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I keep hearing not to trust anyone online, how can I call these people my friends if we've never actually met. How do you know they are who they say they are, etc. And I agree with that for the most part.

But maybe it's just me and I'm naive but I don't get how or why someone could create a whole separate persona online. I mean how would they keep up the act?
Sure, I guess in a way I do this when peeps online only know me as and assume me to be a 'normal' guy.
But I'm still not getting how someone could be one person online and another off of it. I mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

Thoughts?

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 06:51:44 AM
I mean how would they keep up the act?

In my experience, they don't. Not all the time, anyway. Even someone who's pretendng to be someone else... it's pretty easy to see through that, to see the real person behind it.

Or maybe that's just me. I tend to go on the feeling I get from a person, from watching the way they say things rather than just what they actually say... watching to see if they say one thing one time, but seem to have a personality change and say a different thing in the same situation at a different time. I go by intuition and 'gut instinct', too, and I don't know how or why this seems to work for me, but I do know that I'm rarely wrong. And all the friends I've made online have been good friends, people I trust, and people who, as yet, haven't betrayed that trust. :)

Trust has to be earned, it's not something to be given away. It's your choice, and people can portray just as much of an 'image' offline as online. But essentially people are people, with the same traits, no matter the medium used to express them. :)

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 06:51:44 AMI mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

I'm basically the same person as I am online. Except in person I'm much more shy and not as confident. One of my cousin I use to watch him chat online he was total different person. I asked him why and he said nobody would talk to him otherwise. I think maybe it insecurities that make people have a different persona online.


Anna

 

I love you Nero:D

But, I believe there are certain emotions that should be withheld from internet relationships.

Even so, there are ways of alleviating certain aspects.  While one can still hide a personality, webcams can confirm appearance.  When one can hide other relationships, how open they are can reveal the gravity of what they might be hiding.  Just like in real life, it's all about how much a person is willing to give to EARN trust.

I loved how off of Fight Club, the main character could live a dozen lives all at once.  I mean, one day he had breast cancer, then genital cancer, then terminal cancer, then MS, then this, then that, and all he had to do was show up to a support group for people to believe him.  Because they needed him as much as they perceived he needed them, there wasn't any question.
It's the same thing with online friends.  You wouldn't have them if you didn't need them.  All they have to do is show up.

If you need a friend, you need a friend.  Be careful just how quickly you slap, "friend" onto people you meet online though.  I won't call anyone a friend until I can speak with them over the phone at least once a week and know exactly what they look like, as well as all the other traits that make up a good friendship.

 I`m not as shy online as I am at a gathering of people. I think online friends are fine though. But, I hold them as more a good aquantance till later. The sad thing is anyone who Ive talk to online (till now) has drifted away. I write but get no response back. I think it is too easy to just drift away online to give anyone that kind of trust you would give a friend.  Angie,

Im pretty much the same person just a little less cocky, and more blunt. But I do tell everyone I am a normal guy, unless I am really intrested in the person. (Relationship wise that is)

I have met people offline in real life and I would say just take them as you take everyone else. With a pinch of salt.

I agree with Leiandra about not being able to keep up the act. The people I consider online friends I've known a long time, speak to often, (I have two friends I chat to literally on a daily basis) and know. And yeah, you do get a feel for people after a while. So yeah, I'm cautious and slow about moving people from "buddies" to "friends", but feeling is generally what I go by too.

~Simone.

I go with my intuition. I can usually tell if people are for real. And I'm always the same person, here on the net, and in my daily life.

Z

Just as people play a role before they transitioned and as they do in second life and other on line worlds most people are actors and can sustain the roles. I do not trust most things on line as there is not enough focus and long time continuous observation to see the slip ups.

There are some people that spend more time on line socializing than they do in real life because they can not handle the continuous observation of real life as they fear who they really are.

Time and consistency are the best ways to judge the honesty of an online friend.  Unfortunately there are those out there who want to "pretend" and lead others on.  I hate that.

I tend to be somewhat sceptical of new people I chat with, it takes time for me to learn to trust them.  I wish it wasn't that way.

Sarah L.

I am actually a bit more reserved online, but this is the only place I am really online. It may be because of the nature of the site. I do tend to get more personal thru PM. I agree there is no way I could be a whole different person online than I am in person, that would take far too much energy  "keeping up the act", and I would probably get confused, and I just don't have it these days.
Myles

Tasha ... Nutcase.  ::)

~Simone.

