Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was reading Harry Benjamin's work with (a scant) 20 transmen and it got me wondering about this. I'll start.

Also, moods, dissociative states, pain levels around that time: Would you say you suffer badly?

interesting. around the same time. i started at 11 and Mother started at 12.

I picked the last option because although I do, I've no idea when my mother started.

My mom and older sister started at 10, and my little sister started at 11.

I started at 13.

i don't remember when my mom did, but i think it was about the same...i don't remember a lot from the few years surrounding that.

and related: anyone have PMDD or severe PMS with bad depressive episodes? i don't mean bipolar, but depression that stems from hormonal changes during your cycle?

i haven't been officially diagnosed but i'm pretty sure i have PMDD...some months i dont notice it and some are horrible, just for a few days before.

Again, Benjamin's sample is small but he asserts across-the-board: "Menstruation constitutes a psychological trauma to the female(sic) TS." This may be related.

I know that I start getting bad about 2 weeks before i'm going to go there (and no, after 10+ years and being pregnant) it's not regular. The really crucial point is probably that week before though.

And then it comes and ...i'm just...not there.

My mom was 11... I was 10 1/2. It was horrible. Every time I went through it, it was agonizing... I had awful back and stomach pain and always felt not myself for the week before and week of. When I was 17, the pain got so bad the doctor prescribed me some "horse pills"... huge pain-relief pills because advil and tylenol no longer did the job.

When I was 23 and finally in treatment for my bipolar depression, I realized that my lows always began about a week before my period started, got the absolute lowest for the last 3 days of it, then went into hypomanic once it was over. It was a pretty clear sign that, while I am bipolar, the depressive cycles were concurrent with my hormones. Funny that... now that I'm on T (half of my reason for which being the abhorrent menstruation), my depression has lessened incredibly, to the point that I can be completely off my meds for months with no symptoms. Prior to T, I would start to cycle back into depression within 2 days of going off my meds.

Quote from: freespeechz on November 08, 2008, 11:26:14 PM
I picked the last option because although I do, I've no idea when my mother started.

i added an "I don't know" option, thanks for that.

I started at 12, dunno about anyone else in my family..
I remember the first time, I almost fainted cause I thought I was sick or something... I had no idea what a period was even tho my mom told me over and over about it. I just couldn't comprehend, how something so horrible could happen to someone every month!

Periods really, really bring me down. Just the stuff alone coming out of the hole, makes me feel extremely depressed. Sometimes, I just have the impulse of stabbing myself down there (not that I really would), especially when I get a surprise visit.....and I have to use 100 wipes to be completely clean down there every time i use the toilet.. grrr
and the pads, they never cover enough, and they itch and poke!!
I can't count the days I skipped school on my period, and when I did go, I would be in constant fear of it dripping down my legs or going thru my pants, or if someone could see the pad thru my tight girl pants..
and the hormones, I can just feel them drenching my body, and it feels just so, painful..

Call me weak but... I can't take it anymore!!!!!  :eusa_wall: :icon_blah: :icon_blah: :eusa_wall: :eusa_wall: :'( :icon_censored: :icon_burn: :icon_boxing: :icon_blah: :icon_chainsaw: :icon_chainsaw: :icon_chainsaw:

Quote from: perfectisolation on November 09, 2008, 04:05:01 AM
I started at 12, dunno about anyone else in my family..
I remember the first time, I almost fainted cause I thought I was sick or something... I had no idea what a period was even tho my mom told me over and over about it. I just couldn't comprehend, how something so horrible could happen to someone every month!

Periods really, really bring me down. Just the stuff alone coming out of the hole, makes me feel extremely depressed. Sometimes, I just have the impulse of stabbing myself down there (not that I really would), especially when I get a surprise visit.....and I have to use 100 wipes to be completely clean down there every time i use the toilet.. grrr
and the pads, they never cover enough, and they itch and poke!!
I can't count the days I skipped school on my period, and when I did go, I would be in constant fear of it dripping down my legs or going thru my pants, or if someone could see the pad thru my tight girl pants..
and the hormones, I can just feel them drenching my body, and it feels just so, painful..

Call me weak but... I can't take it anymore!!!!!  :eusa_wall: :icon_blah: :icon_blah: :eusa_wall: :eusa_wall: :'( :icon_censored: :icon_burn: :icon_boxing: :icon_blah: :icon_chainsaw: :icon_chainsaw: :icon_chainsaw:

Yes. is yours extraordiinarily heavy? frex days 2-3 i'll go through an overnight in a couple hours.

started at 11 my mom I think around 12.  I inherited the heavy bleeding too.   I tend to also go through overnights within a couple of hours.  I don't even buy regular pads because they don't work well enough not to mention I'm always self conscious about leaking.  And wear about 2-3 layers of underwear, first 2 being tight underwear to keep from shifting.

