Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was talking to one of my gay biomale friends, who I've known since junior high. We've always been extremely compatible personality-wise and gotten along well - we're prone to witty exchanges and chasing one another around the school during rehearsal. He knows me as a lesbian - I'm not attracted exclusively (or really much at all) to either sex, but since I won't be socially transitioning (and moving to the opposite side of the country) until this summer, it's easier to let him think what he will.

Whenever I talk to him, I always get an odd, wistful feeling. It's not so much attraction as it's a kind of "If only" feeling that pretty much sums up like this:
"Man, if I were a gay bioguy, we'd be together like THAT."
This has happened with him and with another gay male friend of mine (though less with the 2nd friend because the 2nd friend and I are not as personality-compatible). It's like having a brush with an alternate universe where I know I'd be completely into these guys - if I were a biomale. It's like Will and Grace - the personality compatibility is totally there, and all that's in the way is the physical reality. It's not even an "ARGH, I WISH I WAS A BIOGUY I HATE MY FEMALE BODY" feeling; it's an acknowledgement that if I were biologically male, I would be completely into these guys and would chase them/try for a relationship. There's no real emotion attached to it other than a vague wistfulness.

Has anyone else had any kind of "alternate reality where I'm a bioguy" moments, where you look at something without any real emotion and acknowledge how something would be if you were born male? Not wishing you were one - just acknowledging how something would be if you were.

As of now, I'm not attracted to much of anything - but I have a feeling that I'm going to be one of those guys that "turns gay" during transition.   

I'm MTF but one of my best friends is a gay FTM.  I don't think it's that unusual for people to be gay and transsexual.  While I confess that I love the penis, I really prefer the company of lesbian women.
If you can get something going with these guys that you like, go for it.  Consider it research on your sexuality!

Google Buck Angel if you want to see an FTM that embraces his gayness.

My answer is YES!  Very much yes!

I almost think it's because I want to be an equal with my partner and for me, part of that equality is being the same sex.  ???  Could be, anyway.  :D

I have a friend I met online, who I've known for at least 5 years. About a year ago, I admitted to having a crush on her. She lives in Illinois, and she said she sortof had a crush on me too, but we were both in relationships at the time, and she's not into female-bodied people. She didn't say that exactly...what she said was that if we were in another universe, where I lived in her state, and had been born physically male, we would probably be together.

We're great friends, and I love my boyfriend, so it didn't bother me at all. "Wistfulness" is definitely the right word for it. She's very petite and artsy, and she makes me feel like such a guy. But I suppose it just wasn't meant to be.

aargh yes, i'm attracted to a gay biomale and of course he loves me "as a friend" and can't be attracted to me since i look and physically am female. thus my grumpy pouty *stamps foot* "i will not have any relationships until i get top surgery and go on T" episode  :D

Fully understand the feeling :)

I'm MTF but have always felt the same way about lesbians, don't know why but most of my friends are such as is my wife.

My advice is always go with what you like, not with what people say you should like.

Definitely, my best friend I had all through school is gay and we even tried to be a couple once "just to see" but it was weird. Now if I was a bio-guy things might have been different.

oh yea i would totally be gettin with guys if i were bio male but sadly they wouldnt be into me because they are gay lol

Yeah, I'm bi and doubt I will ever get a guy to like me because of my trans-ness. Not that it matters much, I have an amazing girlfriend. But I guess it just says something when you're a transguy and guys want you as a guy.

I don't get that much anymore, but I certainly remember it from before transition and marriage etc. I had a great propensity, from about 16 on, for being very good friends with a variety of very straight, gorgeous girls... and I always had crushes on them. I can't begin to tell you how many of them said things like, "If you were a guy, you'd be the perfect guy for me." It always drove me nuts, because I AM! And I always was, but people see what's on the outside, nothing more, particularly when determining sexual attraction.

Now that everyone sees me as a guy, I find myself occasionally wondering what things would be like if I hadn't gotten married 2 months after going full-time. Would I have had more relationships with straight girls? Gay men? Strangely enough, even though I always thought of myself as a straight guy and was seen as a straight girl, I dated quite a few gay men before transition... and now, after T, I'm one of those guys who ended up attracted to guys only under T's influence.

