Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey everyone.

To quote Veetje, I am "a pansy steaming hot gay man" or, as I sometimes put it, FtWTF.

I have started contacting therapists... but i'm afraid they won't treat me.

I'm afraid that because i'm so femmy they'll be like "oh you're having us on," and I'll be stuck in this horrid shell forever.

I'm about as butch as a daisy so telling me to act macho would just be ridiculous.

What do you think will happen?

Lane, if your therapist is anything like mine, s/he'll see you for what you are--the pansy etc. In my first session, I said that I was a gay boy. That was it. He accepted it without challenge.

Honestly, I don't know how other therapists will react, but if you aren't taken seriously, shop around. Someone out there is right for you and will take what you say at face value.

Good luck.

Quote from: Arch on September 07, 2008, 12:25:05 AM
Lane, if your therapist is anything like mine, s/he'll see you for what you are--the pansy etc. In my first session, I said that I was a gay boy. That was it. He accepted it without challenge.

Honestly, I don't know how other therapists will react, but if you aren't taken seriously, shop around. Someone out there is right for you and will take what you say at face value.

Good luck.

Thanks. Sometimes I think

IF TRANS, LEATHER YES/NO
IF NO, B-BOY

And well.... I get nervous!

Haha. I would buy a leather motorcycle jacket if I could afford it. And I can bboy too. But I'm such a gay boy, except I'm only bi-curious haha. I analyze everyones outfits/hairstyles, I can probably do the whole gay boy makeover. And I have so many girly moments. I'm such a contradiction. It's great.

;D

Quote from: freespeechz on September 07, 2008, 01:08:14 AM
Haha. I would buy a leather motorcycle jacket if I could afford it. And I can bboy too. But I'm such a gay boy, except I'm only bi-curious haha. I analyze everyones outfits/hairstyles, I can probably do the whole gay boy makeover. And I have so many girly moments. I'm such a contradiction. It's great.

;D

Oh good.

I've been worried about that as well. Not because they'd think I'm too femmy (I'm pretty androgynous) but because I don't fit the model of how a "real transsexual" should be like, how a "real man" should be, what things I "should" like or not like etc. For example, I was very girly as a kid, I wouldn't mind wearing dresses if I had a male body, I don't want a dick, I don't give a zark about trying to act like a man "should" or being a macho man and so on.

I'm sure there are many who would believe I'm not "real" and that I'm just completely barmy. I think, though, that a good therapist would, as Arch pointed out, see you for who you are, not as a "real transsexual" or "fake transsexual" or try to push you into some little box according to their criteria. I would lie if I had to, but I'm hoping that won't be necessary.

The thing is, being an effeminate guy is (or should be) no different, in terms of gender identification, than a girl being a tomboy. She doesn't see herself as any less a woman because she pursues (typically) masculine endeavours than an effeminate guy would see himself a man. I would hope that a lot of therapists have the common sense to see that.

Heck, if the world worked like that then we might as well tell all the women in soccer, rugby, vehicle maintenance, and bodybuilding to go away and take up flower arranging, social networking, volleyball, hockey and high fashion... and then tell all the guys doing those things to move their butts and replace them... because nether is 'supposed' to be able to do what they're doing. ::) Of course doing that would just be silly.

I think that the overriding concern should be how you feel in terms of familiarity, comfort and security, within the confines of your own body rather than what you choose to do with the one you have. If you identify as male, and that is who your self-image is when you look inside yourself... then you're male. Simple as that. Likewise if you identify as female, and that is what every fiber of your being tells you, then you're female. There's very little debate on the matter.

Very few men and women fit the stereotype of what 'real men' or 'real women' are supposed to be. Both are, in my opinion, social constructs composed of idealised notions and assumptions that have very little basis in reality. Ask a hundred people what constitutes a man and a woman, I bet you'd get close to a hundred different answers.

More likely, I believe, is that all men and women are 'real' men and women, because there's no alternative but to be just that. You can live a lie for so long, but eventually it is shown to be just that, and the 'real' you is the only thing you can be.

