Susan's Place Transgender Resources

How supportive is your family of your transgendered identity? (Whether you've come out, are still in the closet, or have only come out to a few people.)

My mum's the only family member I have in Canada and she's totally supportive. Very good with pronouns, name, and 'my son'. It's taken her a little while to get good with the pronouns, but she makes a genuine effort.

I'm a lucky guy.

Dennis

I need an option that says all family members I have told are supportive. I am yet to tell my dad. My friends are all supportive.

In the end I chose 'Most of my family members have mixed feelings about the whole thing' as my brother still does not now the extent of my feeling and last time on the phone thought it wqas no big deal.


Alice

This is a difficult question as I have 2 familes.  One that completely supports me and one the completely rejects me and you didn't have that choice.  I assume you meant father/mother/siblings for family, so I chose "My family does not support me, but my friends do" as virtually everyone else does.

Melissa

My mom and brother support me 100% my dad is comeing around slowly... my aunts and unkles and cusins are so so not quite here or there, they dont say anything either way, and my grandparrents consider me dead.........  thats the short of it.

My family says they will always love me but............................
:(
Jillieann

I've only told one or two people and they're supportive, well actually 3 but this was the closest...my sister is fully supportive, my dad wants me do do what ever I need to do to be happy and will support me in what ever that is, my mom is the one that suprizes me, she supports me, but at the same time I think she doesnt believe, or want to believe that I'm TS, I think she has a problem with the idea of losing her only son as a son, and she doesn't want to see me go through the >-bleeped-< we all have to go through. I think she just needs time to get used to things, she has gotten better since I first let the cat out.

Ellissa

I went with "most of my family members have mixed feelings about the whole thing". I've only come out to my parents. They're supportive of my crossdressing but they think that me being TG is just me being deluded about who I am. Oh, they don't totally discount that it could be true. But they seriously doubt that I am.

My wife told me I was possessed by demons, and just recently told me that I'd end up as a whore on the street.

The other people (My Father and Step Mother) that I have told have been very accepting though.

So, some yes, others, not so much.
It's odd though, I don't know why, but I can't help but give a lot of weight to the negative and not so much to the positive reactions.  It's like, well, my parents really love me, they are just trying to be nice that's why they accept me.

Jessica

Quote from: Jessica on August 24, 2006, 03:11:34 PM
It's odd though, I don't know why, but I can't help but give a lot of weight to the negative and not so much to the positive reactions.  It's like, well, my parents really love me, they are just trying to be nice that's why they accept me.

I've been there but with myself in general. I found that it was pretty much me projecting my thoughts about myself onto others. When my opinion of myself changed I started paying more attention to positive comments and less to negative ones.

i havnt told ant family member yet but i plan  on telling my brother soon

My friends have been awesome... I'm out to all of them, and semi-out to people at work, but I know my parents would never accept me. I might tell my brother, but not till he's 18.

Rafe

Most of my family members have mixed feelings.

  I am talking about my ex and our children. My ex is supportive. He always knew about me which is why we never should have been married. (Long story) My oldest daughter who is 15 is taking it very hard. She does not even live at home with the others now. My other 3 kids are more accepting in their own way.

Everyone I have told that has known me for years was not the least suprised, and are all supportive. I wrote them letters before I went off for top surgery.

Then there is my biological family. My birth mother totally accepts me, and my half sister totally accepts me. I did not go to see my birth father while on San Francisco.

My parents are both dead, and my brother has not spoke to me since our mom died.

So overall I think I am lucky.

                                         Marco

My wife is totally against this.  I will probably have to separate and divorce before I can do anything other than the stealth actions I've done so far.   :icon_cry:

That may be the only way that I can figure out whether to transition or not - whether I'm just a crossdresser or a true absolutely need-to-transition TS.

Carol

Sad to say, but not hard to believe, I am the only one who has choosed 'everyone I've told does not support my decision'.
:( :( :(

Quote from: Grazia on September 13, 2006, 01:34:32 AM
Sad to say, but not hard to believe, I am the only one who has choosed 'everyone I've told does not support my decision'.
:( :( :(

When my secret came out, not a soul in my family would support me.  My dad said he'd club me if he ever saw me in a skirt and my brother said that he'd break my legs. And they became involved with the people that I worked for.  My church extended their hand of "help".  It was hell.

That was 18 years ago. 

I've since come to some sort of agreemnt with my family.  They have learned that it is pointless to beat a dead dog.  I finally was able to patch up our relationships. They know that I love them.  We now enjoy being with each other.  My sister calls me her sister.  I'm not really sure how my brother feels, he's never said. But I get along fine with him, his wife, and little girl (who has been told).  He used to be the black sheep in the family.  Now I am.

My son talks to me on a regular basis and he tries to keep me a part of his life. My daughter is perfectly civil to me but she never calls me.  I have to call her.  And I do.