It'll come soon enough... that day when people see you as you are. And hopefully, all the experiences you have at that point will make up for the pain you're going through now.

SD

I don't feel an attraction as much as a I feel a stabbing envy.

It's funny, because I can get really attracted to gay men, in a really sexual way. I even get looks or vibes from guys in public, and I wonder if they're gay or bi, but then I remember what my body is. :(

aw man if i was a bio male i'd be gayer then rupaul having hawt buttsecks under a rainbow with unicorns prancing through a field of flowers...oh wait...i already am! lol but seriously if i were in fact biologically male i would definitely date other bio guys but since this is not the case i can't bring myself to do it. I rather date other FtMs just simply because theres more of a connection and i wouldn't feel so uh awkward with my body as i would with a bio guy lol probably mostly cause i have some doubts as to whether or not a bio guy would see me as an equal or whatever but damn if i were born a boy...*has happy little thoughts and giggles* haha

I dated a bioguy as a Ftm and it just didnt work. He was bi and I felt as though he saw me as less. It just for the sake of explanation was awkward. Anyways I am highly attracted to bio men. But for the sake of the parts I was born with I feel I am more compatible with others ftms. I have never dated one but if I had the chance to date one I would in a heart beat if our personalities matched. I just dont think dating a bioguy would be good for me mentally because I would always be jealous of what he has and what I am longing to have.

Gasp! ooo Jake we should hang out and hit on other smexy ftms...lol well you can I'll just watch and giggle cause if I tried hitting on someone it'd just be really reaaaaally sad/pathetic xD

In regards to being envious of bio-guys. I don't really get that, I'm actually much more uncomfortable with girls because it reminds me too much of what I have

Quote from: Jeatyn on March 27, 2009, 07:23:47 PM
In regards to being envious of bio-guys. I don't really get that, I'm actually much more uncomfortable with girls because it reminds me too much of what I have

I was just about to post the exact same thing. :laugh: I just can't get enough of dudes. I'm a dirty flirt. Unfortunately, they all think I'm a dirty flirt of a chick, but it can't be helped. -_-

well i think another issue is quite frankly(like alot of transguys) i ->-bleeped-<-ing despise my body haha so with a bio dude its not only like haha! i have the parts you wish you had! feel my superiority!! lol and i don't want a bio dude seeing any part of me but with another transguy well we all have to deal with basically the same ->-bleeped-<- so i dont feel as self conscious and icky lol then again when it comes to women ehhhh i used to really love women...only...but uhhh there becoming so unattractive lately lol i dunno why i mean i heard of guys sexuality changing when they start T and what not but i haven't started T yet lol but oh well im not complaining

Quote from: IanToxic on March 27, 2009, 07:39:22 PM
well i think another issue is quite frankly(like alot of transguys) i ->-bleeped-<-ing despise my body haha so with a bio dude its not only like haha! i have the parts you wish you had! feel my superiority!! lol and i don't want a bio dude seeing any part of me but with another transguy well we all have to deal with basically the same ->-bleeped-<- so i dont feel as self conscious and icky lol then again when it comes to women ehhhh i used to really love women...only...but uhhh there becoming so unattractive lately lol i dunno why i mean i heard of guys sexuality changing when they start T and what not but i haven't started T yet lol but oh well im not complaining

I totally feelyou on this one. lately women have become less appealing. I am pre T also. Once I began discovering myself and figuring out the true me I think I came closer to being asexual. I know this sounds odd but as of now I could go the rest of my life without ever having sex. I feel no need for it. Is that sad? I am attracted to people but not in a sexual way. I would rather cuddle or have an adult conversation.

Hey guys, quick note... not to be a jerk or anything, but be careful dropping the f-bomb on here... someone WILL notice, and they're not too tolerant of that stuff on this site. Just wanted to let you know before it's a problem.

