Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Me and my mum had a talk today. It hasnt been a gd day today for any of us. My mum was haviing probs with my stepdad and i was so depressed and i didnt really want to talk about my probs as she had her own. later that day we were just talking about life. and i told her that i will be calling the docs sometimes this weeks cuz i been so depressed and need to talk to my GP. she agreed. But she really got me thinking and it got me kind of upset and even more depressed. I have never been in a relationship. and would love a relationship. she nows i am into women. i told her when i told her i felt like i was born in the wrong body. But she said to me how can i be in a relationship with a straight women if i start transition i am going to be a man. as i want to be. but she said a straight women wouldnt go with me cuz im a women and a lesbion women wouldnt go with me cuz i look like a man. although i get that now it really hart it felt like whats the point me doing anythink if im going to be in the same boat i am now.. Right now i just fill like i might aswell give up if there is no futer for me... All i want in my life is what everyone else whats but it fills like im never going to get there. Right now i have nothing in my life to be here for and she really didnt help me... It got me even more confused....


Sorry about the spellin...

I know quite a few transguys who are with straight women. What your mom said is completely untrue. In my experience, it's harder for transguys to date gay men (that aren't also trans). And lesbians also like girls who look like men. I also know a girl who was a lesbian, she dated a transguy, and married him. She sees him as a man and she's pretty much become straight.

I feel like I have no future, either, lol. I'm 18 and I've never had a partner. I'm in college and I look like a 15 year old boy. Everyone stays away from me because I look like pedo bait. Go figure. I'm hoping I'll meet someone nice at the LGBT group. To be honest, I'd love to be with someone who is some sort of queer. We can understand each other.

There are plenty of straight women who would want to date you or have a relationship with you.

I used to be worried about this too but the other day I was on youtube(lol, its like a regular part of my routine now) watching FTM transition videos and things like that. This guy was talking about how confident he was and that people were saying to him, "You better keep what you have with your gf and don't lose her!" as if she was the only gf he'd ever have or get. The thing is, though, hes confident in his masculinity(and no, that doesn't mean you have to be macho, you can be 'feminine' too) that to straight women it doesn't really matter what hes got. Theres more to being a man than the equipment that you have... and I know a lot of us have dysphoria about this, but a penis doesn't make a man.

If a girl didn't want to be with you because you weren't born with the equipment or were once psychically a 'girl', then she obviously isn't the one for you. Who wants a girl like that anyway? We want someone who can understand us, right?

I had a girlfriend once(we broke up for different reasons) who accepted me for who I am. She saw me as 100% male even though I didn't physically match up. I think its because most girls want an emotional relationship more than they want a physical relationship. And I'm not saying they don't want the physical, I'm just saying that girls tend to want the emotional side out of relationships. I'm not saying that we're somehow better than bio males, but I do think that a lot of us are able to sympathize with females because we know what its like to have a period, we know what its like to grow up being seen as female, even if we didn't fit in. In some ways, I think its our 'advantage' for a lack of better words to have this information. However, bio guys have their 'advantage' of growing up male and being socially accepted as being male and having the opportunities that they had.

Sometimes we have to work with what we got, and sometimes I think that being a transman, while difficult, is very rewarding. I think you gain a sense of respect for females in a way that a bio guy usually doesn't.

And I'm rambling now, but the thing is, bro...

There are girls out there for you and they will want to be with you and go out with you.

-shudder- It doesn't make me want a penis any less! But it's true. Women seem to be much more accepting of guys without dicks. Although, they are pretty surprised and they aren't exactly over joyed. They keep asking themselves if they're lesbians when they're attracted to guys like me. -_-;; It bothers me, but after I start T, they hopefully won't feel that way.

Biomale advantages > Transmale advantages, in my opinion. Seriously. Biomales CAN be sensitive and understand women in most ways if they are raised properly, AND they have penises. For serious. Gay men are at the top I think because a lot of them are sensitive and have the right equipment.

But it is true. We have a perspective biomales can never have.

You mom is full of it!

I would LOVE to date a FtM! As TS/Intersex I have a hell of a time with straight men getting all bent out of shape over my medical history. I figure an FtM shouldn't have any problem with it.

P.S. I am ALMOST straight  ::)

I personally am interested in people of all kinds. I am, however, getting very comfortable with girls. So much that I'm starting to feel that cisgendered males aren't worth it. My dating scope is being limited to females, androgynes, and transmales. Females includes transgirls, of course.

Transmales are not "less men" than cisgendered males, but I feel like they'll respect my boundaries more.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:14:52 PM
I personally am interested in people of all kinds. I am, however, getting very comfortable with girls. So much that I'm starting to feel that cisgendered males aren't worth it. My dating scope is being limited to females, androgynes, and transmales. Females includes transgirls, of course.

Transmales are not "less men" than cisgendered males, but I feel like they'll respect my boundaries more.

So you don't mind that transguys don't have the equipment?

