Susan's Place Transgender Resources

do you believe the people deserve second chances if they honestly are sorry for what they did, admit that it was a mistake, and they're completely honest with you about what happened?

For me it depends on what they did. I would only evaluate it on a case by case basis rather than attempt to draw a cover-all conclusion. But, having said that, personally, I have given someone a second chance in about 90% of instances.

Honesty does count for a lot in my book, and if someone was up-front from the start, without attempting to cover up or hide anything, that would make a difference in my reaction.

Everyone makes mistakes. I think what matters is that they're learned from and not repeated. Trust is another issue... if my trust in someone was betrayed, it would take me a long, long time to rebuild that.

no. i think the people who have given me second (and third) chances are saints.

Sure, why not?  No one I know is perfect, perhaps we're even a little less perfect than the norm.  Walking through a lot of places we never should have been in and all that.  Mistakes were made, they happen.  Some of them were not even mistakes.  We knew the right thing to do, and went ahead and did something else anyway.  I try not to dwell on the past, but to live in possibility.

I think it's necessary if I am to have any friends, relatives, acquaintances that I am not upset with. People make mistakes consistently from the time we start messing up diapers!

Will I forgive everything? Prolly not, but then I simply go on about my life and don't worry with it all that much. Is what it is. People apologize, or don't. Try to do better, or don't. Forgive, or don't.

Easier to forgive for me than to update my "hate" list on a regular basis. Far more effort to that than is worth my while.

Nichole

Because it's Thanksgiving, and because I listen to this every Thanksgiving, at least in my own head I thought this might work here.

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there.  Mother rapers.  Father stabbers.  Father rapers!  Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me!  And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?"  I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage."  He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering."  And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And creating a nuisance."  And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench.

I've always figured I was on the Group W bench too.  I'm I've always felt that - like Arlo - there sure are a lot of people on that bench a whole lot worse then I am.  But they are the people on my bench, my tribe as it were.  And, what the hell, might as well get along with them.  Besides, it never really matters if you forgive anyone else - you, not them, carry that crap around inside you - it only matters if you can forgive yourself.

I think everyone deserves SECOND (keyword  ;)) chances, not third, fourth and fifth however because when that happens, everything becomes a huge joke, and I am not very fond of jokes!

tink :icon_chick:

For many of the reasons people have already stated. Yes, I give people a second chance, and, depending on the mistake made, third and fourth chances. Everyone makes mistakes and if we all had to wear the consequences of every mistake we've ever made, we'd never leave the house.

Dennis

Quotedo you believe the people deserve second chances if they honestly are sorry for what they did, admit that it was a mistake, and they're completely honest with you about what happened?

What actions are they taking for restitution? People do not deserve anything. But is a culture where people help each other a life can be easier if you forgive? Actions speak louder than words anyone can say the words without meaning. Mistakes are human but so is doing your best.

Deserves, hmmm. Yes and no.

I think deserve is the wrong word. EARN is a better one. You earn it through your actions before and after said incident. Deserve tends to mean you have a right to it, and in some cases you clearly do not.

That being said, I do tend to forgive a bit too easy I suppose.

Quote from: tekla on November 28, 2008, 10:47:51 AM
Because it's Thanksgiving, and because I listen to this every Thanksgiving, at least in my own head I thought this might work here.

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there.  Mother rapers.  Father stabbers.  Father rapers!  Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me!  And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?"  I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay $50 and pick up the garbage."  He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?" And I said, "Littering."  And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And creating a nuisance."  And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench.

I've always figured I was on the Group W bench too.  I'm I've always felt that - like Arlo - there sure are a lot of people on that bench a whole lot worse then I am.  But they are the people on my bench, my tribe as it were.  And, what the hell, might as well get along with them.  Besides, it never really matters if you forgive anyone else - you, not them, carry that crap around inside you - it only matters if you can forgive yourself.

But when we got to the police officer station, there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both arrested.

I love the cheesiness of side B.

--

To anser the question, I always thought you're supposed to forgive seven times seventy-seven times. That makes five-hundred and thirty-nine, if you're one to keep count.

The real reason you forgive people is so you don't have to lug that junk around with you, it has little to do with them.


The kicker always was

I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn women,
kids, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug."  He looked at me and
said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
off to Washington."

Quote from: Emme on November 28, 2008, 08:19:39 AM
Deserve?  No.  That word, for me, implies an entitlement.  I'm not obligated to give anyone a first chance, let alone a second one.

Seconded.
But that said, I am exceptionally fond of compassion, or at least the notion there of. Reality tends to be different, sadly. It is, interestingly enough, something I work on.

Quote from: tekla on November 29, 2008, 02:35:12 PM
The real reason you forgive people is so you don't have to lug that junk around with you, it has little to do with them.

Indeed -- this is why having ample forgiveness is not a weak position, but strong. The reparative work that goes beyond mere forgiveness and does involve "them" is atonement -- always to be desired, but too often all but impossible.

Also, since you mention it,











("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")

Nope.  You?

I'm working on it. But I'm not sure it would make Whitehall Street very happy.

It really depends on the person and what they did.

If they're completely honest and really mean what they are saying, yes, I believe in giving a second chance. I don't know if I'd ever give a third chance though.

~Simone.

Tough love is a good thing with some people (depending on the situation) and will never work with others (some people have mental issues). Giving too many chances allows the giver to become an enabler. Getting too many chances doesn't allow someone to grow and learn.

To me, it depends on what they did an why=]

I revise my answer:

Only if they have a really cool name, like "Blagojevich"!!!

>:-) >:-) >:-) >:-)

:o

:P

Heya,

I completely believe in giving people a second chance. Heaven forbid that I be held accountable for eternity for the mistakes I have made. I am a big fan of Star Trek and the Vulcan's. If I weren't trans I would make a perfect Vulcan. Surak had a saying that I take to heart -- there is no offense where none is taken. I don't hold peoples offenses against them because I believe anyone can change. Of course, this doesn't mean I will give them the chance to repeat the same mistake or behavior multiple times.

Dee

Quote from: Emme on November 28, 2008, 08:19:39 AM
Deserve?  No.  That word, for me, implies an entitlement.  I'm not obligated to give anyone a first chance, let alone a second one.

QFT.  To give you must first possess, and to give wisely you must first possess in spare.  On no account is a chance, however many there are, an obligation on anybody's part.

Do I?  Sure.  In order to survive, you have to rely.  That means giving someone a chance.  It's not an obligation, but paradoxically it is mandatory.

maybe no one knows what a person deserves except for the person who needs the second chance.

Deciding on who is deserving or not is like way above the level of responsibility I think I have, and far, far more than I would ever want.

Yes, of course.
I would want the same.

-Sara

Depending on what they did, i believe in second chances. If the company i work for never gave me 3rd and 4 th chances i would now be homeless. I would be living in my van down by the river.

It depends on the situation.  In most cases, in terms of cheating, I dont give second chances because nothing is the same to me after I find out, but in general being human makes us creatures who make mistakes...if no one ever got a second chance for anything, where would our species be?

We err, we hopefully learn from it...if we have a conscience, we may also feel guilt or remorse or sadness or a desire to right the wrong.