Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Another thread got me thinking about the days when I was a feldgling girl, and the things I found I needed to get used to. Off the top of my head, here's my list. How about you?

*learning to respond when someone says "ma'am" or "miss".

*learning NOT to respond upon hearing my old name, which was a common one.

*learning to smile at people instead of doing the guy nod thing.

*learning not to bro pat people at the end of a hug

*learning to gracefully accept attention from men (I'm a Lesbian)

*learning to bend from the knees to retrieve that dropped item, not from the waist

*here's a tricky one: learning to hold my tongue.

Stealth

Quote from: Stealthgrrl on August 18, 2008, 05:10:19 AM
Off the top of my head, here's my list. How about you?

It is fun how different we all are.

My rough list:

• Not nodding at people; (A pity, it worked so well for, "yes, hello, stay away from me!")
• Dealing gracefully with people near me. (I was always very antisocial)
• Dealing with attention, especially undesired attention. (which is just about all of it save from a very select few)
• Learning to care what I look like.
• Learning to smile.
• Learning to be willing to be social. To be honest, I am really not that keen on the notion.
• Being even weaker than I already was.
• Paying attention to what I eat (occasionally anyway) and well, trying to eat more in earnest.
• Worrying about makeup and such like. It all still seems like a fairly pointless bother when I find I want to recreate my natural pigmentation...
• Dealing with being more of a target.
• Dealing with people expecting me to be social and wanting to talk. (For the antisocial loner I was this is a lulu)
• Dealing with being complimented.
• Learning to cope with being unintentionally excluded on topics I would not be excluded on had I been born different. Or deep level omission of "I don't really consider you female" even though she really does try. An other fun things that trounce feelings into the ground.

I don't really think I had to get used to anything once I went full-time and started being myself, things just came naturally and I accepted that.  The natural changes in my presentation and personality, how I acted socially, etc. were just further signs I was heading in the right direction.  I just knew what was expected of women in society, and somehow just started doing them without a second thought.

Jenn

That I was no longer a trans-sekshul.

N~

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 09:21:18 AM
That I was no longer a trans-sekshul.

N~

*giggles*

"You're a woman now." - One of my friends told me this, and keeps telling me this.  :laugh:  She's like "you're SUCH a girl!"

Jenn

I learn to be a lot less aggressive socially. It makes me feel better than my parents, and it makes my social awkwardness seem smaller (Its still there dammit).


I dk... A lot is coming to me a bit better now that my brain is female.

I have tiny hips and I still haven't really adopted the ass swing, and frankly its cause I'm socially kind of prudish a bit, but more afraid of being called a ->-bleeped-<-got when I'm out in the middle of nowhere and being harassed when all I wanna do is (bang bang bang bang, and a Click, CHing, Take your moneeeyyy) go inside the gas station for a soda. I still walk with my feet closer together though, and I take smaller steps.

I dk. I'd rather just wait for my hips to be bigger and walk how my make me walk, not the other way around. It feels stupid.

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 18, 2008, 10:30:11 AM

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 09:21:18 AM
That I was no longer a trans-sekshul.

N~

*giggles*

"You're a woman now." - One of my friends told me this, and keeps telling me this.  :laugh:  She's like "you're SUCH a girl!"

Jenn

XD My friends do that now... Apparently I've gotten a ton more feminine since I started this. They comment on it all the time. I had this thing where I'd stay up late talking to one and it was when I was much more freaked out and I'd just tell her to remind me of what I was sometimes, and it worked... It would like pierce the glass prison in my brain and I'd leak out more.

But I've just been treated by my friends more and more like a girl, and its cause I apparently come across as one. D: ! I actually wasn't doing much when that lady called me a girl, I was just doodling. Maybe more of me comes out when I'm spaced out like that.

