Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: luv2Bfem on November 07, 2008, 11:23:06 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Glad I found this place
Post by: luv2Bfem on November 07, 2008, 11:23:06 PM
Post by: luv2Bfem on November 07, 2008, 11:23:06 PM
Hi All!
I'm surprised that I hadn't found this site before now? I have spent a few days reading posts and rules and this looks like a nice safe and comfortable place to share?
I'm the classic story in that I was about 6 years old when I realized I was different than the other boys. My clearest memories begin in 2nd grade when I was about 7. I remember standing on the playground and wondering why I didn't get to wear cute dresses and jumpers? I spent my days feeling jealous and terribly envious of the girls as they wore ribbons, cute socks and shoes and other pretty things. When I was 8 I was supposed to be in a play. The part required me to wear tights. I refused to do it because I wanted to wear them so bad I was sure my parents would know I was not "right". I later found the tights and wore them every chance I got. It wasn't until 7th grade that I stole a pair of pantyhose from my mom and wore them under my pants to school. It was the most thrilling day of my life! I felt so whole and so complete that day. I was married at 22, my wife bought me nylons and panties. At 25 she bought me a whole outfit and talked me into going out shopping with her. We were out of town and I loved it!!! I couldn't get enough and wanted to go every day I had off. Which I did until she felt it was getting to be to much. Instead of talking to me she took pictures and showed them to my family and my co-workers. There is nothing she could have done that would have hurt me worse! I threw every thing away and stopped dressing but out marriage was over. 6 years later we divorced and I moved 2,000 miles away. I made new friends and finally shared my secret feelings that would not go away. Ann said I wasn't hurting anyone and her husband John didn't care. She finally talked me into dressing up and going to the mall with her. That was all I needed! I decided life was to short and that I deserved to be happy as much anyone else did. In the last few years I have progressed from nervous trips to the mall every few weeks to dressing full time. I found a therapist and last week told her I was ready for HRT. She also feels I'm ready and I can't wait to start. I'm almost 46 years old and like so many others, I wish I would have found the courage when I was younger. Even so, I am thrilled and I am finally happy! I have work to do but now my mile stones are being asked to sit in the chair at the Estee Lauder counter at Macy's and having my make-up done and my skin tone matched for foundation and sitting in the waiting room at the car dealership in a dress and heels while my oil is changed and mechanics take turns coming in to check me out. I hope that one day soon I look back and giggle at those events as I get used to just being me?
I'm getting kind of long here but I want to say what 2 therapists have reaffirmed for me. This is not a choice! It comes with birth. No one would choose to spend their life feeling the way I have. Living in fear, feeling like some thing was wrong with me? Hidding from everyone while constantly being worried I may be discovered? No matter how hard I have tried to deny my feelings they have never changed or went away. I see myself as female right down to every cell in my body and nothing feels as right or as whole as looking the way I feel.
I'm surprised that I hadn't found this site before now? I have spent a few days reading posts and rules and this looks like a nice safe and comfortable place to share?
I'm the classic story in that I was about 6 years old when I realized I was different than the other boys. My clearest memories begin in 2nd grade when I was about 7. I remember standing on the playground and wondering why I didn't get to wear cute dresses and jumpers? I spent my days feeling jealous and terribly envious of the girls as they wore ribbons, cute socks and shoes and other pretty things. When I was 8 I was supposed to be in a play. The part required me to wear tights. I refused to do it because I wanted to wear them so bad I was sure my parents would know I was not "right". I later found the tights and wore them every chance I got. It wasn't until 7th grade that I stole a pair of pantyhose from my mom and wore them under my pants to school. It was the most thrilling day of my life! I felt so whole and so complete that day. I was married at 22, my wife bought me nylons and panties. At 25 she bought me a whole outfit and talked me into going out shopping with her. We were out of town and I loved it!!! I couldn't get enough and wanted to go every day I had off. Which I did until she felt it was getting to be to much. Instead of talking to me she took pictures and showed them to my family and my co-workers. There is nothing she could have done that would have hurt me worse! I threw every thing away and stopped dressing but out marriage was over. 6 years later we divorced and I moved 2,000 miles away. I made new friends and finally shared my secret feelings that would not go away. Ann said I wasn't hurting anyone and her husband John didn't care. She finally talked me into dressing up and going to the mall with her. That was all I needed! I decided life was to short and that I deserved to be happy as much anyone else did. In the last few years I have progressed from nervous trips to the mall every few weeks to dressing full time. I found a therapist and last week told her I was ready for HRT. She also feels I'm ready and I can't wait to start. I'm almost 46 years old and like so many others, I wish I would have found the courage when I was younger. Even so, I am thrilled and I am finally happy! I have work to do but now my mile stones are being asked to sit in the chair at the Estee Lauder counter at Macy's and having my make-up done and my skin tone matched for foundation and sitting in the waiting room at the car dealership in a dress and heels while my oil is changed and mechanics take turns coming in to check me out. I hope that one day soon I look back and giggle at those events as I get used to just being me?
I'm getting kind of long here but I want to say what 2 therapists have reaffirmed for me. This is not a choice! It comes with birth. No one would choose to spend their life feeling the way I have. Living in fear, feeling like some thing was wrong with me? Hidding from everyone while constantly being worried I may be discovered? No matter how hard I have tried to deny my feelings they have never changed or went away. I see myself as female right down to every cell in my body and nothing feels as right or as whole as looking the way I feel.
Title: Re: Glad I found this place
Post by: Nero on November 07, 2008, 11:25:20 PM
Post by: Nero on November 07, 2008, 11:25:20 PM
Welcome luv2b!
yes, you've found a nice, comfortable place to share.
I'm Nero, the welcome wagon. <offers hand>
yes, you've found a nice, comfortable place to share.
I'm Nero, the welcome wagon. <offers hand>
Title: Re: Glad I found this place
Post by: tinkerbell on November 08, 2008, 07:20:39 PM
Post by: tinkerbell on November 08, 2008, 07:20:39 PM
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi220.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fdd141%2Fgoldendragonfly%2FTinkerbell-2-5.gif&hash=5be8480c960ef48b1799ad2adf2134b3c3a7c712)
Hello there and welcome to Susan's!
Thanks so much for introducing yourself. Please take a few moments to get familiar with all the boards of the site, review the site rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)before posting, and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page), chat (https://www.susans.org/chat/index.html), and the links listed at the main page. (https://www.susans.org/index.html) We look forward to your future posts and participation. Enjoy your stay :)
tink :icon_chick:
Title: Re: Glad I found this place
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 08, 2008, 08:13:55 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 08, 2008, 08:13:55 PM
Hi Luv,
Welcome to our little family. Over 2089 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.
Welcome to our little family. Over 2089 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.