You're absolutely right, Elwood. It doesn't make the dysphoria any less but its true. And yes, bio males can be very sensitive with the right upbringing and personality. :)

And you're definitely right about women questioning if they're lesbians or not. My ex did the very same thing when we were going out but as she learnt more about what it means to be trans, she started to understand that it didn't make her lesbian. So I think its only natural for a straight woman who is unfamiliar with trans to seriously ponder whether shes a lesbian or not because its not something other people really think of.

But I hate it as much as you. I don't want to be seen as lesbian, I want to be seen as a (straight) male. I guess we have to take it from their perspective.

Women... no... people are attracted to others who are confident in themselves and secure within themselves. Its all about security within yourself. It doesn't matter how masculine or feminine you act or are, its how secure you are in yourself that attracts people. If you get that security about yourself down, then you've essentially got it made.

Boost up your self confidence.

Quote from: Nero on August 24, 2008, 05:21:16 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:14:52 PM
I personally am interested in people of all kinds. I am, however, getting very comfortable with girls. So much that I'm starting to feel that cisgendered males aren't worth it. My dating scope is being limited to females, androgynes, and transmales. Females includes transgirls, of course.

Transmales are not "less men" than cisgendered males, but I feel like they'll respect my boundaries more.

So you don't mind that transguys don't have the equipment?

Not at all, actually. I've really started to think penises aren't very important (on other people, anyway, I still really want my own). Since I don't want to be penetrated vaginally, I almost feel safer if a guy doesn't have a penis.

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 05:22:17 PMYou're absolutely right, Elwood. It doesn't make the dysphoria any less but its true. And yes, bio males can be very sensitive with the right upbringing and personality. :)

And you're definitely right about women questioning if they're lesbians or not. My ex did the very same thing when we were going out but as she learnt more about what it means to be trans, she started to understand that it didn't make her lesbian. So I think its only natural for a straight woman who is unfamiliar with trans to seriously ponder whether shes a lesbian or not because its not something other people really think of.

But I hate it as much as you. I don't want to be seen as lesbian, I want to be seen as a (straight) male. I guess we have to take it from their perspective.

Women... no... people are attracted to others who are confident in themselves and secure within themselves. Its all about security within yourself. It doesn't matter how masculine or feminine you act or are, its how secure you are in yourself that attracts people. If you get that security about yourself down, then you've essentially got it made.

Boost up your self confidence.

Yeah. I'm not a lesbian. If I was a girl, I wouldn't mind being called a lesbian. But I don't identify as female. I have no stigma against lesbians. In fact, a lot of them are really great and I might date one. They can be converted into straight girls if they're with a transman, lol. I've seen it happen so many times.

People are quite attracted to me as a person. They say I'm really courageous and strong and a deep thinker. Those are all great things to hear, but no one really sees me as a potential partner. It's so frustrating sometimes, lol. They all think I'm some saint but they don't want to be close to me. xD Again, it's probably because I look like pedo bait.

Ugh, I know what you mean about the pedo-bait stuff. A couple weeks back while I checked into a store for an application and was about to leave, they called back and asked the dreaded question...

"Wait! How old are you?"

"... I'm 19."

"Oh, ok."

The thing is, male or female, I look young for my age. I guess you and me will have to wait for T in the meantime. D:

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 05:41:31 PMUgh, I know what you mean about the pedo-bait stuff. A couple weeks back while I checked into a store for an application and was about to leave, they called back and asked the dreaded question...

"Wait! How old are you?"

"... I'm 19."

"Oh, ok."

The thing is, male or female, I look young for my age. I guess you and me will have to wait for T in the meantime. D:

Same here. I am small. My hands and feet and arms and legs... all very small. Child sized. I shop in boy's. I'm wearing SMALL boy's underwear-- SMALL. I wear a boy's medium shirt and a boy's 14 pants. I have one pair of 16s that fit.

In women's I fit small in clothes and extra small in underwear. I recently found I fit a "5" in women's panties, whatever that means. I wear girl's underwear under my boy's underwear during periods with pads for extra security. The worst thing in the world would be to be a passing boy who bleeds on his period.

Right now I'm wearing a medium GIRL'S tank top under my shirt. It is not very tight. It acts a a binder, sort of. It smooths things down instead of flattening. I'm trying to keep the breast tissue healthy and elastic, so I don't put a lot of pressure on it.

This morning I weighed 78 lbs. I weighed myself before breakfast, after I peed, with only underwear on. Normally in the day I weigh around 80. That's still much lower than I used to be. I used to be 85. The highest I've ever weighed was 87.

Dang Dan, you're tiny! :o

You know, Hazard, my mom thinks the same thing, but I ve never been in a relationship, either. But then again, I myself am too ashamed of my own body to even be in one. But you should know your mom is wrong, yet also that sometimes it might to be to find someone accepting of you, cause where I live, there seems to be no one. And even though Im in college(which is traditionally quite liberal), there doesnt seem to be anyone here either, but maybe Im just not lookin hard enough. I mean most people at the college are cool with gays, lesbians,but not trans. And therefore, they all fail at life. But Im tired of people thinkin Im a little kid, damaging to the ego.

