Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 09:19:20 AM Return to Full Version
Title: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 09:19:20 AM
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 09:19:20 AM
I have already come out to all of my friends. Most were understanding and I can tell they won't treat me any differently. A few are trying to talk me out of it, and only one is being horrible about it. The way my boyfriend reacted just reaffirmed how perfect he is for me.
So overall, a great result, I couldn't have expected better. However I have absolutely no idea how to even start telling my family. I don't tell them anything, feelings wise, they don't really know me at all.
I live with my sister, brother, nephew and my brothers fiance. I was thinking of writing a letter to my sister but I can't bare the thought of the awkwardness after it. I wouldn't even know what to write, can anyone offer some insight?
So overall, a great result, I couldn't have expected better. However I have absolutely no idea how to even start telling my family. I don't tell them anything, feelings wise, they don't really know me at all.
I live with my sister, brother, nephew and my brothers fiance. I was thinking of writing a letter to my sister but I can't bare the thought of the awkwardness after it. I wouldn't even know what to write, can anyone offer some insight?
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 08:28:56 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 08:28:56 PM
Many use the letter as an approach. I was straight out with my family, what little there was and I am now alone. But my ex is coming around slowly now that we are apart. But getting back together isn't in the cards.
Go fishing see how they feel about Transgendered people. Then use the information to follow up.
Go fishing see how they feel about Transgendered people. Then use the information to follow up.
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 08:48:24 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 08:48:24 PM
My sister doesn't even believe in bisexuality and doesn't understand why anyone would want to be gay. I don't think she will even start to understand this
I think the best option is writing a letter to my brothers Fiance, I talk and connect with her a lot more with her than I do the others.
I figure I only have to tell one person....then everyone else will be informed either by them or by me with backup. Much less scary than telling the first initial person!
I think the best option is writing a letter to my brothers Fiance, I talk and connect with her a lot more with her than I do the others.
I figure I only have to tell one person....then everyone else will be informed either by them or by me with backup. Much less scary than telling the first initial person!
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 08:57:07 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 08:57:07 PM
That might be the best way. I know that was how my fellow employee found out for one person. Now everyone knows and those who wouldn't talk to me, I don't really care. It's they're loss. ;D
But make sure she understand fully so the wrong things are being said.
Janet
But make sure she understand fully so the wrong things are being said.
Janet
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 09:18:32 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 09:18:32 PM
A lot of the friends I told were utterly unsurprised, especially my boyfriend
Hopefully the family will be the same!
I just wish I lived on my own, it'd be so much simpler to be detached from them while it sunk in!
Hopefully the family will be the same!
I just wish I lived on my own, it'd be so much simpler to be detached from them while it sunk in!
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 09:32:39 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 09:32:39 PM
Good luck, Hon. I know it isn't easy. I always think of the worst case scenario, accept that and go forward. If you accept the worst case and it doesn't happen anything better is good. If it happens, you are prepared.
Janet
Janet
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 09:54:46 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 09:54:46 PM
I'm horribly scared of one thing
I used to live with my sister when I was 12, and when she discovered I was a self harmer she said she just couldn't handle it and she sent me in to foster care
If she kicked me out I don't have a clue where I would go!
I used to live with my sister when I was 12, and when she discovered I was a self harmer she said she just couldn't handle it and she sent me in to foster care
If she kicked me out I don't have a clue where I would go!
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 10:07:26 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 10:07:26 PM
Friends, boyfriend. We all face that possibility. Explore your options. Have a plan, that is part of the excepting the worst.
Sorry I can be of more help. May be the others might come up with something.
Love,
Janet
Sorry I can be of more help. May be the others might come up with something.
Love,
Janet
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 10:14:08 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on November 27, 2008, 10:14:08 PM
I need to come out so I can start my therapy asap, regardless of the consequences
I'm going to do it tomorrow
Wish me luck!
I'm going to do it tomorrow
Wish me luck!