Nero,
The thing is you don't know.  You have to take then on face value, till they prove otherwise.  Some peeps love to be some else on line.

I am the same in lfe as in a chat room.  I am shy and kinda stand offish.  I guess that is from years of hiding the real me.  And I am trying to come out of my shell.

Brad Paisley has a song about being some else on line.

Quote from: Sarah Louise on November 19, 2008, 09:13:29 AM
Time and consistency are the best ways to judge the honesty of an online friend.

Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 19, 2008, 12:49:58 PM
Nero,
The thing is you don't know.  You have to take then on face value, till they prove otherwise.  Some peeps love to be some else on line.

Exactly, just like a life in real life, if you talk enough, eventually people will expose themselves little by little. In the need though, if you never plan to meet or anything, what does it matter?  Lie or not, they would still serve the same function.

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 06:51:44 AM
I keep hearing not to trust anyone online, how can I call these people my friends if we've never actually met. How do you know they are who they say they are, etc. And I agree with that for the most part.

I have opened up to a few people online, to my regret later on. I am the same me as in 'real' life, except I tend to hide the real me from other people, it saves on rejection. I have found the online thingy has allowed me to explore parts of myself that I wouldn't otherwise have done, at least without some very expensive therapy .. :)

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 06:51:44 AM
But maybe it's just me and I'm naive but I don't get how or why someone could create a whole separate persona online. I mean how would they keep up the act?

That's just it, it is an act and after a while the real persona shows through. There are people who can carry off the act in real life but they tend to be a little psychopathic or like Peter Sellers, who once said:

"There is no me. I do not exist. There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed"

Nero honey,

May be this will explain it better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcVnhNjWV0 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GcVnhNjWV0)

Love,
Janet

For the most part im the same online as IRL just a little less shy online. So far the people I have met online and gotten to know IRL have become good friends and I tend to just trust my intuition. Ill admit I am rather quick to throw caution to the wind sometimes when it comes to meeting people, but in regards to the internet I view it like I would terrism. I refuse to be afraid, I refuse to be paranoid it's not who I am and just dosen't feel right. Yes this philosphy has gotten me proverbably stabbed in the back on a few different occasions but then that was people I knew IRL for a rather long period of time unfortuantly im not always the best judge of character. I did meet a great friend on here Sarah and after we chatted for a lengthy period of time every day for a week and then we met in person and she was exactly like she was online and a wonderful person. :)

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 06:51:44 AM
I mean how would they keep up the act?

We all keep up an act, online or in real life. In fact I don't exist at all. Just ask ell. Oh, wait! She doesn't exist either.

QuoteIn fact I don't exist at all.

Me neither.

Quote from: NeroI mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

To be honest, you don't really come off as an ass to me.

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 19, 2008, 12:05:02 PM
the internet itself is actually a hoax perpetrated by one student at the university of north dakota's college of sheep-shearing and barbering.

and actually, nero, everyone you meet online is all the same person.

who is getting tired of staying up all night posting.  i banned myself the other day, and had a heck of a time figuring out who i was.

I thought I was you for 3 days one time.  I couldn't trust myself after I chatted with myself online and had one hell of an identity crisis.  Then I spent the next 2 days trying adamantly to find the Tasha inside of me.  On the third day my mind broke down, apparently it's hard being Tasha. I got an oil change and a jump start and here I am today!

O_O

I should tell you about the day when I had VNS, Vindictive Nero Syndrome.

Posted on: November 19, 2008, 04:44:48 pm

---

Quote from: je on November 19, 2008, 02:51:46 PM

Quote from: NeroI mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

To be honest, you don't really come off as an ass to me.

Um.  Nero is quite the ass darling, he really is.  I think I've known Nero for what, 3-4 years now?  He breaks my heart every single day.  :'(

QuoteOr maybe that's just me. I tend to go on the feeling I get from a person, from watching the way they say things rather than just what they actually say... watching to see if they say one thing one time, but seem to have a personality change and say a different thing in the same situation at a different time. I go by intuition and 'gut instinct', too, and I don't know how or why this seems to work for me, but I do know that I'm rarely wrong. And all the friends I've made online have been good friends, people I trust, and people who, as yet, haven't betrayed that trust.

Leiandra

And such is the way it is for me as well with both folks online and out there. I can't say I don't have a soul or two that may have been disappointed in me and maybe even upset an apple cart or two in my life, but it was never anything I couldn't stop and least ways help them pick up the apples afterwards.