Anyways, these things are hard to deal with and Im mainly always depressed, too. My advice is to keep talkin to people, and have a expressive outlook like music, art, writing. That should help, my guitar has saved me plently of times, and plus its healthy and doesnt destroy my liver, or body. And dont get into abusive habits either, cause it will make the whole transition process probably harder, if they believe you to be unstable.

Quote from: freespeechz on August 24, 2008, 05:48:18 PMDang Dan, you're tiny! :o

Now you understand why I complain about being small.  :icon_eek: I'm not just whining for kicks!

I saw a guy littler than you at work yesterday, Dan. He was in his fifties, about 4'5, and probably weighed less than my ten year old sister. Dude was macho, though, until he started cooing over the cuddly little bunnies.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:45:50 PM
Same here. I am small. My hands and feet and arms and legs... all very small. Child sized. I shop in boy's. I'm wearing SMALL boy's underwear-- SMALL. I wear a boy's medium shirt and a boy's 14 pants. I have one pair of 16s that fit.

In women's I fit small in clothes and extra small in underwear. I recently found I fit a "5" in women's panties, whatever that means. I wear girl's underwear under my boy's underwear during periods with pads for extra security. The worst thing in the world would be to be a passing boy who bleeds on his period.

Right now I'm wearing a medium GIRL'S tank top under my shirt. It is not very tight. It acts a a binder, sort of. It smooths things down instead of flattening. I'm trying to keep the breast tissue healthy and elastic, so I don't put a lot of pressure on it.

This morning I weighed 78 lbs. I weighed myself before breakfast, after I peed, with only underwear on. Normally in the day I weigh around 80. That's still much lower than I used to be. I used to be 85. The highest I've ever weighed was 87.

Yeah, I'm quite small too. Men's small or boy's large/medium is what I have to fit myself into... and sometimes I can't even get into the men's small. I also have these really slender girly hands and it drives me crazy. I'd like them if they didn't look so feminine.

And you are quite thin. For my height, the lowest I've ever been was 94lbs and I got really sick... I'm now 114lbs and 5'7". I'm hoping T will help me put on more weight. I'd like to fill out some more if I'm not going to be very tall. It sucks being skinny and on the shorter side. But I guess its that confidence thing again.

I'm just going to get a binder myself, because I measured my breasts and I seem to be 1 or 2 cm's off from the smallest size. So I figure it wont damage the tissue.

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 06:05:03 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:45:50 PMSame here. I am small. My hands and feet and arms and legs... all very small. Child sized. I shop in boy's. I'm wearing SMALL boy's underwear-- SMALL. I wear a boy's medium shirt and a boy's 14 pants. I have one pair of 16s that fit.

In women's I fit small in clothes and extra small in underwear. I recently found I fit a "5" in women's panties, whatever that means. I wear girl's underwear under my boy's underwear during periods with pads for extra security. The worst thing in the world would be to be a passing boy who bleeds on his period.

Right now I'm wearing a medium GIRL'S tank top under my shirt. It is not very tight. It acts a a binder, sort of. It smooths things down instead of flattening. I'm trying to keep the breast tissue healthy and elastic, so I don't put a lot of pressure on it.

This morning I weighed 78 lbs. I weighed myself before breakfast, after I peed, with only underwear on. Normally in the day I weigh around 80. That's still much lower than I used to be. I used to be 85. The highest I've ever weighed was 87.

Yeah, I'm quite small too. Men's small or boy's large/medium is what I have to fit myself into... and sometimes I can't even get into the men's small. I also have these really slender girly hands and it drives me crazy. I'd like them if they didn't look so feminine.

And you are quite thin. For my height, the lowest I've ever been was 94lbs and I got really sick... I'm now 114lbs and 5'7". I'm hoping T will help me put on more weight. I'd like to fill out some more if I'm not going to be very tall. It sucks being skinny and on the shorter side. But I guess its that confidence thing again.

I'm just going to get a binder myself, because I measured my breasts and I seem to be 1 or 2 cm's off from the smallest size. So I figure it wont damage the tissue.

My dad's a men's small. I dream of the day when I can fit into men's clothes. I'm kind of sick of wearing kid's clothes. The fashions are totally different.

I personally wouldn't complain if I was 5'7". That's a good height to be.

I was thinking of getting a compression shirt. I might get something like that for swimming. I want to be able to pass while I'm learning how to swim (yes, I can't swim, and I need to learn as soon as possible). But I will never bind all the time. Not unless my boobs get to be a B. Then I'll bind regardless, probably. I pretty much won't bind as long as I pass without binding.

You're maybe a AA, then? I'm an A cup.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:00:45 PM
I know quite a few transguys who are with straight women. What your mom said is completely untrue. In my experience, it's harder for transguys to date gay men (that aren't also trans).

Wow, I have to completely disagree with this statement!  My few forays into gay bars (or bars in general) have proven completely the opposite.  Gay men are totally into FTMs!  Set foot in any bar here in SF and you'll see what I mean.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 06:54:12 PM

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 06:05:03 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:45:50 PMSame here. I am small. My hands and feet and arms and legs... all very small. Child sized. I shop in boy's. I'm wearing SMALL boy's underwear-- SMALL. I wear a boy's medium shirt and a boy's 14 pants. I have one pair of 16s that fit.

