Community Conversation => Transsexual talk => Topic started by: deniz on August 22, 2008, 08:57:07 AM Return to Full Version
Title: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: deniz on August 22, 2008, 08:57:07 AM
Post by: deniz on August 22, 2008, 08:57:07 AM
he had one of these fights, about my ruining my future and my talents by ''choosing to become transexual''
what really hurt me the most was when she said
even your boyfriend left you.if you were a simple gay boy he would not have left.But now, i am sure he found out about you and left you.Live with it.People will always abandon you since you are becoming a freak
save your self, before it is too late my son:(
these were her words.and although i know she is wrong, i can not endure such words in my situation
i am hurt, i am lost.maybe i am abandoned.
how can people be so cruel.and they cover cruelty with parenthood's love.
what really hurt me the most was when she said
even your boyfriend left you.if you were a simple gay boy he would not have left.But now, i am sure he found out about you and left you.Live with it.People will always abandon you since you are becoming a freak
save your self, before it is too late my son:(
these were her words.and although i know she is wrong, i can not endure such words in my situation
i am hurt, i am lost.maybe i am abandoned.
how can people be so cruel.and they cover cruelty with parenthood's love.
Title: Re: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: Dennis on August 22, 2008, 09:15:42 AM
Post by: Dennis on August 22, 2008, 09:15:42 AM
My mother said some very cruel and hurtful things as well when I was beginning transition. She doesn't any more, but at the time, it was very hard for me to see it as her trying to express concern. I'm sure that's what she meant to do, but it didn't come out that way. Sorry you have to go through this from your own mother when you're still suffering from your breakup.
I think it was Robin Williams who said "of course our mothers know how to push our buttons. They installed them."
Dennis
I think it was Robin Williams who said "of course our mothers know how to push our buttons. They installed them."
Dennis
Title: Re: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: sneakersjay on August 22, 2008, 09:51:15 AM
Post by: sneakersjay on August 22, 2008, 09:51:15 AM
Ouch!
Like Dennis says, I think many parents don't know what to think or do or say, and of course they love you and want the best for you, and obviously being trans is going to have negative consequences out there in the real world (like we don't know that!!) and they want to try top protect us from getting hurt.
I had a long convo with my mom last night and even though I've told her I'm on T, and told her a month ago about my top surgery, she was like, wait, I thought you weren't going to do all that? You were going to think about it?? Regarding top surgery, she's been kind of horrified. When I just said to think about it as a boob job, many women get breast augmentation, and nobody blinks. Why should reducing them be so horrible?? What's the difference, really? I think she kind of got it.
Hang in there, Deniz. Hopefully she'll come around with time.
Jay
Like Dennis says, I think many parents don't know what to think or do or say, and of course they love you and want the best for you, and obviously being trans is going to have negative consequences out there in the real world (like we don't know that!!) and they want to try top protect us from getting hurt.
I had a long convo with my mom last night and even though I've told her I'm on T, and told her a month ago about my top surgery, she was like, wait, I thought you weren't going to do all that? You were going to think about it?? Regarding top surgery, she's been kind of horrified. When I just said to think about it as a boob job, many women get breast augmentation, and nobody blinks. Why should reducing them be so horrible?? What's the difference, really? I think she kind of got it.
Hang in there, Deniz. Hopefully she'll come around with time.
Jay
Title: Re: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: Sephirah on August 22, 2008, 10:19:25 AM
Post by: Sephirah on August 22, 2008, 10:19:25 AM
I'm not sure how skewed someone's concern would have to be in order to call their child a freak.
*big hug*
I can think of three possible reasons for why she said what she did (there are probably more):
1. She does genuinely care about how it will affect you mentally, and said it because she thinks that if you can deal with it from the people closest to you, you can deal with it from anyone.
2. She's frustrated because she thinks that you should do what she wants you to, not what you want to. And the anger at the lack of control she is able to exercise over you caused her to lash out.
3. She's worried about how she's going to be viewed by people as a result of what you're going through. This could be either because she feels deep down that she's failed as a parent because you're not happy with yourself, and that others will see it that way, too. Or, because she imagines that she may be subjected to some form of ridicule for having a transsexual daughter by those she associates with. So it may be a desperate attempt to make you feel so bad that you change your mind, because you start to believe it and come to the conclusion that it's not worth the heartache.
Whatever the reason, she should not have said that. I would hope that she didn't mean it, and it was just a snap comment that she now regrets.
You're not a freak, honey. And by doing this you are saving yourself. *hugs*
Give it a few days and see if she apologises for what she said.
*big hug*
I can think of three possible reasons for why she said what she did (there are probably more):
1. She does genuinely care about how it will affect you mentally, and said it because she thinks that if you can deal with it from the people closest to you, you can deal with it from anyone.