Quote from: Aiden on November 09, 2008, 12:13:58 PM
started at 11 my mom I think around 12.  I inherited the heavy bleeding too.   I tend to also go through overnights within a couple of hours.  I don't even buy regular pads because they don't work well enough not to mention I'm always self conscious about leaking.  And wear about 2-3 layers of underwear, first 2 being tight underwear to keep from shifting.

I hadn't thought of that last bit! maybe i should i try that.

Yeh it helps.  Usually under mens underwear have pair of tight spandex girls underwear and tight girls boxer briefs.  I hate wearing girls underwear lol  but men's is a little to wide between the legs for the padd to fit on correctly.

I didn't start menstruating til 15. It's probably because I have sickle cell, I hit puberty later as a result. I didn't start puberty til 14.

Mom started at 12. I don't know when my sister started. We all have sickle cell though, I just have anemia, mom has trait.

Quote from: Aiden on November 09, 2008, 12:19:12 PM
Yeh it helps.  Usually under mens underwear have pair of tight spandex girls underwear and tight girls boxer briefs.  I hate wearing girls underwear lol  but men's is a little to wide between the legs for the padd to fit on correctly.

OK so you know i'm an ecofreak right?

Plus the whole "buying paper pads is just WRONG" thing?

KK so a female friend of mine gave me the greatest solution ever.

Are you ready?

DIAPER PADS. Washable diaper pads! And they're wider so they fit in mens underwear too! (of course this requires very careful pants management because they are kinda...visible, they're very long). For me who wears nothing but baggy jeans right now (ugh ugh ugh) it works. But still wearing 2 or 3 pairs of unders might help.

i was adopted, so i dont know about birth mom.  but i started at 14.  pretty late compared to (the few of) my friends that were girls.  i get pretty horrible back pain and bleed pretty heavily through mine.  i went into like mental numbness the first time i got mine.

Quote from: Sebastien on November 09, 2008, 12:54:19 AM
My mom was 11... I was 10 1/2. It was horrible. Every time I went through it, it was agonizing... I had awful back and stomach pain and always felt not myself for the week before and week of. When I was 17, the pain got so bad the doctor prescribed me some "horse pills"... huge pain-relief pills because advil and tylenol no longer did the job.

When I was 23 and finally in treatment for my bipolar depression, I realized that my lows always began about a week before my period started, got the absolute lowest for the last 3 days of it, then went into hypomanic once it was over. It was a pretty clear sign that, while I am bipolar, the depressive cycles were concurrent with my hormones. Funny that... now that I'm on T (half of my reason for which being the abhorrent menstruation), my depression has lessened incredibly, to the point that I can be completely off my meds for months with no symptoms. Prior to T, I would start to cycle back into depression within 2 days of going off my meds.

dude, me too. a few years ago i thought i was bipolar cuz i didnt realize that my cycle and the depression were linked. seconded on the "not feeling myself" on the week before thing

I have no idea either. However I do know that I would used to "come on" around the same days as my sister and my mother...

Hmm, I got it when I was 12, which was also my first year of home school (I did it for 3 years before going to highschool at 15) I was relieved I was at home at the time since it was around midday and I would of had it at school otherwise.

I'm pretty sure my Mum started at a similar time... my lil sister started at 10-11ish I think, and my older sister around 12-13.

My period has never really bothered me... usually lasting around 3 days and as far as I'm aware of, is regular every month (I don't usually pay attention). Sometimes it gets painful, usually it'd be a very hot kind of pain with a strong aching sensation. I always disliked when I could feel pain around the vagina itself -_- the most I've ever really done about it is a few aspirin. My kiwi upbringing is basically 'tough it out, get over it.' :P

Once though when I was 18, I had the most awful, awful cramps. I've never had it bad before or since. We thought something was wrong because I was doubled over and crying pretty much. It was a Sunday so my Mum took me to the after hours medical center. The doctor asked (quite legitimately I suppose)

"Now, is it possible you are pregnant?"

Apparently my look of absolute disgust and outrage was hilarious.

No effin chance of that buddy!

Wow you guys all started early. I was 17. No idea how old my mother was. I think it'd have been way more emotionally difficult if I'd started earlier.

Dennis

I was 14, in the 8th grade, and it was horrible!!  The most disgusting thing I ever had!!  I used to get horrible cramps at least one day at the beginning that sent me home from school and work and I was NOT the wimpy type who looked for an excuse to go home EVER.  I attributed my bad moods during that time not to hormonal fluctuations but because of anger and disgust at the whole process.

