Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I don't have kids. But I like kids. They're sweet and fun. And CUTE. But only if I don't have to:

* Change their diapers

* Wipe their faces

* Watch them eat

* See them break my stuff

* Hear them crying and/or whining

* Worry about them


I like kids. I like OTHER people's kids. And occasionally, I have fantasies of being a father. But the reality is - I'm way too selfish for kids. And honestly, the only real reason I'd want them is for somebody to remember me and wax poetic about my virtues when I'm dead.

Oh gawd. The girl I'm seeing has kids.


What about you? If you don't have kids, why not? Or why don't you want them?

i can't stand kids! i neither have the patience nor the energy to deal with them.

Never been able to have children. Not especially keen on children but if a SO had children it would not be a deal breaker.

I like kids, but wouldn't want to have had them with my ex-wife, because she was a raging control freak. I'd hate to subject a kid to that. The dog was already neurotic.

Life has just worked out that I didn't have them. I didn't want them strongly enough to bear them myself, and I wasn't really with suitable partners for one reason or another.

Dennis

I went through the whole baby thing--diapers, messy eating, baths, whining--oh, the whining!--with my little sister. She was born Nov. 8, 2004, when I was fourteen, and I basically raised her when my mom was too doped up to get out of bed (which was most of the time back then--she's recovering, thankfully). Point is, even after all those disgusting diapers and moldy bottles found under the bed a week later, I really wouldn't have wanted to have it any other way. I ADORE my baby sister. Raising her has shown me that I really, really want kids involved in all stages of my life. I plan to adopt once I'm older and out of school. Better help a kid who's already here than bring another in for no good reason. After all, the only reason to have a bio-kid is to have someone to carry on my name--and I don't give a damn about that.

Have them, love them, wouldn't trade them for the world.

Thing is, they don't stay in diaper or drool forever.  And they're wicked cool.  Now that they're a few weeks away from turning 10 & 14, I'm like, where did the time go?!!

If I'm ever with a partner who wants one, I'd consider it again.  And this time around I'd get to be DAD, which would be cool!!

Jay

No children here nor do I want to have any of my own. While I do enjoy playing with the neighbors kids for a hour or two it gets old pretty quick. I guess I am a bit to selfish with my time to want anyone or anything that is totally dependent on me. That's why I have cats and not a dog. Dogs are like children just to needy.

=^_^=My cats are my independent children=^_^=
Katie

Children are a blessing, to me. Others don't feel the same way and shouldn't. If you haven't the patience or desire do not have children. They require time and love, not resentment and impatience.

There are plenty of unloved people in the world now; why would anyone add to that number?

Nichole

Quote from: Natasha on August 15, 2008, 08:18:39 AM
i can't stand kids! i neither have the patience nor the energy to deal with them.

Ditto.

I am really not child-friendly. At all. I feel awkward around them and at this stage in my life, I can't imagine ever wanting them.

I'm kind of the same way, a little too selfish about my time...at least right now. I am thinking that I would want kids down the line like when I'm 35 or something, but that's still years away so things may change. I do think I will end up with kids though at some point, just not any time soon.

Quote from: Krystal on August 15, 2008, 10:51:28 AM
No children here nor do I want to have any of my own. While I do enjoy playing with the neighbors kids for a hour or two it gets old pretty quick. I guess I am a bit to selfish with my time to want anyone or anything that is totally dependent on me. That's why I have cats and not a dog. Dogs are like children just to needy.

=^_^=My cats are my independent children=^_^=
Katie

HAH that's my reason exactly. I don't want em, don't need em. I love taking care of my little cousins from time to time but the whole feeding them, bathing them, thing gets old. Especially when they get hungry at the same time as me-- I'm really cranky when I'm hungry.

I think I'd mess up my kids cause I'm very selfish, and that would be evident after a while. I could deal with having a partner but not a kid. Maximum tolerance for kids: 8 hours.

