Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Crap... I've got a crush alright. This one's really dangerous. She's only 13! To make matters worse, I knew that when I met her. I at least knew that she was young and in early high school. But you know, a crush isn't really love. It's like this thing where you are pining over someone uncontrollably... I felt like something was swelling inside of me and my face was burning with it. I couldn't help but think about holding her in my arms... Kissing her on that soft part of her face right by her ear... I shivered with an intense passion. But I had to suppress that. I can't proceed with this! There's just no way. I'm 5 years older than her!  The poor girl. She's got an old man preying on her...!

But my God. I seriously can't get over this girl. She's intelligent, cute, different, sweet, understanding, curious... UGH! She's amazing.

Edit: I really need to stop calling this person a girl, though. Xie's an androgyne... but xie doesn't mind being called a "she."

whoa dude. robbing the cradle, aren't you? the youngest i've had is 14.

i think the best thing to do is assault her with compliments, go REALLY over the top with them. Write slightly off-metre poetry, really camp on her doorstop and if she says no, to get all violent and aggressive and then if she still says no to then promise you'll be friendly, even though you've proved you can't be. After that comes the pleading.

or you could not of course and leave well alone, most people stop being different, understanding and curious for a few years after 13.

Hmm... well, my wife is 5 years younger than me, but I'm 26, so completely different story. Check the age of consent in your state; in many states, it's 15, in which case you'd have 2 years before you could officially do anything physically. That, of course, doesn't prevent you from having a good platonic relationship with the girl. If you like her that much, be a good friend, and perhaps it will develop into more.

SD

woah... that's trouble territory.

i've found that i have crushes on unattainable people too, though not that young.

Quote from: Sebastien on September 29, 2008, 08:19:37 PMHmm... well, my wife is 5 years younger than me, but I'm 26, so completely different story. Check the age of consent in your state; in many states, it's 15, in which case you'd have 2 years before you could officially do anything physically. That, of course, doesn't prevent you from having a good platonic relationship with the girl. If you like her that much, be a good friend, and perhaps it will develop into more.

SD

LOL. It's 18 here. And there's no way the age of consent is 13 anywhere in the US. LOL.

I might be a PEDOPHILE.  :icon_eek: OMG.

Dude, you're not a pedophile unless you're thinking about all the ways you could, er, screw her. I still find younger girls attractive, but only in that they are attractive for their age. There's a huge distinction between being a predator preying on children, and someone with a crush on a person with similar interests, etc.

SD

Sounds like some rock star, "really your honor I didn't know she was only 14"  13 gets you 20 the hard way in Cali.

Quote from: tekla on September 29, 2008, 09:11:09 PMSounds like some rock star, "really your honor I didn't know she was only 14"  13 gets you 20 the hard way in Cali.

I know that. I'm not going to be an idiot and actually follow through.

Also, being biologically female has one benefit: the courts are sexist. I wouldn't get 20.

Quote from: Elwood on September 29, 2008, 09:39:44 PM

Quote from: tekla on September 29, 2008, 09:11:09 PMSounds like some rock star, "really your honor I didn't know she was only 14"  13 gets you 20 the hard way in Cali.

I know that. I'm not going to be an idiot and actually follow through.

Also, being biologically female has one benefit: the courts are sexist. I wouldn't get 20.

You would if you were "tricking her into thinking you were male."  (court lingo, not mine)

I wouldn't bet on it, not in Sonoma County, home of Polly Klass and the original To Catch a Predator shows, they are rather harsh here - sex crimes are a real big deal.  And what you have going on there is a sex crime.  Might get away with it in LA, but don't get caught in Sonoma.  I dont' think pleading to lesbianism will help your case.

And 14 is the lowest age of consent in the US, in Hawaii.  They got surfing too.

Quote from: Mister on September 29, 2008, 09:43:46 PM

Quote from: Elwood on September 29, 2008, 09:39:44 PMAlso, being biologically female has one benefit: the courts are sexist. I wouldn't get 20.

You would if you were "tricking her into thinking you were male."  (court lingo, not mine)

She knows I'm trans. In fact, she keeps calling me "she" on accident. But I know it's an accident, so it doesn't bother me.