Cindy

I have noticed that I am more outgoing and confident Online.

I am out at every forum I frequent(I don't go in telling everyone that I am TS, but I do tell them early on).  I am out at home sort of and completely in the closet at university.  I love being able to express my true self online.  I am much happier, calmer, and friendlier online because I don't have to hide what I am. 
 

Quote from: Stephanie on November 19, 2008, 10:49:35 PM
I have noticed that I am more outgoing and confident Online.

I am out at every forum I frequent(I don't go in telling everyone that I am TS, but I do tell them early on).  I am out at home sort of and completely in the closet at university.  I love being able to express my true self online.  I am much happier, calmer, and friendlier online because I don't have to hide what I am. 
 

ok. so with you, it's the opposite, you're yourself online and somewhat of a persona offline? cool.  :)

Some of us are chameleons. Our personalities vary with the situation. There is a center or base but you're not likely to see it online. I'm not sure that that matters. I'm willing to trust as long as I'm not given a reason not to.

Karen Lyn

Quote from: Lisbeth on November 19, 2008, 02:43:42 PM

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 06:51:44 AM
I mean how would they keep up the act?

We all keep up an act, online or in real life. In fact I don't exist at all. Just ask ell. Oh, wait! She doesn't exist either.

None of us exist, we're all figments of Tasha's imagination  :laugh:

Z

Quote from: Zythyra on November 19, 2008, 11:38:59 PM
None of us exist, we're all figments of Tasha's imagination  :laugh:

What happens to us when Tasha gets intoxicated, be it off caffeine or alcohol?

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 19, 2008, 11:48:01 PM
you either move really fast or youre naked.   :D

sometimes both.

That explains my personal life for the past 2 weeks very well...


"morning beautiful."  "oh hi... whats your name?  am I in Atlanta, Beaufort, COlumbia, Charleston, or Savannah?"

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 10:54:49 PM
ok. so with you, it's the opposite, you're yourself online and somewhat of a persona offline? cool.  :)

I am similar, way more reserved and shy offline, much more outgoing and definitely more myself online. Like I tell people online, this is me, the real world sees the fake.

Quote from: Leslie Ann on November 20, 2008, 03:18:05 AM

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 10:54:49 PM
ok. so with you, it's the opposite, you're yourself online and somewhat of a persona offline? cool.  :)

I am similar, way more reserved and shy offline, much more outgoing and definitely more myself online. Like I tell people online, this is me, the real world sees the fake.

Ya, me, too.

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 19, 2008, 11:48:01 PM

Quote from: Annwyn on November 19, 2008, 11:42:39 PM

Quote from: Zythyra on November 19, 2008, 11:38:59 PM
None of us exist, we're all figments of Tasha's imagination  :laugh:

What happens to us when Tasha gets intoxicated, be it off caffeine or alcohol?

you either move really fast or youre naked.   :D

sometimes both.

Ooooooooh!  That explains what was going on last night!

Hi all, ahhhhhh ok that explains a lot. Tasha is the master engineered of this holographic universe.  This why the atomic structure can't be quantified to the sum of it's parts ;D

Well I have more friends online for the simple reason I am a member to a good many different message boards, but I also have fair amount of friends out there as well.. I have aways got along with people and if anything since transition probably more so.

Cindy

Quote from: Nero on November 19, 2008, 06:51:44 AM
But maybe it's just me and I'm naive but I don't get how or why someone could create a whole separate persona online. I mean how would they keep up the act?

Hey if I was making this story up, dontcha think I woulda thought up something more... well.. believable? ;)

The Hallmark Channel would throw my script out as being ridiculously corny and contrived, lol...

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on November 20, 2008, 09:26:45 AM
Hey if I was making this story up, dontcha think I woulda thought up something more... well.. believable? ;)

The Hallmark Channel would throw my script out as being ridiculously corny and contrived, lol...

The only thing I find unbelievable about your story is that you're not getting hit on every two steps you take.

Kate dear, reality is always a lot weirder than fiction.

Quote from: tekla on November 20, 2008, 09:52:54 AM
Kate dear, reality is always a lot weirder than fiction.

Maybe cuz we WANT to believe in fiction.

Reality is just what we have to put up with.

Quote from: Annwyn on November 20, 2008, 09:51:41 AM
The only thing I find unbelievable about your story is that you're not getting hit on every two steps you take.

