Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am very new to this forum and have found many of the postings very insightful.  Here is my situation, I will try to be brief if possible....

I am a lesbian and in a long-term committed relationship.  My partner is talking about transitioning. I was a little caught off guard by her decision, since while she is more masculine than I, she is not overly so - more androgynous.  Anyway, she had top surgery a couple of months ago and she is ecstatic.  I'm okay with it - she seemed to act rather quickly - it was initially supposed to be a reduction, but then shifted to a double mastectomy.  Either way, it's fine by me - I love her.  It didn't change who she is at all.  She is now exploring hormones and this terrifies me for many reasons.  She keeps saying that she won't be any different, just a deeper voice, more hair, and a stronger libido.   I think she is minimizing the impact of hormones.  I'm scared of the longterm health complications and that her personality is going to change.  Can anyone share their experiences regarding personality differences, etc.?  I realize this may sound horrible to some (it isn't intended badly), but I'm frightened by her becoming extremely "manly" - not only in appearance (facial hair, etc.), but also in mannerisms/personality/etc.   

I should mention my partner contends that she doesn't feel like a male or a female... just "her".  So, her decision to proceed with the transition is to get to "her true self" which is somewhere in the middle. Does that make sense?

I can see how the physical appearance stuff would possibly put off a partner, and that is a risk. It is a fairly slow process though, so it may be something you get used to as it goes along. Definitely keep the lines of communication open.

I personally didn't notice any personality changes. People told me I seemed more relaxed and happy, but I haven't received any negative feedback about aggression or any of the stereotypical male things. I have seen some report increased aggression, but also that they've altered their doses to fix that.

Dennis

Dennis- Thanks for the insightful and quick response!  i'm glad to hear that you didn't experience any negative personality changes -- the happy and relaxed is exactly what I hope for!  The gradual process is good point and one I will try to keep in mind.  I'll let you know how things go.

Hihi. I am moving in the other direction, and yeah, while there have been alot of small personality changes I've noticed in myself, the best others can come up with when I ask them is that I'm "happier and more optimistic and more open". From the personal point of view no longer having T in my body has made me more emotionally expressive (it is SUCH a wonderful thing to be able to cry again, 'cause I literally couldn't before) and obviously my libido is waaaay down. Apart from that though, I'm still a geek, still enjoy mad debates that achieve nothing, still like martial arts and hiking and stuff, etc.

So I wouldn't worry too much sweetie. As Dennis said, the changes are so gradual that most people I know from before still insist they can't see a difference, even though I'm passing 100% these days. The best they can come up with when pushed is that my face has "softened a bit" or "gotten fat".

Hugs, and good luck.

Mina.

Quote from: mina.m->-bleeped-<-ie link=topic=53014.msg328222#msg328222 date=1231173302
Hihi. I am moving in the other direction, and yeah, while there have been alot of small personality changes I've noticed in myself, the best others can come up with when I ask them is that I'm "happier and more optimistic and more open". From the personal point of view no longer having T in my body has made me more emotionally expressive (it is SUCH a wonderful thing to be able to cry again, 'cause I literally couldn't before) and obviously my libido is waaaay down. Apart from that though, I'm still a geek, still enjoy mad debates that achieve nothing, still like martial arts and hiking and stuff, etc.

So I wouldn't worry too much sweetie. As Dennis said, the changes are so gradual that most people I know from before still insist they can't see a difference, even though I'm passing 100% these days. The best they can come up with when pushed is that my face has "softened a bit" or "gotten fat".

Hugs, and good luck.

Mina.

Hello Mina,  I shall be starting on a supervised hormone program within the next 4 to 8 weeks, mainly Zoladex but also some oestrogens at a low dose ( owing to past strokes ).   My greatest hope is that the Zoladex not only vastly reduces the Testosterone within my body but that there may be beneficial 'changes' to my facial appearence.   This being the one area that lets me down in my transition, I do my best but poeple still see the 'male' face despite my best efforts at cosmetics etc.