I'd just rather have a dog, at least that way I'd know I didn't screw up a person's life, and I'm more affectionate when it comes to four legged pets than people. I'm just weird that way.

I used to say I'd NEVER have kids, but once I started thinking of the possibility of being the father, not the mother, I liked the idea a lot more. Kids still make me awkward, though...and then give me that look like, "What are you still doing here?" Especially toddlers. So I'm still on the fence.

Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 15, 2008, 12:58:07 PM
Kids still make me awkward, though...and then give me that look like, "What are you still doing here?" Especially toddlers.

LOLOL!!!! I just pictured the look a toddler would give while thinking that statement, haha.

The dog was already neurotic.

Oh god, how true is this?  If you can't handle pets, kids are not for you.

I love kids. As long as I don't have to be the one to carry them for 9mo, yes, definitely.  ;D

Gehhh...  their fine to look at for a few moments but as soon as they start screaming and crying all I want to do is tell them to shut the hell up.    I don't handle kids well.  They start messing with stuff I get agitated and want to yell at them.  Plus I am somewhat selfish I guess when it comes to my time.  I like having my own time to do my own thing and not having someone butting into my life at odd moments or deciding for me when I should do something in my own time.

So, yeh always known I didn't want kids, and the 9 month carrying thing... nope to that too.   At least I know not to have them, there are plenty of people who have them and can't deal with them and ruin their kids because of it.

I love kids. I been taking care of my baby niece for the last three days(8 days out of the last 2 weeks) and I love it. Sure there is some bad things but the good out weights the bad.  Only thing that gets to me is a lack of sleep. Really what kids want most when they are young is attention. I probably would had kids by now if I was normal and as for the future I won't adopt until I am through the with most of transition and have a partner. One seems far off and the other I don't know if I could ever be in a relationship. I so at 34 I probably never have kids :'( .

Anna

Quote from: Krystal on August 15, 2008, 10:51:28 AM
No children here nor do I want to have any of my own. While I do enjoy playing with the neighbors kids for a hour or two it gets old pretty quick. I guess I am a bit to selfish with my time to want anyone or anything that is totally dependent on me. That's why I have cats and not a dog. Dogs are like children just to needy.

=^_^=My cats are my independent children=^_^=
Katie

Agreed (even though I have no pets). However, my main reason is that I am too poor (I can barely afford to take care of myself) and I don't think that it would be fair to subject a kid to living in  poverty.

I have three boys and one daughter, plus about 9 grandkids mixed.  I just wish they were closer. 

I personal would love to have a child of my own, but I am too old now.  Past child bearing years.  And for the birth defect.  Wrong plumbing.

Nero, Can we say 'Step Father'?  :laugh:

Mistress Janet

I've always wanted kids, but knew I couldn't have them. I think I always thought of them as a trap and that I wouldn't be able to transition with them, which I know isn't correct. I've always "traveled light" so to speak. I come from a military family, we moved like 8 times before I was 10. I'm used to uprooting. With kids, it's kind of tough to do that. I always wanted to have kids of my own, as a mommy. I've talked about it before, but I can't imagine having kids with the parts I have now, it just...I wouldn't do that. I'm way to far along at this point to have kids produced by me.

Maybe some day I'll meet a good guy who is either peacefully divorced and happy with young kids who I can raise or something, who knows. I like all the things people said they can't stand, it all goes with the territory, changing diapers, all that stuff. I'd be a good mommy :)

Of all the decisions I've ever made in my life, having kids was one of the few I don't regret.

But, its not a road for selfish people.

I'm rather confused.  Is this thread for people who DON'T want to have children for X reasons or for those who DO have children and want to praise them?

tink :icon_chick:

I LOVE[/i] kids and dreamed of having a family - it was the thing I wanted most in life!

By 14 I knew I wouldn't have kids of my own but that didn't rule out adopting but because my sister and I were raised in an abusive home and I knew the damage that causes, I swore I would never bring children in to a less than healthy and loving home.