It has been a very long journey and it has taken a lot of patience. They discovered long ago that it takes two parties to fight.  And I refuse the invite to do so.  I've just ignored all of the crap and set it aside. They now let me in because I never gave up on them. 

Cindi

Quote from: Cindianna_Jones on September 13, 2006, 03:28:19 AM
...and my brother said that he'd break my legs.

What is it with your brother and his obsession to break legs?

Melissa

Quote from: Melissa on September 13, 2006, 10:51:00 AM

Quote from: Cindianna_Jones on September 13, 2006, 03:28:19 AM
...and my brother said that he'd break my legs.

What is it with your brother and his obsession to break legs?

Melissa

You would have to have known my brother in his younger years.  He was not one to mess with.  We both went to a Jr. High school where the white kids were the minority. I got picked on and beat up all the time.  No one messed with him.  He'd take on a whole group if he had to and he would win.  When he ran for student body president for Jr. High, no one dared vote against him ;)  So he won.

In high school, he started a big "racial fight" in his first year.  Nearly all the boys got into the fray... in total there were over 600 kids fighting.  But the time the police had arrived, my brother had retired from the fight and watched all the arrests from the top of the hill.  It was an event he would recreate every year in high school.

And then there was the time one of his buddies got hurt by a couple of Sundowner bikers.  They were sort of the Hell's Angels in Utah. They were the baddest and the roughest sort you'd ever meet.  He and his four friends went down to their club and took them all on.  Yes, he did break some legs and take out teeth with a bat.   That was his thing.  It made the news.  The Sundowners disbanded shortly after that. They completely lost face because a few teenage brats had beat the snot out of them.

For some reason (probably the woman he married 10 years ago), he has completely changed his life.  He now runs construction projects for a Utah company.  He's one of the smartest, hardest working, and honest men I've ever met.

Cindi

I see.  That makes more sense.  It was just the second time I had seen you post something about your brother breaking legs.

Melissa

  When I "came" out I discussed it first with my best friend in the world, he was more of a brother to me  (keep in mind he and I were the epitomy of he-men).  He supported me 150%..I know he was troubled on the inside but he never EVER let me see it.  He helped me move to a new city where I could start over and not deal with all my past.  He was killed three weeks later in a car accident.

  A couple days after I came out to my best friend I came out to my sisters via IM as they both lived in different cities.  My older sister had and has issues with it but seems to accept it (with the exception of course of ever discussing it or referring to me with any other name than my male name).  Her husband who was also more of a blood brother than a brother in law told me "I don't know what to think of you right now.  While I respect you for taking charge of your life and doing what you think is right I feel like everything we have shared has been based on a lie.  I feel like all that we were was just some game you were playing to keep people from seeing who you really are.  It's all been a lie and I'm not sure I can forgive you for that".This comes right before the ever lessening frequency of Emails or messages which have dwindled down to maybe 1 every year or so.  (effectively I consider her and her family gone)

  My younger sister thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread....she absolutely loved it.  She had always been the "black sheep" of our little dysfunctional family and this pleased her to no end.  She has supported me 100% when possible.  I haven't heard from her in a couple years either....financial problems have often meant going without internet access or having a working phone so I guess I can deal with that.

  My mother was "relieved" when I told her...she thought I was going to say I had some terminal disease or something.  She was shocked to say the least but promised to do whatever it took for all of us to get through this as a family.  That lasted just as long as it took her to walk out of my front door.  After that there was one or two very short visits to her home before I moved and then nothing.  She refuses to write or call.  No "Happy Birthday" call or cards as had been the norm every year prior to "the talk".  No calls or cards for Christmas as had always been the case.  No more invites to family holiday get togethers.  It's been around 4 years now since I've even heard her voice and at this point I don't think it's long enough......If I never hear from her again it will be too soon.

  I had a few friends who accepted me but after my move no one seemed to want to keep in touch so they're gone to as far as I'm concerned.

  I have my current best friend in the world right now who I live with.  She's often the only reason why I haven't stepped in front of a bus yet, so I count myself lucky for her (thanks Cindi for making me see that again).

  For the most part I don't consider myself as even having a family anymore, not in the sense that I grew up knowing them anyways.

I haven't told anyone because of fear.  :(   Fear of rejection and fear of abandonment. Something tells me in the back of my mind that either A. My family would accept me, over time.  B. They already know because I have hinted.

Hmmm

Quote from: Brady on December 22, 2006, 11:58:09 AM
I haven't told anyone because of fear.  :(   Fear of rejection and fear of abandonment. Something tells me in the back of my mind that either A. My family would accept me, over time.  B. They already know because I have hinted.

Hmmm

Hey man, just a quick note here. I hinted like crazy for years. My stepfather had guessed I'm sure, but my mother (to whom I had hinted and just outright told I'd been upset my whole life because I wasn't a man), all of these hints and she was still shocked when I told her. So, you can hint and hint, and they still may not know.
Probably because the general public is simply not even aware of the existence of FTMs.

