Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hey Everyone,
I have a friend of a friend, his name is Alan. He posted a Youtube video and he has some questions about trans things. Please keep in mind that while he doesn't know much about trans issues, he is at least approaching the subject with an extremely open mind and is trying to form ideas on the subject. I really like the tone of his video, although maybe a little misguided with Dr. Phil info. (he saw a Dr. Phil episode while at the gym), he is sincerely looking to understand. I thought that maybe you all could view his 3 minute video and just post your own thoughts.

It's funny because whenever I have friends who have questions about trans, I talk to them and give my thoughts but then I usually come here and ask you all to speak up too because I don't think I know of a more educated, understanding group of transpeople than on Susan's. Thank you so much :) Meghan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JwZtXalV9o (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JwZtXalV9o)

Hi Alan
Thanks for the video, the concern and the questions. I was born biologically male. I had wonderful parents who loved and cherished me (they are now dead but I still love them). Before I knew what boys and girls were I was acting like a girl. I played with girls my age even though there were boys my age around as well. I was nevertreated as a girl by my parents, but I identified with people I whished to be with.
I'm a fairly typical transgenderd person

As I grew up I realised, as we all do!, that there are boys and girls. I was so confused because I was a girl, just like my two sisters, but I was being treated as a boy. Very odd, very upsetting, can't tell people, I'm the only freak in the world.

From an early age I started to dress in my sisters clothes, nothing sexual, at 4-5 there is nothing sexual! But I remeber feeling comfortable. This went on until puberty and I in my naive state I was looking forward to developing breast and shape. I'd been to sex education classes and still hadn't caught on. I was waiting for my first period at 11-12 yrs old. I told my Mum I wasn't developing like my sisters, she didn't understand.

A lot of stuff has gone by now but Alan one thing is certain. I was born with a female brain, in a piss weak male body, once I went on to female hormones (eostrogen derivatives rather the testosterone derivatives)  I almost immediatly felt "normal". I know it's a big ask to say " do you feel normal today", but it happens.

I respect your question and I hope it was sincere, we are held to ridicule, rape and violence. Why would anyone want to rape? And if so why rape a TG? All rape is sick but the violence that some Y chromosomes put out is non-understandable.

So my summary Alan is yes the condition is very real, it is not induced by single parents of either sex; there is increasing evidence showing a shorter hormone receptor in TGs than in biological males, and there are a number of papers showing brain formation in TGs is more similar to female than male.
All in all not everybody gets dealt the same hand. TGs certaintly didn't

But that's genetics.

Happy to reply to a response,
Sorry if sounds like a rant.
LoL
Cindy James

First, in my opinion, Dr. Phil may be a television program less concerned with supplying real, honest information than it is about creating or perpetuating ideas that are sensational and interesting enough to get people to watch.  Second, however, I am so glad that there are those will see these programs and instead of taking that "information" as factual and absolute they begin to ask more questions...especially of those who may actually know the answer.  My father said some of this very same thing when I told my parents.  He asked me if I thought that maybe I spent too much time with my mother.  Now, I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure that female isn't contagious.  That having been said, I do think that it is *possible* that there are men out there who simply want to be female.  If that is the case, as far as I'm concerned, more power to them...your life, do whatever you want with it.  However, I think it's very important to differentiate and recognize that there are humans out there that have GID, what I consider to simply be a hormonal and/or chemical birth defect.  We can accept that there are chemical imbalances that lead to depression and such and it seems from my admittedly non-medical viewpoint that it was a chemical (testosterone in a MTF case) that flooded our system while in the womb causing the change to the body.  Simplistic, maybe.  I have no medical or biological background at all so this is all speculation and opinion, but this is what it seems like to me.  It is a complex subject with strong feelings elicited from all sides.  I would like to suggest to your friend however that asking the question on youtube will supply him with opinion only and very little if any legitimate information.

Hmm... well, okay. Here are a few of my thoughts.

I should state beforehand though that I have about as much experience with transgender/transsexuality issues, at least in terms of the wider world, as Alan does. All I can do is speak about my personal thoughts and experiences as they relate to me. I don't presume to speak for anyone else.

Believe it or not, the idea of my mother being too involved in my life has actually crossed my mind more than a few times. Heck, I've considered every possibility. I was raised by my mother pretty much singlehandedly and didn't have what you could say was a 'father figure'. He left when I was six.