In women's I fit small in clothes and extra small in underwear. I recently found I fit a "5" in women's panties, whatever that means. I wear girl's underwear under my boy's underwear during periods with pads for extra security. The worst thing in the world would be to be a passing boy who bleeds on his period.

Right now I'm wearing a medium GIRL'S tank top under my shirt. It is not very tight. It acts a a binder, sort of. It smooths things down instead of flattening. I'm trying to keep the breast tissue healthy and elastic, so I don't put a lot of pressure on it.

This morning I weighed 78 lbs. I weighed myself before breakfast, after I peed, with only underwear on. Normally in the day I weigh around 80. That's still much lower than I used to be. I used to be 85. The highest I've ever weighed was 87.

Yeah, I'm quite small too. Men's small or boy's large/medium is what I have to fit myself into... and sometimes I can't even get into the men's small. I also have these really slender girly hands and it drives me crazy. I'd like them if they didn't look so feminine.

And you are quite thin. For my height, the lowest I've ever been was 94lbs and I got really sick... I'm now 114lbs and 5'7". I'm hoping T will help me put on more weight. I'd like to fill out some more if I'm not going to be very tall. It sucks being skinny and on the shorter side. But I guess its that confidence thing again.

I'm just going to get a binder myself, because I measured my breasts and I seem to be 1 or 2 cm's off from the smallest size. So I figure it wont damage the tissue.

My dad's a men's small. I dream of the day when I can fit into men's clothes. I'm kind of sick of wearing kid's clothes. The fashions are totally different.

I personally wouldn't complain if I was 5'7". That's a good height to be.

I was thinking of getting a compression shirt. I might get something like that for swimming. I want to be able to pass while I'm learning how to swim (yes, I can't swim, and I need to learn as soon as possible). But I will never bind all the time. Not unless my boobs get to be a B. Then I'll bind regardless, probably. I pretty much won't bind as long as I pass without binding.

You're maybe a AA, then? I'm an A cup.

Yeah, at the moment I'm stuck in between. I have to get my pants from boys but I can get most shirts as men's small.

Yeah, 5'7" is pretty decent. It could be worse.

I'm not sure exactly what size of cup I am exactly but I know I'm an A. I'm 27inches/68.5cm around.

Quote from: Mister on August 24, 2008, 07:02:41 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:00:45 PMI know quite a few transguys who are with straight women. What your mom said is completely untrue. In my experience, it's harder for transguys to date gay men (that aren't also trans).

Wow, I have to completely disagree with this statement!  My few forays into gay bars (or bars in general) have proven completely the opposite.  Gay men are totally into FTMs!  Set foot in any bar here in SF and you'll see what I mean.

You are post op. You pass "100%." Do they know you're trans and that you don't have a penis? Or did you have phallo?

I'm talking about FtMs that don't have penises because most of us don't.

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 07:07:00 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 06:54:12 PM

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 06:05:03 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:45:50 PMSame here. I am small. My hands and feet and arms and legs... all very small. Child sized. I shop in boy's. I'm wearing SMALL boy's underwear-- SMALL. I wear a boy's medium shirt and a boy's 14 pants. I have one pair of 16s that fit.

In women's I fit small in clothes and extra small in underwear. I recently found I fit a "5" in women's panties, whatever that means. I wear girl's underwear under my boy's underwear during periods with pads for extra security. The worst thing in the world would be to be a passing boy who bleeds on his period.

Right now I'm wearing a medium GIRL'S tank top under my shirt. It is not very tight. It acts a a binder, sort of. It smooths things down instead of flattening. I'm trying to keep the breast tissue healthy and elastic, so I don't put a lot of pressure on it.

This morning I weighed 78 lbs. I weighed myself before breakfast, after I peed, with only underwear on. Normally in the day I weigh around 80. That's still much lower than I used to be. I used to be 85. The highest I've ever weighed was 87.

Yeah, I'm quite small too. Men's small or boy's large/medium is what I have to fit myself into... and sometimes I can't even get into the men's small. I also have these really slender girly hands and it drives me crazy. I'd like them if they didn't look so feminine.

And you are quite thin. For my height, the lowest I've ever been was 94lbs and I got really sick... I'm now 114lbs and 5'7". I'm hoping T will help me put on more weight. I'd like to fill out some more if I'm not going to be very tall. It sucks being skinny and on the shorter side. But I guess its that confidence thing again.

I'm just going to get a binder myself, because I measured my breasts and I seem to be 1 or 2 cm's off from the smallest size. So I figure it wont damage the tissue.

My dad's a men's small. I dream of the day when I can fit into men's clothes. I'm kind of sick of wearing kid's clothes. The fashions are totally different.

I personally wouldn't complain if I was 5'7". That's a good height to be.

I was thinking of getting a compression shirt. I might get something like that for swimming. I want to be able to pass while I'm learning how to swim (yes, I can't swim, and I need to learn as soon as possible). But I will never bind all the time. Not unless my boobs get to be a B. Then I'll bind regardless, probably. I pretty much won't bind as long as I pass without binding.