SD

oops i'm sorry :( alot of times i dont even realize i'm dropping them haha guess i gotta watch that and sadly i wish i could go without sex...i probably could but yeaaaaaah lol*hates his sex drive*

I have no sex drive what so ever. It like does not exist. It actually doesnt bother me though. I have no self confidence and hate my body so I like to hide it. I try watching my swearing on here. Ian you better watch it I will get on your case if you get in trouble on here.

aww well please kill mine xD haha and no worries i'll watch it from now on :D

Hmm...sex drive is interesting.

I don't really have to deal with sexual attraction, but if I'm attracted to a person because of their personality...sex just becomes a way of being affectionate.  I think a lot of it is being comfortable in your body.  If you're uncomfortable, you definitely don't want t be intimate with someone and honestly, you just shut it off.  Maybe...it's a thought, anyway.  :-\

eh i'm the same way i mean if im with someone and i feel safe and comfortable with them and if i feel strongly towards them well then yeah to me sex is just a deeper form of affection and another way of saying i looofs you so for me while its not based on physical ->-bleeped-<- and mostly on comfort this is where the issue with bio guys comes in lol

no. but then I was only ever attracted to the straight ones.

What I find works to shut off my drive, is to just ignore it and do something else, and remind myself I can't do anything about it cause my body..

Then again, everything reminds me of sex, everything anyone says or does. And I'm always having sexual dreams, with me having a certain part, and wake up very very frustrated.  :eusa_wall:

*sigh* I must of had really bad karma in my past life.

lol i tried blocking it out...still do...it always comes back though...with pain :(

Mine doesnt even try to appear. Like one day I think I was driving and my sex drive jumped out the window and was never to be found again. lets just say its been a year now since I have had any physical intimacy with anyone past kissing cuddling. I just cant do it. Anyways... Bioguys are amazing and I wish they would date ftms but most just see me as a friend and one of the dudes.

awww cheer up Jake I'm sure you'll meet a super awesome dude :D and if it makes you feel better I get the same ->-bleeped-<- with everyone! lol that or they see me as like a little brother haha

Yep and i get what most of your saying.  I've been attracted to a few gay guys, usually feminine ones but get frustrated because am not a bioguy.  I thought was bi, not sure right now because women tend to make me uncomfortable with reminding me I have the same parts, the boobs even if on some bioguys make me uncomfortable because it's a reminder of what I have.

While either end girls or guys, I get frustrated because I'm missing a part that is very important to me in my desired role of a sexual relationship. 

But yeh my gay friends seem to just pass me off.  they knew me before I came out to them, so not intirely seen as a guy and even then I am still physically female.

My attitude towards sex is "where there's a will, there's a way".  My best friend is pansexual, but he prefers guys.  He even dated an ftm, but he just wasn't sure about sexual compatibility, so I told him my motto.  I think for us, it's better to fall in love first and worry about sex last.  Of course, the other person has to be open minded as well...I think a lot of it comes down to communication.  *sigh*  If only people weren't so concerned about sex... :D

I don't know what it is, but I've never been attracted to any gay guys. I've been with bi guys but honestly wasn't that into them either, even though they're open to a wider variety of activities  ;).
Straight men have the heat.
As for girls, their sexual orientation really doesn't matter attraction wise, unless they're butch. I like femmes.

Quote from: Nero on April 03, 2009, 04:38:03 PM
I don't know what it is, but I've never been attracted to any gay guys. I've been with bi guys but honestly wasn't that into them either, even though they're open to a wider variety of activities  ;).
Straight men have the heat.
As for girls, their sexual orientation really doesn't matter attraction wise, unless they're butch. I like femmes.

That's really weird, same here :)

Quote from: imaz on April 03, 2009, 05:31:33 PM
That's really weird, same here :)

yeah, it's funny this keeps coming up in my sessions. my therapist keeps asking 'you do know you won't be getting any more straight guys after this, right?'  :laugh:

Quote from: imaz on April 03, 2009, 05:31:33 PM
That's really weird, same here :)

I second that. :P

Quote from: Nero on April 03, 2009, 05:35:41 PM
yeah, it's funny this keeps coming up in my sessions. my therapist keeps asking 'you do know you won't be getting any more straight guys after this, right?'  :laugh:

Not necessarily true :)

Quote from: imaz on April 03, 2009, 05:49:03 PM
Not necessarily true :)

You know, I know a gay guy who "dated" straight men.  What he said was that "straight men just want to get off," so if he was able to get straight men, then anyone should be able to.  :-\  I think it's more about the guy being open minded.

