Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey everyone.

I'm a new comer here.

The question I want to ask is: how do you manage to deal with being generally viewed as women?

I'm nineteen now and my biological sex is female, but I have always been perceiving myself as a man. Sometimes I just break down... I can't even have shower without feeling disgusted by my own so strikingly feminine body...

How do you all cope with such things?..

Therapy!  ;D

And transitioning.

Some of us (ehem, like ME, LOL) stuffed the feelings for decades, tried like crazy to fit in to the female mode and failed, only to figure out that the whole problem of discomfort with body/self stemmed from the fact that gee, we're not women!  DUH!!  Okay, so I'm a little slow on the uptake. ::)

Find a good gender therapist and start there.  If you're more comfortable presenting as male, then buying some guy clothes can help a lot.

Jay

It's crazy how I(you) see yourself, rather than others. Not as much now, being I've been on T almost 6 months, but I KNOW I have a babyface, I KNOW I have/had very feminine hips, short stature etc. But the more you build up your own confidence, the easier it is to look in the mirror and see superman. It's crazy how insecure, yet vain I can be all in the same sense.
If you haven't already, I agree with Jay. Go out, buy some new clothes, try a different hairstyle, whatever you can to help yourself cope. And understand there's thousands of us in the same boat as you.

I'm lucky. I don't have to deal with that-- much.

Instead, people ask me, "why are you so small?" Today someone asked if i had a delayed puberty. I said yes. It's true no matter  how I look at it. I had a delayed female puberty and I was deprived of my male one.

 sneakersjay said it all.

hey hi welcome!

Lane

I don't know, I never really saw myself as a woman.

I know that sounds silly, considering I had all the requisite parts...   but I was always just me.  I didn't have much to slough off, really.

how did i deal with being viewed as a woman?  I tried to kill myself slowly.  Then once i knew there was a way out it was therapy.

Really its hard to "deal" with it.  Only since I started T and my voice dropped have i been able to leave all that pain and anxiety pretty much behind.  So transitioning helped me deal with it by getting rid of it.

The body part... i'm taking steps to make it mine as much as possible.

Quote from: Stranger on September 16, 2008, 01:15:26 PM

The question I want to ask is: how do you manage to deal with being generally viewed as women?

I don't. I can't really cope. On good days I cry because all I will ever be to the people I love is a "little girl"; on bad days I contemplate suicide. Transition is years in the future, if it is happening at all (which I doubt). Most times it's like, what's the purpose of living like this? I really have trouble seeing any point nowadays.

I keep myself busy so I have other things to think about. As for the shower deal, I just look at the ceiling instead of down. Mainly I just deal by telling myself that I will be a dropdead hot guy when I am finally in a position where I can do the things needed to pass. And those things are fairly simple, wearing a binder all the time when in public, and get a haircut. So passing doesn't seem very far away. And I don't have much of a choice but to accept it for now.

Thanks, guys! I see your points.

Unfortunately, it is impossible for me to take therapy right now, I am too young and no one will take my problem into consideration. In my country therapy and transgender operations are provided only for those who have already reached the age of twenty-one...

Yeah, I always try to wear male or unisex clothes and use male cologne. But still, no clothes can hide my physical features (especially my breasts, I completely loathe them)... As far as I can remember, nobody has ever mistaken my biological gender. Even my given name is strictly feminine. When I hear somebody calling me 'girl' (by the way, it's a common way of addressing to a young woman in Russia), I just want to kill myself... For years I was trying to hide, repress and even destroy my true nature, but the older I grow, the more powerful it becomes. So, you know, my greatest dream is to wake up one morning being a boy - a quite normal teenage boy that I am deep inside...

You're amoung friends, stranger. You're amoung friends.

Privyet, Stranger. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Can you try to live "one day at a time" for now? Unfortunately, that was too ambitious for me--I came out this summer, and for awhile, I was living one or two hours at a time. You do what works.

Things are getting better for me, but I am very fortunate to be in therapy with someone who helps me tremendously. If you can't take steps to get into counseling now, then you must do what you can. Dress as a male, bind your chest, maybe work on your voice (I don't know if there's much you can do about that). If you need to lose weight, start working on that. Can you change your name yet? Or at least adopt a masculine nickname?

See if you can find other people like you, maybe a support group in your city. Stay busy if you can, educate yourself, and do everything you can to get ready for that first step when you reach twenty-one. Figure out what your worst hangups are, and try to think of different strategies for dealing with them. Ask around. Some of us have some pretty good coping mechanisms.

And one more thing. In some ways, your age might be working against you. You might not have learned true patience yet, but now is the time to start cultivating that asset. Remember that you have your whole life ahead of you; and if you look at the big picture, you don't have that long to wait. Take the long view. That's what I'm trying to do--and I'm a lot older than you!--but I think it helps.

You can get through the next couple of years. It might not be easy, but you can do it. Keep coming here. We'll help you to stay afloat. And never, never forget that there are thousands of guys out there like you. You are not alone. That knowledge always makes me feel better, so I hope it helps you, too.

Thank you, Arch, I really appreciate it!

I don't have to lose weight, I'm quite slim now. Yes, I try dressing as a male most of the time and even working on my voice in order to make it sound more manly. I also try to keep myself busy all the time. I study at the University and work as a translator and a lecturer in English. Sometimes I even manage to forget about my biological gender, which is great!

Unfortunately, I can't change my name yet; but you may call me Adrian or simply Ad - that is the name I commonly use on the Web.

I hope everything will work out very well for you and for other guys! ;)