Brady,
Don't let fear control you. Fear is always worse than doing the thing no mater how bad it is. For years fear has controled my every move and that wasn't living. I was dead to the world and myself.
Yes you need to decide if and when to tell your family / friends. And than figure out how and in what time frame and stick to it.
I know you can do it. Just stand up and be the man you are deep inside.
Jillieann/JR

Thanks Nero and Jillieann, yall are always such a big confidence booster  :)

Brady my family is smallish but: on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being the least supportive number...
Mom: 2
Sister: 2
Brother: 6 (but he's not reliable he's an alcholic-it's complicated)
aunts/uncles: 2 (most know very little)
cousins: 2-3 again most know very little of things..
I have some close friends i get better support and acceptance from
Ricki

since the last time i posted her my parents kicked me out so i know they arnt supportive
my brother doesnt want to see me any more .
my sister is tolerating other one is in deniel evryone else are ignoring me

Oh Jade I'm so sorry to hear that you are being treated that way. Ouch I heart for you. :'( :'(
But do give your family time to adjust to this revelation. They are in shock and also hurting.  I know that doesn't make you feel any better but ..... I believe there love for you will over come the there gender phobia.
Continue to show your love for your family as much as you can. That I believe will help them to come around.
Hang in there Jade.
I know you can get thru it and remember you are not along.
:'( :'(
Jillieann/JR

Quote from: jaded on December 24, 2006, 03:47:22 PM
since the last time i posted her my parents kicked me out so i know they arnt supportive
my brother doesnt want to see me any more .
my sister is tolerating other one is in deniel evryone else are ignoring me

Hi Jaded :)

I'm so sorry you are going through all this.  I agree with Jillieann, they are hurting very much, and sometimes when this happens, we tend to be very cruel with the persons we love the most.  May I ask where you are staying now?  How can I reach you?  is there a way you could PM?  you can also email me at tinkerbell@susans.org

Hang in there Jaded; we are all with you!

tinkerbell :icon_chick:

Crap I'm sorry Jaded.. That's a mess....
Hope all is okay with you and you post so we know you are okay!
Ricki

I changed my vote to my family does not support me....

They can keep there last name, they can keep there ignorance, biggitory, and cruelty....  Its clear that Im not welcome so when I leave thats it... Clean break...  Its really sad when people change there minds on you but *shrugs*  nothing I can say or do will make them change who they are so I'll just have to be the accepting one and leave....

Lynner,
I know the feeling all to well..
My sister BROKE MY HEART.....
after my suicide when i was more set on keeping on trying than wanting to live she swore up and down and promised me the world she would love me no matter what and help me no matter what..
she said it dozens of times when she was with me and i was recuperating "NO_MATTER_WHAT_"--- no matter what ricky no matter what..... :icon_cry2:
I'm sad now.....
Well my how times change! It's not the right place maybe to get into it on this post but years later her husband basically sent me an email calling me a freak telling me to get my own help and not expose him or his wife or his kids to my devilish F'd up life-style.
Nice huh? and my mom wonders why i refer to him as the homophobic hunky! hah! :icon_chainsaw:
Seems like the cruel world we have to swim through gives us all to relevant stories of bad times we share in....
big hug
Ricki

All I know is that my mom isn't very supportive, but I think it's because she's scared... and she really wanted me to be a  boy. :-\

My Mum and Dad are really good.. bro and sis say that they have looked up to me as older brother that they can't see me as anything else..
At least we are still talking about this although we try to ignore this point

Not one of the answers to the poll suit my circumstances, So far the only people that don't support me are my Mum and Dad. My Sister, my uncle, our friends, and as far as I know other members of the family are supportive.

I wish to amend my earlier one, most days they SUCK!
dearly
Me
ricki

I came out to my parents last night and they are being VERY supportive.  :) We're making plans now for coming out to the rest of the family.

They have all been really good, although to be honest I dont see most of my family that often !!

When I consider my wonderful family here... in the forum... I consider myself very lucky to have SOOOO much support.

;)

Cindi

My parents are very against it. They try and force me to buy girlish, figure showing clothing and try and remind me how cute of a little girl I was and how Feminine I will be one day! Ugh.

My friends, at last my better ones, support me. :3

[disgusted]

What family?

Evrybody's cool about it.  they knew I'm a dude.  no big surprise 4 nobody.
good reason 2 b dancin' :icon_dance:

very very supportive...i am extremely lucky especially coming from an asian family...eek

Only one family member is completely supportive

Certain members of my family are supportive, most of the older members of my family members don't know. My father refers to me as his son, my younger sister calls me her brother, and the cousins that know are all supportive. Even my mother, who doesn't know I'm trans is supportive of me wanting to appear more masculine. Just yesterday she was talking about how I needed a hair cut, and right now it is at Justin Beiber length, which is long for a boy but short for a girl.

I haen't told anyone yet but I get the feeling that a majority of the family I regularly talk to will end up suporting me. and then there's my Republican/christan/conservitive Mom. That ones going to be an interesting venture.