Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This is a story from the first time I transitioned. It was 1987, and I I then was living as Marco here in California with the girl who had come here with me. My name was changed and I bound my chest, and dressed as any other guy. Things were good. I passed 100% of the time. I was not on hormones yet, but I think because of my youth, I was 21 and looked 16, a beard was not a factor at that time. Both my girlfriend at the time and I worked at the same place. Mind you, she thought me to be a guy, that just needed a slight physical adjustment. Well we had made friends within the place we had worked. There was this one guy I worked with, he was married and had a daughter. We would hang out with them sometimes, and he and became good friends. Now, I can't recall the reason for what I did next, but him and I were at the beach one night just talking. The fact I was stelth, and always planned to stay that way, I don'y know what possesed me to tell him of my ideintity. I don't even remeber the conversation, just that he did not believe me that I was born female. So he says show me. Well like an idiot, I did. I do believe he was shocked. But said that it was cool, and would not affect our friendship. Not too long after that I found wires cut under the hood of my car I then had to fix. Somehow I think I had found out that this guy had feelings for my girlfriend, and that maybe her for him as well. I'm pretty sure he did not keep to himself what I had reveled to him. Then there came the night I came home from somewhere and opened the door to a fist square into my face. I flew back up against the wall, and he comes at me again. I ducked and hit him once. He flys back, I stand there with blood on my face, for one moment to know atleast I split his lip, but after that I was doomed. He was so mad that before I knew what hit me, he had punched me 3 times in one second, and spun around, and round house kicked me in the face and I was DOWN. I started to pass out but kind of saw him walk over me and went to grab my girlfriend. He was telling her to get her stuff and go with him up north to San Jose were he was from. I guess he planned on leaving his wife and daughter for my girlfriend. I don't even know how I got up and as fast as I did, but I went and grabbed her away from him and said she is not going anywhere. I think she was so freaked out by what had happened, she told him to leave. I was a bloody mess. I don't know why I did not let her go, because I did not love her and our relationship was rocky all the time because she would get so mad when other girls would come on to me ;) I never thought of it as a hate crime until recently, I think it was, but the moral here is "if only I were a blackbelt". I can hit hard and fight a good fight, but when you come up against someone who is trained the way he was, you have no chance. That was a hard lesson for me to learn.
                                              Marco

Ah, that's scary!  Especially since I just watched Boy Don't Cry for the first time today...  I've gotta get into martial arts in case I have to get into fights!

Yikes, that's scary.  I never had that natural instinct to "fight for my girl" that men seem to possess.  However, if it came down to it, I did know martial arts just for the purpose of self defense.

Melissa

Even a little training in martial arts helps. I'm only a yellow belt(right after white, the first belt) and on my way to orange, but karate has taught me not to be afraid to punch and not to be afraid of defending myself. Even though I don't have that much skill and I'm severely out of practice, I'm not afraid to try anymore, and I don't feel so helpless. It's all about having confidence.  8)

Hell, when I first started karate, I was too shy to yell, "KYA!" and now I'm shouting it wit the best of them   :D

I have a lot of martial arts experience in my background.  I love to learn new things and the different styles are usually rooted in a vast culture.  It has come to some good use although I never had to go hand to hand for anything but a couple of people I taught did and they thanked me later.  The reason I have never gone hand to hand is that I normally carry a sidearm when I can and when you do that, you never want to grapple.

Best way to pic out a place to learn is to show up, ask some questions, and ask to watch a class or two.  If you are looking for more of a fighting form, stay away from places that stress tournaments unless that is all there is in your area.  I found that two styles I have trained in were good for defending one's self:  kenpo jujitsu and wing chun kung fu.

Good luck!  :)

Thanks for the tip LIT..

                      Marco

Interesting story indeed !
I have alwayse loved martial arts but only got to a few days away from the yellow belt and our finances stopped me from going . fast foward about 20 years and I got in with a bunch of NUTS called the SCA (socioty for creative Acronisum ) they dress up in armor like the midevil times and beat each other with sticks !  I had more fun with those crazies than any orginization I've ever belonged to !  I made my own armor and was trained how to fight by our "Schenishal" a vetern of sord play and through the proccess I have come to a level of self confidence that I would not have otherwize.  I can hold my own with a stick or club, of that I have no doubt at all !
and being as paranoid I have found clubs at every location you can amagon and more !
hehehehehehe
  being able to protect yourself i believe is esiential if your life has found you to be a TS... if you can , definately make it a point to get trained in one form or another.... because you cannot alwayse Run !
...
my 2 coppers !
Bob........


