Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Kaitlyn on April 13, 2009, 12:39:32 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: Kaitlyn on April 13, 2009, 12:39:32 PM
Post by: Kaitlyn on April 13, 2009, 12:39:32 PM
I did it. I finally did it! I'm officially out to my family and those friends I'm still in touch with.
I started a couple of weeks ago when I talked to my best RL friend, and I told him everything. He was a little bit uncomfortable with it, but very accepting. He even seemed like he got more comfortable with the idea as we talked it over. I think it was the technical discussion of hormones that helped make it seem less weird - he loves geeky stuff like that, same as me. It was such a relief for him to be OK with it.
I talked to his sister the the next day - also my friend - and she was totally great about it. I haven't been friends with her as long, so she has less invested in the "old me", I guess. She's been an LGBT-rights advocate since grade school, and is in a lesbian partnership herself, so I felt really safe coming out to her. We had an hour-long conversation over Skype (she lives in Ireland) where I told her everything.
My parents, I just told last night - on Easter. I didn't plan it that way for symbolism or anything, the logistics just worked out that way. It was... different than I expected. Very different.
My father actually seemed the most accepting of it, when I was afraid he might go so far as to throw me out and disown me. His attitude was "You do what you need to do to be happy in your own life." His biggest concern was that I'm self-medicating, and he wants me to see a doctor for that as soon as possible. That seemed to bother him way more than the fact that I'm transitioning.
My mother just kind of sat there with teary eyes the whole time, and didn't say much. She was more disturbed by it than my father, and she was also worried about consequences for me - could I ever find someone to be with, would I be attacked for being this way, etc. She''s nominally OK with it, in the "It's your life" sense, but she seemed disappointed. I hope she comes around, but it's still a better reception than I ever hoped for. She did actually make a joke about not knowing how to handle TWO daughters :)
I told my 14 year old sister just after - the one I've always had a bad relationship with - and she was like, "meh". It didn't faze her at all. I was honestly hoping an intense reaction, one way or the other, so I kept trying to provoke one by telling her more and more about it. No good, she was just OK with me being that way :) I do hope that we have a sisterly relationship and put a lot of the old fights behind us, but we'll see.
So here I am. I have a home, a family, and a future. I can dress and be myself and transition without being afraid of the people I love anymore. I can be a daughter and a big sister, and I feel so liberated that I honestly don't know what to do now. The fear was my companion for two decades, and I don't quite know HOW to be free yet ;D
I started a couple of weeks ago when I talked to my best RL friend, and I told him everything. He was a little bit uncomfortable with it, but very accepting. He even seemed like he got more comfortable with the idea as we talked it over. I think it was the technical discussion of hormones that helped make it seem less weird - he loves geeky stuff like that, same as me. It was such a relief for him to be OK with it.
I talked to his sister the the next day - also my friend - and she was totally great about it. I haven't been friends with her as long, so she has less invested in the "old me", I guess. She's been an LGBT-rights advocate since grade school, and is in a lesbian partnership herself, so I felt really safe coming out to her. We had an hour-long conversation over Skype (she lives in Ireland) where I told her everything.
My parents, I just told last night - on Easter. I didn't plan it that way for symbolism or anything, the logistics just worked out that way. It was... different than I expected. Very different.
My father actually seemed the most accepting of it, when I was afraid he might go so far as to throw me out and disown me. His attitude was "You do what you need to do to be happy in your own life." His biggest concern was that I'm self-medicating, and he wants me to see a doctor for that as soon as possible. That seemed to bother him way more than the fact that I'm transitioning.
My mother just kind of sat there with teary eyes the whole time, and didn't say much. She was more disturbed by it than my father, and she was also worried about consequences for me - could I ever find someone to be with, would I be attacked for being this way, etc. She''s nominally OK with it, in the "It's your life" sense, but she seemed disappointed. I hope she comes around, but it's still a better reception than I ever hoped for. She did actually make a joke about not knowing how to handle TWO daughters :)
I told my 14 year old sister just after - the one I've always had a bad relationship with - and she was like, "meh". It didn't faze her at all. I was honestly hoping an intense reaction, one way or the other, so I kept trying to provoke one by telling her more and more about it. No good, she was just OK with me being that way :) I do hope that we have a sisterly relationship and put a lot of the old fights behind us, but we'll see.
