Susan's Place Transgender Resources

As many of you know, I am a 3rd year college student working on my Bachelor of Commerce Degree. I am still living as a guy full time b/c of family issues, and I figured it would be easier to finish my degree, get a good job, then transition rather than going all out w/ no education or future plan.

Problem is, I know that college is a great place to transition, so some times I feel like I'm missing out.....especially since there are a lot of super nice, smart, good-looking guys that I interact with everyday, but I'm 99% sure they are all straight as arrows. Do you think I should tell them my situation and how I feel? I just don't want to lose anymore opportunities, and these guys will also be done school in the next 5 to 16 months and I may never see them again. What should I do, it's really bugging me!!

Chrissi

Telling them how you feel isn't going to change much between you and them unless you back it up with action. They're gonna treat you the same until you start on your transition and ask them to address you by your female name and use female pronouns.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to keep contact with them after school is done....

Exactly and when you're ready to start transition you can talk to them about it then.

Transitioning in college is actually one of the best ways to do it, if you can afford to do so.  It also depends on where you are and how accepting your college is.  I transitioned while in college over the last two years and I'm glad I did.  Just graduated and all my records, including my degree, are in my female name and when I enter the workforce I won't have to go to any lengths explaining my past to employers.

You have more anonymity in college, moreso than you would in the workplace, because in college everyone is doing their own thing and you have a lot more freedoms.  Also, if you are interested in guys on campus, if you transitioned and went full-time, depending on how HRT affected you, you could experience dating those guys as a woman while still in school.  Just my thoughts.

What Fae said. It would be so much easier to complete transition before graduation, then enter the workforce already a woman, than to get hired as a man and then work to overcome the established perceptions your employer would have of you as male. First impressions are the strongest. As for getting a plan for the future, why not carry out the plan you had already, only as a woman?

I wouldn't tell straight guys before you are well on your way transitioning.  If your FT as a guy then they'll most likely still see you as a guy.  Unless one of them happens to be gay, I doubt you'll have much luck dating any of them.

While I certainly agree it would probably be easier to transition during college and enter the workforce established as a woman I think the deciding factor here is if you feel you are ready.  I mean really ready..in your heart, you will know when it's time.  Don't let social factors influence your decision, instead let your soul or your spirit or your energy, your heart or whatever you prefer to call it decide.  Your transitional success and happiness is more important than dating in my opinion. 

Well I HAVE been taking tblockers and have had hair removal, and I do think it would be easier to transition in college a bit, and it would be nice to have my degree with my female name and to be able to change my records while I'm in school, but I could always do that later, and I'm sure I can get my degree name changed....

The thing is, my college is small and nearly everyone in the program knows me, so even in a year or so I can't really just show up as a woman and expect to get away with it. I mean, my college seems ok for that kind of stuff but that's a risk I'm not really willing to take, especially since I'm pretty established there.

Maybe there's a way I can change my records and stuff before I graduate next year, but other than that I don't see transition in college as a feasible choice.

Chrissi

In US (without GLBT employment protection legislation) it must surely be easier transitioning in college, rather than when establishing yourself in a decent job ?

Sure its hard, but you'll never see your college friends again after graduation unless you choose to ... but if you transition "in career" you'll be stuck with folk who know about you for evermore.

P.S. You DONT tell a straight guy EVER, unless you're dating as a woman and feel things are getting so serious (beyond sex) that you have to tell him !

Laura x

Quote from: Icephoenyx on January 09, 2009, 11:24:59 PMand I'm sure I can get my degree name changed...

Make UBER certain of that sweetie. I'm not in the US, but I assumed the same thing, and it turns out none of the universities here do. I have to take them to court if I'm gonna get any of my tertiary qualifications changed.

QuoteI mean, my college seems ok for that kind of stuff but that's a risk I'm not really willing to take, especially since I'm pretty established there.

Research it. Phone the admin people anonymously as a prospective student who would want to transition during college and find out.

Mina.

Well I'm in Canada, but I imagine things would be similar...also, I was thinking transitioning RIGHT after college, as in the second I graduate, so at least I'll be living as a female when I get into a job (fingers crossed)

Chrissi

 :) I changed my name first then went immediately to the Jr college I had decided on and told the counseler the entire truth and what I wanted to do. All of my records, including VA, were sealed, as I started college with a new name and new life.Definetly, transition before you try to get a job.

Depends on the school and the degree, its very hard to get some graduate degrees changed as they are tied to public/published work that can not be changed.

Hi,

I actually was on a similar route.

