Susan's Place Transgender Resources

(my old name):

You have made me sooooooo sad.  Sad for you, for how you have struggled, for your history of attempts to quell your desperation, for how you are feeling now, but I know that this is not the answer.  It is also sad that you would choose the alienation & the additional attn that you crave & just shove aside the ripple effect that you will selfishly be causing.
You are hyper-focusing on something that will cause you to further continue to both abuse & mutilate yourself emotionally, spiritually & physically.  You will find that even this will not "fill the void & make you whole." Think about how this will affect others that love you. 
Shouldn't you be focusing on the more important issues, like making a stable home for yourself & your daughter.  Providing for all of her needs.  Preventing the confusion & possible impairment that you are causing her?       
Sadly, you are again choosing to abandon your daughter's rite to be able to call you Mom.  Everyone needs their Mom!  That is wrong on so many levels.  It is like giving a gift & then violently taking it back.
But just like (my stepfather) said, you will not listen to others that love & care about you...You always have the answer.  Does a response of  love & empathy extend to us?  Do you care about the rest of us at all?
Sorrowfully
Love
Mom

wow.  ::)
i feel for you dude.

You know... i can't care anymore. The things she thinks about me are inaccurate.

Yeah dude, that's harsh.

I like saying dude. :P

hopefully she'll be able to come around in time

*big hugs*

I'm so sorry she did that to you, iFindMeHere. I know it hurts, it really does. You have all my sympathy, as my mother did the same thing to me. I hope she didn't tear you apart with harsh talk and aggression like my mother did :(.

I do hope she will come around once she sees that you are doing this for your better good.

*big hugs*

Quote from: findingreason on December 05, 2008, 08:23:41 PM
*big hugs*

I'm so sorry she did that to you, iFindMeHere. I know it hurts, it really does. You have all my sympathy, as my mother did the same thing to me. I hope she didn't tear you apart with harsh talk and aggression like my mother did :(.

I do hope she will come around once she sees that you are doing this for your better good.

*big hugs*

Honestly... it doesn't hurt. It's just comedy at this point. I literally laughed out loud at her picture of me versus who I know me to be.

Yeah. I just don't see this as worth responding to, which of course will insult her ::)

Keep that letter and respond to it in 10, 20 years time when you have made a successful life for yourself and your family.

~Simone,
       Feeling vindictive.

It's good that you're not taking this so badly... tho I'm sure your mom is really hurting. but if you've already explained to her about everything then i'm sure she'll come around.

Sounds like it's all about her, and a good guilt trip thrown in for good measure.

Yep, we transition just to make our own and their lives miserable.  We're selfish people.

I've found that with my own (narcissistic) mother that I just have to ignore stuff like this, pretend she never said it, and get on with my own life as originally planned.  Eventually she stops the guilt trips; or rather I become immune to them.

She still argues with me over homeschooling my kids.

Jay

iFindMeHere,

I am so sorry... for your Mother.  Your daughter still has you.  And she will always have you, regardless of how you look or act, or who you become.

Your Mother is using the old "Think about Others' line, and they should be saying "Think about ME, How is it going to look for ME.  How can I face my friends and neighbors".  And that attitude has stop many of us from becoming a happy person.  It isn't about them,  it is about you and being happy.  It is better for you to be happy, thus becoming a better Mom to your daughter.  And a better person all around.

Janet

She thinks you crave alienation.  WTF?  Things like this make me glad that my parents are at least worried about me, rather than about how this will hurt them.
Bewildered Adrian

Quote from: Mr. Fox on December 06, 2008, 08:30:57 PM
She thinks you crave alienation.  WTF?  Things like this make me glad that my parents are at least worried about me, rather than about how this will hurt them.
Bewildered Adrian

Eeh... basically, I grew up abused and with inappropriate gender expectations (duh) and she's got some sort of mental illness, maybe a particularly histrionic case of borderline? dunno. I'm not her Psychologist. Whatever it is, the situation evolved into me being this sort of black sheep Munchausen-By-Proxy figure for her and she hasn't detached from that cycle yet.

I was at one point not unlike what she described, but that was years and lots of therapy and personal work ago, but I suspect if she acknowledges that it will cost her the external focus that allows her to avoid her own issues.