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 10:17:40 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 27, 2008, 10:17:40 PM
Best of luck, Hon. May the Goddess be with you. You will be fine.
Blessed Be,
Janet
Blessed Be,
Janet
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jamie-o on November 28, 2008, 05:43:51 AM
Post by: Jamie-o on November 28, 2008, 05:43:51 AM
My plan - which I haven't had the courage to implement because I'm a total coward - is to bring up the recent study in Austria that found a variant in the genes of FtMs. Here's a brief quote from an article I read:
From there I thought I would launch into something along the lines of, "I sometimes wonder if I don't have that gene variant ..." and then a discussion about how I've never felt the female role fit me at all, and how I've felt from the time I was little that being born female was a huge cosmic mistake.
I admire your courage to tackle this head-on. Just make sure you have a plan in place, in case this impacts your living situation. Best of luck to you.
QuoteThe variation is in the gene for an enzyme called cytochrome P17, which is involved in the metabolism of sex hormones. Its presence leads to higher than average tissue concentrations of male and female sex hormones, which may in turn influence early brain development.
From there I thought I would launch into something along the lines of, "I sometimes wonder if I don't have that gene variant ..." and then a discussion about how I've never felt the female role fit me at all, and how I've felt from the time I was little that being born female was a huge cosmic mistake.
I admire your courage to tackle this head-on. Just make sure you have a plan in place, in case this impacts your living situation. Best of luck to you.
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on November 28, 2008, 02:00:12 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on November 28, 2008, 02:00:12 PM
I wrote a letter, dumped it on her bed, she wrote one back and handed it to me just now
"im happy for you, you know what you want and need, im here to help, won't tell no one promise xxx"
Success! ;D
I feel so much better already
"im happy for you, you know what you want and need, im here to help, won't tell no one promise xxx"
Success! ;D
I feel so much better already
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: vanna on November 28, 2008, 02:29:55 PM
Post by: vanna on November 28, 2008, 02:29:55 PM
Wow Dawni
thats great news i was going to just jump in and say the letter approach as well. Its always so much easier to get your point across and avoid a shouting match that probably solves nothing.
Best of luck hunni, most the time you find they suspect anyway so its good to get it in the open.
Sorry to hear also Janet, kinda sucky huh ? maybe times the healer.
thats great news i was going to just jump in and say the letter approach as well. Its always so much easier to get your point across and avoid a shouting match that probably solves nothing.
Best of luck hunni, most the time you find they suspect anyway so its good to get it in the open.
Sorry to hear also Janet, kinda sucky huh ? maybe times the healer.
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Lachlann on November 28, 2008, 02:43:05 PM
Post by: Lachlann on November 28, 2008, 02:43:05 PM
I think one thing we have to remember is, just because someone doesn't understand something does not mean they will not accept you and love you. And at other times, people don't realize or sympathize until it happens to either them or someone close to them.
I'm glad everything worked out though.
I'm glad everything worked out though.
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on November 28, 2008, 03:29:08 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on November 28, 2008, 03:29:08 PM
Thanks guys, just having people to talk to helps =3
3 people left in the house to tell, hope it continues to go well
3 people left in the house to tell, hope it continues to go well
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: iFindMeHere on November 28, 2008, 04:01:53 PM
Post by: iFindMeHere on November 28, 2008, 04:01:53 PM
Dawni I'm happy your sister took it well! May that continue.
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 28, 2008, 07:44:47 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on November 28, 2008, 07:44:47 PM
Good for you, Dawni. One down and three to go. ;D
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Fox on November 28, 2008, 08:05:39 PM
Post by: Fox on November 28, 2008, 08:05:39 PM
Good luck. I dearly hope the rest of the family goes as well for you
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: perfectisolation on November 28, 2008, 11:40:14 PM
Post by: perfectisolation on November 28, 2008, 11:40:14 PM
That's great, Dawni.. wish I had the stones to even do what you did! sounds like a good idea though, not too straightforward unlike actually gathering the family around and reading it to them.