You're maybe a AA, then? I'm an A cup.

Yeah, at the moment I'm stuck in between. I have to get my pants from boys but I can get most shirts as men's small.

Yeah, 5'7" is pretty decent. It could be worse.

I'm not sure exactly what size of cup I am exactly but I know I'm an A. I'm 27inches/68.5cm around.

Oh, Well, I'm also picky. I want the shirt to fit properly. Not too big for the shoulders. If it is, it dwarfs me and makes me look even smaller.

AA is the smallest cup size I'm aware of.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 07:12:59 PM

Quote from: Mister on August 24, 2008, 07:02:41 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:00:45 PMI know quite a few transguys who are with straight women. What your mom said is completely untrue. In my experience, it's harder for transguys to date gay men (that aren't also trans).

Wow, I have to completely disagree with this statement!  My few forays into gay bars (or bars in general) have proven completely the opposite.  Gay men are totally into FTMs!  Set foot in any bar here in SF and you'll see what I mean.

You are post op. You pass "100%." Do they know you're trans and that you don't have a penis? Or did you have phallo?

I'm talking about FtMs that don't have penises because most of us don't.

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 07:07:00 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 06:54:12 PM

Quote from: Monty on August 24, 2008, 06:05:03 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:45:50 PMSame here. I am small. My hands and feet and arms and legs... all very small. Child sized. I shop in boy's. I'm wearing SMALL boy's underwear-- SMALL. I wear a boy's medium shirt and a boy's 14 pants. I have one pair of 16s that fit.

In women's I fit small in clothes and extra small in underwear. I recently found I fit a "5" in women's panties, whatever that means. I wear girl's underwear under my boy's underwear during periods with pads for extra security. The worst thing in the world would be to be a passing boy who bleeds on his period.

Right now I'm wearing a medium GIRL'S tank top under my shirt. It is not very tight. It acts a a binder, sort of. It smooths things down instead of flattening. I'm trying to keep the breast tissue healthy and elastic, so I don't put a lot of pressure on it.

This morning I weighed 78 lbs. I weighed myself before breakfast, after I peed, with only underwear on. Normally in the day I weigh around 80. That's still much lower than I used to be. I used to be 85. The highest I've ever weighed was 87.

Yeah, I'm quite small too. Men's small or boy's large/medium is what I have to fit myself into... and sometimes I can't even get into the men's small. I also have these really slender girly hands and it drives me crazy. I'd like them if they didn't look so feminine.

And you are quite thin. For my height, the lowest I've ever been was 94lbs and I got really sick... I'm now 114lbs and 5'7". I'm hoping T will help me put on more weight. I'd like to fill out some more if I'm not going to be very tall. It sucks being skinny and on the shorter side. But I guess its that confidence thing again.

I'm just going to get a binder myself, because I measured my breasts and I seem to be 1 or 2 cm's off from the smallest size. So I figure it wont damage the tissue.

My dad's a men's small. I dream of the day when I can fit into men's clothes. I'm kind of sick of wearing kid's clothes. The fashions are totally different.

I personally wouldn't complain if I was 5'7". That's a good height to be.

I was thinking of getting a compression shirt. I might get something like that for swimming. I want to be able to pass while I'm learning how to swim (yes, I can't swim, and I need to learn as soon as possible). But I will never bind all the time. Not unless my boobs get to be a B. Then I'll bind regardless, probably. I pretty much won't bind as long as I pass without binding.

You're maybe a AA, then? I'm an A cup.

Yeah, at the moment I'm stuck in between. I have to get my pants from boys but I can get most shirts as men's small.

Yeah, 5'7" is pretty decent. It could be worse.

I'm not sure exactly what size of cup I am exactly but I know I'm an A. I'm 27inches/68.5cm around.

Oh, Well, I'm also picky. I want the shirt to fit properly. Not too big for the shoulders. If it is, it dwarfs me and makes me look even smaller.

AA is the smallest cup size I'm aware of.

They're aware of my having had no bottom surgery. 

And they want to have sex with you, or are they just flirty?

Besides, I'm not talking about picking up boys at bars. I'm talking about having committed relationships. Most things at bars will ->-bleeped-<- anything than moves.

I am not gay, thus I am not looking for relationships with men.  These men at bars are flirty, they want to have sex.  They give me their numbers in case I change my mind, etc etc.  that being said, I have many a ->-bleeped-<-->-bleeped-<- friend who sleep with and have relationships with cisgendered gay men.  In fact, my trans friend who has been in the longest relationship is pre-op, not on T and married his husband last year after having spent ten years together as a gay male couple.

That's one example, certainly the minority. It proves nothing. And he probably looks more like a man than any of us. You don't seem to get it, living in a magical world where you 100% look like a man.

The guys that flirt with you are not looking for a long term relationship. So it doesn't count.

My friend who has large breasts, wide hips and a high voice looks more like a man than who exactly?  'Cause he doesn't, he knows it, and he doesn't care.

I bought up once that I pass 100%.  I was accused of claiming to be 'more trans' than you.  While this was never my intention, I stopped bringing it up.  Yet, you do nothing but throw it out there every time I speak of a personal experience.  What's the deal?