I have heard that as M to F patients, our faces subtly change for not having the vast but normal levels of Testosterone swimming around inside us.  I hope this is true as it would make my transition a little more pleasant than it is now.  I am on Finasteride since October 2008 and have noticed a small change in my lip shape ( slightly puffier with more shape to the top lip ) and if the rest of my face can change enough to make a difference then that would be wonderful  .

As for personality, I already feel as much female as ever but retain most of my male interests.  Interestingly, my interest in sports has dropped off to zero as it does not fit in with my outlook upon life. This is without the medication as living fulltime as a woman for 3 years has opened me up to new experiences and interests and I am interested in how much I may change once the therapy begins.

JENNIFER: Good luck sweetie, and I really hope the new meds do what they need to. HRT definitely changes your facial appearance. ALOT, but it's a gradual process, so you won't notice it and people that see you on a regular basis probably won't either. The best you can do is gauge your appearance by how strangers react to you, and by asking the opinions of informed, objective people you trust, like around here for example. Judging by your Avatar photo (assuming that's you ;) ), I think you have a very good base from which to work, and HRT is going to do wonders.

Mina.

Quote from: mina.m->-bleeped-<-ie link=topic=53014.msg328245#msg328245 date=1231180977
JENNIFER: Good luck sweetie, and I really hope the new meds do what they need to. HRT definitely changes your facial appearance. ALOT, but it's a gradual process, so you won't notice it and people that see you on a regular basis probably won't either. The best you can do is gauge your appearance by how strangers react to you, and by asking the opinions of informed, objective people you trust, like around here for example. Judging by your Avatar photo (assuming that's you ;) ), I think you have a very good base from which to work, and HRT is going to do wonders.

Mina.

YEP!!! It is me although now 2 years since that picture was taken, i wear spectacles now and a slightly shorter wig.  Thank you for the reassurances, the people at work take me as ME, have only known me as female so I guess it will be the massed ranks of strangerland that will have to make a judgment about me.  As if I actually care what they think but i do care about how I feel about my self and want to look nice.  It is a girl thing I guess......

OP- Fear of that kind of thing is normal, I think. :) But from everything I've read here, personality doesn't really change.. or if it does, it's only because they're free to fully express themselves for once.  As for long-term health effects, the doctor will make sure that the hormones are at an appropriate and healthy level, and that the person is healthy enough for them to begin with. :) So while it will indeed need keeping track of, it's also not that hard to go fifty years on hormones with no problems. :)

Good luck. :)

I can really relate to what you are saying. My partner hasn't gone through any of the transition process yet, but wants to complete AT LEAST top surgery and hormones. Top surgery doesn't bother me in the least, in fact, I'd encourage that for both of us. However, hormones worry me. I also identify as a gay female, and have found myself so at home within that label, finally, as before I questioned it. I have really found that I have no attraction to males, and am worried that my partner will be too masculine for me once undergoing HRT. I felt so alone in being uncomfortable with the possible changes, and have felt really awful for myself about the fact that I couldn't get over it and really be 100% okay with my partner wanting to fully transistion, so it is nice to know that someone out there feels somewhat like I do, and I hope it is somewhat comforting to you to know that you're also not alone.

My s/o was really worried about the attitude and the agression also. I'm happy to report that it has made me way more relaxed and at peace with myself. Now when I'm cranky (which happens waaaaayyyy less, she can't wait for me to do the next shot...The changes are slow, it's been two and a half months and my face is starting to change and my voice is somewhat deeper. Nothing really radical to report. I'm just happier!

I have been on testosterone 8 months now, and while I had pretty nasty anger problems before, they have all but left me. The only time I experience that anymore is when I run out of T. If there's any personality change to be had from testosterone, it's only a biproduct of the confidence you have once you're in the right gender inside AND out. Testosterone is merely a hormone; it changes the physical, not the mental. S/he might be more confident, more assertive... but that's all psychological.

As far as physical danger, there is none inherent in taking T except that your risk of heart disease/attacks go from what you would have naturally to what you would have had, naturally, had you been born male. That is, unless you count alopecia as a physical danger (I do LOL).

SD