Quote from: deviousxen on August 18, 2008, 10:50:34 AM
But I've just been treated by my friends more and more like a girl, and its cause I apparently come across as one. D:

I've noticed that too, I'm not sure some of my friends even remind themselves that I'm not a gg, they just see me as another girl, like themselves.  ;D

Jenn

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 18, 2008, 10:55:13 AM

Quote from: deviousxen on August 18, 2008, 10:50:34 AM
But I've just been treated by my friends more and more like a girl, and its cause I apparently come across as one. D:

I've noticed that too, I'm not sure some of my friends even remind themselves that I'm not a gg, they just see me as another girl, like themselves.  ;D

Jenn

Well... Thats lucky. ):

I'm treated like a girl by them but I always get the vibes that I'm some outsider of the tribe that shouldn't be. Its like when they go have their fangirling nights and they tell me how fun it was and I'm like... "Heheh Yeah. Sounds fun." ("Why the F$@% am I always left out of this?! I'm pretty much fine with whatever yaoi you enjoy about Pheonix Wright and stuff. If anything it just makes me laugh!")

I just hate how I'm left out still. Partially my fault for being such a weirdo and a downer, but I'd be there if I were a GG.

Quote from: deviousxen on August 18, 2008, 11:16:15 AM
...but I'd be there if I were a GG.

aww :icon_hug: I'm sorry sweetie, I wish it were different for you and you were accepted into their circle.  My girlfriends have opened up to me with things I never would've heard before.

Jenn

Well... They've opened up a ton and it makes me feel better to an extent, but what sucks is that those nights where I'm not invited seem to be like...

I dk... Ever get the vibe that like, "Oh good. We can have a night without Xen like the GOOD OLD DAYS." Or something kind of terrible like that. I mean. I'd be a hypocrite if I blamed them. I've avoided certain people to be with certain people, but its always a group comfort thing I suppose. If I had a birthday party with everyone invited, it would be like a hundred people who would just gape at each other. It would be like... The video gamers from MA, the transfolk, the local oddities, my older friends who are totally straight, random people I've met, con goers, the people from the CT music scene and goth/industrial music, and local punk/metal kids who come over and ignore the festivities to make their own upstairs on an amp on level 11, and the hippies, and my DJ and computer science geek pothead friend.

And then there's the hot tub... Which is the true gauge of character when so many people I know are freakin' horny. I mean... Can't blame them, but crap.

Quote from: fae_reborn on August 18, 2008, 11:23:34 AM

Quote from: deviousxen on August 18, 2008, 11:16:15 AM
...but I'd be there if I were a GG.

aww :icon_hug: I'm sorry sweetie, I wish it were different for you and you were accepted into their circle.  My girlfriends have opened up to me with things I never would've heard before.

Jenn

And thanks for treating me well...

I respond to both my new name and my old one. :/ When I hear a "Dan" or a "Sara" my head turns. I really need to manage that.

The thing that took me longest to get used to was having no "fences" - I could do whatever I felt like. Most of it came pretty quickly but the hardest was to let go and be 'a girly-girl'. I had been smacked down for many years over "effeminate behaviour" so to go the whole 9 yards (ultra femme) took awhile, a LONG while! (My personality runs toward the feminine end of the spectrum.)

Your welcome Xen :icon_hug: I'm here to support all my beautiful sisters.  And yes, I've felt excluded before, but I've come to realize that as much as you want to, you can't always hang out with your friends when you want to.  But, in addition, the ones excluding me weren't really my friends in the end.  It's all a flip of the coin my dear.

Quote from: Northern Jane on August 18, 2008, 01:07:39 PM
The thing that took me longest to get used to was having no "fences" - I could do whatever I felt like. Most of it came pretty quickly but the hardest was to let go and be 'a girly-girl'. I had been smacked down for many years over "effeminate behaviour" so to go the whole 9 yards (ultra femme) took awhile, a LONG while! (My personality runs toward the feminine end of the spectrum.)

I know exactly what you mean Jane, I'm right there with you on the femme end of the spectrum.  It took me a few months to let go and be my feminine self.  Now I just want to be my feminine self, plus sassy and sexy too!  ;D

Jenn

I still respond to my old name since I don't have a choice just yet...but when I realize I've done so I cringe and kick myself mentally.

I don't want to hijack the thread from you girls but I thought I'd add this one from what I had to get used to--
Learning to be myself.

I was always quiet and antisocial before and afraid of interacting with others, but now that I know who I am I'm a lot more confident than I used to be, have a lot more self-esteem and generally love myself more...So now I'm finally able to act like myself around people and I'm a much happier person for it.

Trap, I think you hit the nail on the head.  After spending so many decades hiding myself from the world, including my conscious mind, learning to be myslef has been a steep learning curve.

Here is one more: learning that it's okay to like yourself.  That has been a challenge.