Quote from: tekla on September 29, 2008, 09:48:11 PMI wouldn't bet on it, not in Sonoma County, home of Polly Klass and the original To Catch a Predator shows, they are rather harsh here - sex crimes are a real big deal.  And what you have going on there is a sex crime.  Might get away with it in LA, but don't get caught in Sonoma.  I dont' think pleading to lesbianism will help your case.

And 14 is the lowest age of consent in the US, in Hawaii.  They got surfing too.

To be tried for a sex crime, we'd have to actually be having sex. Which I know couldn't happen because of my dysphoria.

And I wouldn't plead lesbianism. They would require my legal name and legal sex, though.

I'm not saying she doesn't.  I'm saying it would play off that way in court.

Quote from: Mister on September 29, 2008, 09:52:11 PMI'm not saying she doesn't.  I'm saying it would play off that way in court.

Oh. Well, I don't see how having a crush means I'm going to frak her (although I do have some physical urges). I don't know about that "one thing leads to another" rule. I mean, I don't have a penis. It would be like, "Okay, we've kissed now let's... oh, that's right, I don't have a dick. You feel like ice cream?"

There is nothing wrong with ice cream.

Quote from: Mister on September 29, 2008, 09:59:44 PMThere is nothing wrong with ice cream.

Absolutely. Ice cream is wonderful. Although the weather is starting to get colder. Some warm tea might be a better choice.

Warm enough today to make me feel like I was going to overheat in my shirt & tie.  gotta love the monkey suit.

Quote from: Mister on September 29, 2008, 10:02:40 PMWarm enough today to make me feel like I was going to overheat in my shirt & tie.  gotta love the monkey suit.

Meh. I stopped trying to man it up. I look like a little Mormon when I wear fancy clothes. Not that I have anything against Mormons.

Being that you are 18, and in college, and she is 13 and in junior high (see how bad that looks already when you put it in black and white?) any contact, even contact that falls far short of sex can be seen as 'inappropriate contact' as it called in the law.  It also extends to internet conversations that might border on sex, sexuality, or sexual issues, and that includes talking - no matter how innocently, about sexual organs.

You are 18, she is five years younger.  Stop it now.

Quote from: tekla on September 29, 2008, 10:06:53 PMBeing that you are 18, and in college, and she is 13 and in junior high (see how bad that looks already when you put it in black and white?) any contact, even contact that falls far short of sex can be seen as 'inappropriate contact' as it called in the law.  It also extends to internet conversations that might border on sex, sexuality, or sexual issues, and that includes talking - no matter how innocently, about sexual organs.

You are 18, she is five years younger.  Stop it now.

Actually, I think she's in high school, and going on 14. Not that it makes the situation any better.

Trust me, I don't think she'll ever be interested in me. Heck, she was talking about her sexual preference and I don't think we'd mesh. She likes to give pleasure more than she likes to receive it. I feel that way too. We'd lack chemistry. Although, she also expressed that sexual chemistry isn't he major priority. But overall, she's young, and I don't consider her a legal risk and much as I consider her an emotional risk. I'd hate to hurt her.

All I have to say, little brother is WWJB?  Wally Wally Jail Bait. 13 will get you 20

Quote from: Janet Lynn on September 29, 2008, 10:17:08 PMAll I have to say, little brother is WWJB?  Wally Wally Jail Bait. 13 will get you 20

LOL. Phew. Okay, this is getting kind of scary. I think I'll ask my therapist what I can do to suppress any potential urges I might have with this girl... >_>;; Why'd I have to crush on the youngest person I know?

A crush is only that... a crush. They all don't lead up to something.

I wouldn't worry too hard about it, it's only infatuation.

because she's unattainable... exact same reason why someone would have a crush on a married woman. 

the fact that she knows what gives her pleasure at such a young age concerns me. 

Oh come on, folks. He thinks she's cute. He has a crush. He's not planning on screwing her or tying her up in a basement or making her rub lotion on her skin or else she gets the hose....

Stop making the poor guy feel like a sociopath. Dan, you have a crush. You're a rational guy. You don't need therapy. You just know what you're attracted to. Now, if you start getting urges to rape or kill this person, ya know... that's bad. But that's not even the discussion!

People take things WAY too seriously.

SD

I think we've all had crushes on someone we knew was the wrong person. Unless you have major problems with self control, or begin to seriously pursue a relationship with them it shouldn't be a problem.

