Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I plan to tell my boss, 6 months in advance of surgery, basically as soon as I schedule with the doctor.  I'm planning on not requesting they treat me any different around the office using my birth name etc.  Basically all I want is 6 weeks off and a job when I get back.  I'm getting asked out when i'm in boy mode (and introducing myself with my birth name) so I'm not sure how long until those who don't know me at work (new hires etc) will refer to me as those I work with do (as male).

How has this worked for others, with the goal being as little interruption at work as possible.  Yes I do plan to change my name and records but will not ask those at my current job to honor the change. 

Sorry, I can't give you any advice, your slant on things is too alien to me.
You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

When I changed my name legally I required everyone to use my legal name.
Calling somebody a name that they're not is harrassment.
I wouldn't tolerate it.

There is enough latitude in the English language to avoid both names and pronouns if someone finds it necessary.

I guess I just view my job as a priviledge, when and if I lose it because of my transition I don't want anyone to say I didn't do everything I could to keep it.

I accept the reality that they have a business to run and that I'm easily replaced.  I don't have an extensive support network and my ability to support myself goes a long way towards convincing people I haven't lost my mind and in turn makes them more accepting.  Not to mention my own peace of mind in not having to do god knows what to pay the bills including making bad relationship choices. 

Basically, If I ask for medical leave and still lose my job I won't blame myself for asking for anything out of the ordinary and my firing will be totally biased on their part.

When I move on I would never accept this arrangement for any reason. But for now it doesn't seem so terrible and who knows they may choose on their own to make the change.

 

No matter what you do, you will step on toes, make people uncomfortable and could get fired. Eventually your looks vs. name is going to present a problem.

You don't think asking for 6 weeks off is not going to cause problems? No offense, but in most instances, if you can afford to be gone for 6 weeks, they probably do not need you.

My coming out at work was a non-issue.  Granted, I didn't need 6 weeks off at once, and worked around my schedule for my surgeries (hysto, top).  But after I legally changed my name, I came out at work, and a month later they (management) made the announcement.  It was a total non-issue.

I'm lucky, I know, but it may not be as big a deal as you think.  Many have transitioned on the job and kept them.

For me, once I got past the hysto and name change, I couldn't tolerate female pronouns and the wrong name any longer, anyway, so it made coming out far easier (or the risk worth it).

Jay

Maybe I missed something here, but what surgery are you having?

MTF SRS

Is that your picture? If so, no-one should have a problem whether they knew you before or just met  :) Lookin' good girl

When I came out at work, my employers made it a point to make sure that I was called by proper pronouns and by my legal name.  And it isn't just talk, failure to do so is subject to a write-up for sexual harassment and discrimination.  And possible dismissal.

Janet

Looking at your picture I thought you were going to say FtM.
I would have thought everyone would treating you as F.

Cindy James

BTW Hugs and Kisses hope it goes well

Yes, it's me.  Thank you for the kind words.  Having little to no safety net makes me willing to do whatever it takes to keep my job.  Who knows maybe it won't even be a question how to address me, I'm just hoping for the best and trying to be flexible.

So you are still male at work then if I am correct?

Don't you usually have to have the Real Life Test/full time before having SRS over there?

As I wasn't recorded as Full Time until I came out at work.. :S

Jay

I think it is wise to take precautions. I would expect them to now use your new legal name though on record.

6 months advance seems a long time to me. My feeling is if you are going to loose your job then it would be good to be in a position to apply for a new one as yourself rather than having to go through the whole process again.

As far as being full time, I don't make much attempt to hide my transition.  My don'ts are makeup, skirts, low cut blouses and heels.  I feel these things would become an unecessary distraction.  Outside of work I'm not inhibitted and have run into coworkers around town.  It's an open secret really, if I was pressed I would not accept the male label, it hasn't come up and won't because of the level of professionalism and conduct requirements. I'm not planning to legally change my records until after surgery and I'm not going to ask to be called by anything other than my legal name because I don't have legal grounds to stand on.  Further if I'm going to ask a room full of colleagues to see me as female I will not do so with a penis between my legs. 

If I lost my job right now srs wouldn't be an option financially and women have done far worse than wear unisex clothes to take care of themselves and those that depend on her.

The way you put it makes me think you are doing the right thing for you. Only you know the circumstances of your workplace and you are obviously conscious of where the boundaries are. You are obviously a very honest person.

In the unlikely event that I will ever have to transition in the workplace (I'm soon retiring) it would not be such a big deal for me because the shortened version of my birth name could apply to either gender (although I much prefer Helen).

My thoughts and prayers go out to you.  I wish you the best, and the strength to do what I could not...

:)

Marie, if you work for a company that has a Human Resources Department they are the ones you should notify first, if not your manager would be the one like you said. From your picture there cannot be much confusion at work as what's going on, even if you dress in boy mode, your boss will probably ask what took you so long.  I already contacted HR and they are fine with me transitioning, and I'm not going to be doing that for about a year from now and srs is a few years down the road. 

Paula.

Yours is a new view of things for me. I have never heard of anyone staying in the old gender but if you are comfortable with it, then you should perhaps follow your instinct as you know your situation better than anyone else. Your employment is a major and valid consideration and should not be treated lightly although I suspect that you are a valued employee as no one has outright caused you any problems to date. From your avatar, you already present amazingly well and like you said, it is already an open secret.

I was to the point of people suspecting a variety of things from gay to trans and fortunately met with nothing but support when I did announce my name change. I did take the steps to clear everything through my HR months in advance of my comming out. I don't know what State you live in nor what laws apply but seeing as you will be female, you will probably be protected by law as a female.

My transition as work like Janets has gone smoothly and although still a male by gender I am treated with the same respect, pronouns and the use of my now legal name of Wendy as any other female employee. I wish you success and hope that it will all work out in your favor. Hugs

Wendy