Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am scheduled for an orchi on Friday and my spouse says she has researched transsexual sites who say that I can expect to be depressed and lethargic for years afterwards. She is really against me doing this procedure but is going to help me with recovery. However, with a week to go she comes up with this chestnut. She likes to view me as mentally ill or depressed and has come up with several diagnoses for me in the past to explain my emotional state. She tried to get my therapists to go along with her diagnosis too. I had four of them and they all say I am trans.

A bit of background, I have been on HRT for around seven years and have considerably atrophied parts. I think that they are not producing much Testosterone so even if there is a change, I think it will be negligible. But since I haven't experienced it, I don't know.

I am asking the folks here if depression and lethargy are a certainty after an orchi? Your thoughts?

Depression (or just feeling 'down') will result from the general anesthetic.
It's common to all surgeries where they put you under.
The effects can sometimes linger up to 6 months, but they will pass.

It's nothing to do with the having your testes removed.

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 05, 2009, 02:22:05 PM
I am scheduled for an orchi on Friday and my spouse says she has researched transsexual sites who say that I can expect to be depressed and lethargic for years afterwards. She is really against me doing this procedure but is going to help me with recovery. However, with a week to go she comes up with this chestnut. She likes to view me as mentally ill or depressed and has come up with several diagnoses for me in the past to explain my emotional state. She tried to get my therapists to go along with her diagnosis too. I had four of them and they all say I am trans.

A bit of background, I have been on HRT for around seven years and have considerably atrophied parts. I think that they are not producing much Testosterone so even if there is a change, I think it will be negligible. But since I haven't experienced it, I don't know.

I am asking the folks here if depression and lethargy are a certainty after an orchi? Your thoughts?

well gosh, after 7 years on HRT, does one even *need* an orchi? one could save that money for FFS or SRS, couldn't one?

as for your spouse bugging you about what flavor of mental case you may be, hm.
some members of my family also treat me like a mental patient, but not the ones who really care about me. only the ones who were never particularly fond of me in the first place, know what i mean?

-ell

After having partial FFS in May, I noticed depression for about a month afterwards. I am expecting it again after FFS on Thursday as well for another month or so. It's something that comes with the territory of surgery, but I don't think it has anything specifically to do with the actual type of surgery you're having (orchi) as Vexing said.

It's been three months since my own orchiectomy Maggie, and yes there is a bit of post-op depression as with any surgery.  However if you're on the right hormone levels post-op then I don't see any problem with you being lethargic.  I stayed on the same dosage post-op as I was on pre-op and haven't noticed any negative side effects, only positive ones.

Best of luck to you, and don't worry about what anyone says, including your spouse.  This is your body and you do what you have to. *hugs*

Jenn

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 05, 2009, 02:22:05 PM
I am asking the folks here if depression and lethargy are a certainty after an orchi? Your thoughts?

I've had several surgical procedures, Maggie.  And I had a short period of depression following all of them.  This is a physical manifestation of the effects of anesthesia.  And for me, the depression lasted a very short period of time, at most a couple of weeks.

Having been clinically depressed most of my life, I can tell what type of depression it was and it was the result of anesthesia not the result of having my gonads removed.

If you recall, Maggie, I had an orchi about a year before I had my SRS because at that time I wasn't sure I was going to go through with a full SRS but I *needed* to do something permanent and irreversible about my gender.  And the orchi was absolutely the right thing for me to do.

Once the effect of the anesthesia lifted, I felt much calmer and more alive having done this.  I think you'll find much the same results.

Maggie, you and I have discussed at length the relationship you have with your spouse.  I am familiar with the background you have given me.  So that being said, could your spouse give us any indication of what sort of research she has done on "transsexual sites" to come up with the opinion that an orchi leaves the patient depressed for years and years?

As a post operative woman, I feel I have done a fair amount of my own research about every procedure I have had and no where in any of my research have I found anything like the information she has said.  If you could ask her to name some of the sites she has looked at I would like to verify her information.

I can say that from personal experience, that having an orchi if you are a transsexual can be very fulfilling.

I think you'll be fine, hon!

-Sandy

There are two cases I can think of that could cause long-term depression after having an orchi, that would not be due to just the anesthesia:

1) Regret: If you regret having the orchi then of course most people would follow a path to depression due to the permanent change.