You like to bring up fairly often how miraculously successful you are. :/ And I'm sick and tired of your superiority.

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15. You may challenge the issue, but never people or groups.

tink :icon_chick:

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 08:27:00 PM
You like to bring up fairly often how miraculously successful you are. :/ And I'm sick and tired of your superiority.

Once.  I'm not about to apologize for passing.  I hope everyone gets to the place where they are comfortable within themselves and viewed however they'd like by others- friends and strangers alike- but I am not about to sit here and pretend I retain the appearance of a woman.

Thank you, Tink. However, I do feel I have a right in saying I dislike his tone. I think that is appropriate.

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 08:34:16 PM
Thank you, Tink. However, I do feel I have a right in saying I dislike his tone. I think that is appropriate.

Perhaps you should try to PM people and discuss things that way instead of posting it on a public forum?

Thanks!

tink :icon_chick:

Quote from: Tink on August 24, 2008, 08:35:50 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 08:34:16 PMThank you, Tink. However, I do feel I have a right in saying I dislike his tone. I think that is appropriate.

Perhaps you should try to PM people instead of posting it on a public forum?

Thanks!

tink :icon_chick:

No, I'm most certainly done. Thank you. And thanks for catching me cussing again. I was doing really good until today.

Hey...Hazard :D I been through this line of thought when I first realized I was trans. I like women too and I thought "great now I'm going to be single forever."

Don't let that stop you bro cause it ain't true at ALL.

If it helps, here are some real life transmen who are happily in relationships or married to women....

I love spending time with my wife, Jenny. [/b]I love you, baby! Thank you for being in my life. We got married January 12, 2008! I like to read, play Sims 2 Deluxe (a new addiction) and I spend a lot of time on current events, especially political activism on behalf of those in the Transgender community and queer youth. In March 2003 I founded the Transcend. We meet bi-weekly and I still participate from time to time. I am a student at the University of Phoenix.....[/i]


Hi. My name is Ethan, and I am a 26-year old graduate student. For undergraduate school I went to the University of Vermont and graduated in May 2005, majoring in Animal Science/Pre-Veterinary Studies. I am currently a veterinary medicine student in the United States and should graduate with a DVM degree in May 2010, at which point I will decide my next adventure. My wife Molly and I have two cats and a dog, Tyler, Atilla, and Leif.


I am ready to live my life the way I have always wanted and be whom I have always wanted to be. I am married to a wonderful femme named Violynt. She has helped me in my journey to becoming who I really am.  She has never tried to persuade me one way or the other on anything that I have done.  She just stands by me so I can realize my own potential and she has helped me put into words what I have felt all my life.  A better way to put it is,  she helped me find the words to describe what I always knew.


Things Zander Loves
Heroes: Myself My Dad My Partner Margaret Peace Pilgrim Lou Sullivan[/i]

All these guys are linked on the home page susans.org so I'm not pulling this out of the air. It's possible for you to find the right girl man, don't give up :)


Removed links, please read the link policy, TOS#1 - Tink

Quote from: trapthavok on August 24, 2008, 09:17:20 PM


Things Zander Loves
Heroes: Myself My Dad My Partner Margaret Peace Pilgrim Lou Sullivan[/i]




Removed links, please read the link policy, TOS#1 - Tink

I don't blame him.  Margaret's pretty cool. :)

Your mum's wrong, Hazard. Mine said the same things to me. Not only did I have no trouble getting with a girlfriend, but her friends are supportive of her relationship with me, and at this stage, I feel like if things didn't work with my girlfriend (which is not anticipated), I would have no trouble finding someone else to be with.

And, my gf says I'm the best in bed she's ever been with, and she's not just pulling my chain. There are benefits to dating women who've never been with anyone but straight bio males. A lot of straight bio males don't have a clue what to do with a woman's body.

I have no personal experience with gay men, but most of the gay transguys I know have very little difficulty finding partners, be it for sex or longer term.

Dennis

Yep ur mom's wrong dude.  I got many f2m friends.  some of them r gay & some of them r straight like me.  My gf's straight.  doesnt see me as a "girl" b/c I aint no girl & some of my buddy's bf's, bio dudes, dont see them as "women" either.  They r just 2 dudes in a relationship thats it. they dont got any troubles findin bf's either.  Maybe when u start T & start to change she'll change her mind. Hope so.

Quote from: Dennis on August 24, 2008, 11:29:31 PM

And, my gf says I'm the best in bed she's ever been with, and she's not just pulling my chain.

Good 4 u bro.  My gf says the same thing 'bout me  ;) ;). my buddy JC's girl says the same thing 'bout him & yep they aint lyin! u can tell when they um...   >:D :D

Quote
There are benefits to dating women who've never been with anyone but straight bio males. A lot of straight bio males don't have a clue what to do with a woman's body.

Same thing here.  my gf & my buddy's girl only been w/bio dudes B4 but yep ur right, bio dudes dunno what 2 do w/a woman's body!  We gotta teach em!  :D >:D

Thanks i think my mum wants me to be happy. and is trying to understand as much as i am. I new Trans people can be with someone and most of them are with straight women. Like u said if A girl dont like me for me that she not my girl.... But when i start everythink going... if i do. i dont see what i will have to lose.. I rather be lonley in the body i wont. then be lonley in a body i dont.