Quote from: Jaimey on March 28, 2009, 12:12:00 AM
Hmm...sex drive is interesting.

I don't really have to deal with sexual attraction, but if I'm attracted to a person because of their personality...sex just becomes a way of being affectionate.  I think a lot of it is being comfortable in your body.  If you're uncomfortable, you definitely don't want t be intimate with someone and honestly, you just shut it off.  Maybe...it's a thought, anyway.  :-\

I'm not sure about that. My body makes me particularly uncomfortable, but I still desire sex. It probably depends on how you see sex.

Hm.  I suppose if you think of it in terms of wanting to have sex with another person or being fine taking care of things yourself...I think for some, though, their dysphoria complete removes any sexual feelings they have...so going with that logic, having sexual desire would mean that you are at least somewhat comfortable with your body.  That's not to say that you like the body you're in or anything like that, but you are comfortable enough to find pleasure in it...or something...at any rate, your dysphoria hasn't shut off sexual desire.  ...yeah.  (if that's incoherent, I'm exhausted...sorry :))

Quote from: IanToxiclol and i don't want a bio dude seeing any part of me but with another transguy well we all have to deal with basically the same ->-bleeped-<- so i dont feel as self conscious and icky

hmm. I never really thought of that. yeah, if I could find a fellow ftm to date, that would be awesome, now that I think about it...

I fell in love with a gay boy. absolutely, completely, madly in love. he was exactly my type. I told him how I felt, and he basically said "you don't look right, I can't date you." not those exact words, he tried to let me down easy, but that was basically the message. you know, you look like a girl, I'm attracted to men...

I was crushed, devistated, but I still feel like maybe there is hope, because I don't feel like I expressed adequately just how deeply I care about him, and just what a transsexual is.

it is terribly shallow to reject a transsexual, because they don't look like the sex you are attracted to. terribly shallow.

Quote from: rottingteeth on April 13, 2009, 06:56:28 PM
hmm. I never really thought of that. yeah, if I could find a fellow ftm to date, that would be awesome, now that I think about it...

I fell in love with a gay boy. absolutely, completely, madly in love. he was exactly my type. I told him how I felt, and he basically said "you don't look right, I can't date you." not those exact words, he tried to let me down easy, but that was basically the message. you know, you look like a girl, I'm attracted to men...

I was crushed, devistated, but I still feel like maybe there is hope, because I don't feel like I expressed adequately just how deeply I care about him, and just what a transsexual is.

it is terribly shallow to reject a transsexual, because they don't look like the sex you are attracted to. terribly shallow.

well, I don't know. are you on T? do you pass? because if you don't pass and he's not attracted to female looks, it makes sense no matter how unfair it is for us.

I more feel that way with girls.  Both ways actually, with the straight girls I feel like "damn I know I could TOTALLY win you over if I was actually a dude." and with lesbians I feel like "damn I wish I could feel comfortable enough with myself/body to go after you, and I wish I wasn't this way but if I dated you I know you'd be sad I have no boobs and you'd view my nether-regions as that of a female which would bug me too much"

I don't dig doods, but I know I'd feel the same way about them if I did, either they'd be gay and I'd feel as though I'm not man enough or they'd be straight and I'd feel like I was back at square one. 

Quote from: GnomeKid on April 22, 2009, 12:49:35 AM
I more feel that way with girls.  Both ways actually, with the straight girls I feel like "damn I know I could TOTALLY win you over if I was actually a dude." and with lesbians I feel like "damn I wish I could feel comfortable enough with myself/body to go after you, and I wish I wasn't this way but if I dated you I know you'd be sad I have no boobs and you'd view my nether-regions as that of a female which would bug me too much"

I don't dig doods, but I know I'd feel the same way about them if I did, either they'd be gay and I'd feel as though I'm not man enough or they'd be straight and I'd feel like I was back at square one.

Uh, yeah.  Well put.  I know exactly how you feel.

The only ships passing in the night feeling I get with men is with the majority of transmen.