2) Sadness: Sadness caused by lack of, or inability to get full SRS. If you have an orchi, but are of the mindset that you would rather have SRS yet can't for many years, then yes, I believe a certain level of depression may occur. I could see myself becoming somewhat depressed after having an orchi and not being able to get SRS. However, at the same time, it may be overruled by the fact that I at least got something done down there, or if you know all you want is an orchi and not full SRS then this would not be a problem either.

Aside from those, and/or any possible mental conditions prior to the orchi, I don't see why one would be depressed after having an orchi aside from the usual side affect of anesthesia.

I do not wish to appear flippant in any way but I feel that if one loses one's nemesis ( testicles M to F or Breasts/ovaries etc F to M ) then is one not less likely to be depressed? 

I know myself that if I manage to have an Orchiectomy prior to SRS I would feel like dancing down the street for the wine merchant and a bottle of Champagne.  I hate the things, they get in the way and I cant get rid of them quickly enough .

I may be wrong but I truely feel this way.

Thank you all so much for the replies. I am going to do this under a local not a general so that part of it won't be a factor. The doctor I have selected has a very good rep for doing these in a way that is not painful but I know I will probably feel a bit of uncomfortable pulling.

Sandy, my spouse won't say where she gets any of her information for some reason and I think it is because she exaggerates or distorts it deliberately. If I had to guess, I would say it is on a mental health site that deals with depression. I suspect that there was a clinically depressed transwoman there who said something and my spouse made it into more than it was. She has a penchant for rather coldly mentioning things that will send shivers up the spine. I think she wants me to call it off because it will be a huge step towards me being fully female, something she is still furious about.   

As for why do an orchi after so long on HRT, I need to have the body that won't revert back to maleness even if I can't get hormones. Plus I still need to tuck and I hate the bulge.

Jennifer, I feel the same way!!!

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 05, 2009, 03:43:46 PM
Sandy, my spouse won't say where she gets any of her information for some reason and I think it is because she exaggerates or distorts it deliberately. If I had to guess, I would say it is on a mental health site that deals with depression. I suspect that there was a clinically depressed transwoman there who said something and my spouse made it into more than it was. She has a penchant for rather coldly mentioning things that will send shivers up the spine. I think she wants me to call it off because it will be a huge step towards me being fully female, something she is still furious about.   

As for why do an orchi after so long on HRT, I need to have the body that won't revert back to maleness even if I can't get hormones. Plus I still need to tuck and I hate the bulge.

I kind of thought that may have been the case. As I recall she believed that transwomen were suffering the effects of andropause and that was the cause of their feelings.  I really thought she had gotten past all that.  You have my sympathies on that part of it.  I hope that one day she may support you as the person you really are and not some image of who she thinks you should be.

To any male that is not a transsexual, having anything like this done would be daunting.  Think of all the men who have testicular cancer who have an orchi.  They would probably be depressed for a long time afterward as well.  However, we are not dealing with cancer and they are not dealing with being transsexual.

Following your orchi, you'll still have to tuck, of course, but much less!

BTW: I really think it would be safe to put up some of your pictures.  You really are a beautiful woman.

-Sandy

No offense, but your spouse sounds like a complete cow.
Why are you still with her? (if you don't mind me asking)

Sandy,
Thanks, you are remembering correctly. One of my challenges is to learn how to live with a woman who is dealing with massive anger over living with me now that I am full time. I have the unfortunate situation that in spite of more hurts than words can express, I still love that woman and want a relationship. I also stay because I don't have an income large enough to live on my own now. My business was going well but it now is not growing which is no surprise in this economy. If I could leave, I'd still hesitate because it would be a real hardship on her financially. 
Maybe if my novel sells, I could have more options but I am only getting the proof copy this week.
It would be sometime perhaps months before I could know if it is going to sell. So I stay...

Now that all could change in a heartbeat if I met the right person but at my age and status, not too likely. 

I'll put a photo up. I'm blushing...

I understand. Money makes things difficult in a lot of situations - and makes us do things we would rather not do.
Lovely photo; you look very happy and very feminine  :)

Maggie, I had an orchi after being on hormones for about 5 or 6 years. I thought, like Sandy, that would be all I needed. I just wanted to stop some of the pills I was taking to reduce the testosterone. It worked, but the orchi was not what I wanted. I still had a penis and that is what I wanted gone. I had the orchi and it was two years later that I had my GRS. In that time, I don't remember any depression. Then again, I have been depressed all my life anyway, so I really didn't know any different. I was suicidal but admitting to myself that I was female and not male really helped me get over the tendancies of trying to commit suicide. I think for some, an orchi is all you need. We are all different and we all need different needs.

