Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Terra on October 20, 2008, 12:15:12 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Out to roommate or not?
Post by: Terra on October 20, 2008, 12:15:12 AM
Post by: Terra on October 20, 2008, 12:15:12 AM
Well on the home front things are just getting nastier and nastier. I've been looking at a new roommate situation and trying to find someone to room with. Problem is that she is a girl, and might not be to willing to rent with a trans woman.
So your advice, should I come out to her or just live as myself and hope for the best and her not noticing?
So your advice, should I come out to her or just live as myself and hope for the best and her not noticing?
Title: Re: Out to roommate or not?
Post by: findingreason on October 20, 2008, 12:26:51 AM
Post by: findingreason on October 20, 2008, 12:26:51 AM
Hi Terra,
I'm sorry things aren't going well for you right now.
I can sympathize with you so much right now, I'm in a situation where I may have little choice but to come out to an SO I'm moving in with.
How well do you know her? Do you know if she is open minded or not?
Myself, in my situation, I will be coming out so that I can spare the issue of the others finding out the hard way, and creating a great deal of grief on both of our parts. I don't know how it will be for you or not, so I don't really know what to say here, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry things aren't going well for you right now.
I can sympathize with you so much right now, I'm in a situation where I may have little choice but to come out to an SO I'm moving in with.
How well do you know her? Do you know if she is open minded or not?
Myself, in my situation, I will be coming out so that I can spare the issue of the others finding out the hard way, and creating a great deal of grief on both of our parts. I don't know how it will be for you or not, so I don't really know what to say here, I'm sorry.
Title: Re: Out to roommate or not?
Post by: funnygrl on October 20, 2008, 12:28:43 AM
Post by: funnygrl on October 20, 2008, 12:28:43 AM
depends on how your going to keep her from noticing anything? are you on HRT yet? I ask because after awhile you start acting feminine without even noticing. Are you planning on telling her you're gay?
My roommate is also M2F, maybe you could look for a roommate with the same issues? Find a support group in you're area and wait and see.
Hope that helps, if just a little anyway :P
-Heather
My roommate is also M2F, maybe you could look for a roommate with the same issues? Find a support group in you're area and wait and see.
Hope that helps, if just a little anyway :P
-Heather
Title: Re: Out to roommate or not?
Post by: TamTam on October 20, 2008, 12:37:47 AM
Post by: TamTam on October 20, 2008, 12:37:47 AM
You could always try to ask questions to gauge how open-minded she is.
Last year I was roommates with a very conservative Christian, and I was terrified she'd freak out when she found out I'm gay. Turns out, she was perfectly fine with it. :D So, you never know.
You could always throw out a statement.. I don't know, mention something in the media. Something like "Have you heard of that transwoman on America's Next Top Model? What do you think, I think she's pretty." And see what her reaction is. If it's one of disgust or disbelief, well, you have more of an idea of where to go from there, while still not putting yourself in any danger just yet. :) And if she says something like "yeah, she is pretty," then you know she at least doesn't have a problem with it.. which makes it much more likely she'll be fine with having a trans roommate.
Last year I was roommates with a very conservative Christian, and I was terrified she'd freak out when she found out I'm gay. Turns out, she was perfectly fine with it. :D So, you never know.
You could always throw out a statement.. I don't know, mention something in the media. Something like "Have you heard of that transwoman on America's Next Top Model? What do you think, I think she's pretty." And see what her reaction is. If it's one of disgust or disbelief, well, you have more of an idea of where to go from there, while still not putting yourself in any danger just yet. :) And if she says something like "yeah, she is pretty," then you know she at least doesn't have a problem with it.. which makes it much more likely she'll be fine with having a trans roommate.
Title: Re: Out to roommate or not?
Post by: Imadique on October 20, 2008, 12:51:27 AM
Post by: Imadique on October 20, 2008, 12:51:27 AM
I used to go to great lengths to keep it a secret from my housemate until one day she found out. She really wasn't fussed at all and I regretted not telling her sooner. I'd say be open and honest from the start, it's less stress on you and you may be surprised to find out she doesn't really care. If she does have a problem with it then at least that way you'd avoid the ugly confrontation later on.
Title: Re: Out to roommate or not?
Post by: trapthavok on October 20, 2008, 06:16:47 PM
Post by: trapthavok on October 20, 2008, 06:16:47 PM
I asked my roommates before I moved in because I am still in transition. I was straight up with them -- it's an apartment full of girls -- and said that I was going to be Nathaniel full time in January, and I will still be living here so...I wanted people to be comfortable with my living there.
One of them said they didn't agree with my transitioning but didn't care if I lived there or not (who is she, my mother?)
So it won't be a complete shock to them when I come back with a pretty much shaved head and Nate as my legal name... I think it's better this way. They know up front, there will be no surprises, and I don't have to hide anything
One of them said they didn't agree with my transitioning but didn't care if I lived there or not (who is she, my mother?)
So it won't be a complete shock to them when I come back with a pretty much shaved head and Nate as my legal name... I think it's better this way. They know up front, there will be no surprises, and I don't have to hide anything