I married first at 26, what seemed like the answer to all my prayers, but that started going down the tubes right from the beginning. I married again at 30 and I knew my husband had "anger issues". By the time they got sorted out, I could see that marriage was headed for trouble. I was in my mid-40's when that ended and just never met anyone else. You could say my biological clock ran out.

Not having children was/is the biggest (and only) regret of my life.

Quote from: Nichole on August 15, 2008, 10:54:53 AM
Children are a blessing, to me. Others don't feel the same way and shouldn't. If you haven't the patience or desire do not have children. They require time and love, not resentment and impatience.

There are plenty of unloved people in the world now; why would anyone add to that number?

Nichole

I have to agree with Nichole, I think children are a blessing too.  Yes, sometimes they're difficult but that's part of the package.  I'd love to be a mother one day, but I'll have to adopt.  I think it's best that way, there's plenty of children out there who need good parents and a home, and lots of love.

I get sad sometimes since I can't give birth, but *sigh* I can't change that.  What I can do is, if I can find the strength and the money, is try to make a positive impact on a child's life by giving them a home and a family.

Quote from: Tink on August 15, 2008, 08:42:30 PM
I'm rather confused.  Is this thread for people who DON'T want to have children for X reasons or for those who DO have children and want to praise them?

tink :icon_chick:

I'm not sure Tink, I think it's the former, but I just wanted to put my two cents in.  ;D

Jenn

I like kids alot but dont wanna have any. I got enough nephews & nieces already :laugh: Maybe when I'm older. I dunno. Dont think I can be a good dad for now b/c I got other plans, other stuff to think about.   Kids gotta have what there parents didnt have so if u got other stuff goin on in ur life, school plans, transition, enjoyin ur love life ;) :D & cant give kids what they need, dont have any.

QuoteBut, its not a road for selfish people.

That sums it up. Children require you to put their lives above your own. They make you laugh and cry better than the most fantastic movie. The thing is, it never ending, requires a lot of work, and you can not turn it off. They are there for life.

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on August 15, 2008, 08:17:12 PM
I think I always thought of them as a trap...

OMG! What an awful thing to say!

I love kids. When my sister -- uhmmm -- dropped of her children with me for about a year (and even, later, asked me to adopt her then-new born), I was totally willing and ready. I guess, after becoming sexually active at a relatively young age, I took every precaution not to have kids because I knew I'd never be able to transition if I did. Now, this is only my personal convictions and beliefs, but I always felt kids were this responsibility on a completely different level. I always felt they require a dedication no nonparent could know. That, as a result of taking on the responsibility of having kids, they are forever first priority in your life above even yourself and that kids need a father figure. I, personally, wouldn't transition for my kids' sake if I had them. It was a complete and total impossibility.

It was fear of that that for me, made me take the necessary steps to not have kids.

When I was younger I thought if I ever wanted to have kids it would be later in life, if at all. 12 years ago at age 40 I moved in my partner and her 5 year old daughter, and that was my first experience as a parent. It's been wonderful, and she just left for college today, wow!  ;D

Z

Well I do love children, and I had the opportunity to have had 11 of them go under my roof through the years, yep cook, bottle washer and diaper changer. Only three of them were my own, lost my son back in 2000 to drugs and alcohol, yea but it wasn't the drugs and alcohol directly that got him let us sufice to say one night he chose to cross the highway at the wrong time. The last three children I had in my care was 7 years ago, my first year full time. I would still love to have children in my care.

Cindy

I'm still pretty young in the sense that I don't want to be a kid raising a kid.  My cousin was only 18 when He got his girlfriend (who was 14) pregnant with their first child.  That wasn't the right thing to do because they were still kids and still wanted to do childish things, like waist all of their money on video games and go hanging out with their friends instead of taking care of their child.  Even now, when my cousin is 23(ish?) and his now EX wife is 20 and they have 2 kids, they still dont take care of them and still hand them off to anyone they can unload them to.  Its sad and I would never want that for a child.