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 05, 2009, 04:27:16 PM
I'll put a photo up. I'm blushing...

You are such a beautiful woman.  You should be proud!

-Sandy

My orchiectomy was done in December of 2007.  I had a radical inguinal orchiectomy done, under general anesthesia.  I lost my job about a month and a half later.  Whatever post-op depression I may have had was mixed up in my depression over having to find work only 4 months after going full time.

It didn't last though.

While I would rather have saved the money for a future SRS, I'm pleased that I had it done.  The depression, if it was caused by the orchi, was short lived and quite mild compared to how I felt when I started transition.  Now, a year later, I am fine, have good energy levels and only get depressed when I too deeply consider that last detail of transition that I haven't had the funds to take care of yet.

hugs & smiles
Emelye

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 05, 2009, 02:22:05 PM
I am scheduled for an orchi on Friday and my spouse says she has researched transsexual sites who say that I can expect to be depressed and lethargic for years afterwards. She is really against me doing this procedure but is going to help me with recovery. However, with a week to go she comes up with this chestnut. She likes to view me as mentally ill or depressed and has come up with several diagnoses for me in the past to explain my emotional state. She tried to get my therapists to go along with her diagnosis too. I had four of them and they all say I am trans.

A bit of background, I have been on HRT for around seven years and have considerably atrophied parts. I think that they are not producing much Testosterone so even if there is a change, I think it will be negligible. But since I haven't experienced it, I don't know.

I am asking the folks here if depression and lethargy are a certainty after an orchi? Your thoughts?

My experience was that being on estrogen and anti-androgens made me feel Right for the first time I could remember and the surgery that also involved removal of testes only sealed the deal.  You might feel depressed afterwards if you forget to take your estrogen for a while and it is possible as Vexing stated that the surgical process and anesthesia might cause some temporary depression.

Quote from: Vexing on January 05, 2009, 04:03:19 PM
No offense, but your spouse sounds like a complete cow.
Why are you still with her? (if you don't mind me asking)

Not a bad question to be asking.

 About the only thing I can think to add is umm your own weather Gage. Any thing she diagnosis is the opposite and the more negative the prognosis she comes up with the better the real results.
If this is close to your own thinking please let me know. If not than no offense intended.

Quote from: Caprica-6 on January 05, 2009, 08:39:48 PM

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 05, 2009, 02:22:05 PM

I am asking the folks here if depression and lethargy are a certainty after an orchi? Your thoughts?

My experience was that being on estrogen and anti-androgens made me feel Right for the first time I could remember and the surgery that also involved removal of testes only sealed the deal.  You might feel depressed afterwards if you forget to take your estrogen for a while and it is possible as Vexing stated that the surgical process and anesthesia might cause some temporary depression.

Pretty spot on for me too

Quote from: Jody on January 06, 2009, 02:09:43 AM
About the only thing I can think to add is umm your own weather Gage. Any thing she diagnosis is the opposite and the more negative the prognosis she comes up with the better the real results.
If this is close to your own thinking please let me know. If not than no offense intended.

I agree. There is little left in my marriage that is good. I just have to keep it together so I can make it thru Friday. I have to have someone who will drive me there and she is the only option.