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Anisha on November 29, 2008, 02:12:10 AM
Post by: Anisha on November 29, 2008, 02:12:10 AM
good luck ...may your family accept you...
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: justme on November 29, 2008, 04:08:37 PM
Post by: justme on November 29, 2008, 04:08:37 PM
im glad to hear the 1st one went well. good luck telling the rest.
i know i when my spouse(husband) told me the he is mtf i was suprised but she told me both ways in letter and in person because when she 1st told me was in person and i didnt want to talk about because i thought it was a joke until i read the letter.
good luck
i know i when my spouse(husband) told me the he is mtf i was suprised but she told me both ways in letter and in person because when she 1st told me was in person and i didnt want to talk about because i thought it was a joke until i read the letter.
good luck
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 12:56:54 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 12:56:54 PM
So I just told my brother
he's totally cool, he was like
"ok...sweet bro" and gave me a fist bump :P
2 down, 2 to go (in this house)
The scary one is my sister
he's totally cool, he was like
"ok...sweet bro" and gave me a fist bump :P
2 down, 2 to go (in this house)
The scary one is my sister
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 01, 2008, 01:02:52 PM
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 01, 2008, 01:02:52 PM
Quote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 12:56:54 PM
So I just told my brother
he's totally cool, he was like
"ok...sweet bro" and gave me a fist bump :P
2 down, 2 to go (in this house)
The scary one is my sister
sweeet! may you be pleasantly surprised by the 3rd!
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:04:51 PM
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:04:51 PM
Quote from: Dawni on November 28, 2008, 02:00:12 PMWow...
I wrote a letter, dumped it on her bed, she wrote one back and handed it to me just now
"im happy for you, you know what you want and need, im here to help, won't tell no one promise xxx"
Success! ;D
I feel so much better already
That's soooo much better then my parents...
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:11:13 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:11:13 PM
I'm so happy ^_^
I prepared for the worst, and it couldn't have gone better so far!
Like I say though, my two sisters are the scary ones.
Nina I think will accept it....just maybe not quite understand it
Lindsey is disapproving of every minuscule thing I do, so I'm not looking forward to telling her at all. But I don't care so much....as I live a good 2 and a half hour drive away from her
I prepared for the worst, and it couldn't have gone better so far!
Like I say though, my two sisters are the scary ones.
Nina I think will accept it....just maybe not quite understand it
Lindsey is disapproving of every minuscule thing I do, so I'm not looking forward to telling her at all. But I don't care so much....as I live a good 2 and a half hour drive away from her
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:16:05 PM
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:16:05 PM
Quote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:11:13 PMYeah, my sister's like that too...
I'm so happy ^_^
I prepared for the worst, and it couldn't have gone better so far!
Like I say though, my two sisters are the scary ones.
Nina I think will accept it....just maybe not quite understand it
Lindsey is disapproving of every minuscule thing I do, so I'm not looking forward to telling her at all. But I don't care so much....as I live a good 2 and a half hour drive away from her
I'm considering not telling her at all, it's so bad...
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 01, 2008, 01:16:54 PM
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 01, 2008, 01:16:54 PM
Quote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:11:13 PM
Lindsey is disapproving of every minuscule thing I do, so I'm not looking forward to telling her at all. But I don't care so much....as I live a good 2 and a half hour drive away from her
You know, that's how my mom is. I took some advice from a more experienced guy in my local community and pretty much laid things out as "the way it is gonna be" and it went better than it might have. Of course I also waited till I didn't really care what she thought of it anymore.... I just needed to get it off my chest.
One thing I've heard some guys say to their families is "this is part of who i am. if you want me in your life you're goinng to have to accept this." or along those lines.
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:18:22 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:18:22 PM
Quote from: Heartwood on December 01, 2008, 01:16:05 PMQuote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:11:13 PMYeah, my sister's like that too...
I'm so happy ^_^
I prepared for the worst, and it couldn't have gone better so far!