LOL, well thank you, but I've realized and accepted finally that they just "wouldn't dare," if that makes sense? It's sorta like how only Arthur could pull Excaliber from the Stone: when the Right Person (IF - not that I'm looking) comes along, we'll "click," and it (whatever IT is) will happen.

Great, there I go with the Hallmark Story again...

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on November 20, 2008, 10:04:15 AM

Quote from: Annwyn on November 20, 2008, 09:51:41 AM
The only thing I find unbelievable about your story is that you're not getting hit on every two steps you take.

LOL, well thank you, but I've realized and accepted finally that they just "wouldn't dare," if that makes sense? It's sorta like how only Arthur could pull Excaliber from the Stone: when the Right Person (IF - not that I'm looking) comes along, we'll "click," and it (whatever IT is) will happen.

Great, there I go with the Hallmark Story again...

~Kate~

but... but...

What is gonna happen between you and the wife person?

No, I think its more because fiction is a way to sort through reality, not the other way around.

Quote from: cindybc on November 20, 2008, 08:46:19 AM
This why the atomic structure [ of this holographic universe ] can't be quantified to the sum of it's parts ;D

I guess that's why sex can't be either....  :D

Quote from: Annwyn on November 19, 2008, 03:46:19 PM

Quote from: Tasha Elizabeth on November 19, 2008, 12:05:02 PM
the internet itself is actually a hoax perpetrated by one student at the university of north dakota's college of sheep-shearing and barbering.

and actually, nero, everyone you meet online is all the same person.

who is getting tired of staying up all night posting.  i banned myself the other day, and had a heck of a time figuring out who i was.

I thought I was you for 3 days one time.  I couldn't trust myself after I chatted with myself online and had one hell of an identity crisis.  Then I spent the next 2 days trying adamantly to find the Tasha inside of me.  On the third day my mind broke down, apparently it's hard being Tasha. I got an oil change and a jump start and here I am today!

O_O

I should tell you about the day when I had VNS, Vindictive Nero Syndrome.

Posted on: November 19, 2008, 04:44:48 pm

---

Quote from: je on November 19, 2008, 02:51:46 PM

Quote from: NeroI mean, I'm just as much an ass online as in real life.

To be honest, you don't really come off as an ass to me.

Um.  Nero is quite the ass darling, he really is.  I think I've known Nero for what, 3-4 years now?  He breaks my heart every single day.  :'(

Because you never listen.  >:(

QuoteHe breaks my heart every single day. 

My heart too Ann.  :-* Nero

I've had bad experiences trusting people in real life. I think some folks say don't trust people online because of the lack of eye contact and observable body language. I could be wrong about that.

In a way, this relates to a post of mine a while back. I had asked something like are online "friends" really friends? I'd pretty much already thought Yes, they are, but I wanted feedback from this board's members, many of whom I'd like to consider friends.

I'm a real-life introvert, and I think that shyness also comes into play in online conversation. Case in point, I waited to see what others would post in reply before making my own. I'm like that in conversations and group discussions.

I've certainly felt like I had made enemies at various message boards. There are topics or facets of myself I've leared to avoid at various boards for fear of being made to feel like I'd been excreted by a cow and kicked around a pasture. But I'd like to think I made a few friends online, too.

My wife often expresses the opinion that online is not real. I don't think I buy into that completely. There could be those who have personas that are the polar opposites of their real life selves. It seems to me it would be a tricky thing to do successfully, but not impossible. I doubt I could do it for long.

I, too, feel like I can be more myself online, here at least anyway. I've met my share of judgemental, arrogant, and hateful folk. It's nice to have a place where I can just be me. In real life, I have a tendancy to hide various parts or me depending on who I'm interacting with.

And for the record, Nero only broke my heart once. But, it was a misunderstanding and all was put to rights shortly thereafter.

Quote from: Shades O'Grey on November 20, 2008, 02:51:25 PM
And for the record, Nero only broke my heart once. But, it was a misunderstanding and all was put to rights shortly thereafter.

Nero has never broken my heart, never-ever. He has disappointed me to the point I'd like to have booted his butt a few times.


As for stories? Hmm, Arthur and Excalibur? :) There may have been a true King Arthur, but the likelihood was he dressed in old Roman armor when he had the right bits of it, lived in a hill-fort that was incredibly filthy by today's standards and if he had a sword he never pulled it outta stone. Maybe not even a scabbard.