Did I want to play with dolls and other things that could be considered 'girly'? No. But that was largely down to the fact that I never had the choice. I had, at the time, two brothers... my mother had to raise three sons. So everything of a toy nature in the house was geared towards boys. It had to be.

However, just because they were there, that doesn't mean I played with them, either. I actually preferred to sit at the side and watch my brothers play with the toys, wondering how they derived so much amusement and enjoyment from them.

I don't think the maternal involvement had anything to do with how I felt then, or feel now. For one thing, my brother is the most masculine person you could ever hope to meet. Army boxing champion, drinks like a fish, expecting a child with his wife, completely closed minded about everything that isn't black and white. He brags about his manhood, takes pride in being an alpha male. My other brother, before he died, was much the same. Yet we all had exactly the same upbringing. If anything, they had even less of a male involvement since my youngest brother was 2 years old when my father left.

So, in my case, I don't think that theory holds any water whatsoever.

If I'm honest, I didn't really start noticing the way I felt until I was in my teens, going through puberty. Up until then I'd felt... withdrawn, distant, apathetic I guess. Somehow separate from the people around me. But I had no idea why. Gender didn't even cross my mind. I never saw myself as a girl, or a boy. I was just... an 'it'.

But when things started changing, I knew something was wrong. It wasn't so much that I looked at all the girls around me and wondered why I wasn't growing the same way they were... it was more internal, I guess. Just an inner knowledge that it wasn't right, that my body wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

That's kinda how it's been my whole life. It's not really a case of comparing myself to other women and thinking "I want to be one of those". I don't want to be anything. I know I already am, I just have to get the outer me matching the inner me that's always been there.

In my case, the 'why does it happen' isn't important. At least... it doesn't matter. If you're interested in transgender/transsexuality and want to know more then there's a good chance that you've already read up on the tentative 'causes' of it. Biological, psychological... *shrugs* in my opinion it amounts to the same thing. And my sense of self is strong enough to the point where I neither want nor have to find out why I am the way I am, because I don't feel I have to 'prove' it to anyone.

I just am. Period. How I got here... doesn't matter. To me, at least.

It's instinct. The same way you crave food when you're hungry... or water when you're thirsty... it's a need to be myself, who I see myself as in my mind. And that hunger, that thirst for unity of body and mind gets stronger and stronger as time passes.

I doubt much of that was helpful to you, and for that I apologise. I think each person's experiences are individual to them, and there isn't really a set formula for what makes one person tick one box and one person tick another. But... all I can really say with any degree of surety is that the feeling of being female is far, far, far deeper and all-pervading than any external influence could ever have.

Being MTF isn't just about too much mother involvement.  What about those of us that didn't have a mother figure growing up?

I lost my mother at 8 and she was sick for a while before that.  Sure I spent my young critical development time with her influence, but then aren't the teen years supposed to be just as formative?

This is also not just something I decided I wanted to be recently and it wasn't something my parents pushed on me.  When I was really young (not sure, but it'd have been before any type of school so 3-5), I got a coloring page after a Dr. visit.  It had both a girl patient and a boy patient.  I got questioned about why I colored the girl patient and when I said it was me it wasn't taken well by them.

In school I was never accepted as one of the guys and always felt uncomfortable hanging around them.  I still remember the "christian" summer camps in middle school where I was mocked in the group showers because I hadn't started getting hair "there" yet.  I still remember getting teased as I prepped for a church Christmas musical because I was singing the "girl" parts because my voice didn't break until late (and then not that much).  For that matter I still occasionally get ma'am-ed on the phone.  Unfortunately it isn't remotely a passable voice once I get past the greeting.  :(

As I hit high school I plunged myself into rpgs where I could be who I on the inside as my body finally started to betray me.  I was a robot to the outside world.  Everyone was sure I was gay even though I had no relationships at all (or maybe that was why - because I had no girl relationships).

Being a robot and doing what others expect is all that has kept me going till now.  If this is some phase then it must be one of the longest ever.  I was able to hide it away for a while, but in the end all that is helping is to acknowledge it and move toward it (no matter how slow).

Alan:

First off thank you for your respectful approach.  It is really appreciated.

I'm glad that you are asking questions rather than letting others decide for you.  And that you have decided to look to others for those answers.

