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Title: Hi
Post by: wryann on April 04, 2009, 03:57:34 AM
Post by: wryann on April 04, 2009, 03:57:34 AM
Hi, I'm Anna, 28-year-old MtF from Michigan. I first learned about transsexuality when I was 19 and came out to my family when I was 20, but they told me I wasn't trans, and I was anxious about transitioning, so I convinced myself they were right and slunk back into the closet. Needless to say, since then I've been miserable.
This is very hard for me to write, because when I think about how I denied being MtF for most of my 20's, I'm filled with self-loathing. I remember starting to revisit trans websites when I was 25 years old, but then I saw pre- and post-transition photos someone similar to me in age and male appearance had posted, and I felt pathetic in comparison. "If I had been brave like her, that could be me right now," I thought. I didn't want to admit to myself I had wasted those 5 years, so I slunk back into the closet again... and wasted a few more!
However, last year I descended to a point where I was thinking about suicide night and day, which made me realize I couldn't go on as a male. I re-came out to my family, who are now even less accepting than before, but I was resolved I wouldn't return to the closet this time. I joined a GLBT-friendly guild in World of Warcraft and told them I'm MtF, and naturally they're cool with it. Their acceptance gave me the courage to tell my online friends I'm MtF, and to my surprise all of them are cool with it, too. Finally, all that acceptance gave me the courage to tell my one close friend from college that I'm MtF. I could scarcely believe it at first, but she's completely supportive, which has made a world of difference.
I told her around New Year's, and after that I've still been avoiding trans sites, since as I said, they fill me with self-loathing. But, recently my college friend encouraged me to talk to other trans folks because she thought it would be good for me, and I knew she was right, so I promised her I would. That's the abbreviated, but still very wordy, story of how I got here.
tl;dr version: I'm an MtF named Anna and need to talk to some trans folks. These forums look smart and active, so I joined.
This is very hard for me to write, because when I think about how I denied being MtF for most of my 20's, I'm filled with self-loathing. I remember starting to revisit trans websites when I was 25 years old, but then I saw pre- and post-transition photos someone similar to me in age and male appearance had posted, and I felt pathetic in comparison. "If I had been brave like her, that could be me right now," I thought. I didn't want to admit to myself I had wasted those 5 years, so I slunk back into the closet again... and wasted a few more!
However, last year I descended to a point where I was thinking about suicide night and day, which made me realize I couldn't go on as a male. I re-came out to my family, who are now even less accepting than before, but I was resolved I wouldn't return to the closet this time. I joined a GLBT-friendly guild in World of Warcraft and told them I'm MtF, and naturally they're cool with it. Their acceptance gave me the courage to tell my online friends I'm MtF, and to my surprise all of them are cool with it, too. Finally, all that acceptance gave me the courage to tell my one close friend from college that I'm MtF. I could scarcely believe it at first, but she's completely supportive, which has made a world of difference.
I told her around New Year's, and after that I've still been avoiding trans sites, since as I said, they fill me with self-loathing. But, recently my college friend encouraged me to talk to other trans folks because she thought it would be good for me, and I knew she was right, so I promised her I would. That's the abbreviated, but still very wordy, story of how I got here.
tl;dr version: I'm an MtF named Anna and need to talk to some trans folks. These forums look smart and active, so I joined.
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: placeholdername on April 04, 2009, 04:04:39 AM
Post by: placeholdername on April 04, 2009, 04:04:39 AM
Hi Anna, glad you're here. I too get feeling of regret about not seriously approaching transition earlier -- I'm 26 now but I very much wish I could go back and start from 13 or so. Remember though, the regret you feel now can strengthen your resolve to carry through with the process today, something you may not have been able to do back when you were 20.
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: carissa on April 04, 2009, 05:10:11 AM
Post by: carissa on April 04, 2009, 05:10:11 AM
Hey Anna. I know exactly how you feel. I'm only 21 and often kick myself for waiting until now to begin accepting it and working towards becoming who I want to be. Atleast you have accepted it and realized who you are instead of fighting it. But welcome to Susans... I'm also new here
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: Cindy on April 04, 2009, 05:18:50 AM
Post by: Cindy on April 04, 2009, 05:18:50 AM
Hi anna and welcome.
I'm (cough) 56. I knew i was TG at the age of 5yrs. Couldn't put it to words. Told my folks at 13 I was female. Didn't go down well ;D ;D.
Now after along time transitioning. Find a therapist and start, if it's recommended
LoL
Your Aunty Cindy James
:-*
I'm (cough) 56. I knew i was TG at the age of 5yrs. Couldn't put it to words. Told my folks at 13 I was female. Didn't go down well ;D ;D.
Now after along time transitioning. Find a therapist and start, if it's recommended
LoL
Your Aunty Cindy James
:-*
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: Janet_Girl on April 04, 2009, 06:25:00 AM
Post by: Janet_Girl on April 04, 2009, 06:25:00 AM
Hi Anna, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 2100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
I am 55 and full time for 6 months now. Coming up on one year HRT.
Janet
Welcome to our little family. Over 2100 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion. Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
I am 55 and full time for 6 months now. Coming up on one year HRT.
Janet
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: paulault55 on April 04, 2009, 09:19:36 AM
Post by: paulault55 on April 04, 2009, 09:19:36 AM
Hi Anna and welcome, as you can see you are really never to old to transition, I'm 56 oops 57 today and started last year, I have a long way to go but at least i started.
HUGS
Paula.
HUGS
Paula.
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: K8 on April 04, 2009, 06:28:37 PM
Post by: K8 on April 04, 2009, 06:28:37 PM
Hi, Anna. Welcome.
Transitioning is not for the faint-hearted. You will do it when you are ready. Don't beat yourself up for wasted years. You may be a in a far better place to do it now than you were then. And having at least one supportive friend is very helpful.
Here's a little wisdom from around the world:
It is never too late to be what you might have been. —George Eliot
The only joy in the world is to begin. —Cesar Pavese
Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. —Chinese proverb
- Kate
Transitioning is not for the faint-hearted. You will do it when you are ready. Don't beat yourself up for wasted years. You may be a in a far better place to do it now than you were then. And having at least one supportive friend is very helpful.
Here's a little wisdom from around the world:
It is never too late to be what you might have been. —George Eliot
The only joy in the world is to begin. —Cesar Pavese
Be not afraid of growing slowly. Be afraid only of standing still. —Chinese proverb
- Kate
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: wryann on April 05, 2009, 03:37:15 PM
Post by: wryann on April 05, 2009, 03:37:15 PM
Thank you so much for the warm welcome and insightful words, everyone. I already feel a lot more comfortable here now than I did a few days ago. It's a breath of fresh air to converse with people who know firsthand what this is like. I'm looking forward to being part of this community.
Title: Re: Hi
Post by: gennee on April 05, 2009, 04:03:03 PM
Post by: gennee on April 05, 2009, 04:03:03 PM
Hi Anna and welcome to Susan's. I'm pleased that you have decided to be open because no one can live your life. As far as regret goes look at it this way; now you are able to accept who you are. I applaud you.
Gennee
:)
Gennee
:)