 

Quote from: Mikko on August 29, 2006, 05:39:32 PM
Ah, that's scary!  Especially since I just watched Boy Don't Cry for the first time today...  I've gotta get into martial arts in case I have to get into fights!

hey I watched that film either!It is scary!I couldn't sleep that night..later I watched only first part(before they discovered). They tortured him but they didn''t succeed to kill human trait in him....his life is not over he lives in heart of every transgender

Bob,

    You are too funny. That sounds like it was fun for you. You are right, we all have to know how defend ourselves. I naver had to to it too often, but you never know.

                                        Marco

Quote from: Andre on August 31, 2006, 06:41:55 PM

Quote from: Mikko on August 29, 2006, 05:39:32 PM
Ah, that's scary!  Especially since I just watched Boy Don't Cry for the first time today...  I've gotta get into martial arts in case I have to get into fights!

hey I watched that film either!It is scary!I couldn't sleep that night..later I watched only first part(before they discovered). They tortured him but they didn''t succeed to kill human trait in him....his life is not over he lives in heart of every transgender

              I cry so much every time I watch "Boys Don't Cry" that my SO doesn't let me watch it often.


              May Brandon finally rest in peace.


beth

Marco, I'm sorry this had to happen to you.  You now know not to reveal this stuff to anyone except your SO.  People just can't deal with it.  I haven't told anyone about myself since I met Brick, my hubby.  It's nobody's business.  They just can't deal with it. 

The thing that I don't understand about your story is if he thought you were female, why would the masculine guy that he was, why whould he hit you?  What an emasculated punk he was.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself and your girlfriend. As much as I abhor violence, there are times when you have to stand up to what's right.  I respect you for it.

Cindi

Man, I just never got that.  Why do people, guys especially, get so damn offended by something someone else is doing that has no relevence to them whatsoever?  It's so freakin stupid.  Why?  Why let people get to you like that?  I was never attracted to girls, but I got hit on by a lot of them, and it didn't make *me* feel threatened.  It's doesn't *mean* anything, how other people live their lives.  The only thing that matters is how they treat other people!  I mean, people act like they think they'll catch it or something...  I guess being interested in the same person might be a little close to home, but the idiot was supposed to be off the market anyway.  People are so stupid.

And yeah, Boys Don't Cry is sad as hell :(  I was always afraid to buy it cuz I didn't want to seem interested in something like that, then when I came out I was like "Yesss, it's okay now!" got it, watched it, and figured it was probably a good thing I hadn't seen it before I figured myself out more, cuz it might've scared me into another year of repression or something o_o

I'll tell you Mikko, because most men are farely Stoopid !...
they might have to think, and thinking is hard for most men...
its all about being tough to a man guys , it has nothing to do with reason !
its like the lion in africia, the toughest gets all the gals....he gets a herim..
well, our breeding STILL reflects that.... and every male wants a Herim , weather they admit it or not.... thats just how it works ! so Us males go about our daily lives  butting heads with other males... its how we are made...
its extreamily Stupid ! but it does work... and working is the only real prerequesit in the "survival of the fittest"  Most of the time I am arround other males I think i am surrounded by Neanderthals !   the burping, farting and asinine jestures lead one to believe that most men are of sub-human origin .... but unfortionally this is not the case...   
   Being met at the door with a fist in the face is a cowardly act , and there is no doubt that the Girl had everything in the world to do with it...  or his desire for the girl... if the girl wasn't there there probly would never have been a problem..... you see it doesn't matter if a man is married or not... a man is alwayse looking to be layed,  a male has a continuess sex drive, and he cannot turn it off  even if he wanted to.... so consiquently just about everything he does is geared to finding a roll in the hay...for most males anyway this is very true... but not all ofcorse. 
  As i said , its all about being TOUGHER than the other Male... there is compitition everywhere to a man ... it goes way beyond the sex drive, because this penetrates the very core of a mans being....  this is what causes the bullying we see at school in the younger years. a desire to be tougher than the other guy.
a desire to be respected by the other guys... and if you are not tough you are not respected ... Period !   in a mans world...
  this is a rotton arrangement... to say the least, but in the late teen years to arround the 30's this thinking prevails in men.... when the sexual drive for a man backs off a bit, they begin to be a bit more tollarent, but not alwayse...
....
so being a FtM is a much tougher road to travle than MtF because of the change in thinking... because Females simply don't think that way... (thank God!)
... It is NOT reasonable.... men hate sexualy disturbed people simply because....
its in-grown a hate that festers inside a man for no reason ... just because their diferent...  in the proccess of evelution I amagon this helps keep the blood line
more pure,  kill off the weardo's and you don't have to worry about them.
Man's inhumanity to Man  has been a topic for conversation sense time began
and its nothing new. 
  However if you plan on being a Man then you better for your own sake learn how to defend yourself better than the avrage male out there !
  in my view to try and enter a mans world with a female body is going to get you hurt. physically as well as emotionally...   You already know Men don't think the same as wemon.... so You are starting off on the wrong foot to begin with.
men are tough, boystrous, rude and all that... just because they can be.
... it is far easier for a man to act civilized, than it is for a girl to act uncivilized.    and that is the hart of the matter.
...
I hope in the eions of time to come that Man will change. but I see no hope of that in the next 2000 years !
....
. My 2 coppers for what its worth !
Bob.........