I had my hysto in August and the huge sense of relief I felt was overwhelming.  I truly had no idea how horrible I really thought it was until I knew 100% for certain it was never coming back.

I was just talking with two female coworkers this morning who know I'm trans but they did NOT know back when I had my hysto.  They said that when I came back to work after that and I was so calm and relieved and happy, they knew something was up.  At the time they were saying they were jealous, etc, but today they confided that even though they don't really enjoy their periods that they wouldn't willingly give up their parts at all even if they didn't need them (ie didn't want kids -- one is young and does want kids; the other has medical issues where they technically could treat her with a hysto but she chooses to keep her parts).

I mean, I know men are attached to their parts, but I never knew women were, too. 


Jay

Oh yeah definitely, I understand quite a few women who have had to have hystos but didn't want them, experience depression about it. Losing their 'womenhood' or sense of femaleness. Maybe not as acutely as a biomale losing his testicles/penis, because thats on the outside where you can see it.

wow... i find out how "not normal" i am more and more every day.  i never felt any attachment to my female parts... like if they suddenly fell out one day itd be okay.  haha  i never knew that women in general actually had an attachment to them.  its not like you can even see it!

I don't know about my mom, but my sister started at 13 and I started at 10. It sucks.  :icon_omfg: :icon_nosebleed:

Quote from: iFindMeHere on November 09, 2008, 10:24:28 AM
Yes. is yours extraordiinarily heavy? frex days 2-3 i'll go through an overnight in a couple hours.

Well no, maybe 2 days of heavy flow... but it just emotionally destroys me.. cause I am just not a mentally strong person i guess....thank god for (the poison) birth control!
It's weird tho, when my 1st period hit, i looked completely androgynous and 100% flatchested, and it was that way for years.

Quote from: sneakersjay
I had my hysto in August and the huge sense of relief I felt was overwhelming.  I truly had no idea how horrible I really thought it was until I knew 100% for certain it was never coming back.

Man youre so lucky.. I can't wait, i want this nasty sh#t out of me!!
Never liked my parts down below but at one point I wanted a bigger chest cause I thought it would give me more self esteem.. what was i thinking?? :icon_blah:

Quote from: sneakersjay on November 10, 2008, 09:54:21 AM
I mean, I know men are attached to their parts, but I never knew women were, too. 


Jay

I guess I'm sort of attached to the insides. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't 'want' them or what they do. I'm deathly paranoid about getting pregnant and all that. But I really don't want that mess up there removed. Because I like the way the whole enchilada functions during orgasm and also the thought of that mess being 'scraped out' or similar makes me ill.  :eusa_sick: So, I guess there's some familiarity attachment or something.

Quote from: Chet on November 10, 2008, 12:55:54 PM
i never felt any attachment to my female parts... like if they suddenly fell out one day itd be okay.  haha 

Exaclty how I feel too!

I can't remember/don't know when my mother started, but I started mine in the fifth grade.  That day, at school, we had our first "sex ed" class where menstruation was explained...  gave us each a little pad in a paper baggy to take home.  A few hours after I got home, I went to the bathroom, and even after having that class I LOST MY FREAKING MIND.  Was screaming for my mom.  She was all giddy and excited about it, waving that pad I'd gotten at school around and probably dancing.

Menstruation is unbearably horrific for me in many, many ways.

Above all else?  Wrap your head around how terrible this is -- I'm a severe hematophobe.
I either vomit or faint at the sight of blood (typically, I vomit when it is someone else's or movie/photo gore, and faint if it is my own).
Yeah.  Entirely serious.

I also have ridiculously terrible cramps.  None of my doctors have ever been able to explain it or offer a solution to help besides birth control.
Every single month since I started it that day in the fifth grade, my cramps have been crippling.  I had to skip school for the first few days (the "second day" is always the worst, I could never leave bed) of it every time, and if I tried to go to school anyway, for a test or similar, I was always sent home.  Once, the nurse called my father and said if he wasn't at the school to get me in fifteen minutes, she was calling an ambulance.
Nothing helps.  No amount of midol or aleve or any medicine possible alleviates it.

I do not think that I have ever gotten "bitchy" from PMS, but I do cry.  I cry a lot, over everything, and over nothing.  I become completely irrational (to the point of suicidal every so often), but only while on my period.  I'm not sure if its the hormones, or just my genuine misery at the pain and having to handle bleeding when I can't even look at it, or what -- but someone else was mentioning being emotionally destroyed during it, and I understand that completely.