Usually the more you worry about it or think about how wrong it is the longer these things linger. Crushes are simply a phase, your interest in her will diminish or shift into a comfortable friendship.

my uncle was 18 and my auntie 13 when they started going out. they're still together.

Quote from: Nero on September 29, 2008, 07:52:27 PM
whoa dude. robbing the cradle, aren't you? the youngest i've had is 14.

The youngest I had was 19! The oldest 40! Im 21 now ;)


There is nothing wrong with a crush dude.. just be extremly careful.

Quote from: Sebastien on September 30, 2008, 12:07:58 AMOh come on, folks. He thinks she's cute. He has a crush. He's not planning on screwing her or tying her up in a basement or making her rub lotion on her skin or else she gets the hose....

Stop making the poor guy feel like a sociopath. Dan, you have a crush. You're a rational guy. You don't need therapy. You just know what you're attracted to. Now, if you start getting urges to rape or kill this person, ya know... that's bad. But that's not even the discussion!

People take things WAY too seriously.

SD

Yeah... I think people just enjoy ravishing in things like this... jumping to conclusions and getting overexcited.

The only urge I really have is to ask her out on a date and get to know her better... but I'm pretty sure that's innappropriate.

If it makes you feel any better El, I have a HUGE man-crush on my ex uncle-in-law. Of course, nothing would or could EVER possibly happen there, but I still follow him around like a lost puppy when he comes over. Perhaps what you have with this girl is the same. Your heart will let you know, stop thinking so hard about it and just listen, it'll let you know.

Quote from: Elwood on September 29, 2008, 10:05:52 PM

Quote from: Mister on September 29, 2008, 10:02:40 PMWarm enough today to make me feel like I was going to overheat in my shirt & tie.  gotta love the monkey suit.

Meh. I stopped trying to man it up. I look like a little Mormon when I wear fancy clothes. Not that I have anything against Mormons.

Oh, I wasn't doing my best Mormon impression, I was going to work.  In an office.  Y'know, dress code. ...   blech.

I'm pretty sure that's innappropriate.

Pretty sure?  Not certain?  Get a grip Mary.

A COLLEGE GUY (or girl) DATING A JUNIOR HIGH GIRL IS WRONG.

And I live here, high school is 3, not 4 years, and even at that 13, (going on 14, like that makes a difference, how lame) is JUNIOR HIGH. 

And, just in case you don't really get it.  If I were her father (and I've raised kids, so I'm pretty sure about this) I'd be having a hard time deciding if I should call the police or take care of it myself.  If I were her older brother (and I have been, so I know this for sure), I would not even bother with the po-po. I'd get a couple of my pals and make sure you don't ever make this mistake again.  Clear enough.

I gotta say, as a lawyer who's defended guys in this situation, it's not a smart one to get yourself into, exactly for the reasons Tekla described. An 18 year old in my town just got killed for getting inappropriate with a 13 year old girl. Her brother went after him with a baseball bat. And we're not talking sexual assault here, we're talking inappropriate touching.

And if there isn't a brother or father with vengeance on his mind, you can be assured that the courts take any kind of touching of a 13 year old girl or boy very seriously.

Your choice though, but I'd get legal counsel and find out what the laws are where you live, and how much time you're facing. Then you can make an informed choice.

Dennis

Well Dennis, here in Sonoma County California, its a big deal.  We had an abduction, very brutal, very tragic, of a young girl named Polly Klass, see:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polly_Klaas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polly_Klaas)

for the bare bones account, but lot of other, much more graphic discussions exist on the net.  It shocked and horrified what is a pretty much upper income area.  So they took steps to stop such things. 

To that degree, the agreed with MSNBC to serve as an example, so the entire first season of "To Catch a Predator" was done in Petaluma, in Sonoma County.  In the current Sonoma County, I could get busted with a pound of pot and walk, but sexual crimes involving a minor are not EVER plea bargained.  Never.  As a standard policy of the county attorney. 

And what's even worse than having her family find you?  Doing 10-20 years in a woman's prison for violating young girls.  Most people don't live past two years in that deal.