Chaunte

ps.  Do you mind if I use some of these ideas for a book I am writing?  No screen names will be used.  If you don't want me to use your ideas, please PM me.  Thanks.

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 09:21:18 AM
That I was no longer a trans-sekshul.

N~

Trans-sekshul?  I love the spelling! ....ROFL  ;D  Yes indeed, same for me!

tink :icon_chick:

Took me a while to get used to ma'am and miss even though people had been calling me that the whole time I was growing up. Now I get doors held open and hey I can't say as I mind. :D

My old name was so ingrained but the fact that I intensely dislike it helped me let go of that reflex.

Funny story, way back when I first went to college I used to smile all the time until I noticed that men didn't so around them I had to actually teach myself to emulate their nod thing.... fast forward to more recent times and I caught myself nodding when I shouldn't have. (But then part of that is I'm into women - I don't want to smile at a guy  :P )

You'd think attention from men would be something I'd have to get used to but I always thought they were looking at me anyway.

Quote from: Tink on August 18, 2008, 09:14:53 PM

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 09:21:18 AM
That I was no longer a trans-sekshul.

N~

Trans-sekshul?  I love the spelling! ....ROFL  ;D  Yes indeed, same for me!

tink :icon_chick:

Yep, spel eit laik ah sahy eit. >:D

N~

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 10:13:17 PM

Quote from: Tink on August 18, 2008, 09:14:53 PM

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 09:21:18 AM
That I was no longer a trans-sekshul.

N~

Trans-sekshul?  I love the spelling! ....ROFL  ;D  Yes indeed, same for me!

tink :icon_chick:

Yep, spel eit laik ah sahy eit. >:D

N~

Oy, trans sekshul, trans gin deer, vhatever makes you heppy dah-link :) Vhat's a mattah? Eating only salad, you don't like the food? Eat bubeleh, eat. You shouldn't stahve! And put on a coat, you'll freeze in that flimsy shmattah! :laugh:

Z

Gonna yuz mah maigik wand oan yu, Zythyra!! >:D Ya bater behaiv yusef!! Thu Godes of waintuh gonna maik eit ais-starm oan yu!! :laugh: >:D

Nichole

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 10:34:02 PM
Gonna yuz mah maigik wand oan yu, Zythyra!! >:D Ya bater behaiv yusef!! Thu Godes of waintuh gonna maik eit ais-starm oan yu!! :laugh: >:D

Nichole

So, is that why it snowed 150 + inches here last winter??  :laugh:

<z shivers> brrrrr

Z

I need to work on the name issue, but what do you except? All my friends are male (Although they call me Ikuro(Xbox Live Name) over Carolyn damn it). I still live with my family. But at work I am called by my last name so I don't mind that. Oh well!

I have no idea what to rename myself. I mean...

I love Xen, but I haven't given it serious thought. I know I wanna keep my male name as a middle name, cause its a family trait thats too important to me.


It also has personal weight... Just too harsh on my self esteem.

But holy crud that would seem like an odd name D:

Quote from: deviousxen on August 19, 2008, 02:58:46 AM
But holy crud that would seem like an odd name D:

My middle is a more common first name. But, Given how often a middle name is used it works... An I if there is reason I can do quit a lot of fun things with my name (=

Quote from: Zythyra on August 18, 2008, 10:36:34 PM

Quote from: Nichole on August 18, 2008, 10:34:02 PM
Gonna yuz mah maigik wand oan yu, Zythyra!! >:D Ya bater behaiv yusef!! Thu Godes of waintuh gonna maik eit ais-starm oan yu!! :laugh: >:D

Nichole

So, is that why it snowed 150 + inches here last winter??  :laugh:

<z shivers> brrrrr

Z

Nope, luv, not me that time. You musta had trouble with the last incumbent last winter! :laugh:

I'm the new one. >:D

N~

Quote from: Nichole on August 19, 2008, 07:00:11 AM

Quote from: Zythyra on August 18, 2008, 10:36:34 PM

So, is that why it snowed 150 + inches here last winter??  :laugh:

<z shivers> brrrrr

Z

Nope, luv, not me that time. You musta had trouble with the last incumbent last winter! :laugh:

I'm the new one. >:D

N~

Ah the incumbent, that must be Ms Global Warming!  ::)

Z