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Title: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Maura on February 16, 2009, 03:54:59 PM
Post by: Maura on February 16, 2009, 03:54:59 PM
I stopped transitioning a year ago. I stopped everything, HRT, visits to the doctor, therapy - just all of it.
Now I'm going to restart it - for good this time.
After things were going so well I started to really doubt myself. I mean REALLY doubt the decisions I made. I mean there I was, 48 yrs. old - a wife, three kids, two in college and one in middle school. Granted my wife (for all intesive purposes x-wife - just not officially) and I barely speak, except on financial matters or things about the kids. The kids however, I have a son who is a major homophobe and considers anyone trans the pinnacle of homosexuality. The middle one may go either way and the youngest - well she'd be torn to shreds because she's such a daddy's girl.
So I became the coward I've been for all these years. I simply stopped. I disappeared on the face of the transitioning earth. I didn't tell my doctors I was stopping - I just never went back and never refilled my prescriptions.
Well - I'm back and I'll write more about my "vacation" in a more appropriate forum.
Maura-
Now I'm going to restart it - for good this time.
After things were going so well I started to really doubt myself. I mean REALLY doubt the decisions I made. I mean there I was, 48 yrs. old - a wife, three kids, two in college and one in middle school. Granted my wife (for all intesive purposes x-wife - just not officially) and I barely speak, except on financial matters or things about the kids. The kids however, I have a son who is a major homophobe and considers anyone trans the pinnacle of homosexuality. The middle one may go either way and the youngest - well she'd be torn to shreds because she's such a daddy's girl.
So I became the coward I've been for all these years. I simply stopped. I disappeared on the face of the transitioning earth. I didn't tell my doctors I was stopping - I just never went back and never refilled my prescriptions.
Well - I'm back and I'll write more about my "vacation" in a more appropriate forum.
Maura-
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Nero on February 16, 2009, 04:44:56 PM
Post by: Nero on February 16, 2009, 04:44:56 PM
Welcome Maura!
Sounds like you've had a quite journey so far (haven't we all?) and it's great you're getting back en route with everything. I look forward to hearing more of your story?
I'm Nero. <offers hand>
Sounds like you've had a quite journey so far (haven't we all?) and it's great you're getting back en route with everything. I look forward to hearing more of your story?
I'm Nero. <offers hand>
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Purple Pimp on February 16, 2009, 08:20:28 PM
Post by: Purple Pimp on February 16, 2009, 08:20:28 PM
Welcome back! However things pan out, I hope you keep us updated. :)
Lia
Lia
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Wendy C on February 17, 2009, 11:38:36 AM
Post by: Wendy C on February 17, 2009, 11:38:36 AM
Welcome back Maura :icon_bunch:, For me personally, life taught me that GID never just goes away, eventually you will have to confront it and deal with it. Each of us are different in their levels of discomfort but I feel that when the GID is full blown it doesnt allow you to do much else but transition. Now that I am finally FT and legal with my name, I have never been more comfortable. My Birthday was yesterday and I am 62, it is never too late. Hugs
Wendy
Wendy
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Jay on February 17, 2009, 01:01:27 PM
Post by: Jay on February 17, 2009, 01:01:27 PM
Welcome back Maura :)
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Nicky on February 17, 2009, 01:13:00 PM
Post by: Nicky on February 17, 2009, 01:13:00 PM
Hey Maura,
What did you learn last time you started transitioning that you would do differently this time?
What did you learn last time you started transitioning that you would do differently this time?
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Maura on February 18, 2009, 10:25:04 AM
Post by: Maura on February 18, 2009, 10:25:04 AM
I'm not so sure that it's about doing anything differently. The reason I stopped was the fear of the upcoming guilt - that it the guilt I would feel when I finally come out to my kids. You know, I have a lot of gay male and female friends, most of which have come out to their families, spouses, kids, etc. and in most cases it has resulted in a prolonged rift between them. That we can survive, but add to it the physical changes - FFS, GRS, Breast Development, changes in clothing worn, voice changes - it's exponentially more difficult for them to accept. With my oldest son being a major homophobe - it's going to tear the family apart for quite some time.
BUT...
The family has already endured our separation. They've endured my crash and burn financially after more than 21 years of living very well. The rest will just have to be worked through. The way I have come to accept it is that everyone will come around in their own time. Do I still have enormous guilt for inflicting the pain and stress I know is coming - absolutely - but I can no longer hide.
BUT...
The family has already endured our separation. They've endured my crash and burn financially after more than 21 years of living very well. The rest will just have to be worked through. The way I have come to accept it is that everyone will come around in their own time. Do I still have enormous guilt for inflicting the pain and stress I know is coming - absolutely - but I can no longer hide.
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: Janet_Girl on February 18, 2009, 06:27:07 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on February 18, 2009, 06:27:07 PM
Hi Maura, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 1800 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
May you be strong on your return to your journey.
Janet
Welcome to our little family. Over 1800 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
May you be strong on your return to your journey.
Janet
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: gennee on February 19, 2009, 04:31:41 PM
Post by: gennee on February 19, 2009, 04:31:41 PM
Welcome back, Maura. I pray that your transition will go well. Keep us posted.
Gennee
Gennee
Title: Re: Restarting HRT and Transitioning
Post by: stephani-ryan on February 19, 2009, 06:35:10 PM
Post by: stephani-ryan on February 19, 2009, 06:35:10 PM
Oh , snickeys my dear dont just restart without a follow up with your doctors remember your blood work may show you are in need to have your dosages changed.... hello to those that I know from else where.... nice to see friends on here , nice to always have friends looking out for us and keeping us on track ....so remember we are your friends and we want only the best for you ... make sure your on track so everything returns to the proper levels.
God knows we would all like think that once on its gona be the same if we just stop for a while but as we soon find out all that goes changes in some way and we have to adjust to the new.... I know about your fears and so do so many we will be here for you like another stated we are one big family .....
God knows we would all like think that once on its gona be the same if we just stop for a while but as we soon find out all that goes changes in some way and we have to adjust to the new.... I know about your fears and so do so many we will be here for you like another stated we are one big family .....