O, btw, he prolly was about two feet shorter than you, Kate. :)

And given the probable location of the hill-fort in question, I'd doubt seriously he was huge on taking a bath.

OK, Kate, King Arthur it is. Welcome to him.  >:-)  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Nichole

Quote from: Nichole on November 20, 2008, 03:34:43 PM
There may have been a true King Arthur, but the likelihood was he dressed in old Roman armor when he had the right bits of it, lived in a hill-fort that was incredibly filthy by today's standards and if he had a sword he never pulled it outta stone. Maybe not even a scabbard.

And given the probable location of the hill-fort in question, I'd doubt seriously he was huge on taking a bath.

That's why he needs ME ;)

I will clean the boy up, BELIEVE me!

~Kate~

Quote from: Kate on November 20, 2008, 03:41:53 PM

Quote from: Nichole on November 20, 2008, 03:34:43 PM
There may have been a true King Arthur, but the likelihood was he dressed in old Roman armor when he had the right bits of it, lived in a hill-fort that was incredibly filthy by today's standards and if he had a sword he never pulled it outta stone. Maybe not even a scabbard.

And given the probable location of the hill-fort in question, I'd doubt seriously he was huge on taking a bath.

That's why he needs ME ;)

I will clean the boy up, BELIEVE me!

~Kate~

Yep, and pick him up as well!  >:-) >:-) And beat the bejesus outta him if he don't do it?  ;D

Given his probable size and nutrition, your's too if you go back there to find him, you'll prolly out-weigh him by a hundred pounds! Even as thin as you are.

Nichole

Quote from: Nero on November 20, 2008, 01:03:12 PM

Because you never listen.  >:(

If you weren't so DEMANDING!

Quote from: Nichole on November 20, 2008, 03:34:43 PMThere may have been a true King Arthur, but the likelihood was he dressed in old Roman armor when he had the right bits of it

Nothing like a man in uniform with a big sword. ;D

~Simone.

The lady amarant voice just woke up and is still a wee bit woozie.

~Simone.

Shoot Nero, how can you tell if a real person can be trusted?

People are married for years and then they find out that their spouse is a <fill in the blank>.

Ya just gotta be yourself and make sure that no one takes advantage.

Cindi

I don't have a single friend I didn't meet online first

I have a few I have never met that I would still consider good friends

it's all about your gut feelings, trust has to be earned just like in real life

All of my friends are online friends. Only one of them turned out to be a jerk and I had kinda known it in the beginning but I wanted to make sure. In my experience, internet friends haven't been that bad. The only time it sucks is when you're dating someone over the internet and you can't be with them..or next to them

You never know about anybody whether you have just met them on the web or have been dealing with them for a long time.  For all I know the same people who are answering this thread saying they are "supportive" & "friendly" could be posers.  Establish friendships with peeps someone knows, mutual friendships, understand?  That's your best shot or else you'll never know who is real & who isn't.

Quote from: Jeannette on November 28, 2008, 05:42:11 AM
You never know about anybody whether you have just met them on the web or have been dealing with them for a long time.  For all I know the same people who are answering this thread saying they are supportive & friendly could be posers. 

Youre right.  Id never thought about how you put it.  If someone doesnt give you their real name & claim to be supportive & friendly, that should be a red flag right there.  Ive met too pervs on line. Wolves in sheep clothing.  Peeps that claim to be your friend but look out because theyre to get you.

Quote from: Stephanie on November 19, 2008, 10:49:35 PM
I have noticed that I am more outgoing and confident Online.

I am out at every forum I frequent(I don't go in telling everyone that I am TS, but I do tell them early on).  I am out at home sort of and completely in the closet at university.  I love being able to express my true self online.  I am much happier, calmer, and friendlier online because I don't have to hide what I am. 

This is more like me.

There are exceptions, forums that I don't want to tell... but most of those forums I keep my gender to myself and am just androgynous.

I do seem to change myself a lot, though. It's not because I mean to, it's because I'm odd and tend to not really even know who I am (besides being transgendered and liking to play music.) So I'm a bit confused, and tend to change real fast... but that also could be because I'm growing up. I've realized I'm way more mature than I was a few years ago... So much it'd probably be hard to tell I'm the same person. o_O

But I really hate fooling people, whether it be online or offline, so I try hard to avoid that.

And it probably helps that I don't really trust anybody, so nobody can really fool me online. XD