It is over finally. The surgery under local anesthesia was about as uncomfortable as getting a root canal.The worst part for me was that I came down with a cough the day before that I thought was a stress reaction. I thought it would go away but the night but the night before I was not allowed food or water or even a lozenge. That turned a tickle into a rip roaring sore throat and nagging cough. I was sure my surgeon would talk about canceling so I repressed coughing as much as possible. In surgery, I was OK and didn't cough until the end. The procedure took just under an hour and after a 20 minute period in recovery, I was walked to my van.
Walking was no problem and I had two hours before the anesthetic wore off. I lay down on the bench seat just so I could sleep and woke up at home 90 minutes later. Cheryl was really helpful in spite of her earlier opposition. She has set me up in her room so I am near the bathroom. She is doing a wonderful thing for me to be so supportive. She serves me my meals in bed. She sits with me while I watch/doze in front of the TV playing DVD's. Very nice.
The cough turned into a bad chest cold which is the most uncomfortable thing about this event. It keeps me from resting but on the other hand it kept my mind off the fear I had before surgery and focused my thoughts on battling it.
I do have an aching down there and took vicadin the first night. I took it more to repress my cough than the pain. Now, two mornings later, I have less pain and the cold is getting better. After the first three vicadins, I switched to tylenol. I think I would not have been bedridden if it were not for the cold. I had a bad case if bronchitis many years ago and ever since coughs REALLY bother me. I haven't had a cold in decades but have had two since Chrismas. I think it was stress induced.
I did have a massive night sweat last night, probably from the drop in my T levels. I feel positive and in good spirits.
Oh, on the wound thing and pain, I have no bleeding or oozing. The pain is like I got kicked in the groin a while ago, not the agonizing pain just the after ache. Mostly that is when I walk. Going to the bathroom is not a problem but I was constipated for two days from the no food and vicadin. That resolved painlessly although I think it would have been very painful yesterday.
I have no bandage, just some gause and a medical grade jock strap. This does not allow me to determine how much change there is down there. The Doctor said it will take some weeks for the cords to go back to normal size. I have absorbing stitches that do not need to be removed.
One neat thing, I epilated most of my hair down there and have for years. The surgeon didn't have me shaved! Funny thing is that for almost a decade while I did this, I wondered if I could avoid that discomfort. I have been hoping for an orchi for ten years.
I know that this is more than most ever wanted to hear about the Orchi but I would have really benefited from this level of detail.

BTW, My proof copy of my novel came yesterday which was a huge up for me.

AND I am NOT depressed.

Congratulations Maggie!!  I'm very happy for you, and best wishes for a speedy recovery. :icon_hug:

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 11, 2009, 11:54:58 AM
I know that this is more than most ever wanted to hear about the Orchi but I would have really benefited from this level of detail.

I'm so pleased to hear things are settling down a little for you Maggie, and that you are recovering well   :icon_bunch:

.....and you know us girls always like to hear all the gory details!

It's also great to see your new avatar! :icon_biggrin:

:icon_hug:

Chrissty

 Hope you feel better soon.

Congratulations Maggie!!!!

I am so glad to hear that everything went well.  I'm sure you'll find that your recovery is very easy.

Do you have any drains there?  I had a drain for about a week and then had it removed on a follow up with the doctor.

Also I am rather surprised following your surgery that they didn't give you a sanitary pad instead of some gauze and a jockstrap (they did that for me too).  When I had my surgery I woke up in the gauze/jockstrap affair and as a result my gauze quickly became saturated and I stained my jeans before I could get home to change.

My surgery was done at a major hospital and I could possibly understand that their procedures required them to use the gauze/jockstrap for guys so they don't fear for their masculinity following such a procedure.  I would have thought that your surgeon would have been more understanding.  Ah well.

I never did get the stain out of those jeans and had to throw them out.

Anyway, I'm glad that you are recovering nicely.  You seem to be in good spirits.  And I really am happy that your spouse is assisting you so well.  It isn't easy for her, I'm sure.  But I am glad that she isn't using her discomfort/anger against you when you are in  a weakened condition.

Be well, my sister, and keep us posted on your recovery!

-Sandy

Thank you all for the kind words!

Sandy,
I don't have a drain. So far nothing has been leaking and no swelling. They gave me a pack of gauze to use. I think that the Jock strap is standard practice to hold the gauze in place. I'm to call Monday then see him again in two weeks for a followup. He did use some sort of green liquid bandage on the incision sort of like glue. I'm not able to get a good look at it and only once did Cheryl look at my request. That was awkward since we don't look at each other naked but she needed to look so if there was a change, she would be able to say what it was. The odd thing about that was that I am so small down there from years of HRT that it now looks nothing like a male.That may have been a shocker for her.

On the facility, it is adjacent to Stanford Hospital and has complete ORs for all sorts of outpatient surgery. The OR that I was in had everything. I was connected to an EKG, BP monitor, oxygen monitor, heart monitor and there were two people attending me. If something went wrong, they had all the equipment to put me under and what ever. The place is a big as a hospital. There were a dozen pre op stations and a dozen more in recovery. I don't know how many ORs they have but I'd say many. When I saw the OR as I was wheeled in, I was very impressed, climate controlled, flat screen devices all over including a large flat panel display on the wall, two massive multi lamp OR lamps.

