Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've often wondered how my life would have been different with no siblings or with brothers rather than sisters. In some way, it was an advantage to have two sisters. I could live vicariously through them. But in more ways it was painful to have the constant reminder of what I couldn't have. My gender was always an issue; I couldn't avoid it no matter what.

I'm curious how others might have felt they were affected by having sisters or brothers.

~Alyssa

I grew up with two older brothers. I never could connect with them. They were always into boy things like football and working on cars. Two things I can't stand. I never wanted to be like them, I never envied them and their maleness but rather I wanted to be anything but what they were.

I have two younger sisters. When my mom was pregnant, I begged her for a brother. Now I'm glad she didn't deliver one. While I would've loved having brothers, my jealousy would've been unbearable. It's just the kind of person I am. I'dve been seething with rage if mom and dad had got a 'real son'.
For me, this is an example of my god not giving me more than I could handle.
Just the kind of person I am. I got a very small consolation from being the 'son' in the family to my parents, which could not have happened had they had real sons.

Edit: As far as affecting my gender experience, I honestly believe having sisters rather than brothers made it more bearable. I got to have sibling relationships without the sting of jealousy.

I have two older sisters. For along time I thought I was a girl too. Of coarse the obvious dif. of the annoying dangler was pointed out to me. I began to feel left out. Because I often did get left out. So, I would be a girl by myself. Stayed closeted for years and doing dangerous things to try to be a boy. I'm still not sure how I didn't get killed.  :laugh:

I was an only child.  But I was very close to two older female cousins, who lived if Chicago, when we lived in Michigan.  And two other cousins in CA.  Boy and girl.

3 to 1, in favor of the girls.  4 to 1, including me.  ;D

Janet

I have a brother four years younger than me. I can't really say that it affected my own experience of gender 'cause the two of us were never close growing up - The age difference was too big for a while, and I was too wrapped up in my own misery to really make an effort. Besides that we just had very different interests. He was a rough and tumble kid out playing with the dogs or visiting friends or whatever while I preferred reading and playing with lego and later-on roleplaying and writing. That said, we grew close when we lived together for a while when he just started university a few years back, but that's taken a definite knock since I've come out. He's not hostile or anything, just very unsure how to relate to me.

Mina.

I had two younger brothers. Since I was the oldest, I was expected to be a role model and set a good example, particularly as there was no father figure.

That was difficult... and I suppose on balance, I failed. My gender was an issue simply by virtue of the feeling that it seemed strangely absent. I knew I wasn't like them, but I didn't know what that actually meant, at least pre-puberty. Which led to my feeling I was somehow gender neutral. The environment was such that there was no feminine alternative - play and interact as one of three boys with all the toys, clothes, games etc. Or do nothing. I chose the latter, and became rather withdrawn, retreating to a world of books and imagination.

I was always 'the quiet one'.

I have an older sister. She always seemed to be out with friends doing drugs or partying or anything else wild and crazy. God, for the longest time, I thought I was supposed to behave like her and felt ashamed because I didn't.

I have one younger sister. She really does not accept my process or identity. She needs that all is ''perfect''.

Younger sister. It was her underwear I put on around the age of 5 or so. By the time I was 8 I was cross-dressing in her clothes on a regular basis. In many ways I wanted to be her. If I had a younger brother instead, I'm not sure what would have happened or if it would have made any difference in who I am today. -Dora

I was raised with two sisters one 2 years younger and the other 11 years younger. I was the complete opposite to my older of the two sister. Like we weren't even from the same family. Still not to this day.  My youngest sister is like my little baby I adore her.

My siblings haven't had any affect on my "gender"


Jay

I grew up with four older half-sisters, and I was the only boy. My mom thinks this is why I have gender issues (plus I had an awful relationship with my bio dad), but I highly doubt that of course.

I'm the youngest in my clan, two sisters and a brother. My two sisters are almost twice my age and were always more like parents. The oldest sister has two sons and the other one has one son. I was their honorary "daughter" ... dressing me up in pretty dresses and buying me dolls, yuck >.> I am a lot like my brother, I always wanted to be just like him when I was younger, always seeking approval and whatnot.

One little sister 9 years apart.  I was boyish before her and when she came around I actually feminized some.  She kinda softened me a bit, so now I'm just a soft guy instead of a rough one lol.

I have four younger sisters. No brothers. I attended my sister's Girl Scout meetings, read their girl books, played with their dolls, wore their dresses...

...and then they have the nerve to tell me I wasn't gender-variant growing up. Nice selective memory there, Sis.  ::)

I have six siblings, four older (2 brothers and 2 sisters) that are 10 or more years older than me, and two younger sisters 2 and 4 years younger than me.
I don't think that my siblings were a contributing factor all that much. I was almost always dressed in the same kind of clothes as my little sisters and we were treated as three parts of a whole. Like the three musketeers, or whatever.
My older brothers and I didn't hang out much. The oldest brother is 16 years old to me, he moved out before I turned 5, my other brother.. well.. he's a lazy-eyed geek that did nothing but play malicious pranks on his little sisters.
My parents split when I was six too so I was raised without a male role-model that I'm aware of.