Ok, then, first off, I am a transsexual and have been from my birth.  I am post operative, meaning that I have had therapy and surgery to help me transition in society from male to female.

More to the point, I am and I have always been female.  Transsexuality is a disease much like diabetes.  If I had diabetes, I would still be female.  It's the same with being transsexual.  I am a woman with a transsexual condition and through hormone replacement and surgery, I have overcome that issue.

Next, as I mentioned, this is an issue that develops in the womb.  One does not decide to be transsexual any more than one decides to be straight.  Or gay.  Or have green eyes.

The whole issue of the strong female/weak or absent male in development has been shown time and again to be absolutely false.  It was originally developed to explain homosexual behavior but has been clinically shown to be false.  If you think about it, if that is where male to female transsexuals and gay behavior originates, why aren't there more female to male transsexuals and lesbians in those households where there is a strong male/weak or absent mother?

One does not decide to become a transsexual anymore than a person decides to be straight.  It is something that you know you are, inside.  You know it all your life.

Additionally sexual orientation and gender identity are two completely different issues.

Sexual orientation regards what is between your legs and gender identity is what is between your ears.

Again I am very impressed that you have decided to ask questions about this subject and you show yourself to be very thoughtful and respectful.

You mentioned that you knew someone who was in the process of coming out and transitioning.  You may have questions about how to refer to that person.  Your best bet would be to ask them how they prefer to be referred to.  More than likely they probably have a gender appropriate new name and would appreciate being referred to using that new name and their preferred pronoun.  That is the most respect you can show them.

Also be supportive of them as they pursue their transition.  This is the most difficult thing a human being can do in society.  They will face many issues.  And also possibly be rejected or humiliated by those whom they thought were their friends and family.  If they have one person in their life that they can all a true friend who will stand by them as they go through this most fundamental of all life changes then they will have something truly special.

If you have any questions whatsoever please feel free to get in contact with us.

Thank you Alan!

-Sandy

Hey Everyone,
Alan sent me this response tonight and wanted to make sure I posted it here:


To Leindra, Jeneva, Cindy James, JamieMTF, and Kassandra,

Thank you all very much for responding to my video, I really do appreciate it. It has helped me gain a greater understanding of transsexualism.

I cannot grasp what it is like to go through living in the wrong body, but learn through those who are willing to teach me more about it.

A friend of mine is currently going through transition. He is a FTM. Very nice guy and I love him to death. I have only had the pleasure of really getting to know him this past couple of semesters so I knew him a little before and now I know him as a man. It was a bit of a shock to me at first because I was thrown off by this sudden, "I am gender queer". Which is what he actually told me after researching it on the internet. He had thought about it before, but never had a word for it and when he finally had it, he began the process of finding his true self. Which he is in the process of doing. I fully support him, in fact I drove him up to Northern California to see a specialist psychiatrist about it in order to establish some sort of method to sort out what was going on. All in all, he has been getting happier because of it. Sure there are some tough times, but he's loving himself more. In fact, he LOVES the attachable penis he bought himself which I laugh at but only because compared to his body it is HUGE. It trumps me completely and brings me shame. Hahahaha!

Anyway, sorry to go off on a tangent.
All I know is that I am grateful to those of you who are being true to yourself. It brings me much joy to see you all make the change in order to make yourselves happy. It pains me that people can be so cruel because they do not understand, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Right?

Once again, thank you so very much for your responses. You are all wonderful people. Do not let anyone bring you down because they are not worth your emotions or time. You are all beautiful INSIDE and OUT. Never forget that.

With love,
Alan

Thank you Alan,
I hope your life and the life of your friend is happy.
I am pleased that I responded to your query.
Love and my respect to you

Cindy J

Quote from: MeghanAndrews on January 15, 2009, 11:38:59 PM
...but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger! Right?

*smiles* That's pretty much my motto in life. :)

Thank you Alan, you are one of the "good ones"  :0)   I respect humans more and more each time I encounter someone like you.

Hey you are so awesome (and hot) Alan, you remind me of my strait guy friend!! We need more people like you!!

Chrissi

Looking back I realize that all the explaining I did in the past really just caused me to be seen as something I was not.  I'm just female and always have been.  I had a birth defect but it was taken care of and I would prefer not talking about it.

I find that explanations I used in the past were counter productive and caused me to be seen as a male.  In fact the more I explained the situation, the more it caused me to be seen as male.  Live and learn.