My mom is very similar to yours. I just can't deal with her and would feel the same you do in response to your moms letter. I can no longer deal or feel with her emotions, I am not her therapist and its not healthy for me to care about her reactions. I am not even sure I would tell her (OK on some level I would have too)  and I am sure she could find someway to twist it into how much it affects her and I am just hurting her I always forget my life is all about her. Some family dynamics just aren't healthy emtionaly or physicaly and you have to take yourself out of that.
Congrats on how you are dealing with it.
Myles

That is harsh dude.

i never did respond... a few days later she sent me an email talking to me like nothing happened. So I'm going with that.

QuoteYou know... i can't care anymore. The things she thinks about me are inaccurate.

Quote from: Emme on December 05, 2008, 09:10:30 PM
The best thing you can do is live well and love well.

Keep caring, but give yourself a long term plan. Emme's right. When I came out as gay, 28 years ago (god was it that long ago?). My parents were very negative about it, wanted me to hide it, so I'd fit in. I couldn't do that. When I graduated from law school, I got a standing ovation from the class I graduated with. They had been told that clapping would take up too much time, so nobody applauded anyone, but I got a standing O. And it was because I was out and proud of who I was. And who I am. I just had the gender thing wrong at the time, but I knew there was nothing wrong with loving women. And there isn't, whether you're a woman or a man, and whatever body you're in.

Now, I get more trusted with my decisions, no matter how far off the wall they may seem (*cough* transitioning *cough*). I made it on my own and people liked me as I was. You can't hope for that instantly. You have to build respect and caring. Be to others what you would have them be to you. (I might not be the first to say that.)

People who love you do care about you and they might react badly to decisions they think are going to hurt you, and sometimes they say very hurtful things to try and dissuade you from a decision they think will hurt you. But if you are stoic and just live your life as though you counted as much as anyone else, you will count as much as anyone else. And they'll get to realize it too. But the people who love you most will trust your decisions the least.

Dennis

Hi
You sound as if you are standing up to it well. But if it is an M by P syndrome they tend to hit, then lie low, then hit again. Usually at an emotionally dangerous point. You sound as if you have experienced this before but be careful, I think you should bring this up with your therapist. Love you, your daughter, your life. That sounds like the order to me.

LoL
Cindy James

Quote from: iFindMeHere on December 16, 2008, 12:40:30 AM
i never did respond... a few days later she sent me an email talking to me like nothing happened. So I'm going with that.

That is probably what I would have done too bud.

Thanks Dennis... I think I may print your words out and stick them on my mirror (Is serious).

And Cindy---yup. She seems to always call when I'm feeling low. I learned not to answer :) So we now mostly email.

BUT SHE CALLED ME YESTERDAY AND WE TALKED FOR 20 MINUTES AND IT WAS MOSTLY GOOD! Shallow but that's fine.

I agree with Janet. There's a big "ME" all over that letter.  I was more fortunate with my mother, not so with the wife.  My therapist told me I have to live my life, not someone else's.  After so many years, I'm finally starting to move in that direction, again... She may not come around, doesn't sound like it.  You have to live your life.  By being your true self, living your own life and living well, you will be better able to love and support your daughter.  I'm sure your daughter will always love and respect who you are.

Quote from: Katherine on December 23, 2008, 11:01:36 AM
My therapist told me I have to live my life, not someone else's.  After so many years, I'm finally starting to move in that direction, again...

Very true words, holding that to my heart has kept me sane for the last 5 years and got me through some very tough parental moments and accusations.

I really hope it works out fine hunny, the shallow talk is a great start though even if you're not dealing with your bigger issues that you might rather discuss your mum is just feeling her way back into your relationship and that can only be a good thing.

Quote from: Katherine on December 23, 2008, 11:01:36 AM
I agree with Janet. There's a big "ME" all over that letter ... By being your true self, living your own life and living well, you will be better able to love and support your daughter.  I'm sure your daughter will always love and respect who you are.

Yep Yep. When one is a parent, suicide is not an option--or i'd be dead already.

On the bright side, at least she didn't threaten you.
That's quite a common (and desperate) tactic.
I know it's a cliché, but...
Things could be worse.

Quote from: Vexing on December 23, 2008, 03:11:53 PM
On the bright side, at least she didn't threaten you.
That's quite a common (and desperate) tactic.
I know it's a cliché, but...
Things could be worse.

Yes, all of this is true. I'm pretty ok about it.