   

[quote author=Cindianna_Jones  

The thing that I don't understand about your story is if he thought you were female, why would the masculine guy that he was, why whould he hit you?  What an emasculated punk he was.

Cindi,
    I don't think in his mind he ever delt with that fact. He only knew me as Marco, and then with the new found information he just viewed me as some kind of freak, that he felt he needed get Kelley(the girlfriend) away from. I think I scared him or something :o

                                                     Marco

yeah, Bob....  I guess I know that in my mind but it's something I just don't understand.  It's part of why I keep saying I know I'm not going to be much of a man's man.  My brother is trying to help me get in the habit of swearing more because it's a man thing, maybe that will help :)

Mikko,

    It is not about swearing. It is about being you, and standing up for those you care about, of needed. I think it is just a instinct. Many woman have it too. All men are not the same, though Bob does make some good points, but we are all different. So as you change, follow your own role not someone elses.

                                                   Marco

hehe, I know.  I'm not going to try to be something I'm not comfortable with, for sure.  The swearing thing was a joke :)

No doubt the feller just wasn't thinking at all, but reacting... he reacted the only way he knew how... violance !   mans history is covered with this type of behaviour. it shouldn't supprize anyone.  Violance is the usual result in imposeing something new to a man, imposeing something new to a female is something else all togather.
  I have lived this life as a male , I know how they think, or at least I think I do<grin>  trying to pidgen hole everyone into the same bracket isn't realy correct eather but if you take the Majority of cases I think you'll find I am correct.
  Marco was indeed a thret to him, and he was going to SAVE the girl...end of thinking.... it needs to be done , some one has to do it, so it just as well be me !
.... why was Marco a thret after telling him and not before ? because Marco was accepted as an equil.... and not a thret, one of the guys is all.... but Marco tore down that Facad when revealing that his body was indeed that of a female. Marco then became a serious thret, one because the guy didn't detect it, (shame on him !) and two because he was WITH a GIRL !  that just has to be some sick twisted sexual deviation that is only described as Perverted !  there for the guy became an imediate enemy... no longer a friend , if he didn't show it he was very clever.
but that is the case.  this is how he would have thought it out, not how I would have handled it by any means... but then I never clamed to be normal eather !
...
  Lets face it , every stright guy out there was raised to hate Queers,gays,or anyone with a sexual oddity... no matter what lable you put on it. thats just the facts of life... its sad but its the truth !
  trying to teach them that their feer or Hate is unfounded is going to be a long hard strugle because it goes against the very fiber of their being...
this is why fathers have such a hard time with accepting their child is a TS or what ever.... ...
  when you strip away a mans inteligance,and the false fronts he presents to the world all he has left is his Machoism...be it big or small his macho-ness is the foundation of his life.  and anything TS related is a thret to that because to accept that TS isn't a bad thing is to be a whimp and have no Macho at all !
....
.... aurgh.. I could explain it soooo much better useing "cuss words" but they are forbidden here.. <grin>  and probly a good thing too ! HAHAHAHA

I think you get the idea anyway !
hope it helps !

Bob.........

Bob,
    That was great. I think you hit the nail dead on. That is exactly why he did as he did. Thanks for such keen insight ;)
                                Marco

heheh Thanks,
Unfortionately Most of our fellow Mans actions can be calculated in the same way !
.... but it only stresses the NEED for self defence ...  not just adiquite but superrior to the avrage man out there... and remember the avrage man has been through the military so they are not shy about protecting themselves and are usually fairly good at it... there for YOU need to be better than that !
a black belt in Karate would do quite well I would think...
start now and by the time your 65 you might get a black belt...hehehehehe
so probly a faster method would be advisable !
<grin>

Bob.......