Even before I was aware of what being transgendered meant or knew of the term or anything of the sort, I've wanted to have those parts removed, just so that perhaps I could live a slightly more normal life.

All I do, for now, is manipulate my birth control to skip it...  I don't take the week of placebo pills and just start the next pack, and it doesn't come.

Quote from: Nero on November 11, 2008, 12:46:55 AM

Quote from: sneakersjay on November 10, 2008, 09:54:21 AM
I mean, I know men are attached to their parts, but I never knew women were, too. 


Jay

I guess I'm sort of attached to the insides. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't 'want' them or what they do. I'm deathly paranoid about getting pregnant and all that. But I really don't want that mess up there removed. Because I like the way the whole enchilada functions during orgasm and also the thought of that mess being 'scraped out' or similar makes me ill.  :eusa_sick: So, I guess there's some familiarity attachment or something.

FYI, having the parts removed in no way has affected the intensity of orgasms.  The parts served their one useful purpose: giving me my 2 kids.  The rest of the time they were a huge part of my stress and anxiety and depression.  Good riddance!!  ;D

Jay

I started at 10, they were regular and no pain was involved.  :P
Not even mood swings.  ;D
Don't know about my bio mother though.  ;)

I started mine 2 years before they ever had the sex ed in class LOL  I didn't even want to sit in the stupid class.  But next year did get to see the guy's side.

My sex ed class was the year after. Man, that was torture. They were like 'if you already have gone through puberty, then you must be really excited at being a woman.' I was about to chuck my shoe at the tv screen. But what I hated was how I reacted. I mean, I was really angry, being in a room full of girls just as excited as the lady in the movie, but instead of looking angry, I couldn't stop laughing. Everything was funny. I don't even know, but there I was, laughing my ass off at something that really shouldn't be funny. I felt like a 2 year old. And then the girl next to me (popular 'leader' of the pack  :icon_no: ) was like, S****, it's not funny, stop laughing. And I was thinking 'Geez, when did she decide to be mature?!'.

But I guess I was ok cause you saw both videos, but I had to watch both with and audience of all girls, and being the only person in the room that had ever had my period. (I think I had my period that day, too.  :embarrassed: )

Really excited about being a woman?  No f***ing way in hell!  I think most of our answers would be.

I got it a bit earlier than my mother (3 years).  The cramps are HORRIBLE!  I have to take 3 alieve every 6 hours to get any relief.  I also get the urge to grab my dagger from under my pillow and cut the evil organs of doom out during that time of the month.  It is only massive amounts of painkillers and alcohol that get me through.

Quote from: Aiden on November 11, 2008, 02:52:48 PM
Really excited about being a woman?  No f***ing way in hell!  I think most of our answers would be.

Years ago I read how some moms were throwing parties when their daughters' periods started, as a welcome to womanhood thing.  I thought it was the most awful thing to celebrate, the arrival of the most disgusting event on the planet.

Clearly, I don't get what is so joyful about it.  Probably akin to the feelings transwomen get at puberty when their lower half starts to grow.

Jay

Quote from: Jay on November 11, 2008, 04:04:01 AM

Quote from: Chet on November 10, 2008, 12:55:54 PM
i never felt any attachment to my female parts... like if they suddenly fell out one day itd be okay.  haha 

Exaclty how I feel too!

Mine is "Yes Please."

Posted on: November 11, 2008, 03:37:37 pm

---

Quote from: noxdraconis on November 11, 2008, 04:12:59 PM
I got it a bit earlier than my mother (3 years).  The cramps are HORRIBLE!  I have to take 3 alieve every 6 hours to get any relief.  I also get the urge to grab my dagger from under my pillow and cut the evil organs of doom out during that time of the month.  It is only massive amounts of painkillers and alcohol that get me through.

Yes this. There were points at which I was tempted to try myself... the damn thing's in there taunting me....  :laugh:

I was 12 when it started, and with it came such severe pain that I couldn't move and couldn't speak because any verbalization would turn into a scream. Plus it would last up to 10 days which was awful. My GP put me on "the pill" which got rid of the pain, took it down to 5 days.. and now I keep skipping the sugar pills because I can't bear the thought of ever going through a period again. Just the thought of it makes me physically ill

My mum was 12, I was 14.

I maintain that I used the power of denial to overwhelm the wiles of my womb.
Everything else that's meant to happen had happened quite a while before the periods started... like 2 or 3 years...

Quote from: reno on January 01, 2009, 07:13:23 AM
I was 12 when it started, and with it came such severe pain that I couldn't move and couldn't speak because any verbalization would turn into a scream. Plus it would last up to 10 days which was awful. My GP put me on "the pill" which got rid of the pain, took it down to 5 days.. and now I keep skipping the sugar pills because I can't bear the thought of ever going through a period again. Just the thought of it makes me physically ill

I hear you, and envy you that BC worked for you. I tried 'em--they were like taking psycho pills :(. I've just had to drink and Aleve my way through.