I transitioned during grad school.  My dissertation advisor was aware, but I kept the rest to myself.  At that point, I wasn't ready to go full-time, but I planned to do so as soon as I finished my course work.  My grad school colleagues were aware that I was going through some changes, but I think they thought I was getting ready to come out as a gay man. 

Essentially, I was living two lives-one male that was slowing down and a female one that was gathering steam. I socialized outside of university circles and lived as a woman away from work.  Eventually, when I had finished course work, I interviewed for jobs as a woman, got hired and moved on with my life. 

As for the university-the department was very cooperative with my transition.  The university less so regarding documents, etc.

Finally, about telling guys-if you are not full-time, it's a very bad idea to tell undergraduate guys.  Wait until you have transitioned and can present as female. 

See, I'm hoping to start living at least most of the time as full time right after I graduate next April....I'm pretty much locked in as long as I'm going to school, unless I want to move out on my own and have to deal with bills, insurance, etc. Even if I moved out right now, I don't think I could afford to transition anyways, even if I wasn't known at school.

Chrissi

Quote from: Icephoenyx on January 11, 2009, 07:48:25 PM
See, I'm hoping to start living at least most of the time as full time right after I graduate next April....I'm pretty much locked in as long as I'm going to school, unless I want to move out on my own and have to deal with bills, insurance, etc. Even if I moved out right now, I don't think I could afford to transition anyways, even if I wasn't known at school.

Chrissi

I'm a college student transitioning and I really don't understand your reasons for not doing it. Why can't you start transitioning slowly right now? I'm no expert but somehow I see your idea of just "jumping" into full-time right out of college not working out. I don't go to school presenting female...but I still considering myself transitioning. I'm 6 months on HRT, my hair is very long, I wear only girl's jeans, I paint my nails, pierced my ears and wear only girl earrings, and in general act much more feminine. And somehow people are still oblivious. I'm not openly out you could say but I am still transitioning and most the people closet to me know. In fact, my father still has no idea although my mother is certainly clued in. He did make a negative comment about my nails being painted but that's it.

I don't think there's only one way to transition. I'm choosing to take it slow. Letting them adjust to the new me before I start springing things on them. I love my college friends and I would rather take it slow and let them adjust so there's a better chance they accept me. Isn't that an option to for you? Couldn't you still live part-time as female, the time you aren't at school or work or whatever? Couldn't you start HRT, start practicing your voice, start all that stuff? You could be FULLY prepared to jump into the world as a woman come graduation. And who knows, maybe before and you could even have some time with those college guys. Just another something to consider.

It would be to your advantage to give yourself a year or so of lead time on HRT, growing your hair longer, building up a wardrobe, getting documentation from a therapist, all that preparation. In other words, begin the process sooner rather than later. Especially the HRT as the feminization effects need time to ripen.

When I started college (1969) SRS and "transition" were pretty much an impossibility but I was already very "gender netural". I went to a college a long way from home, where almost nobody knew me - some took me for a girl, some thought I was gay.

Though SRS was an impossibility, I sat down with the Registrar of the college, in private, and told him about me. He was very understanding and changed my college records to show my initials and family name and removed the gender marker from the files leaving them gender-neutral as well. Since I retained the same initials and family name after transition, nothing needed to be changed.

Living 3 years gender-neutral in college was far better than being "assumed to be a guy" though it wasn't great for the social life (not that we had much of that in technical school anyway!)

Quote from: Laura Eva B on January 09, 2009, 11:58:00 PM
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P.S. You DONT tell a straight guy EVER, unless you're dating as a woman and feel things are getting so serious (beyond sex) that you have to tell him !

Laura x

Um, What?
I came out to a LOT of sraight guys when i transitioned... what was supposed to have happened?

and unlike you Laura, Not everyone is post op and has the benefit of being able to tell a guy after bedding him.

Ice: Go for it in college, but id Not tell these guys you fancy them while still in guy mode, and it would depend on how close friends you are if you come out to them at all... One of the benefits of college, is nobody knows you too well unless you are freinds.
I went full time in my second year, and half the people in halls already thought i was a girl, and most of my class because i kept to myself. As for name chance... well its easier to change it now than later... im not even sure if you CAN change a diploma name officially or even practically.... you have like nearly half a year hon, go for it :)

Hypatia: a YEAR lead time before going ft? at college age? are you nuts? she wont even pass as a guy past 9 nevermind haver 12 to cash in before thinking about ft... At this age, HRT can force the issue. Dont start unless you're sure when you will do things.

Quote from: Starbuck on January 12, 2009, 08:32:26 AMHypatia: a YEAR lead time before going ft? at college age? are you nuts?