I think guys do weird things and not for any particular reason other than impulse.  Testosterone is a mighty beast and depending on the individuals ability to control it things can go from bad to worse in a split second. 
  I have known men who were so quick to fight that they didn't even need a reason just a trigger.  I have also known men who would fight for a reason but also because they enjoyed it. I've known men who wouldn't fight at all unless you pushed them into a corner and some that wouldn't fight if thier life depended on it.
  This guy you describe probably saw you as a threat...someone who didn't deserve the "prize".  Most men are conditioned through society to despise or even hate anyone other male who shows weakness.  This is also a trait that may be left over from our 'wilder' ancestry.
  I used to think a lot of this "testosterone makes you crazy" stuff was bunk but in all honesty, at least to a certain degree, it's true.  Testosterone doesn't change personality but it most certainly does affect it.  My therapist once asked me what changes I've noticed since starting HRT as they regard to the differences between male and female.  I couldn't really think of anything other than being more emotional.  She started listing things and asking me to consider each specific catagory.  Such as music...I had always liked both male and female singers but sure enough my tastes had changed to an almost all female preference.  Violence....once I thought about it I realized that I would never want to attack someone unless it was unavoidable now but before HRT that wasn't the case.  Sensitivity...I was always more sensitive than most guys (shocker huh?) but after starting HRT and living as a female that sensitivity increase exponentially.
  The same arguements can be used for the effects of estrogen but that's another topic. Most women (and some other men) want a man who is strong and will protect them.  In todays society though things have changed a little.  It's no longer the sabertooth tiger we have to be afraid of (generally speaking), it's the creditors and sleazy car salesman or the mechanic who is looking to make an easy buck off of someone who may not know the score.
  You're gonna run into a lot of guys like you described earlier in this post.  You're gonna question your masculinity as it compares to them.  You're gonna want so bad to be the tough guy.  Instead, think about being smarter than them and you'll come out ahead.
  Don't worry so much about being Mr. Macho...instead, certainly learn to protect yourself, but be Mr. I'm  There For You No Matter What The Circumstances, that will take you a lot farther in life.

This is simply my opinion as someone who is finally seeing both sides of the fence.  Someone who has done every stereotypical male job that I could.  I've done it all....firefighter, police officer, bouncer, bounty hunter and even U.S. army infantry.

Quote from: Bob on September 01, 2006, 02:28:08 PM

start now and by the time your 65 you might get a black belt...hehehehehe
so probly a faster method would be advisable !
<grin>

Bob.......

My faster way is to run!  Like the wind!  Get away! I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a whimp. I know when I will stand; for everything else, I'm outta here.

Cindi

Marco, I am a black belt and there is no guarantee the outcome would have been any different if you had a black belt.  Frankly, it sounds like you handled yourself very well in a bad situation.  Unless you go regularly and maintain a high level of skill and fitness, a black belt is simply a piece of paper.  Pepper spray is probably equally effective and much easier to maintain.  Even something like that, unless you have it with you when you need it and practice using it regularly, it could be more of a liability than anything.

Dawn

Very True Dawn
but its like Rideing a bicycle.... you never forget completely
Self defence can becone a liability there is no doubt of that... when you loose !
when you loose the battle the liability is imediate and complete...
but we are talking about lessening the chances of becomeing a victom
you are a blackbelt and You know ways to down a assailant in a few moves and he won't be getting back up very fast...  if not, you should !
you never forgit that sort of thing ... because you become part of it, thats part of being a black belt.  you can be old and rusty and havn't worked out in years and STILL be a force to be reconed with... that is what makes it so great. no you may not be able to do what you used to do .... but when it comes down to it you can still survive !   that is far better than pepper spray that may just make your assailant mad.... or a 45 auto that will perminantly put you in jail
....its a tough world out there and you need to be able to handle it !...in ALL its nasty forms !

Bob........

wow that is a hard lesson, Marco..

I've always wanted to be a blackbelt, and my dad who had years of karate training (no black belt though) started to teach me when i was a kid. I'm not sure why I never actually got into a class when i was young. From all that has happened since, I think it's more than likely that my mom vetoed my dad's idea to get me into martial arts. Too boyish.

Well, now I have finally started karate. just started so a long way to go, but i plan to stick with it and achieve that black belt.
One of my best FtM pals here is a black belt, and his dedication is inspiring, plus we can practice together :).

I do Shuri Ryu karate, a style that includes classical karate and also teaches practical street fighting techniques.

Currently I am actually training in a womenonly dojo :P but these are chicks with balls, and a lot of openminded and queer women. My sensei has an approach to training that really works for me, so I'll stay there for now. My mate trains there and he recommended them. There are mixed dojos I can go to (travel a bit more) when i start transition.