Like I say though, my two sisters are the scary ones.
Nina I think will accept it....just maybe not quite understand it
Lindsey is disapproving of every minuscule thing I do, so I'm not looking forward to telling her at all. But I don't care so much....as I live a good 2 and a half hour drive away from her
I'm considering not telling her at all, it's so bad...
I might do the same, but once I start HRT, if I ever visit she'll wonder what's going on. It'll be way more awkward like that XD
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:22:26 PM
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:22:26 PM
Quote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:18:22 PMYeah. XDQuote from: Heartwood on December 01, 2008, 01:16:05 PMQuote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:11:13 PMYeah, my sister's like that too...
I'm so happy ^_^
I prepared for the worst, and it couldn't have gone better so far!
Like I say though, my two sisters are the scary ones.
Nina I think will accept it....just maybe not quite understand it
Lindsey is disapproving of every minuscule thing I do, so I'm not looking forward to telling her at all. But I don't care so much....as I live a good 2 and a half hour drive away from her
I'm considering not telling her at all, it's so bad...
I might do the same, but once I start HRT, if I ever visit she'll wonder what's going on. It'll be way more awkward like that XD
Me: Erm, hi Caitlin! What? Why am I talking like this, and why do I have boobs? Ummm... It's a secret! :eusa_shifty:
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:28:01 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:28:01 PM
It's not so bad for ftm's
So you cut your hair, oh ok
That's pretty much it XD
So you cut your hair, oh ok
That's pretty much it XD
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:32:30 PM
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:32:30 PM
Quote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:28:01 PMYeah...
It's not so bad for ftm's
So you cut your hair, oh ok
That's pretty much it XD
You look totally like a boy in your avitar... I can't see a girl AT ALL.
And I tried my best... XD
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 01, 2008, 01:35:44 PM
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 01, 2008, 01:35:44 PM
Quote from: Heartwood on December 01, 2008, 01:22:26 PMQuote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:18:22 PMYeah. XDQuote from: Heartwood on December 01, 2008, 01:16:05 PMQuote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:11:13 PMYeah, my sister's like that too...
I'm so happy ^_^
I prepared for the worst, and it couldn't have gone better so far!
Like I say though, my two sisters are the scary ones.
Nina I think will accept it....just maybe not quite understand it
Lindsey is disapproving of every minuscule thing I do, so I'm not looking forward to telling her at all. But I don't care so much....as I live a good 2 and a half hour drive away from her
I'm considering not telling her at all, it's so bad...
I might do the same, but once I start HRT, if I ever visit she'll wonder what's going on. It'll be way more awkward like that XD
Me: Erm, hi Caitlin! What? Why am I talking like this, and why do I have boobs? Ummm... It's a secret! :eusa_shifty:
ROFLCOPTER
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:45:35 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on December 01, 2008, 01:45:35 PM
Quote from: Heartwood on December 01, 2008, 01:32:30 PMQuote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:28:01 PMYeah...
It's not so bad for ftm's
So you cut your hair, oh ok
That's pretty much it XD
You look totally like a boy in your avitar... I can't see a girl AT ALL.
And I tried my best... XD
I assumed you were a bio-girl when I first saw your avatar, before I saw your thread with the photos in.
Just imagine us after HRT ;D
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:51:18 PM
Post by: Alyx. on December 01, 2008, 01:51:18 PM
Quote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:45:35 PMYeah, I can't wait! :DQuote from: Heartwood on December 01, 2008, 01:32:30 PMQuote from: Dawni on December 01, 2008, 01:28:01 PMYeah...
It's not so bad for ftm's
So you cut your hair, oh ok
That's pretty much it XD
You look totally like a boy in your avitar... I can't see a girl AT ALL.
And I tried my best... XD
I assumed you were a bio-girl when I first saw your avatar, before I saw your thread with the photos in.