Oh yes you nailed it, I'm a psychotic mental case and you wouldn't believe how hard it is to type in a straightjacket, pecking out the letters by holding a pencil in my teeth. And using the shift key is murder!  ::)

I wish I'd had the chance while in college to find out what you are saying. But all I know is what it was like in my 40s. I transitioned after being on low doses of HRT for a year and a half, and this worked well.

Of course there is a middle road.  You could do a legal name change now.  Before you graduate, just make sure the administration has the correct name on your diploma, and that your degree is registered under your new name.  You don't even have to tell everyone.  I think you need to tell the administration what is going on, though.  And if you plan to walk at graduation with your family there you'll have a little bit of 'splainin' to do.  But if you plan on going FT right after you graduate, I think that would not be too hard to overcome.

Best of luck!

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: Jocelynn H on January 11, 2009, 09:52:36 PM

Quote from: Icephoenyx on January 11, 2009, 07:48:25 PM
See, I'm hoping to start living at least most of the time as full time right after I graduate next April....I'm pretty much locked in as long as I'm going to school, unless I want to move out on my own and have to deal with bills, insurance, etc. Even if I moved out right now, I don't think I could afford to transition anyways, even if I wasn't known at school.

Couldn't you start HRT, start practicing your voice, start all that stuff? You could be FULLY prepared to jump into the world as a woman come graduation. And who knows, maybe before and you could even have some time with those college guys. Just another something to consider.

Well, as I posted elsewhere, I pretty much have to go full time before I can even THINK about HRT, so thats out of the picture....as for the rest of the things you mentioned, I am practicing my voice and getting clothes when I can. However, I CANNOT start dressing up at all as long as I'm at home, and I could move out tomorrow but if I go on my own I am literally on my own and school will be much more difficult to get through as I juggle it with transition, having my own place, etc. The financial burden would screw me.

Oh, and Kristi, I don't think I could change my name on my diploma, that would break my mom's heart, I would rather have my guy name on my diploma but all my records would hopefully say my correct gender.....no idea how I'm going to explain that to the Registrar....



Chrissi

Quote from: Icephoenyx on January 13, 2009, 09:03:56 PM
Well, as I posted elsewhere, I pretty much have to go full time before I can even THINK about HRT, so thats out of the picture

there is a huge difference here. you don't have to go full time before you start HRT, you don't even have to come out before you start HRT. but you really should come out AND start HRT before you go full time.

as for the original topic, I can't offer much advice. I have trouble telling straight guys pretty much anything about me, let alone my gender issues.

There are some countries like Germany where they still practice an archaic version of the SOC, where you have to do full time RLE for a year before you can start hormones. It's a very cruel and stupid rule. I suspect it was designed to screen out all except the tiny minority who can pass without treatment.

That or the guts to survive...

Its still 3 months rle before hrt in the uk too iirc... epic fail.

appologies, I try my hardest not to look at the world through the eyes of the united states and I failed here. forgive my american arrogance :)

you'll be in my thoughts Chrissy :icon_hug:

Quote from: Hypatia on January 14, 2009, 01:57:58 PM
There are some countries like Germany where they still practice an archaic version of the SOC, where you have to do full time RLE for a year before you can start hormones. It's a very cruel and stupid rule. I suspect it was designed to screen out all except the tiny minority who can pass without treatment.

That makes the big assumption that you need HRT to "pass", and that a year's HRT makes such a big difference to our "passability" ...

That we cope better with transition with HRT ...

Neither is true ... and Christs ... if you feel so strongly about it you can do like most of us seem to do and buy meds off the net ...

Laura x

I went from entirely unpassable, to passable in 6 months of hrt... by a year, id accidentally gone stealth. Forgive me if i dont agree with that statement hon ;)

Passing and transitioning successfully would have been unthinkable for me without plenty of HRT in preparation. Looking at my pictures from before HRT and after, it's like seeing two different individuals.

I know this topic has been dead for a little while, but I too am in college, and was wondering how to pay for the SRS and possibly FFS.  Hormones are partly covered by my insurance, but it is still quite a hefty chunk of change every month, not to mention the costs of school.  I don't want to sound like an ass, but my school is $35,000 a year, and they are planning a modest increase of 5% this upcoming school year.  Not to mention that I am a pre-med student, and will still need to afford medical school afterwards.

I feel like this post came out a little angry, and I didn't want it to sound that way.  I am just really stuck with trying to figure out how to pay for this stuff.

I mean, I suppose I could take out a student loan for it, but I don't really want to get into any trouble over that.

I am contacting my insurance right now to see if SRS is medically necessary, and if I can convince them to pay for it.  We shall see.


EDIT

So, this seemed kind of out of place.  I am going to repost in a more appropriate place.

EDIT 2

I just created its own topic.