Yep, it's a huge deal here too. Canadian sentences don't tend to be as long as US sentences, but it's among the more serious crimes, and you'd be on the Sex Offender's Registry which would pretty well screw your chances of getting a job, travelling, or doing anything else except living with a stigma. And even if a girl lies about her age and says she's over the age of consent, you're SOL because it's your responsibility to ensure the age.

Dennis

I've often in my career had to be 'the jerk' which is the guy who stands outside the tour bus and checks IDs.  Sorry.  But its true, you must be this old to ride, kind of thing.

And at 13, even going on 14, its going to be real hard - because the prosecution would dress her up to be even younger, I know I would - to say, 'well your honor, she looked like she was 23 or whatever."

I'm sure you would too.  It just a standard tactic.

And in the US, as in Canada as you say, it follows you forever, hell, all sex offenders in California are on several different web sites.  You never lose that tag.

Uhmm. I think it's safe to assume Elwood is not planning to abduct/rape/etc her. It's just a crush, just make sure you don't act on it.

Quote from: freespeechz on October 01, 2008, 05:57:37 PM
Uhmm. I think it's safe to assume Elwood is not planning to abduct/rape/etc her. It's just a crush, just make sure you don't act on it.

I don't think you guys are getting what constitutes a sex crime. I'm talking about touching, kissing, affection. That can brand you as a child molester for life.

Dennis

Even talking about how much you want a penis to a 13 year old in the US is a sex crime.

And, as long as you've gone there Free,

I think that people are attracted to equals.  Equal age, equal mental levels, equal life values and all that.

So, you have two choices here.  One, if this is an attraction of equals, then Ellwood is about 13 when it comes to emotional/mental age.  Oh, don't like that.  Well if El is really an 18 year old, looking to date (his word) a 13 year old, then he is a predator, a much older person looking to exploit a person with much less experience and much less aware person.

Neither matter, if El is just at a mental age of 13, and his attraction to 13 year olds is therefore natural - it does not matter under the law.

Quote from: James-Allen on October 01, 2008, 01:33:19 PMIf it makes you feel any better El, I have a HUGE man-crush on my ex uncle-in-law. Of course, nothing would or could EVER possibly happen there, but I still follow him around like a lost puppy when he comes over. Perhaps what you have with this girl is the same. Your heart will let you know, stop thinking so hard about it and just listen, it'll let you know.

Well, I too would have crushes on guys way too old for me. That's before I had dysphoria, though. I can't really see a penis without wanting to cry now. He's just got it-- lucky him all natural like-- and I've got to have surgery to get mine... and chances are they'll put it where the clitoris is (too low!)...

Posted on: October 01, 2008, 08:22:59 pm

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Quote from: tekla on October 01, 2008, 04:36:20 PM
I'm pretty sure that's innappropriate.

Pretty sure?  Not certain?  Get a grip Mary.

A COLLEGE GUY (or girl) DATING A JUNIOR HIGH GIRL IS WRONG.

And I live here, high school is 3, not 4 years, and even at that 13, (going on 14, like that makes a difference, how lame) is JUNIOR HIGH. 

And, just in case you don't really get it.  If I were her father (and I've raised kids, so I'm pretty sure about this) I'd be having a hard time deciding if I should call the police or take care of it myself.  If I were her older brother (and I have been, so I know this for sure), I would not even bother with the po-po. I'd get a couple of my pals and make sure you don't ever make this mistake again.  Clear enough.

That isn't going to change how I feel. You can threaten me all you want.

Posted on: October 01, 2008, 08:24:29 pm

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Quote from: Dennis on October 01, 2008, 05:59:28 PM

Quote from: freespeechz on October 01, 2008, 05:57:37 PM
Uhmm. I think it's safe to assume Elwood is not planning to abduct/rape/etc her. It's just a crush, just make sure you don't act on it.

I don't think you guys are getting what constitutes a sex crime. I'm talking about touching, kissing, affection. That can brand you as a child molester for life.

Dennis

I guess it's good that she has no interest in me then, right? I just don't think there's any way she ever would.

My daughter IS 14.  Listen to Tekla and Dennis.

Jay

*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

It just comes down to not acting on it.

Don't make the crush any bigger of a deal than it already is. You're infatuated with a 13 year old girl, yes, but it doesn't mean you're going to act on your feelings. Not every crush is acted on and not every crush leads to something... the worst you can do, at least in my opinion, is to dwell on it and make it something huge when it could be potentially harmless. You have self control and I know you're smart.

