Susan's Place Transgender Resources

So this semester at college, I'm taking a Japanese class with the same teacher I had last semester.  She's very nice, probably in her early 50s, and I think she's been in the US for about 30 years.  She still has some small issues with English, but for the most part, she's perfectly fluent.  Occasionally she'll make a rude comment to someone, but I'm not sure if it's just a language barrier, or if she knows exactly what she's saying.  Mostly, I give her the benefit of the doubt. 

I sent all of my teachers an email at the beginning of last semester, as well as this one, asking them to please call me by Michael and male pronouns.  I didn't send one to her this semester, because I figured she already knew.  That might have been a mistake.  When she was writing our nametags, she asked me to write mine, which says to me that she remembered I preferred another name, but didn't remember what it was (we go by [lastname]-san in class).  She tends to avoid pronouns with me, which I'm perfectly fine with, because it's much better than female pronouns.  But lately she's been saying, "Sh-...lastname-san," and stuff like that, and today she called me "her" very clearly, twice, in front of the whole class.  Before today, her slip-ups hadn't seemed to affect my classmates perceiving me as male, as far as I could tell.  But after today, I'm not sure.

I think I'm going to send her an email reminding her of my situation, and how important it is to me that she uses male pronouns, or avoids pronouns altogether.  Does that sound like a good idea?  Also, does anyone have advice for how to deal with the situation?  When she said "her" today, I said "him," but very quietly.  I guess I have issues correcting people, especially her, because I know she'd be extremely embarrassed and over-apologetic.  Argh.  Advice plz?

Yeah, as hard as it is you should correct her.  Email or in person would be best.  It still happens to me at work.  Most of the time it's he but there are still people who call me she.  I now have other coworkers correcting those that slip up.  My 76 yr old boss I'll give more slack, as I will to those who don't see me much.  But those that have contact with me and clients need to be on board.  Though I'm primarily read as male at work by clients even if someone has slipped up and called me she, they call me sir when I introduce myself. :D

Hang in there.

And since the teacher's native language isn't English, I'd kind of laugh it off with classmates that comment, that clearly Michael is a guy and oops her English isn't good.

Jay

Yeah, dude, try emailing her first and if she keeps messing up, talk to her in person, I'd say. And don't be afraid to correct her, either. It's your right.

And if she proves completely obtuse, just laugh it off like Jay said.

Talk to her in person, I tended to blow off emails from my students on the basis of "if it wasn't important enough for them to do it in person, why should I bother."  Hey, she has her duties as a professor, and college ain't high school, if you pass or fail, no problem either way to her.  So the best approach is person to person.

Quote from: tekla on February 10, 2009, 06:57:53 PM
Talk to her in person, I tended to blow off emails from my students on the basis of "if it wasn't important enough for them to do it in person, why should I bother."  Hey, she has her duties as a professor, and college ain't high school, if you pass or fail, no problem either way to her.  So the best approach is person to person.

That tends to be true. You might also consider involving your faculty advisor, or major department, or college dean's office in your next semester. Sometimes profs can simply be egositic tu_ds and will ignore any request.

But in this case it sounds like this prof wouldn't mind accomodating you, but maybe needs a reminder in person from you.

Hey, fella, guys are mostly just a bit more forceful than you're being. :) But, you kinda know that doncha? :)

No need to be a complete ->-bleeped-<-, but then again no need to be a doormat either, dude. You can do this and still stay mostly in your comfort zone. But you need to do it. OK? :)


Nichole

It's simple math in many ways.  My students had 3-6 classes per semester, I had over a thousand students.  Who had the burden in that kind of deal?

Quote from: tekla on February 10, 2009, 07:10:04 PM
It's simple math in many ways.  My students had 3-6 classes per semester, I had over a thousand students.  Who had the burden in that kind of deal?

In your case, the students!!!  >:-) >:-)

O, I sowy, Kat, but I just couldn't resist. *bashful downcast eyes*  :P   >:-) >:-)

Nichole

It's OK, I'll let you slide this once.

Quote from: gravitysrainbow on February 10, 2009, 06:33:21 PM
So this semester at college, I'm taking a Japanese class with the same teacher I had last semester.  She's very nice, probably in her early 50s, and I think she's been in the US for about 30 years.  She still has some small issues with English, but for the most part, she's perfectly fluent.  Occasionally she'll make a rude comment to someone, but I'm not sure if it's just a language barrier, or if she knows exactly what she's saying.  Mostly, I give her the benefit of the doubt. 

I sent all of my teachers an email at the beginning of last semester, as well as this one, asking them to please call me by Michael and male pronouns.  I didn't send one to her this semester, because I figured she already knew.  That might have been a mistake.  When she was writing our nametags, she asked me to write mine, which says to me that she remembered I preferred another name, but didn't remember what it was (we go by [lastname]-san in class).  She tends to avoid pronouns with me, which I'm perfectly fine with, because it's much better than female pronouns.  But lately she's been saying, "Sh-...lastname-san," and stuff like that, and today she called me "her" very clearly, twice, in front of the whole class.  Before today, her slip-ups hadn't seemed to affect my classmates perceiving me as male, as far as I could tell.  But after today, I'm not sure.