So here I am. I have a home, a family, and a future. I can dress and be myself and transition without being afraid of the people I love anymore. I can be a daughter and a big sister, and I feel so liberated that I honestly don't know what to do now. The fear was my companion for two decades, and I don't quite know HOW to be free yet ;D
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: nathanjude on April 13, 2009, 01:11:22 PM
Post by: nathanjude on April 13, 2009, 01:11:22 PM
congrats ;D
I'm glad it went so smoothly for you
I'm glad it went so smoothly for you
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: Jay on April 13, 2009, 01:28:04 PM
Post by: Jay on April 13, 2009, 01:28:04 PM
WOW! Congrats Kaitlyn!
It sounds like you have a great family and friends behind you.
I am so happy for you hun!
Now the hardest part is over get your ass to a doctor ;)
Jay
It sounds like you have a great family and friends behind you.
I am so happy for you hun!
Now the hardest part is over get your ass to a doctor ;)
Jay
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: myles on April 13, 2009, 01:49:46 PM
Post by: myles on April 13, 2009, 01:49:46 PM
Congratulations- that is great to have support.
Myles
Myles
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: K8 on April 14, 2009, 07:58:15 AM
Post by: K8 on April 14, 2009, 07:58:15 AM
Yes, congratulations. It is wonderful to have people around you who care for you, regardless.
During the coming out process, I always have to remind myself that 1) I have been thinking about this a lot longer than they have, so I need to go slowly and let them get used to the idea, and 2) this is far more important to me than to them (your sister - as any 14 year-old does - has issues of her own and may not be all that interested in her big brother's/sister's issues).
I know how relieved you must feel. Good luck.
- Kate
PS Please follow your father's advice and see a doctor for the meds.
During the coming out process, I always have to remind myself that 1) I have been thinking about this a lot longer than they have, so I need to go slowly and let them get used to the idea, and 2) this is far more important to me than to them (your sister - as any 14 year-old does - has issues of her own and may not be all that interested in her big brother's/sister's issues).
I know how relieved you must feel. Good luck.
- Kate
PS Please follow your father's advice and see a doctor for the meds.
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: Tristan on April 14, 2009, 05:13:51 PM
Post by: Tristan on April 14, 2009, 05:13:51 PM
congrads, i know it can be kinda like AHHHH! when your telling family, but it sounds like they love you and will help you out along the way. plus doing it in your 20's (im 22 myself)they say you have better results, but more intense mood swings sometimes.good luck and congrads once again
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: Kaitlyn on April 14, 2009, 05:17:42 PM
Post by: Kaitlyn on April 14, 2009, 05:17:42 PM
I just ninja-attacked a friend that I hadn't spoken to in months. He IM'd me out of the blue about 30 minutes ago, and I told him all about me when I thought the time was right. He's cool with it, and thinks his wife and brother-in-law (more friends) will be too.
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: K8 on April 15, 2009, 08:34:10 AM
Post by: K8 on April 15, 2009, 08:34:10 AM
Each person you tell is easier, I think. And with each person you tell, the more you can become who you are.
I found that as I told more people, I also told myself, helping me to find who I am.
Good luck on your journey. Each of us does it in our own way. Each of us makes it easier for those still waiting to open up, just as those who have done it before us make it easier for us. In that way we are all in this together.
- Kate
I found that as I told more people, I also told myself, helping me to find who I am.
Good luck on your journey. Each of us does it in our own way. Each of us makes it easier for those still waiting to open up, just as those who have done it before us make it easier for us. In that way we are all in this together.
- Kate
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: Kaitlyn on April 15, 2009, 08:41:32 AM
Post by: Kaitlyn on April 15, 2009, 08:41:32 AM
Now I'm beating myself up for not doing this 10 yeas ago. What was I thinking? I cost myself so much with my hesitation...
Title: Re: Out to my friends and family!
Post by: K8 on April 15, 2009, 10:26:02 AM
Post by: K8 on April 15, 2009, 10:26:02 AM
Quote from: Kaitlyn on April 15, 2009, 08:41:32 AM
Now I'm beating myself up for not doing this 10 yeas ago. What was I thinking? I cost myself so much with my hesitation...
I seriously looked into transitioning twenty-five (25!) years ago but decided I wasn't ready. We all have to do this at our own pace. Perhaps you are in a better place - emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, etc. - now than you were then. Don't beat yourself up. Just go from here. The past forms us, but it is the present we live in and the future we look toward.
*hugs*
- Kate