A lot of people have been posting the consequences of getting with this girl and I think you already know all that by now. I think people are blowing this out of proportion because unless you are actually thinking on acting on it, I see no real issue. The crush could be gone in a few weeks or a few months, but by dwelling on it and actually blowing this thing up even more is going to make it even harder to deal with and make it even longer to get over.

I know it's hard not to think about it, but try not to pay attention to it.

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM
*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

If it this is just a crush on someone who happens to be 13 then I wouldn't worry about it. Liking one 13-year-old doesn't make you a pedophile. In fact your worry about it is probably heightening the attraction and making it seem worse than it is.

As I said before, don't worry about it and it'll pass. The more you worry about it the longer this is gonna drag on.

Though, also as stated above, as you are much older than her you have a responsibility. If you're unsure that you can be responsible enough to not pursue anything with her, including if she does return your feelings, then it'd probably be best for you to break all ties with her.

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM
*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

Stop talking about sex with her (you said she talks about her preferences).  That's huge.  Keep it platonic and not about anything you wouldn't want your parents hearing.

You can be friends with a younger girl; it crosses the line when you start talking about body parts and sex and preferences, even if you never touch.

Jay

I'd personally, be weary of even being "friends" with a 13 yr old girl at the age of 13. Especially being as you have a "crush" on her, I don't think having a crush is that big of a deal, granted she may be very mature for her age, but she's still, 13.
What do you do about it? Keep your eye open for another cool, down to earth girl, closer to your age.

Quote from: sneakersjay on October 01, 2008, 11:06:34 PM

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

Stop talking about sex with her (you said she talks about her preferences).  That's huge.  Keep it platonic and not about anything you wouldn't want your parents hearing.

You can be friends with a younger girl; it crosses the line when you start talking about body parts and sex and preferences, even if you never touch.

Jay

I guess, but see, someone else was talking about sex (I wasn't alone with her) and she wanted to add her opinion in. I wasn't having this one-on-one "what do you like" sort of conversation. In fact, my sexual preference was never brought into the conversation. I thought it would be stupid for a virgin to have input.

Posted on: October 02, 2008, 06:02:41 am

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Quote from: GQjoey on October 01, 2008, 11:54:22 PMI'd personally, be weary of even being "friends" with a 13 yr old girl at the age of 13. Especially being as you have a "crush" on her, I don't think having a crush is that big of a deal, granted she may be very mature for her age, but she's still, 13.
What do you do about it? Keep your eye open for another cool, down to earth girl, closer to your age.

That's actually one of the problems. Girls that are closer to my age are "smart enough" to know what a real penis is like. They're not interested in a guy that doesn't have a dick.

Not that this other girl isn't smart. She just doesn't hold it at very high importance. But she isn't a lesbian either. It's hard to find people like that. But I don't think that's why I crushed on her. I had the feeling the second I saw her, before I even knew her name.

A girl who cares too much about whether I have a penis or not wouldn't be a girl I'd want even if I was biomale in my opinion.

I know it's hard to think there are people out there who don't mind and will understand, but they do exist. I've dated one before and I know Charlesasher has a video on it on youtube.

Give yourself a little more credit in that department. I know there are a lot of people here that are very dysphoric about their genitals and you're one of them, but I think sometimes we obsess too much on it. People in general are attracted to others with confidence and those who act secure about their femininity or masculinity, right? If some girl or guy doesn't want to be with you because of what you have or don't have between your legs then they probably aren't someone who would be that accepting of other trans aspects. You want someone to understand you and your transition, not someone who will be focused on what parts you do or don't have. And yes, they do exist and I know that they do.

You'll find someone. Biomales and biofemales don't always find 'the one' person right away either.

It's true, you'll find someone.  My lady dates only FTMs, so you're definitely not going to be sexless as long as you remain dickless.  I think there is an issue with your statement that 13 year olds don't yet have the definition of man = penis.  They do.  Three year olds know that boys have penises, thirteen year olds know, thirty year olds know.  Besides, before you start counting people out.. shouldn't you give them a shot?

hey el, about your penis comment, I understand how you feel : / but I'm only into guys XD so it's bio penis or no go. As I understand it, though, they cut all the skin and what not/ release the clit from where it is atm. They put it in the right spot, I've never seen a phallo that is too low.

