Community Conversation => Transgender talk => Topic started by: samantha1976ts on March 03, 2009, 04:16:36 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: samantha1976ts on March 03, 2009, 04:16:36 PM
Post by: samantha1976ts on March 03, 2009, 04:16:36 PM
Hello I have been away for a couple weeks and trying to see waht and who I really am. I tried to see if I could me my birth gender ( male) for 8 days without make up wearing female attire, shaving face, legs etc, and only wearing male clothing.Removing nail polish and so on. I wanted to see if I could be my birth gender and manage and be happy as male.
DAY 1-- I got through that day fine and had no depression inside and thought it was going good.
DAY 2-- I started started the day off as a boy. I didnt shave or anything that would make me feel like a woman.I started missing that female inside aroung the middle of the day.
DAY 3-- I woke but started feeling depressed and alone. I didn't get out of bed but to eat and use the restroom, I felt like that all day.
DAY 4--Same as day 3 I felt confused. I didn't take a shower or shave or change cloths, from day 3 now 2 days w/o a shower Ijust sat and ate alot in my rooma dn watch t.v.
DAY 5--Same I was missing being the gender I should of been born as.
and I just wanted to be her again, but I made a promise to myself that Id try it for 7 days and it was horrible the first 4 days.And I still layed in bed depressed and sad, angry and alone.I just wanted top lay in bed and wait on these 7 days to pass.
DAY6--I woke up and finally took a shower and washed hair ,changed cloths.I know it is bad not to take a showers daily but Ihad no motivation to do it or get out of bed, and i know thats sadddd.But I just had to. When Im in who I should have been I always am clean and fresh and out going , but being male really made me feel so sad and depressed.And yes bed ridden again for the rest of that day.And eating like a cow.
DAY 7--same as day 2,3,4,5,6 bed,no shower,no shaving,or changing cloths.Just my bed for that whole day.Iate3 lbs of ice cream and 2 big mac's,
I felt so ->-bleeped-<-ing mad and wanting to hide in my closet. and never come out..
last day as being my biological gender.
DAY 8--March 3rd I Woke up took a shower and while I was in the shower I started to feel free and hopeful again, knowing when I dried off I could put back on my real clothing.
I got out of the shower and dried off, then put on my undies,bra,tight jeans,and halter top, cover up, lip liner,eye shadow,eye liner,and so on.I got done looked in the mirror and saw what I was really A WOMAN, and just wanted to see if I could be happy as male and those 8 days proved I could not and wont be ever.So now It's 5:17 pm and I feel so happy right now to be who I really am.Samantha
DAY 1-- I got through that day fine and had no depression inside and thought it was going good.
DAY 2-- I started started the day off as a boy. I didnt shave or anything that would make me feel like a woman.I started missing that female inside aroung the middle of the day.
DAY 3-- I woke but started feeling depressed and alone. I didn't get out of bed but to eat and use the restroom, I felt like that all day.
DAY 4--Same as day 3 I felt confused. I didn't take a shower or shave or change cloths, from day 3 now 2 days w/o a shower Ijust sat and ate alot in my rooma dn watch t.v.
DAY 5--Same I was missing being the gender I should of been born as.
and I just wanted to be her again, but I made a promise to myself that Id try it for 7 days and it was horrible the first 4 days.And I still layed in bed depressed and sad, angry and alone.I just wanted top lay in bed and wait on these 7 days to pass.
DAY6--I woke up and finally took a shower and washed hair ,changed cloths.I know it is bad not to take a showers daily but Ihad no motivation to do it or get out of bed, and i know thats sadddd.But I just had to. When Im in who I should have been I always am clean and fresh and out going , but being male really made me feel so sad and depressed.And yes bed ridden again for the rest of that day.And eating like a cow.
DAY 7--same as day 2,3,4,5,6 bed,no shower,no shaving,or changing cloths.Just my bed for that whole day.Iate3 lbs of ice cream and 2 big mac's,
I felt so ->-bleeped-<-ing mad and wanting to hide in my closet. and never come out..
last day as being my biological gender.
DAY 8--March 3rd I Woke up took a shower and while I was in the shower I started to feel free and hopeful again, knowing when I dried off I could put back on my real clothing.
I got out of the shower and dried off, then put on my undies,bra,tight jeans,and halter top, cover up, lip liner,eye shadow,eye liner,and so on.I got done looked in the mirror and saw what I was really A WOMAN, and just wanted to see if I could be happy as male and those 8 days proved I could not and wont be ever.So now It's 5:17 pm and I feel so happy right now to be who I really am.Samantha
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: Nicky on March 03, 2009, 04:22:37 PM
Post by: Nicky on March 03, 2009, 04:22:37 PM
That's great Samantha!, kind of like real life experience in reverse. Everyone should have a false life experience.
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: almost,angie on March 03, 2009, 04:40:25 PM
Post by: almost,angie on March 03, 2009, 04:40:25 PM
Thats a pretty cool post. I think you should not try that again. LOL
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: stephani-ryan on March 03, 2009, 07:53:50 PM
Post by: stephani-ryan on March 03, 2009, 07:53:50 PM
As life is a bitter thing so is trying to continue in the role you know deep down you are not, reality sucks doesnt it we have tried for so long to be some thing we are not that we get barried under its over welming wieght I to agree that you should not try to go through that again , its too hard on your mental stability and the state of your transition, we always think that oh its just for a short time I can do this I can handle it but as you have found out that the wieght of being something you are not is to great, just continue going on as you and make your soul glow, shine bright for the world to see...
I know we must all try things out but when you realized it was wrong you needed to return to the true self that resides within...... so my dear listen to your inner voice from now on and you will shine ....
I know we must all try things out but when you realized it was wrong you needed to return to the true self that resides within...... so my dear listen to your inner voice from now on and you will shine ....
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: Soapyshoe on March 04, 2009, 10:58:04 PM
Post by: Soapyshoe on March 04, 2009, 10:58:04 PM
Cool post. I value experimentation like this because it really demonstrates the rollercoaster of emotions that can exist for a person with gender-related issues.
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: VeryGnawty on March 05, 2009, 12:32:28 AM
Post by: VeryGnawty on March 05, 2009, 12:32:28 AM
I applaud your quest to find true knowledge.
Sometimes, extreme measures are necessary to make an extreme decision.
Sometimes, extreme measures are necessary to make an extreme decision.
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: Genevieve Swann on March 06, 2009, 09:27:48 AM
Post by: Genevieve Swann on March 06, 2009, 09:27:48 AM
All of those symptoms sound very familiar. Depression, eating too much,etc. Happens to me far too often and the cure is a nice dress, pantyhose some makeup and wallah! All is better. I'm not alone, thank you for sharing that.Genevieve ::)
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: Just Kate on March 06, 2009, 11:53:07 AM
Post by: Just Kate on March 06, 2009, 11:53:07 AM
Not working makes me depressed and want to eat too.
Title: Re: Who I am really on the inside..
Post by: samantha1976ts on March 06, 2009, 12:07:20 PM
Post by: samantha1976ts on March 06, 2009, 12:07:20 PM
Thank you for bringing the job comment up.I would like you to know I'm on 2 weeks vacation and going back to work on the 9th.And going back now 6 lbs havier.lol