The truth lies within each individual as to who they are. :)

I would think that a therapist would have the insight to see that. And if not, they shouldn't be doing the job.

Quote from: Ciarquin on September 07, 2008, 02:21:36 AM
I've been worried about that as well. Not because they'd think I'm too femmy (I'm pretty androgynous) but because I don't fit the model of how a "real transsexual" should be like, how a "real man" should be, what things I "should" like or not like etc. For example, I was very girly as a kid, I wouldn't mind wearing dresses if I had a male body, I don't want a dick, I don't give a zark about trying to act like a man "should" or being a macho man and so on.

I'm sure there are many who would believe I'm not "real" and that I'm just completely barmy. I think, though, that a good therapist would, as Arch pointed out, see you for who you are, not as a "real transsexual" or "fake transsexual" or try to push you into some little box according to their criteria. I would lie if I had to, but I'm hoping that won't be necessary.

Well I believe you-- I am SO looking forward to T so i can wear makeup and stuff and have it look *right* instead of like a girl!!!!

Posted on: September 07, 2008, 06:20:41 PM

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Quote from: Leiandra on September 07, 2008, 02:57:49 AM
The thing is, being an effeminate guy is (or should be) no different, in terms of gender identification, than a girl being a tomboy. She doesn't see herself as any less a woman because she pursues (typically) masculine endeavours than an effeminate guy would see himself a man. I would hope that a lot of therapists have the common sense to see that.

Heck, if the world worked like that then we might as well tell all the women in soccer, rugby, vehicle maintenance, and bodybuilding to go away and take up flower arranging, social networking, volleyball, hockey and high fashion... and then tell all the guys doing those things to move their butts and replace them... because nether is 'supposed' to be able to do what they're doing. ::) Of course doing that would just be silly.

I think that the overriding concern should be how you feel in terms of familiarity, comfort and security, within the confines of your own body rather than what you choose to do with the one you have. If you identify as male, and that is who your self-image is when you look inside yourself... then you're male. Simple as that. Likewise if you identify as female, and that is what every fiber of your being tells you, then you're female. There's very little debate on the matter.

Very few men and women fit the stereotype of what 'real men' or 'real women' are supposed to be. Both are, in my opinion, social constructs composed of idealised notions and assumptions that have very little basis in reality. Ask a hundred people what constitutes a man and a woman, I bet you'd get close to a hundred different answers.

More likely, I believe, is that all men and women are 'real' men and women, because there's no alternative but to be just that. You can live a lie for so long, but eventually it is shown to be just that, and the 'real' you is the only thing you can be.

The truth lies within each individual as to who they are. :)

I would think that a therapist would have the insight to see that. And if not, they shouldn't be doing the job.

Thank you; this is great comfort. I have been in therapy most of my life and got condemned and given every diagnosis but the right one. Safe to say, trust is low.

Great post, Leiandra. That's something I've always believed but you put it much better than I could. I don't think there is any "real" way to be transsexual, a man, woman or anything else for that matter, but unfortunately many of the "experts" believe otherwise.

Quote from: iFindMeHere on September 07, 2008, 06:22:59 PM
I have been in therapy most of my life and got condemned and given every diagnosis but the right one. Safe to say, trust is low.

I've had the same experience, only with doctors rather than therapists. When you've been called "depressed," told straight to your face that you are faking it and had insulting things written about you in medical journals it's pretty darn difficult to have any trust left.

TransNormative?  There is no such thing.  Believe me, more than half the time I've sat through various trans functions I leave thinking to myself, "I am nothing like anyone in the room.  Why do I keep going to these things???"

Based on where you live in the country and where these therapist referrals may be coming from, I find it highly unlikely that you will encounter such a therapist.  Someone isn't trans because they scratch and spit and swagger- someone is trans because there's a physical disparity that needs some fixin'. 

Just keep swimming..  (and breathing!)

*hugs* thanks.