For the procedure, they put massage sleeves on my legs and tied me down.They alternately massaged my calves which helped distract me. A curtain was put in front of my face so I could not see anything. I thought they would spread my legs but they didn't. Instead they did it all with my legs together. As he proceeded, he told me what he was doing and asked repeatedly if I was in any discomfort. I was at some points and he injected more Versed anesthetic. The needle injections were the most painful and some of the cauterizing but if I knew that it would be that level of discomfort, I would not have worried. One of the nurses was there to monitor my vitals and she held my hand as we went through the painful parts. I was so grateful that I could kiss her. They went out of their way to make me comfortable. Warmed blankets, all proper pronouns even between the Dr. and OR nurse. He has done over twenty MTF's and I can see why. Absolutely fantastic and only $1400.

I found the information on this thread to be very helpful.  There is a follow-up question I have:  I have heard conflicting information about having an orchi regarding SRS at a later time.  Does having an orchi reduce the amount of skin available to work with during SRS which may complicate the surgery?

Maya

My information is that it does not affect later SRS. No skin was removed and the scrotum is essentially intact. There was only a 1" incision along the center line. What I have heard though is that if many years pass, the skin can tighten up and that could affect the amount used for depth. The solution is to gently tug at the skin daily to keep it from doing that. Otherwise, there are no other interferences. In fact, I understand that some SRS surgeons are recommending an orchi first because it reduces complications and recovery time when a vaginoplasty is performed. I can see that it would make it better because one doesn't have to have as many structures to heal and the hormone change happens now. BTW, I still feel fine.

I dont know, I think Id rather just save up for SRS. Tho I most likely will get an orchi. Good thread!

Maggie I am glad you did fine and I am glad you shared the details!  I have read various prices regarding the surgery. Is that correct?

K

Quote from: Wendy on February 01, 2009, 08:18:13 PM
Maggie I am glad you did fine and I am glad you shared the details!  I have read various prices regarding the surgery. Is that correct?

K

I just found out that there is an additional $180 for pathology that is legally required.
Otherwise, that was the price.

Maggie

Maggie, thank you for the answer to my question and for sharing your experience.  Maya

Quote from: Maggie Kay on January 25, 2009, 09:13:45 AM
There was only a 1" incision along the center line.

it's not a center line. it's a seam!

Quote from: Maggie Kay on February 01, 2009, 09:05:12 PM

Quote from: Wendy on February 01, 2009, 08:18:13 PM
Maggie I am glad you did fine and I am glad you shared the details!  I have read various prices regarding the surgery. Is that correct?

K

I just found out that there is an additional $180 for pathology that is legally required.
Otherwise, that was the price.

Maggie

Oh dear, those professionals and their fees........

Hi Maggie,

Thanks for your input.  How long does it take before you can get around with minimal discomfort?  Can you work in the garden after three weeks?

Do you feel a difference in T levels?  Did endo keep HRT the same?

..........
To me an Orchi seems like a  good way to save the liver and keep the med doses low.  I did my own thing for several years and recently visited an endo.  She chopped my med doses in half and frankly I feel more depressed.  I like the idea of a local anesthetic too.

Thanks and hope you are having a speedy recovery.

K

Quote from: Wendy on February 02, 2009, 07:22:26 PM
Hi Maggie,

Thanks for your input.  How long does it take before you can get around with minimal discomfort?  Can you work in the garden after three weeks?

Do you feel a difference in T levels?  Did endo keep HRT the same?

..........
To me an Orchi seems like a  good way to save the liver and keep the med doses low.  I did my own thing for several years and recently visited an endo.  She chopped my med doses in half and frankly I feel more depressed.  I like the idea of a local anesthetic too.

Thanks and hope you are having a speedy recovery.

K

Wendy, I think I may be able to answer some of your questions, as I recently had an Orchi also.  Speaking from my experience, yes, there is a huge change in T levels.  Emotionally speaking, the effects I felt were instant immediately after surgery.  I felt a lot calmer and more at peace after the procedure.  One month post-op, and my T levels dropped by 75%, but my endo kept me on the same dose of E because I felt lethargic and tired when we tried to lower the dosage (I don't take spiro anymore either, which helps my liver too, not that I had a problem with my liver before, but I wanted to save it some hardship). 

I was back on my feet within a few days, still had some minor discomfort but it fades after about a week.  I was back to regular activities after two weeks.  If you want to work in the garden, I think you'll be fine after a week or so, but YMMV.