Um... I would just like to add that physical attraction isn't the only form of attraction. A girl can also be attracted to you for any number of other reasons. Your outlook on life, the courage you show through everything you are willing to do to be yourself, the way you treat her and show affection. There are infinitely more indicators of manhood and being a gentleman that what's between your legs.

Biological males or transmales, it makes no difference to me at all. If I went for guys then it would be the person inside that I would find attractive, the heart and soul of a guy, his hopes and dreams, attitude to love and relationships. I can't speak for biological women, but I suspect the same is true on many levels. Being romantic, thoughtful, caring, tender, chivalrous, honest... all are attractive qualities no matter who you are and what stage of your transition you're in.

I, and most other girls, I suspect, would consistently choose a gentleman who doesn't have a dick over a man who acts like one. :)

You have very little to worry about, Hazard. Just be yourself and treat people with respect and openness. Love transcends physicality and appearance. You will find that special someone.

*hugs*

I'm hoping that girls will see me as not some cute play thing. I want them to look inside and see who I am and not be distracted by my size.

I'm a miniature person. I'm going to have to get used to that. I guess the best I can hope for is a miniature girlfriend. Then again, transgirls have NEVER belittled me, even though most of them are taller than me. I wouldn't mind having a taller girlfriend, to be honest...

Im not worred about my hight.. Im 5.2 maybe 5.3 no taller then that.. But danny devito has a wife LOL

I've been "dating" since I was 14, and every single one, except for 1, was straight 100%. Not to yank my own chain, but I'm speaking 30+ in 10 years. Of course, I didn't sleep with all of them, not even half, but most have been sexual relationships. I have plenty of straight female friends, who also, would have no problem dating a f2m. You'd be surprised how much women are more interested in that emotional thing. Yes, sexual chemistry is a must, but you can find that, and learn what each other likes/dislikes, is comfortable with, and whatnot down the road. I'll also add, I'm 100% hetro, and "we" carry on a hetro relationship. And only tell those, who we are close to.

As far as the whole gay relationship thing. I have to back up Mister. I also get hit on quite a bit by gay men, who clearly know I'm f2m, because I tell them off the bat "I'm not what you're looking for". And make it CLEAR I don't have the right equipment, biologically at least. And they still, push on. Which has lead to me having to be down right rude, to get the point across on a few occasions. I also live in the bay area though, so I can only speak for around here.

You player! XD :D

My social life is basically taken up with school (I do love it though btw) but there aren't a huge amount of girls in the animation industry and any that I am interested in are either in a relationship already or don't look like the open-minded type.

I'm more attracted to queer women primarily, and there's maybe three bi-sexual girls at my school? One is ruled out because of some crap that happened last year, the other two are mates and one is in a relationship... the other... I'd be keen to get with her so that I could finally just have a relationship lol, but I really do like her. She's really awesome... I get so insecure about how people would see me if I did get into one though (would they tease me? Be lewd about it, put me on the spot?) Its really hard to let people in on a personal and emotional level, not to mention I wouldn't want to affect our friendship if the relationship didn't last.

I get jealous of straight people... they have it SO FRIGGIN EASY.

Not much of a "player" at all. I was when I was younger 14-18, more so because I was so uncomfortable with myself. And still struggle with that to this day. T is helping that confidence though, no doubt. The hardest thing for me, is feeling the girl I'm seeing sees me 100% nothing more than male. I need to TRUST that, and it's hard at times, but you just have to go with your gut.
As far as worrying about what OTHER people think, it's a waste of time. The only thing that really matters, is that you, and your SO have an understanding of what/who you are together.

I need to meet the people youre meetin...

Bloody Hell. Since I've been a full time male, I've got 2 girls that have a crush on me. :icon_eek:

I've NEVER had even ONE person be interested in me.
One girl actually told me she loved me. We've been friends for a long time though (like 4 or 5 years). I'm worried that if I pursued things with her that it'd ruin our friendship. She IS amazing, though. Maybe we'll see... I might have a serious talk with her about it some time... I don't know what "true love" feels like, but I do know my bond with her is strong. I was the only person who came to see her after her surgery (it wasn't SRS or anything, she's a cisgirl)... And in her times of need I was there for her. That's a lot of dedication I have no explanation for... She's bi, but she completely respects my gender identity. In fact, she is the only person I can say truly sees me as a man. She says when she met me she was certain I was a boy, even though I had long hair. She said what decided it for her was my name. But when I came out to her as trans, she said something like, "It's hardly even a change for me, considering I've pretty much seen you as a guy this whole time." That felt really good. At least someone in the world really sees me how I see me...