And I do want to have at least one child when I'm older, (27ish sounds good to me), but right now I want to grow up a little and live my life.  My girlfriend who I have been dating for a little over a year now does want children and she does want to give birth to them, (Addoption is like a big NONO to her).  Unfortunatly she kind of wants me to get used to the idea of kids NOW and not ten years down the road.  But she'll be 21 soon so I guess her biological clock started ticking while mine is still like "... No... let me go back to sleep."

Then there's the whole issue of 'How do you tell your kids that their daddy used to be a girl'?  Thats kind of a big issue for me even though I would never put a single ignorant or hateful thought in my child's mind.  However, I would most likely spoil the little bugger to death...

I've never wanted kids, I've always been very sure of that. It's not because of all the messy stuff that some have mentioned (though the screaming I probably couldn't handle) you have to deal with that when you have dogs too, and I love dogs.

Having children is supposed to be the loveliest thing a person can do, but I've never seen any appeal in it. It also feels like you wouldn't even have any time to spend with them if they're going to be forced into kindergarten when they're barely one year old, and then there's school. To me it seems like a lot of parents don't even know their kids nowadays because they're too busy to be together. :-\

Quote from: lacitychick21 on August 16, 2008, 10:30:28 AM

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on August 15, 2008, 08:17:12 PM
I think I always thought of them as a trap...

OMG! What an awful thing to say!

I don't think it's awful to feel that way. Not everyone likes children and some do feel like they would trap them somehow.

Havent got kids, and i dont want them.
Also knowing i won't be able to have them.
Which is kinda good, dont like them lol.
Plus having a kid in my position or any one in this would be hard on the kid.
I know of one person, like this. Who's kid doesnt speak to them any more.
Because they see it as loosing a parent.
So ive made the choice never to have them because alls i can think of is.
Imagine the bullying they'd get.

I love children. But I keep remembering their college fund... dear God. Kids are expensive.

I wish very deeply that I could be a father. I never can biologically, so I'll do the next best thing. I will probably adopt, if I don't get together with someone who already has children.

QuoteIt also feels like you wouldn't even have any time to spend with them if they're going to be forced into kindergarten when they're barely one year old, and then there's school. To me it seems like a lot of parents don't even know their kids nowadays because they're too busy to be together.

Unfortunately that is just too many times the case. Both parents are working and don't have time to spend with the children, thus the kids mostly grow up on their own and in many cases on the street.

Raising children is a big responsibility and should be thought out seriously before one decides to bring one into this world, unless they're ready to take on the responsibility. As for screaming children? Goodness, it never bothered me any, unless it was the type of screaming you would hear as a result of hair-pulling.

If you love children you find ways to work around the rough edges of child rearing, like turning a hair pulling session into some type of shared occupation, with some type of board game, or how about drawing, or telling them a story. Honest to goodness, I believe that as unfortunate and as sad as it may be, it appears that children today seem to have forgotten how use their own mind, their own ingenuity or imagination to entertain themselves.

I was lucky, I worked at a job that only took me away from the house for four to five hours a day max. I was home to send them off to school and I was home when they got back from school, doing the cooking scrubbing and cleaning and giving the kids their bath. Then there was also the usual home maintenance which involved a hammer and nails or a pipe wrench or working on my back in the mud to fix a bloody leaking pipe. Thank goodness I was still able to do my own mechanical repairs to my car in the back yard then. But still I made the time to spend with the kids.

The hardest part for me was to watch the last three children I had in my care get into their aunt's car and disappear, never to be seen again.

Cindy

It is strange to see people not wanting children, but to each their own.  One thing that my ex and I had in common was what we both wanted to be when we grew up.
Both of us wanted to be a wife and a mother, but she never knew it and if she did she would be horrified. She never could except me for me.

Janet

I guess I feel two ways about this.

One.  Please spare me your whiny self-centered reasons why getting on with your career is more important than having kids - and later, your whiny "I sure wish I had had kids" when its too late to do so.

