Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Well after 'coming out' to my mom i asked if she could help me find a therapist for my gender issues.. bad idea, i should of hooked up with the one on that Dr. Becky list myself but I'm too dumb/helpless to help myself.. this therapist has talked to people with LGBT issues before but I don't think she has the experience or knowledge to help me transition. but she's nice, she could help me with my other problems..
But I dunno I guess I'm just expecting for a therapist to hold my hand or guide me thru this thing, but maybe thats not the case with actual gender therapists. but on this issue I can't see myself getting anywhere besides talking to her about it.. what do I do with this therapist about getting a GID diagnosis? hormones? surgery?
Maybe I'm just in a rush.. I don't even have the money or independence to do this myself. but I can't take this anymore. If i had T or surgery right now, I would take it. I feel like my mind is getting ahead of all this, the dysphoria is getting worse cause I've decided i wanna transition, and nothing's really happening -

except that I've gotten more men's clothes, I'm getting sir'ed, man'ed (until my mom says "she" or "daughter" when shes with me in public.... grrrr).. even tho I have a real girly face, and haircut etc.... god I'm just pissed and so depressed. I'm sick of being a girl to everyone, sick of being a lie to  my parents, sick of seeing and living in my girly body.. all this just makes me wanna jump off a cliff or do something violent towards it... but I remind myself that this will be fixed one day. not completely you know, but..

Sorry, back to the therapist.. what should I do about this? Keep talking to her for awhile? Switch to a gender therapist (there are a few around here)? I'm clueless

Well, you could talk to this therapist and find out how much experience she actually has. If you're not sure, this is a question you ought to ask directly. Ask a lot of questions. How many trans people has she worked with, how many is she working with now, how many has she taken to/through transition, how many FTMs, stuff like that. If she's not the one you want, you can ask if she can recommend a particular practitioner. If you already have some names, it would be interesting to see what kind of referral she gives you.

If you don't ask specific questions, you could wind up with someone who means well but can't serve you well--maybe she knows a little and thinks she can get up to speed. Nope, you don't want to work with someone like that.

I would strongly advise you to see someone who has extensive experience with trans issues, someone who advertises himself or herself as such. It takes a lot of work for the non-specialist to get up to speed, and some practitioners might underestimate the difficulty and delicacy of working with a trans person. Someone like that might also miss a lot of things or might be too quick to agree to an HRT letter. It might sound great to get the letter sooner, but you need to be ready on the inside, and the person you see needs to be able to accurately gauge your readiness. Sometimes we lie to ourselves and others. Sometimes we miss things in ourselves. Why not let a true expert guide you through?

If you want to go with an informed consent model, then that's your lookout. I'm just saying that if you are going to go through therapy--and if you plan to take it seriously and if you have any issues to work through--then you probably shouldn't jump into HRT too quickly. Especially if you're going on T, which has dramatic and irreversible effects.

That's only my take on it, but I suspect that lots of other people here will agree.

Hi Northy!  My first therapist was recommended to me by a mental health therapist who had no experience.  She meant well and was very concerned for me, but the therapist she recommended, as it turned out, was not experienced with this either.  I saw her for a few months and felt like I was getting nowhere.  Finally, I contacted an experienced gender therapist.  From the first meeting I felt like I was speaking with someone who really understood, and that made the sessions so much easier, so I have to agree with what Arch says.  As far as HRT is concerned, I can't really advise, as I have not yet started and my current location doesn't make it an accessible option right now.  Your therapist will make that recommendation to you when the time comes.  My therapist fully supported my transition, but for personal reasons I did not follow through, but am back to it again.  Find a good gender therapist.  I personally think time (and money) is being wasted on a therapist who has no experience in this area.  Just my opinion.  Good luck.

Thanks for the advice Arch and Katherine. :)
You're right, I should find someone who really knows how to deal with this. And I need to slow down a bit, and sort everything out, work on all of my issues.

I started with my regular therapist, she had never had a transgender patient. WHile it was nice in someways she really couldn't help me with any trans/gender issues. I now have an appointment with a gender theratpist and think this will work much better.
Myles

There's a lot to be said about seeing a therapist experienced in GID issues.  I spent too much time and money on a therapist with none in this area.  Once I saw an experienced therapist, much more was accomplished in less time.  My regret is allowing personal issues stop my progression, after she was finished with me and I was to begin rlt.  Now I'm back to it again and will see her (if she'll se me) to move on.  Northy, you are probably making a good decision to slow down a bit and work out issues you have regarding transition, and anything that may interfere with it.  Once you start seeing a therapist, you'll have a better idea of what needs to be done.  Good luck with your journey and remember that there are others here with more experience than I, who would be happy to help.