I don't really think I'd have turned out "normal" with a male role-model around. I've been "me" all along.

I have a younger brother and an older half brother.  It was strange.  My family allowed my brother and I (the old one moved out before my younger one was born) to be extremely gender flexible at home and I never learned the boundaries of gender.  My brother walked around in my dresses and such.  It was really strange.  I played with his toys most of the time and mom and dad didn't care.  I never understood how the gender issues were separate, but I did understand that we had different sexes.  My brother took to running around naked a lot probably at the age I had already developed gender constancy.  I remember trying it with him once and never doing it again because I didn't have the right parts.

Now it really sucks that I'm the only daughter because my parents are all hung up on "losing their baby girl"... but I was never happy that way.  Maybe I should just ask them to think if they would have been just as happy if I'd been born a boy?  I don't know.

My eldest sisters were 14, 15. I was 10. One weekend the house was empty for the whole afternoon. My sisters whispered together. Their names were Eva and Maria. They called me and they led me into my parents' bedroom. They told me to sit on the bed and be quiet. They went to my mother's dressing table. They painted their fingernails, they put powder on their faces, they used lipstick. They pulled hairs from their eyebrows and brushed mascara on their lashes. They took off their socks and put on my mother's silk stockings, panties. They sauntered about the room looking at the mirror, like beautiful women. They laughed and kissed, they stroked each other, they giggled. I was enchanted. They fed my enchantment. They whispered to me that it was our secret, that we would keep it in our hearts forever, never reveal it.

But that night at dinner I felt my father staring at me, staring deep into me. He chewed, swallowed, he put his knife and fork down. He looked at me. My heart started to beat. To thump, not to beat. My father said "Tell me, Robert. What have you been doing this afternoon?"

He knew.

I knew he knew. He was God. He was testing me. So I told him. I told him all that my sisters had done. I told him everything. My mother was silent. My sisters' faces were white. No one spoke. My father said "Thank you." Finished his dinner.

After dinner my sisters and I were called to my father's study. They were beaten with a leather belt without mercy. I watched this.

A month later they took their revenge...

(Anybody recognize the movie quote?)

Suddenly Eva and Maria held me down and tied my hands together with a long piece of rope behind my back...

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thespinningimage.co.uk%2Fcultfilms%2Fimages%2F20.jpg&hash=06643cda3293ee15bfc37b98d8c9ae851ee5e480)

Quote from: Kayden on February 23, 2009, 02:59:24 AM
I have a younger brother and an older half brother.  It was strange.  My family allowed my brother and I (the old one moved out before my younger one was born) to be extremely gender flexible at home and I never learned the boundaries of gender.  My brother walked around in my dresses and such.  It was really strange.  I played with his toys most of the time and mom and dad didn't care.  I never understood how the gender issues were separate, but I did understand that we had different sexes.  My brother took to running around naked a lot probably at the age I had already developed gender constancy.  I remember trying it with him once and never doing it again because I didn't have the right parts.

Now it really sucks that I'm the only daughter because my parents are all hung up on "losing their baby girl"... but I was never happy that way.  Maybe I should just ask them to think if they would have been just as happy if I'd been born a boy?  I don't know.

Don't think would mattered if only girl or not.  I know my father is all hung up for loosing his little girl even though I have a sister too

I had a younger brother, who tried to emulate much of what I did, he always seemed to do it better though.  All he did was make me realize how much different I was. I knew I was different before he was even born though.

I don't beleive so. I did have cousin who lived on the same block who was older that me and since girls usually mature more quickly than boys in the early years she was larger than me. Any of her clothing items that were hand-me-downs or being discarded I kept. That helped.

With three younger brothers my parents used the excuse that my *dressing up* would confuse them and any attempt to transition as a pre-teen (I came out 1st time at 11) would scare them and get them bullied 1 of a few ways to stop me doing it.
I had no outlet for femininity and had to keep it all very hush hush and still do, but I'm planning on coming out soon

Any effect my siblings had on me in earlier life was negative. We are not very close. I have two brothers and two sisters. The taught to avoid them as much as possible. As far as gender preference, I do what moves me.

I was raised with my sister, although I have three other siblings that belong to my father's other marriages, two boys and another girl. I didn't live with them. I used to see the oldest brother sometimes, but we did not know each other that well.

