Susan's Place Transgender Resources

We have been out of touch for years because of the distance between us and some other family conflicts but we have always stayed in touch via phone and email. Well, he recently bought his first computer and I encouraged him to setup an IM so we could chat. After I added him to my friends list I noticed he was using a female name and avatar. I didn't put much into it at the time, I just kinda thought he was learning the ropes on the Internet.

Well then he gets a web cam and it's obvious he has boobs, and he's grown his hair out all long. He finally asks me to call him (her) by her chosen feminine name. She confensses she's been on HRT for two years and has decided to transition. This totally friggin floored me.

Here I am for the last 10 or so years looking at and trying to come to terms with my own TG issues and suddenly this? She wants me to address her as <insert feminine name> yet I am just like grrrrrrr. It's my big brother for chrissakes!!!

I thought I had this big secret to hide and now I find out my own brother has gone way further than I am willing to go...and he's so much older than me. It just blows my mind.

I went as far as admitting to her that I had the same feelings she's talking about, I just don't believe transitioning is right for me now, plus I have a hard time calling her by the name she wants me to use.

It's just to weird...I can't get my mind wrapped around it. I want to be supportive and I have really tried. I just feel like such a hypocrite.

Just as with transition, just do it.  You might be surprised at the results in your own Journey.  And after all is it so hard to have a big sister to talk to about your shared worries.

That is awesome, Kelley.  ;D

QuoteThe thing is, when I try to picture myself as female, I see them. I'm like, nooooooo. It'd be akin to having sex with your mother...it's just wrong.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcontent.sweetim.com%2Fsim%2Fcpie%2Femoticons%2F00020148.gif&hash=65481402267da19384317df5f5a449f5ed272d81) You are killing me here.  That is just soooooooooo wrong. 
Well you would have a another family member that you could talk to.   And if you two have similar problems and may be you can work out your join problem.

Kelley,

You can't let them or anyone destroy your dream.  They only have control as long as you let them.

" He who angers, you control you".

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 02:05:02 AM
Janet, we have girls in our family. They are the ones I have the conflict with. They are so rigid about cultural norms; they have the hubby and the nice house with the picket fence and anyone who doesn't agree with them is shunned. They have no clue of the abuse and dysfunction that went on in our family other than they got out of it and went to make lives and families of their own.

The thing is, when I try to picture myself as female, I see them. I'm like, nooooooo. It'd be akin to having sex with your mother...it's just wrong. I know, I have serious hangups in that department.

What do you mean its like having sex with your mother? Are you saying older women are like your mother? I am confused!

Posted on: November 18, 2008, 06:04:20 am

---

I had TS in my group who were 76 yrs old when they started and had surgery at 78. Your never too old and getting rid of that nasty testosterone that makes you want to do that dirty male deed sure can be a relief and a change in your perspective where you can finally understand just how a woman clicks and needs a feeling of love to get sexually excited. Try it you will love it. I know i do. You can also go back mentally to prepuberty and regrow up as the female you should have always been. No longer will you have to ride that rollercoaster ride of hell up and down and all around makes one very dizzy

Wow. Talk about the shoe being on the other foot. ;)

I think that, once the shock of this subsides, this might be really bloody cool! In a really weird sort of way. At least now you get to know what it feels like from the other side of transition, I suppose.

As for your sisters, hon, from what little I've gotten to know about you from reading your posts, you are nothing like them. When you transition, you won't turn into them, you'll stay you, just with a brain and a body that fits. They will probably disapprove, maybe even get mad and mean to you, but honey, you are stronger than they are, and whatever their opinions, just let it wash by you. They have no hold over you but what you allow them to have.

Don't let them keep you from living your real, authentic own life.

~Simone.

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 05:35:28 AM

Quote from: postoplesbian on November 18, 2008, 05:09:04 AM

What do you mean its like having sex with your mother? Are you saying older women are like your mother? I am confused!

Is that what you wanted to read into it? LOL, if I meant that I would have said that. This has nothing to do with my point. Analogies for some around here do seem hard to grasp.

Thanks for sharing.

Well please enlighten me.

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 06:40:49 AM
But that's why I'm here.

Big Hugs. :)

~Simone.

Wow! That would absolutely blow my mind. I wouldn't know how to deal with that.

The sister thing though - I TOTALLY get that! I actually got a little sad after the first few months of hrt and electro because one night I looked in the mirror and from certain angles... I saw... my sister. I was like WTF!! No!! No why!!! Then my mom was like "Obviously if you're sisters you're going to look alike." I was like sigh... well I guess thats not so bad... but SIGH! I really don't like my sister :3

Anyway, now you have to have a transition fight! "My earrings are prettier" "I have 2 more hours electro than you" "My dose is higher"

lol :D

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 02:28:43 AM
They are bitches, and even at midlife they have way too much control over me.

sometimes the bitch posse doesn't even seem to emerge until middle age. once it does, they coalesce and start laying down the law in regards to family functions, etc.  personally, i don't know how to deal with them, so i just stay away from them.

Why is this in FTM?

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 04:56:42 PM

Seemed like the appropriate area at the moment.

To discuss the transition of your biologically male sibling to female?  That's not FTM; that's MTF.

Mods, can this get moved?

Quote from: Mister on November 18, 2008, 04:54:49 PM
Why is this in FTM?