2. She's frustrated because she thinks that you should do what she wants you to, not what you want to. And the anger at the lack of control she is able to exercise over you caused her to lash out.
3. She's worried about how she's going to be viewed by people as a result of what you're going through. This could be either because she feels deep down that she's failed as a parent because you're not happy with yourself, and that others will see it that way, too. Or, because she imagines that she may be subjected to some form of ridicule for having a transsexual daughter by those she associates with. So it may be a desperate attempt to make you feel so bad that you change your mind, because you start to believe it and come to the conclusion that it's not worth the heartache.
Whatever the reason, she should not have said that. I would hope that she didn't mean it, and it was just a snap comment that she now regrets.
You're not a freak, honey. And by doing this you are saving yourself. *hugs*
Give it a few days and see if she apologises for what she said.
Title: Re: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: Northern Jane on August 22, 2008, 01:51:27 PM
Post by: Northern Jane on August 22, 2008, 01:51:27 PM
Quote from: Leiandra on August 22, 2008, 10:19:25 AM
I'm not sure how skewed someone's concern would have to be in order to call their child a freak.
When, at 24, I told my mother I was seriously suicidal and had to transition or die, she said it would be better if I killed myself. That is when I realized how sick SHE was.
Title: Re: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: deniz on August 22, 2008, 02:01:03 PM
Post by: deniz on August 22, 2008, 02:01:03 PM
update
my mother just woke up
and she came into my room.
she found me crying and we both bursted into tears
she feels sorry for doing such a bad work in my reasing up, that she does not know how to behave
she said she is to blame for being so miserable, and she also blames some iron injections she had during pregnancy(for god's shake)
she is in the blaming her self phase
i feel sorry for both of us.she hurt me, and she will do it again.
but i love her although i am turning into a freak in her eyes
i am lonely...
i love you guys for being here for me.
my mother just woke up
and she came into my room.
she found me crying and we both bursted into tears
she feels sorry for doing such a bad work in my reasing up, that she does not know how to behave
she said she is to blame for being so miserable, and she also blames some iron injections she had during pregnancy(for god's shake)
she is in the blaming her self phase
i feel sorry for both of us.she hurt me, and she will do it again.
but i love her although i am turning into a freak in her eyes
i am lonely...
i love you guys for being here for me.
Title: Re: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: soldierjane on August 22, 2008, 02:14:32 PM
Post by: soldierjane on August 22, 2008, 02:14:32 PM
Quote from: deniz on August 22, 2008, 08:57:07 AM
he had one of these fights, about my ruining my future and my talents by ''choosing to become transexual''
what really hurt me the most was when she said
even your boyfriend left you.if you were a simple gay boy he would not have left.But now, i am sure he found out about you and left you.Live with it.People will always abandon you since you are becoming a freak
save your self, before it is too late my son:(
these were her words.and although i know she is wrong, i can not endure such words in my situation
i am hurt, i am lost.maybe i am abandoned.
how can people be so cruel.and they cover cruelty with parenthood's love.
Listen to Dennis, he's right. I don't think that she really thinks you are a freak, sounds more like something she daid to shake you up and make you 'wake up and smell the coffee'.
Transition is hard on everyone, not just oneself. She will need time, be prepared for that. But if she's accepted you in the past as a 'gay boy', then it's likely she will warm up to the idea of you transitioning.
This stage in your life is by far not worst you will see in your transition but by far not the best either. Patience and hold on there honey :)
Title: Re: my mother hurt me so much today:(
Post by: barbie on August 22, 2008, 02:52:11 PM
Post by: barbie on August 22, 2008, 02:52:11 PM
It takes time and patience.
I would think more about thoughts and emotions of my parents, wife, kids and other close acquaintances whey they first hear or see about transsexualism. Some people say that I am very selfish and self-oriented, not taking care of others. They probably are right, as I tend to think on my side. I expect that my parents and wife are rational people, and love me, reacting such way I expect. But, they are human and imperfect and emotional.
Put yourself in another's place. They first are shocked and perplexed, not immediately knowing what to do. They are not prepared to deal with transsexualism of their own kids, even though they could have occasionally heard about transgender stories through TV. Give them time to deal with it. I and they both need time, interaction and patience.
Barbie~~
I would think more about thoughts and emotions of my parents, wife, kids and other close acquaintances whey they first hear or see about transsexualism. Some people say that I am very selfish and self-oriented, not taking care of others. They probably are right, as I tend to think on my side. I expect that my parents and wife are rational people, and love me, reacting such way I expect. But, they are human and imperfect and emotional.
Put yourself in another's place. They first are shocked and perplexed, not immediately knowing what to do. They are not prepared to deal with transsexualism of their own kids, even though they could have occasionally heard about transgender stories through TV. Give them time to deal with it. I and they both need time, interaction and patience.
Barbie~~