Me being the oldest kid of them all, they all looked up to me. I behaved more like a brother than a sister, and it wasn't influenced by any of them, it was my own quirk. I recall talking to my brother about girls, he had a crush on a girl and wanted to know how to approach her. I gave him some advice. My sister would follow me around everywhere, and that was sort of uncool for me as a child because she was 8 years younger than me and having her tag along everywhere was annoying, but in the end, there was no escaping it. It's hard to say how I felt about her back then - in some ways I felt she had an easier time of everything with my parents, they were much more lenient with her than with me, and she had her two parents at home while I was the child of a divorce and a-not-very amicable split. I had to deal with things and people she didn't. I wasn't able to love her for a long time as I didn't have much empathy in me as a child. It took me a long time to learn to love anyone. It wasn't a stable, especially happy family.

I always felt that the other siblings were loved more than I was. I was a mistake, and my parents learned they couldn't stand each other soon after... but my siblings were more desired, I think. They had more stable situations. Their parents were ready for them. My problems weren't their fault, of course, and I don't hold them responsible for any of my issues or hardships in the family. But I definitely felt that when my sister did something wrong, she got an easier time of it. Maybe because she had a father in the house and I didn't, I'm not sure. If she ever asked for help with something, she always got it. She never really left home, or the city my parents were in - I did though, and if I ever needed anything or fell on hard times I was usually told to go deal with it myself. It was trained into me that you don't ask for help. That asking for help is some kind of disgrace. I know for a fact this has never been trained into my sister. I feel like I was treated like a boy, told to go out and seek my fortune, whether my parents knew they were doing it consciously or not, and she was treated more like a delicate flower.

My brothers never affected me regards gender much as I didn't spend much time with them.

I do remember wanting my own room as soon as possible from my sister as I was very self conscious about my body with her, as with everyone around me. I wanted privacy. It wasn't some conscious thing, I just remember complaining until I eventually got my own room and immediately felt better. Of course if I'd been a boy that would have been a priority, I think, from a certain age. Anyway, I demanded the room, although I had no problem actually having sleepovers with my male and female friends... it was a matter of right, somehow, in my mind. Maybe it was a manifestation of my maleness at that early age, not to have to be quartered with my sister forever, I don't know. there was a fairly large gap of years between us. It felt appropriate to me to have separate space.

I think I did a lot of stereotypical boy things back then, climbing trees, getting into trouble, making things, defending my sister, playing pranks on her, ordering her about if she wanted to be part of my group of friends, fighting with her over stuff. She seems to remember it all fondly, but I feel quite lousy about my lack of empathy back then. Perhaps if I'd been born right I'd have been a better brother.

I've always been jealous of my sister. She is really beautiful. Not jealous of her 8 husbands though. It kind of freaks me out to see how much we look alike now. I was looking in the mirror the other day and damn. It hit me like a ton of bricks.  ::)

I grew up in an all-female household. Mama, Aunt Jane, my sister and two girl cousins. I was the baby of the lot and was always treated as 'one of the girls'.
So I guess this did have a strong effect upon my ideas about gender.

Yeah I've felt like it affected it somewhat. My only sibling is a sister who's 2 years younger than me. As a kid, both me and my sister kept wishing for a brother. I didn't understand why back then, but I later realised I really wanted to have a male role model that I could connect with, as I was distanced from my father and all my male peers (and most female peers too). I was only close to my mother and sister.

Being trans, it felt like I only had girls/women to compare myself with and look up to while growing up. And I wish I had a more accurate view of boys/men when I was a kid. Like that could have helped me to better understand myself sooner. But my parents didn't want to reproduce more after my sister, so eh. My sister did get a brother though, as I transitioned. Cause yeah, she does see me as her brother now.

I was always the eldest child. Having a younger brother and a younger sister, they had zero effect on me. I was behaving like a girl before either could walk or talk. I bonded more with the sister than I did with the brother, but I got stabbed in the back by both when it became evident that I was never going to be the older brother they were taught to expect. Of course, that was the adoptive family.
In my biological family, I still have a younger brother and a younger sister. Both know I am their older sister, and will always be the older sister.

I had quite a few brothers and one sister.  The only sibling I spent alot of time with was my sister.  My brothers thought it was 'cute' when they caught me dressing up, and even encouraged it... odd as that sounds.  They all knew from the earliest of times I was 'different' then them. 

Never into any stereotypically guy things either.  Didn't really care for cars.. be they matchbox or the adult version.  Didn't care for sports much though I did participate some.  I did like gardening, but that could arguably be gender neutral.

I'd have to say having siblings was just that.. having siblings.  I don't think I was hampered or encouraged particularly to express myself either way.  The worse influence I had was my mother.  She was always against me being me.

I've never had a sister.  I think that fear of my macho and physically aggressive brother was a factor in my delay in transitioning.  I still haven't dared to tell him that I'm transgender, although I was caught cross-dressing so often that he probably knows about that.  He has often expressed his contempt for "fairies".  On the rare occasions that we arrange to meet, I still wear male clothes.