I think I'm going to send her an email reminding her of my situation, and how important it is to me that she uses male pronouns, or avoids pronouns altogether.  Does that sound like a good idea?  Also, does anyone have advice for how to deal with the situation?  When she said "her" today, I said "him," but very quietly.  I guess I have issues correcting people, especially her, because I know she'd be extremely embarrassed and over-apologetic.  Argh.  Advice plz?

What the hell? You don't even look like a girl.

QuoteWhat the hell? You don't even look like a girl.

Yea, going by the avatar picture, they don't. I guess some teachers are a bit retarded?

Quote from: tekla on February 10, 2009, 07:16:56 PM
It's OK, I'll let you slide this once.

See there, talk to the prof!! :)

Nichole

Quote from: tekla on February 10, 2009, 06:57:53 PM
Talk to her in person, I tended to blow off emails from my students on the basis of "if it wasn't important enough for them to do it in person, why should I bother."

I'd tend to agree with this, but she asks us to email her about just about everything, rather than doing it in person. Scheduling makeup quizzes, telling her when we'll be absent, questions about homework...based on what she's said, I don't think she has as many students as you did, so that's probably why she's okay with it.

Quote from: Nichole on February 10, 2009, 07:07:36 PM
Hey, fella, guys are mostly just a bit more forceful than you're being. :) But, you kinda know that doncha? :)

No need to be a complete ->-bleeped-<-, but then again no need to be a doormat either, dude. You can do this and still stay mostly in your comfort zone. But you need to do it. OK? :)

That kindof hit home...thanks, Nichole. If an email doesn't do the trick, I will be asserting myself in person.  ;)

Quote from: Kara-Xen on February 10, 2009, 07:29:07 PM
What the hell? You don't even look like a girl.

Haha, thanks. I think it's that she knows I'm biologically female, and maybe can't wrap her head around the idea of me wanting male pronouns despite that?

Email is the new office hours. Many instructors prefer it: You have a record, and you can deal with it when you want. It's searchable. If you don't want email from students, don't put your address on the syllabus. If you do, you're asking for it. I've had professors who ask that you email questions, so that they can email responses to the whole class if it seems important enough -- and often have done so.

The pronoun thing reminds me of TA-ing for intro classes. You keep getting the same thick students asking you the same dumb questions. You have to keep on acting like it's not a little dagger in your soul every time the same student asks the same thing. And that's just with something like Newton's Third Law, which is hardly a concept central to my sense of who I am. I guess you know what you need to do, so I won't try to tell you. But I'm sorry you have to deal with it. That sucks.

~Alyssa

Quote from: Alyssa M. on February 10, 2009, 09:12:28 PM
Email is the new office hours. Many instructors prefer it: You have a record, and you can deal with it when you want. It's searchable. If you don't want email from students, don't put your address on the syllabus. If you do, you're asking for it. I've had professors who ask that you email questions, so that they can email responses to the whole class if it seems important enough -- and often have done so.

The pronoun thing reminds me of TA-ing for intro classes. You keep getting the same thick students asking you the same dumb questions. You have to keep on acting like it's not a little dagger in your soul every time the same student asks the same thing. And that's just with something like Newton's Third Law, which is hardly a concept central to my sense of who I am. I guess you know what you need to do, so I won't try to tell you. But I'm sorry you have to deal with it. That sucks.

~Alyssa

had the same as a tourguide, could structure it so that in the ten minutes it takes to get near the tower of london to the tower stop i would say the tower of london fifteen times, and say some pretty interesting stuff about it (some exclusive to a pica tour), and still somebody points at it and asks what it is.

I would go with email. I know a lot of my professors are in a hurry after class is over, they have other classes to get to or meeting to attend.  I have always had better luck with emailing teachers about issues.  Make sure you put your class name in the subject line so she knows that it isn't junk mail.  After you try emailing her, if she continues to call you by female pronouns try to set up an apt. with her, where you can actaully sit down and talk to her about. That way you know she will be listening.

I still think its a lot better just to skip to the end and talk face to face.  Most professors are required to keep office hours, and at least you would not be bringing in the two most common problems a) I'm flunking (yeah, I know, I graded the tests) and b) I'm only getting a B+, what do I need to do to get an A?

Tekla's right. Prof's do use email a lot more these days, but this seems more like a face-to-face kind of thing.

I'd correct her on the spot, cause if you let it slide, that just gives you away. A bio-guy would never get a pronoun fail slide.

QuoteI'd correct her on the spot, cause if you let it slide, that just gives you away. A bio-guy would never get a pronoun fail slide.

I definitely agree with Asher on this one.  I usually attempt to act a little miffed but not rude when I get called "she" or "miss" because I know a bioguy would be so PISSED if he was "shed" and would NOT understand why, most of the time.  It's a bit hard to get in that mindset after being she'd for most of my life and knowing where it comes from, but it's a matter of protecting my identity and integrity with my classmates.