Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Dora on April 17, 2009, 09:36:19 PM Return to Full Version

Title: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: Dora on April 17, 2009, 09:36:19 PM
A family member asked me the following question:

QuoteHow do you know this isn't just a mid-life crisis and in a few years you will regret doing this?

I'm not sure how to respond. I'm thinking no, this is not a mid-life crisis, driving a red sports car convertible is a mid-life crisis or quitting a career to go to the mountains and live off the land is a mid-life crisis.  :)

I've been hit by a lot of questions and comments the past two years, but this is the first comment that has thrown me a bit. I have always known and I do know I am on the correct path... It just happens that everything came together to allow me to transition now. (I'm in my fifties).

Dora
Title: Re: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: Janet_Girl on April 17, 2009, 09:51:20 PM
For people who don't understand, it is another vain attempt at changing your mind.  Kind of like "It is just a phase".

And when asked just explain that it has been going on for a lot longer than just a mid life crisis.

Janet
Title: Re: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: Dora on April 17, 2009, 10:42:11 PM
Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 17, 2009, 09:51:20 PM
For people who don't understand, it is another vain attempt at changing your mind.  Kind of like "It is just a phase".

And when asked just explain that it has been going on for a lot longer than just a mid life crisis.

Hi Janet,

Yes, that was my reaction too. And to be honest, with this particular person I know what his motives are so I don't give it a lot of thought. BUT it does make me wonder if the guy in the red convertible or the guy living in the mountains feel just as strongly about what they are doing as I do.

Not a big deal really, it just kinda got to me a little more then the other negative comments I have had come my way. -Dora

Title: Re: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: Zelane on April 17, 2009, 11:54:54 PM
It could be.

And I dont know how it is for others. Each one its different and face transition in different ways. And well only you can really say what it is.

But you know... it could be a mid-life crisis -_-
Title: Re: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: K8 on April 18, 2009, 08:04:54 AM
I agree with Zelane.

If it is a mid-life crisis, does that make it less real? ???  (Perhaps I don't know what a mid-life crisis is.)  At mid-life I got a new job and seriously looked into genital surgery.  I kept the job but decided I wasn't ready for the surgery.  Was that a mid-life crisis?  I was much happier after than before.

Now I'm looking to transitioning.  I finally am in a place - geographically, socially, emotionally, etc. - where it is possible.  Is this a delayed mid-life crisis? :P

Perhaps they are just asking you if you're sure you're doing this for the right reasons, which is a legitimate question.

Good luck, however you decide. ;D
- Kate
Title: Re: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: heatherrose on April 18, 2009, 08:40:24 AM



For me it definately was a "Mid-Life Crisis".
The crisis being, that I could no longer stand
living a life of lies.

Which had followed the "Pre-Mid-Life Crisis" of constant fear of discovery
of a secret life that I led living vicariously through T-porn......and such.

Which had followed the "Post-Adolecense Crisis" of the self-loathing,
self-destructive endless cycles of hording, hiding and purging.

Which followed the "Adolecense Crisis" of taking enough unwarranted
abuse form my "Schoolmates" that I never returned and Daddy
showed me how build my masculine facade.

Which followed the "Pre-Adolecense Crisis" of receiving a drop trou
spanking for acting up which turned into a beating after Mama
discovered I was wear my sisters underware and of praying to God
every night for him give me the body I was supposed to have and
crying every morning when I discovered he didn't. Ya, so it's
been one freakin' CRISIS after another. 



Title: Re: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: Dora on April 19, 2009, 10:42:53 PM
Quote from: heatherrose on April 18, 2009, 08:40:24 AM
Ya, so it's been one freakin' CRISIS after another. 
You got that right. Previously, my problems were primarily internal. Now, after transitioning my problems are primarily external -- and that's a good thing.

This person knows that my entire life has been a crisis (and to him, this is just another crisis). A perfect and fitting response. Thank you, Heatherrose.

Dora
Title: Re: Your coming out now is just a mid-life crisis...
Post by: Zelane on April 19, 2009, 10:52:14 PM
This is a first ^^

My post was meant in two ways:

One I am saying that maybe just maybe this is indeed a "male-mid-life-crisis" And its just a word of precaution not an attack (ok?) But if you have read in the Lynn Conway site about some persons that have regretted transition (and worse SRS) And then a little introspect its not bad. If you know whats right for you the better.

The second meaning its just like heatherrose wrote. Well duh! IT IS a freaking crisis of course. Just think reaching this point in life (mid) and still living a fake life (my opinion about living in the wrong gender) and possible feeling more and more trapped. Also reaching that point meant a lot in regards to beauty. Will I look good? Why didnt I started sooner, etc, etc. Those are some normal questions.


Also, mid-life crisis are different for women and men.