Don't know why, maybe it can be moved, but what an interesting thread, sadly I never had sisters only 3older brothers, 2 excepted me straight away, my next brother excepted me over time as his new sister, my parents never had a daughter and brothers never a sister, so I became the ''new spoiled girl'' in the family, I was very lucky as it made my transition much easier, I still wonder how things would have worked out if I had sisters, maybe they would have been bitches, I just don't know.
p

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 07:14:13 PM

I totally wasn't paying attention. Sorry, by all means please move it.

Guess I went all dyslexic there.

It's been happening a lot lately  :-\

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 02:42:47 AM
What goes with the idea that "you can never go home" is that your family will always see you as the kid they knew. It's just too weird my brother has come out to me at this time and has done far more than I would even consider doing. It's more than ironic, it's ethereal.

There are no coincidences in this world.

Yea I know, Kate's getting all new-agey, but... STILL. This world has a way of ratcheting up it's messages until we finally HAVE to listen ;)

~Kate~

Quote from: Kelley on November 18, 2008, 09:43:09 PM
I know, Kate. I have just been so involved in all this other insignificant crap that I push it all off into the nether-reaches of my psyche. It keeps coming back to slap me in the face.

Sounds like you better deal with it then.

Quote from: Kate on November 18, 2008, 09:26:40 PM
Yea I know, Kate's getting all new-agey, but... STILL. This world has a way of ratcheting up it's messages until we finally HAVE to listen ;)

Hey! There's nothing wrong with being new-agey! *whips out crystals and brandishes smoky quartz*

;)

~Simone.

Quote from: lady amarant on November 19, 2008, 04:41:46 AM

Quote from: Kate on November 18, 2008, 09:26:40 PM
Yea I know, Kate's getting all new-agey, but... STILL. This world has a way of ratcheting up it's messages until we finally HAVE to listen ;)

Hey! There's nothing wrong with being new-agey! *whips out crystals and brandishes smoky quartz*

;)

~Simone.

Seconded. There's a lot to be said for new-age thinking. :) Although a lot of it is actually very-old-age. ;) It's only new because it's been forgotten for a long time. :)

PS. The thread's been moved. :)

It's still in the wrong place,

Kelley

(oh you thought you banned me? not so fast)

Kelley,

That's got to be one of the most unusual coming out stories I've ever heard.

I try to picture my own older brother pre-empting my coming out news by telling me the same thing, and I just get the giggles. Of course, growing up with him I didn't detect any hints of gender bending in any way, while my clues were scattered all over the place. Maybe he was just better at hiding than me? I'd better hurry up and come out to my family before he steals the spotlight! Who ever knew Mr. Quiet Jock was secretly a Drama Queen?

All kidding aside, that is really an unusual situation. Two boys who turn out to BOTH be MTF transsexuals in the same family... there's a Discovery Channel documentary in there at least, if not a feature film.

I do think you could learn a lot from one another this way though. It doesn't sound like the easiest thing to wrap your head around, but once you get used to it I hope you take advantage of the situation and really deeply talk to one another.

Quote from: Dana_W on November 19, 2008, 10:43:28 AM

All kidding aside, that is really an unusual situation. Two boys who turn out to BOTH be MTF transsexuals in the same family... there's a Discovery Channel documentary in there at least, if not a feature film.

I do think you could learn a lot from one another this way though. It doesn't sound like the easiest thing to wrap your head around, but once you get used to it I hope you take advantage of the situation and really deeply talk to one another.

Actually, I know a brother and sister who share the same parents and each transitioned.

I met two 30 something yr old lesbian MTF's who fly airplanes and are twins and both transitioned. I met them at MWMF a few yrs ago.

As far as turning out to be like your sisters Kelly, don't worry about it - you see the bad side of that kind of personality so you wont go there. My adopted Mom was a total b!#ch and I swore I would never be like that - I am not, not at all.

As to your sibling coming out to you .... well forgive me for laughing but THAT'S A HOOT! Oh man could you have a BALL together! I have a younger sister and she never knew anything about what was going on - mom hid it all from her and so did I because she was a tattle-tale and I was always in enough doo-doo as it was. I left home before she found out and it was many years before we reconnected. Now we're like sisters again and it's great!

I have to admit, your OP scenario is SO surreal. Who would have thunk? :)

I guess I'm fortunate in that while my mom is not a person I want to emulate in most ways and my sister is not in agreement with my transition, I still see good qualities about them -- because I noticed when I finally was going out that I do look a lot more like them than I had thought (especially the chin area). That was sort of a revelation for me, but also just very ... odd.

I'm guessing the OP was just a dump and a vent? Was there anything else you needed to hear from someone?

Yeah, I think you do need to face up to the issues you have with your sisters as part of transitioning in a healthy way. Once we go this road, there's no hiding anymore. We spent a lot of our past hiding and running from the reality inside of us; but if we continue to run from that stuff at this stage of the game, we only really hurt ourselves. The goal is to get healthy, whole, stable, and strong; growth, unfortunately, is usually a pretty painful and uncomfortable process, especially when you're "in-between" the old self and the new better self. I think your sibling's transition can help catalyze some of this process for you.

(And yes, it might be a bitch for her to steal your thunder so to speak -- but honestly, I'd be ecstatic. Someone in my family who actually DOES understand and will be supportive? I would LOVE to have that. If you can see it as a positive, that would help you immensely.)