Quote from: iFindMeHere on January 01, 2009, 12:01:08 PM

Quote from: reno on January 01, 2009, 07:13:23 AM
I was 12 when it started, and with it came such severe pain that I couldn't move and couldn't speak because any verbalization would turn into a scream. Plus it would last up to 10 days which was awful. My GP put me on "the pill" which got rid of the pain, took it down to 5 days.. and now I keep skipping the sugar pills because I can't bear the thought of ever going through a period again. Just the thought of it makes me physically ill

I hear you, and envy you that BC worked for you. I tried 'em--they were like taking psycho pills :(. I've just had to drink and Aleve my way through.

Don't know if you already tried this, but it might be worth talking to your doctor, and trying  some different version of the pill.  The first one I tried (Yasmin) made me completely crazy, as well.  So we tried a couple different formulations, and eventually we found one that didn't have side effects I couldn't live with.

Quote from: Jamie-o on January 02, 2009, 03:51:33 AM
Don't know if you already tried this, but it might be worth talking to your doctor, and trying  some different version of the pill.  The first one I tried (Yasmin) made me completely crazy, as well.  So we tried a couple different formulations, and eventually we found one that didn't have side effects I couldn't live with.

eh--i'm chemically sensitive as is. I've had the ligation and am just gonna work on the hysto.

Late 14... almost 15

no clue bout me mum though...

At first I just thought it was gross but as time goes on symptoms get worse.  Now I just don't want to leave the house for the first few days and usually want to smash my head through walls. 

I actually can't remember how old I was when it started. As a kid my mom mentioned periods in passing and since then I never really thought about it until that fateful day. :P It actually took me awhile to figure out what was going on and since then it was just part of the routine. I guess I don't remember exactly when it happened because it never really meant anything to me, sure I knew what getting a period meant, but it was mostly just an inconvenience.

But like Gnome (I like the name btw :D) said as time went by the cramps got worse. It reached the point where it was debilitating. But as I found ways of coping with them it became more bearable. So I'd only be knocked out for a few hours instead of a whole day, and now it's only bad the first hour or so, and I can work through it.

I started around 12. I got very bad cramps and mood swings. By the time I was 15 I stopped taking meds for it because I had already taken and adjusted to ALL of the over the counter meds. After I got into college and was exposed to the GLBTA community I started getting more mood swings faster and new symptoms. Once the mood swings got so bad I told my mom I needed something to help me so we went to the doctors and I am now on fluoxitine. I started out only taking it during my monthly and discovered that I had the mood swings most women get during their monthlys all of the time. I then started taking it every day and my mom can tell within 3 sentences if I forgot to take it the night before. The doctor I talked to refused to do a hormone test saying that I just needed birth control or something else and that if there is a hormonal imbalance birth control will take care of it with the estrogen in it.

I have been taking fluoxitine for about a year now. For the past year I have had one symptom or another I have never had before, but the pain is less and the mood swings are more manageable.

I started exactly a week after my thirteenth birthday. Dunno about my mom, never asked.

I always feel like the odd one out because it doesn't really mean anything to me. It comes, it goes, that's it. I never get any cramps or pain or mood swings or anything. Maaaybe I'm just really weird (pfft, like I didn't already know that)

...Although I did get really upset and cry the first time I had mine.

Besides the fact that I started when I was 10, I'm similar to you, Devin. I get minor cramps (like a stomach ache) and a really nasty feeling (like dripping or something).  :icon_blah:

And I did almost cry when I got mine for the first time, but didn't because I hadn't identified what I was. (I'm very odd in the sense that the only thing to hint towards this was that I always felt different, but couldn't tell why, and some various memories that would point to it) I didn't cry, because I really didn't know why I was so sad. I mean, sure the event was scary, but really not something to cry about. I was wrong. Very, very wrong. Looking back, I wish I had cried. That was the day I finally realized that 'different' thing about me that I couldn't identify before. What a horrible day.  :'(

Quote from: Devin on January 06, 2009, 12:27:51 AM
I started exactly a week after my thirteenth birthday. Dunno about my mom, never asked.

I always feel like the odd one out because it doesn't really mean anything to me. It comes, it goes, that's it. I never get any cramps or pain or mood swings or anything. Maaaybe I'm just really weird (pfft, like I didn't already know that)

...Although I did get really upset and cry the first time I had mine.

man you're not odd, just lucky.