Two.  Please spare me your whiny little kids.  Really.  I've had two.  That's enough of them in my life.

Hi, Janet, I agree with you, but if you go back and reread the posts from page one you will find a couple of posters who gave the reason as to why they chose not to have children. They were those who were aware of who they were, transsexual, and had already planned their journey into transition. In that way I agree they made the right decision. For the most part many of the TS folks here who have started transitioning are young folks and I believe that after they have gone through transitioning they can then make a decision as to whether they want children, like adopting them, or joining in partnership with another who already has children.  At any rate they will still be young and having an early start at establishing themselves in the system.

Cindy   

Cindy,
Oh, I understand their reasons and I applaud them for their choices not to have kids.  It is better to have children when they are wanted.  I guess I have always had a maternal instinct.

I have had friends that waited until later in life to start a family.  I wasn't one of them.  My oldest son was born when I was 18.  My daughter a year later.  by the time I was 21 I was divorced and could not see them, a very long story.

Janet

I have kids and love them, always wanted them and glad I did. But I respect people who say they don't want them. I think its great that people have the chance to decide ahead of time and make a decision at that point instead of having them and deciding its not thier cup of tea. Hurts the kids as much as the parents.
Choices are a great thing!
Myles

It took me a while to figure it out, but the reason I never had kids was because I couldn't bear them.  The thought of getting someone pregnant was very difficult to take - especially after doing it once by accident.  If I could have gotten pregnant I would have, though.

Huh, thinking about it that way makes me realize why I always hated couples who said "We're pregnant!".

Val

Hi, Janet, I'm truly sorry to hear the restriction imposed on your visits with your children. Has that not been resolved since then? Yeah, I do know about the empty nest syndrome, in my case after my ex left and took the kids with her, after having had a house full of this one's and that one's children in my care. I pretty well always had someones kids or grown ups come to visit during those years I lived in the res. Well you could say I was the reservation babysitter, especially on Bingo Nights.

Even after I moved from the res to live in a city of 125,000 that was more like a large town to some other's standards here, I always had someone living with me apartment, sharing. So anyhow, I always had someones kid in the house and I loved it. I was never one who ever wanted to live alone, I didn't like being alone.

I did finally get to see my children again after moving to their hometown  about ten years ago. I even had my son in my custody for a time. A couple of years later I went full time and had a friend of mine who left her three children in my care for two years. Thanks be to Great Spirit for having given me the pleasure of having an abundance of children under my roof.

Wing Walker and I got hitched 4 years ago, I don't want to ever be alone and if the opportunity did offer itself for taking in a child in my care again I wouldn't blink an eye to the offer. It does appear that my prayers to never having to live alone have been very well granted through the years

Cindy   

If I did some day change my mind about having children, I would adopt. I think there are too many people in the world already, especially far too many unloved children without homes for me to be able to bring another life into the world.

I respect everyone's choice to have biological children, this is just my personal feelings on the matter.

I don't have any because...

1) I didn't like the idea of being locked into a "father" role

2) At the time I felt children would remove any chance of my ever transitioning (because of #1 really)

Biological children are a moot point now for me, but adoption seems more "me" somehow though anyway. The day will come when Fate brings My Little Boy to me. Don't ask me how I know, but I just DO. I already feel I've met and gone through life with him, I just have yet to open that chapter of our lives.

~Katie Marie~

I don't have any now because:

1.  I'm an 18 year old unemployed college student.

2.  If I have kids now, I'd play the role of father, whereas I should have the role of mother.

3.  Kids might cause a few more hurdles in the already hard enough process of transition.

Hi Kate hon. I will pray that this will some day be true.

QuoteThe day will come when Fate brings My Little Boy to me. Don't ask me how I know, but I just DO. I already feel I've met and gone through life with him,

My little boy went for a deep sleep 8 years ago, even if I was able to conceive my own child I would be to old to conceive one now. That is not saying I wouldn't still want a child in my care if it is the Great spirits will for me to do so.

Cindy