The other girl that likes me is a lesbian/bisexual. She... mostly likes girls. Yesterday she texted to me: i have to confession i have a crush on u do u have one on me?
I've known her for maybe a month. And no, I don't really crush on her. She's smart, silly, and adventurous. She's quite rebellious, in fact. She might even be a little dangerous. But that's not why I don't crush on her. Crushes are well, a feeling you get. I just don't have that feeling. In fact, I am often apprehensive around her because I'm afraid she'll jump me. She was the girl that recently gave me my first kiss. I think she's moving way too quickly and that's very uncomfortable for me. Also, she's unusually interested in the fact that I am trans. She did ask me if I wanted to be called a man and I told her, "Of course. That's what I'm going for, right?" She respects that part. But she might be interested in the "taboo" of dating a transman. I'm pre-op and I still have boobs. She's noticed my boobs (when we hugged) and has said numerous times how much she loves boobs (in general). I just can't help but feel like she belongs with a girl. You know?

So I'm pretty conflicted... I don't exactly feel ready to date, especially not someone who really likes girls. My friend... the only reason I'm scared of being with her is because I've always been her protector. Her family has never even thought we'd have anything romantic going on... although, I think they'd be quite comfortable with it. It's just... she lives 500 miles away, in my hometown in Southern California. I don't want to make her committed to a long distance relationship. :( I'll be up her for the rest of the fall and probably the spring, too.

Rock on, Elwood! Thats great to hear! :)

It sure is a nice feeling isn't it? I haven't had someone admit they had a crush on me for a few years until two-three months ago and I forgot how good it can make you feel. Even if you don't feel the same way, its nice to know you're desirable.

You're not ready yet, but I think the first girl is someone who you should keep your eye on. The second one sounds a little too fishy to me... but I'd say take your time. Its not something you want to rush into but I'm sure you know that much. :)
Its important to find someone who can understand you, especially with dealing and accepting you being trans... but you have to make sure your heart is in it because you wouldn't want to just be with someone only because they accept you.

Yeah. I was like, "Wow, I really am more successful when I'm being MYSELF."

People always say you'll only be liked if you're genuine. For the first time in my life, I am being genuine.

And that last sentence; that's what I'm a little worried about. That I might want to be with my friend because she accepts me. I don't want that to be the case...

I thought you liked men...And these two girls arent the only girls who have ever liked you, there just the ones who have vocalizied it.

meh.. thats all I can say on this subject..

a while ago when i was figuring all of this out i was like... eh... screw it.  i didnt really feel like i wanted someone at that time because i was having personal issues with my transness.  now that ive got it all figured out, i really miss dating people!  :(

Quote from: Jack Daniels on August 27, 2008, 02:52:31 PMI thought you liked men...And these two girls arent the only girls who have ever liked you, there just the ones who have vocalizied it.

I do like men. But I feel like their unobtainable. Plus, I like the men I dream about. I've never really met a guy who was decent enough to really enjoy spending time with. I like their bodies, I like them sexually, but we lack chemistry. At least all of the guys I've met.

So then...who do you actually like more? Girls cause they "more obtainable" and chemistry existence, or guys cause theyre sexually attracting

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:00:45 PM
In my experience, it's harder for transguys to date gay men (that aren't also trans).

That's a stereotype that's gone around quite a bit in the trans community. I haven't experienced it. Maybe pre-T FTMs experience discrimination from gay guys more than post-T, but the gay men I've been with (as well as gay male friends I've had) have been very understanding and have treated me completely as a guy.

Even more surprising, the sex was comfortable and without awkwardness. I've heard from a lot of FTMs that they miss spontaneous sex -- sexual relations without a lot of explaining, exploring, and rejection. Truth is, gay men are very likely to be experienced with queer bodies and to have known transpeople. So I was able to experience gay sexuality without all the baggage that (stereotypically) comes with being trans. So, anyway, give gay men a try. They'll surprise you.

Quote from: Jack Daniels on August 29, 2008, 11:45:59 PMSo then...who do you actually like more? Girls cause they "more obtainable" and chemistry existence, or guys cause theyre sexually attracting

Men turn me on. Girls not as much. Girls, however, give me the emotional side of things that I need. Guys for some reason don't seem to be that sensitive, even the gay ones. I did meet one gay guy who is quite sensitive, but he has a bit of a stigma towards the fact that I have a female body and no penis. I don't want a straight man who sees me as a masculine woman.

Quote from: Andrew on August 29, 2008, 11:49:37 PM

Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 05:00:45 PMIn my experience, it's harder for transguys to date gay men (that aren't also trans).

That's a stereotype that's gone around quite a bit in the trans community. I haven't experienced it. Maybe pre-T FTMs experience discrimination from gay guys more than post-T, but the gay men I've been with (as well as gay male friends I've had) have been very understanding and have treated me completely as a guy.

Even more surprising, the sex was comfortable and without awkwardness. I've heard from a lot of FTMs that they miss spontaneous sex -- sexual relations without a lot of explaining, exploring, and rejection. Truth is, gay men are very likely to be experienced with queer bodies and to have known transpeople. So I was able to experience gay sexuality without all the baggage that (stereotypically) comes with being trans. So, anyway, give gay men a try. They'll surprise you.

It's the experience that I'm having... Maybe post-T my experience will change. I really hope so.

So they don't want anything to do with my vagina? I hope so.