ACK!!!!!!!!! You're NOT a pedophile!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sure don't get the notion that 'having the right eqipment' is going to make you the super stud, or super slit, of all other studs and slits.  Ain't happening.  All having a penis will do for a guy that is not up to snuff on pleasing women is make him one more guy with a dick and no idea how to use it.

And yeah, an 18 year old having explicit discussions with a 13 year old girl is close enough to being a pedophile that the law will not make a distinction.

Quote from: Elwood on October 02, 2008, 08:05:41 AM

Quote from: sneakersjay on October 01, 2008, 11:06:34 PM

Quote from: Elwood on October 01, 2008, 10:35:19 PM*SIGH*
So can we go back to the question I asked before?

What do I DO about this? Can a therapist help me? I mean, maybe we can *assume* it's pedophilia. Maybe there's a treatment?

Stop talking about sex with her (you said she talks about her preferences).  That's huge.  Keep it platonic and not about anything you wouldn't want your parents hearing.

You can be friends with a younger girl; it crosses the line when you start talking about body parts and sex and preferences, even if you never touch.

Jay

I guess, but see, someone else was talking about sex (I wasn't alone with her) and she wanted to add her opinion in. I wasn't having this one-on-one "what do you like" sort of conversation. In fact, my sexual preference was never brought into the conversation. I thought it would be stupid for a virgin to have input.

Posted on: October 02, 2008, 06:02:41 am

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Quote from: GQjoey on October 01, 2008, 11:54:22 PMI'd personally, be weary of even being "friends" with a 13 yr old girl at the age of 13. Especially being as you have a "crush" on her, I don't think having a crush is that big of a deal, granted she may be very mature for her age, but she's still, 13.
What do you do about it? Keep your eye open for another cool, down to earth girl, closer to your age.

That's actually one of the problems. Girls that are closer to my age are "smart enough" to know what a real penis is like. They're not interested in a guy that doesn't have a dick.

Not that this other girl isn't smart. She just doesn't hold it at very high importance. But she isn't a lesbian either. It's hard to find people like that. But I don't think that's why I crushed on her. I had the feeling the second I saw her, before I even knew her name.

The comment about girls your age, not being interested in a guy without a dick. I'm going to have to call bs. I've met PLENTY of girls, my age now (25) and back then (18) who were totally cool with me being trans, and having a prosthetic. It really comes down to confidence, and how YOU feel about not having the "real thing". You'd be amazed at how many "straight" females, don't care about what you have downstairs, as long as you can stimulate them mentally, and physically as it comes into play. But the physical isn't on the top of their list.

Quote from: GQjoey on October 07, 2008, 01:26:54 AMIt really comes down to confidence

This is very true; the reason for many inapproptiate crushes on younger people, whether pedophiles, college students intimidated by the fish in their particular pond, middle-aged men running off with their 20-something assistants, or Bill Clinton.

No, I don't think you're a pedophile, Dan; I just think you're not ready for a serious relationship.

To be honest since starting T all the girls I have attracted are 18 or 19.. perhaps because I look so young, they think I am there age when in reality I am 21 and mentally about 32 so it jus doesn't happen. I prefer older women generally I like women at the youngest 25. I just have more in common with older women and they generally know what they are looking for and what they want and are sumwhat stable.

Elwood your not a pedophile you just have a crush just make sure you do nothing about it!

Quote from: Elwood on October 02, 2008, 08:05:41 AM
That's actually one of the problems. Girls that are closer to my age are "smart enough" to know what a real penis is like. They're not interested in a guy that doesn't have a dick.

Not that this other girl isn't smart. She just doesn't hold it at very high importance. But she isn't a lesbian either. It's hard to find people like that. But I don't think that's why I crushed on her. I had the feeling the second I saw her, before I even knew her name.

I could honestly use a dose or two of your self doubt, Dan. No joke.

While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AM
While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

Of course it's going to be interactive and thrilling, for you, I, and majority of other trans guys. If you see yourself as being "second rate" to any bio guy simply because of a dick, you're going to sell yourself short the rest of your life.

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AM
While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

I know man. And you'll do what you need to do. You're one of the guys with severe bottom dysphoria and I honestly hope you can find a surgery that will alleviate that.