Fae wrote "I think I may be able to answer some of your questions, as I recently had an Orchi also.  Speaking from my experience, yes, there is a huge change in T levels.  Emotionally speaking, the effects I felt were instant immediately after surgery.  I felt a lot calmer and more at peace after the procedure.  One month post-op, and my T levels dropped by 75%, but my endo kept me on the same dose of E because I felt lethargic and tired when we tried to lower the dosage (I don't take spiro anymore either, which helps my liver too, not that I had a problem with my liver before, but I wanted to save it some hardship).

I was back on my feet within a few days, still had some minor discomfort but it fades after about a week.  I was back to regular activities after two weeks.  If you want to work in the garden, I think you'll be fine after a week or so, but YMMV."

Rae thanks for your note.  I was lethargic for over a year when I started HRT.  I felt quite good before I visited the endo.  About three weeks after she cut the doses I felt quite aggressive again which made me more depressed.  I took a few more pills and in a couple of days I felt better.  I think she has me on too low a dose.  My liver tested fine but I do realize I can get some serious complications if I keep doing what I am doing.  It would be nice if I could get some peace and continue to get back on track with my life.

It does not seem selfish although it is still expensive.  It just seems logical. This has been a helpful post.

K

Quote from: Wendy on February 03, 2009, 08:50:14 PM
Rae wrote "I think I may be able to answer some of your questions, as I recently had an Orchi also.  Speaking from my experience, yes, there is a huge change in T levels.  Emotionally speaking, the effects I felt were instant immediately after surgery.  I felt a lot calmer and more at peace after the procedure.  One month post-op, and my T levels dropped by 75%, but my endo kept me on the same dose of E because I felt lethargic and tired when we tried to lower the dosage (I don't take spiro anymore either, which helps my liver too, not that I had a problem with my liver before, but I wanted to save it some hardship).

I was back on my feet within a few days, still had some minor discomfort but it fades after about a week.  I was back to regular activities after two weeks.  If you want to work in the garden, I think you'll be fine after a week or so, but YMMV."

Rae thanks for your note.  I was lethargic for over a year when I started HRT.  I felt quite good before I visited the endo.  About three weeks after she cut the doses I felt quite aggressive again which made me more depressed.  I took a few more pills and in a couple of days I felt better.  I think she has me on too low a dose.  My liver tested fine but I do realize I can get some serious complications if I keep doing what I am doing.  It would be nice if I could get some peace and continue to get back on track with my life.

It does not seem selfish although it is still expensive.  It just seems logical. This has been a helpful post.

K

You're welcome Wendy, and it's Fae, not Rae  ;)

Quote from: Wendy on February 02, 2009, 07:22:26 PM
Hi Maggie,

Thanks for your input.  How long does it take before you can get around with minimal discomfort?  Can you work in the garden after three weeks?

Do you feel a difference in T levels?  Did endo keep HRT the same?

..........
To me an Orchi seems like a  good way to save the liver and keep the med doses low.  I did my own thing for several years and recently visited an endo.  She chopped my med doses in half and frankly I feel more depressed.  I like the idea of a local anesthetic too.

Thanks and hope you are having a speedy recovery.

K

I was off in a work crisis so I couldn't respond sooner. It took me about ten days before I felt up to a full schedule but I had the complication of a really bad chest cold too. In fact, almost a month later, it is still resolving, getting better every day. So that may have sapped my energy more than the surgery.  I would definitely say that you could do gardening after three weeks, probably sooner.

I am still on my prior does of HRT, I see my endo on Monday and expect to drop my estrogen in half.  I still take Spiro but now for blood pressure.

As for how I feel, I can say that I feel absolutely fabulous. There is a sense of calm and peace that I have never felt before. I don't get as upset when things go wrong and have a much more positive outlook on things. As for depression, far from it. The way I look at it, through incredible opposition, I persevered to get my transition to the point where I have real irreversible concrete changes that NO one can take away or pressure me to stop. That alone makes me downright euphoric. I used to think that an orchi was not very important or would not take me down the transition path very far but I was so wrong. It is hugely important and I am thrilled to have done it.

I am still wondering how to get my beard removed. I have a light blond beard that doesn't show and it grows very slowly but it still really bothers me when I feel stubble. It just doesn't belong even if no one can see it. But with money being as tight as it is, this area of my transition will have to wait indefinitely. However, now after the orchi, I seem to be more patient about these things. 

Maggie