Just imagine us after HRT ;D
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on December 02, 2008, 04:11:11 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on December 02, 2008, 04:11:11 PM
I text my sister while she was out today, just got a reply
I sent this:
"im taking this opportunity to text you this while you're out because i suck face to face. just gonna be blunt! you may not be entirely surprised since the haircut. I'm trasgendered. I've sort of always known deep down. The reason I asked for a doctors apointment is so i can go i for gender therapy and hormone treatment. Clare and Carlos already know. Yes...im totally serious =P"
the reply:
"you idiot. im your sister and i love you. what ever makes you happy my little sis. thats all i want is for you to be happy. and hoover up...lol. it don't change anything xxx"
Excellant result ;D the only thing that could have made it better is if she called me "little bro" :P
and also not reminding me about my chores, but oh well ;D
I sent this:
"im taking this opportunity to text you this while you're out because i suck face to face. just gonna be blunt! you may not be entirely surprised since the haircut. I'm trasgendered. I've sort of always known deep down. The reason I asked for a doctors apointment is so i can go i for gender therapy and hormone treatment. Clare and Carlos already know. Yes...im totally serious =P"
the reply:
"you idiot. im your sister and i love you. what ever makes you happy my little sis. thats all i want is for you to be happy. and hoover up...lol. it don't change anything xxx"
Excellant result ;D the only thing that could have made it better is if she called me "little bro" :P
and also not reminding me about my chores, but oh well ;D
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 02, 2008, 04:36:03 PM
Post by: iFindMeHere on December 02, 2008, 04:36:03 PM
Quote from: Dawni on December 02, 2008, 04:11:11 PM
I text my sister while she was out today, just got a reply
I sent this:
"im taking this opportunity to text you this while you're out because i suck face to face. just gonna be blunt! you may not be entirely surprised since the haircut. I'm trasgendered. I've sort of always known deep down. The reason I asked for a doctors apointment is so i can go i for gender therapy and hormone treatment. Clare and Carlos already know. Yes...im totally serious =P"
the reply:
"you idiot. im your sister and i love you. what ever makes you happy my little sis. thats all i want is for you to be happy. and hoover up...lol. it don't change anything xxx"
Excellant result ;D the only thing that could have made it better is if she called me "little bro" :P
and also not reminding me about my chores, but oh well ;D
*BROHUGS* AW MAN THAT IS AWESOME. 4 for 4 right?
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Jeatyn on December 02, 2008, 04:45:28 PM
Post by: Jeatyn on December 02, 2008, 04:45:28 PM
Quote from: iFindMeHere on December 02, 2008, 04:36:03 PMQuote from: Dawni on December 02, 2008, 04:11:11 PM
I text my sister while she was out today, just got a reply
I sent this:
"im taking this opportunity to text you this while you're out because i suck face to face. just gonna be blunt! you may not be entirely surprised since the haircut. I'm trasgendered. I've sort of always known deep down. The reason I asked for a doctors apointment is so i can go i for gender therapy and hormone treatment. Clare and Carlos already know. Yes...im totally serious =P"
the reply:
"you idiot. im your sister and i love you. what ever makes you happy my little sis. thats all i want is for you to be happy. and hoover up...lol. it don't change anything xxx"
Excellant result ;D the only thing that could have made it better is if she called me "little bro" :P
and also not reminding me about my chores, but oh well ;D
*BROHUGS* AW MAN THAT IS AWESOME. 4 for 4 right?
my nephew doesn't know yet, but I know he'll be fine with whatever I do.
Now it's just outside the house I need to tell
my oldest sister is the scary one XD
Title: Re: How do I even start to tell my family? Advice needed
Post by: Janet_Girl on December 03, 2008, 12:12:21 AM
Post by: Janet_Girl on December 03, 2008, 12:12:21 AM
Well at least the household is on board. That must be a relief. As for the big bad scary sister, What could she do?
You will be fine, Dawni. Big Hug for the Big Guy.
Janet
You will be fine, Dawni. Big Hug for the Big Guy.
Janet