But you've got to quit relating it to your chances of finding partners. You're a highly intelligent, charismatic guy whom plenty of peeps of any gender would love to date.
And remember that we didn't choose to be born this way.

Most women I know would assert that the "real thing" often fails to be terribly "interactive" or "thrilling" at all.

Yeh man I agree with Joey, I wouldn't even be transitioning now if I always thought about how 'second-rate' or incomparable I'd be! Gotta take the bone thrown to ya because that's all you get for dinner.

Quote from: GQjoey on October 07, 2008, 10:47:43 AM

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AM
While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

Of course it's going to be interactive and thrilling, for you, I, and majority of other trans guys. If you see yourself as being "second rate" to any bio guy simply because of a dick, you're going to sell yourself short the rest of your life.

WELL SAID.

*sigh*

I know guys whose thoughts and impulses reside largely in their pants. They may have dicks, but a large majority are dicks. It's so off-putting, from both male and female points of view. :-\

You're inferior to no-one, none of you guys are.

Love, sexual intimacy and attraction takes many forms, only one of which is phallic.

If the chemistry is real then it doesn't matter if the lab equipment isn't. ;)

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AM
While we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

I have been hiding this for a long time too. I feel second rate and there is no way.. not having one in my view is "alright"

Quote from: Nero on October 07, 2008, 10:47:51 AM

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AMWhile we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

I know man. And you'll do what you need to do. You're one of the guys with severe bottom dysphoria and I honestly hope you can find a surgery that will alleviate that.

But you've got to quit relating it to your chances of finding partners. You're a highly intelligent, charismatic guy whom plenty of peeps of any gender would love to date.
And remember that we didn't choose to be born this way.

To make matters worse, I'm working with a therapist with an awesome reputation but he tells me just not to think about it. He doesn't really have any solutions. The surgeries suck and testosterone is only going to give me a big clit.

Quote from: Elwood on October 14, 2008, 11:10:47 AM

Quote from: Nero on October 07, 2008, 10:47:51 AM

Quote from: Elwood on October 07, 2008, 10:05:15 AMWhile we're on the fake dick topic, I personally know from the anatomy of a real penis verses a prosthetic that the real thing is likely to be more interactive and thrilling... I don't want to be second-rate.

I know man. And you'll do what you need to do. You're one of the guys with severe bottom dysphoria and I honestly hope you can find a surgery that will alleviate that.

But you've got to quit relating it to your chances of finding partners. You're a highly intelligent, charismatic guy whom plenty of peeps of any gender would love to date.
And remember that we didn't choose to be born this way.

To make matters worse, I'm working with a therapist with an awesome reputation but he tells me just not to think about it. He doesn't really have any solutions. The surgeries suck and testosterone is only going to give me a big clit.

That sucks. Have you told him you've tried to forget about it already?

Yeah. But he says that worrying about it doesn't help, so logically I shouldn't.

I wanted to say, "I'm a man, so logically, I ought to have a penis."

But I didn't want to argue...

Maybe, in a sense, he has a point -- though he's certainly not putting it in the best way.

The serenity prayer (the part about having the serenity to accept what can't change) seems to apply. We all have suffered great loss in our lives, and dwelling on the loss can often just drag us down even more. But figuring out how not to dwell isn't easy at all. I certainly haven't figured it out.

Quote from: Elwood on October 14, 2008, 12:09:32 PM
Yeah. But he says that worrying about it doesn't help, so logically I shouldn't.

I wanted to say, "I'm a man, so logically, I ought to have a penis."

But I didn't want to argue...

So a guy who's lost his penis (due to accident or disease or something) is now a woman?

The worrying about it never goes away with some guys. I've found it has got worse after being on T for over 2 years and having chest surgery to be honest.

My GF has no issues with me not having anything in the trouser department. It's just me that sees it as an issue.

I'm looking into lower surgery but as Elwood has said the options aren't great. I think it's probably more stressful for transmen looking for a partner rather than those who already have one but I still feel I'm lacking in the bedroom department even though I'm told that i'm not, it makes no difference to the male brain.

I'm pretty sure there won't be a perfect solution, at least in my lifetime. You younger guys may be ok with stem cell research progressing the way it is though.

 :icon_hug: snowdoggy