sex with a man, but for years I've dreamt about it.

The only way I could achieve orgasm is if I fantasized about having sex with a man as a woman – I've wanted to have him caress me, hold me, hug me, kiss me as if I were a woman.

Steph

Quote from: Steph2003The only way I could achieve orgasm is if I fantasized about having sex with a man as a woman – I've wanted to have him caress me, hold me, hug me, kiss me as if I were a woman.

Yeah...... that's more or less what I did for the past 40 years - the girls/wife seemed perfectly happy with my performance, but mentally, that's where I was.

Tried male-on-male sexual encounters 'cos I thought it was probably appropriate, given what was going on inside my head, but they didn't do it for me.

The only way I could achieve orgasm is if I fantasized about having sex with a man as a woman

Oh I highly recommend it  ;) Your'e already equipped to have the experience your'e describing, and if it is with someone who loves you back (not a dirty one night stand you floosie!) it can be a spiritual experience. I know it's not the same as having a vagina, but it's pretty well established that sex is the wrong reason to have a vagina installed anyway and there is no reason to deny yourself affection and love in the short term.

My first time with anyone was with a woman, and I can only vaguely remember the details. My first time with a man was with someone I ended up spending a number of years with, and I can remember every second. I remember when that girl and I finished I thought to myself, "so, that's what makes the world go around? meh" Then, years later when I met my true love when he finished with me I could only think "woah, now I get it".

I'm no floosie, Becca!!! ;-)  I just have never wanted to have sex with a man until I'm "equipped" to. 

Granted, I always fantasized about being with a man, but I could not do it as a male – I want to be female before I go that route! :)

Quote from: Becca on September 11, 2009, 04:31:40 PM
but it's pretty well established that sex is the wrong reason to have a vagina installed anyway and there is no reason to deny yourself affection and love in the short term.

I absolutely agree with that quote, we all want to find love and affection, its nothing to do with or without a vagina, at the time I had my vagina installed it just finalised my transition, infact I was more excited at the results of my trach shave as I had that done at the same time, I wasnt even thinking of sex till guys seduced me, as they say the rest is history.
I prefer a guy to hold, caress kiss and hug me, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, spoil me and tell me Im pretty and give me a big bunch of pink roses, now thats more important than penetrating  and exploding inside me, Iv no real interest in sex, but if my BF wants it he gets it, I see things different, must be all that years of estrogen inside me.
p

Quote from: pretty pauline on September 13, 2009, 01:52:07 PM
I prefer a guy to hold, caress kiss and hug me, whisper sweet nothings in my ear

Yeah, that's my idea of being alive too.  Besides, it's been my experience that once a guy is actually inside you they don't usually stay for too terribly long anyway. I don't have a vagina just yet so maybe it's different there, but it seems like an aweful lot to go through for maybe fifteen minutes of fun...and what if you went to all the trouble only to discover that in practice instead of fantasy you actually found men icky and that the exploding thing wasn't all you hoped? It is, lol, I'm just saying what if >:-)

I guess it's up to the individual.  I think it was "icky" if a man penetrated me now, because to me, it doesn't seem the way to go ;-)

You could be right, once I'm equipped to have sex with a man, I might find him exploding inside of me icky, but I will definitely give it a try!

My need for having a vagina is not just to have sex with a man – its to feel whole, to be who I was meant to be.

Quote from: Becca on September 13, 2009, 02:09:19 PM
  Besides, it's been my experience that once a guy is actually inside you they don't usually stay for too terribly long anyway.

Well you absolutely spot on there, I love the build up, probably the best sadisfaction I get out of it is pleasing my BF as a woman, I love being held in his arms, then that moment comes when he explodes inside me, then he just wants to leave when I want the warm feeling to last, but I don't mind thats the way things are with guys, they put all their energy and effort into that 1moment of sadisfaction then its over very quick for him, thats why women have the better deal, Im just pleased as a woman I can give him that sadisfaction.
I remember a few weeks after my surgery more than 20years ago discussing my new equipment with my Mam, I was nervous about issues and how I was going to deal with men, my Mam was very surpportive and more or less said ''if a guy is pleased and sadisfied in that department I'II be ok''
I only resently tolded my BF I was trans, I think he slowly excepting it, about 2weeks ago he called to my apartment, it was early I was just out of bed, my hair was a mess, Id no makeup on, only a negligee and dressingown, but the way he looked at me, he said I was a ''beautiful woman'' gosh I was on cloud 9 for a week, now thats better than all the sex in the world, just being fully excepted as a woman.
p