Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I had to enter the hospital this past Monday for a medical test procedure.  I was dressed as male as I can and yet I didn't seem to fool anyone.  I was asked "Has anyone helped you yet, Mamm" when I was waiting to register.  The nurse at the operating room corrected herself after asking Mister to come back.  This went on and on all morning with every nurse or attendant.

I guess the facial work I had done in January has come to fruition.  I wanted to look younger and more feminine and I suppose I have achieved my goal in spades.  It is becoming so common that I almost am no longer shocked when it happens.

I guess I don't have to give much effort to not look male any longer but what is left of the man I once was is not buried as deeply as I assumed.

About two weeks ago I was heading to work and stopped at a CVS pharmacy.  As I began walking towards the entrance I saw a man violently shaking a young woman.  A nanosecond later, he was flying backward into the brick wall with my forearm planted firmly against his neck.  I looked up (emphasis on looked up) and told him to pick on someone with a disposition as bad as his (I imagine there were some profanities scattered about that statement). 

I stepped back with my right arm drawn back ready to try and land the first blow.  It was then that it dawned on me that I had slammed a man into a wall who was 30 years my junior, who outweighed me by 40 pounds of muscle, and was maybe 4 inches taller than me (probably only a couple of inches taller had I been wearing heels....but as I was on my way to a construction sight, I had chosen cross trainers rather than stiletto pumps).  Vegas odds makers were suddenly offering odds against me greater than if the New York Yankees were playing a game against a group of six year old girls.

I like to think he was intimidated by the rage in my eyes.  Probably, he didn't want to risk having my blood splash all over him and half of the vehicles in the parking lot.  For whatever reason, he said nothing, turned away, walked to his car, and left.

The adrenaline left my body at that point and I felt my entire body becoming very weak.  I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath.  I turned to the young woman and said "Please tell me you won't be back with that abusive (insert your own word here) later this evening.  She explained that she had broken up with him several weeks back but had started carpooling with him a few days earlier.  She assured me that she had her own place, a good job, and would never be with him again. 

I waited with her until her sister came to take her back home so she could get her own car.  She thanked me and was gone.  Whatever I had stopped for no longer seemed important so I left too.

I am not sure there is a moral to this story.  A natal woman would have probably ran inside and screamed for help (of course, this being Texas, many natal women would have reached in their purse, pulled out their pistol, and blew him straight to Hell).  I suppose what I learned from this episode would be:

that I have grown a lot as a lady over the last few years but I am not yet grown;

that a man who will abuse a woman isn't much of a man at all and will back down from someone even if that person no longer  strikes fear in the hearts of most men;

gel nails really do flex a bit before they break even when the wearer's fist is in a ball ready to throw a (hopefully) one punch knockout (you cannot say the same for acrylic nails);

I am happy that I could use what was left of who I once was to help someone in need.

Go, Jeanette! 

Hey  :) I kicked the stuffing out of three guys who decided to attack me a couple of weeks ago. But I'm not as pretty as you ma'am and I got pretty bruised up. Take it to 'em  >:-)

Hi Everyone, I posted the story I sent you earlier about my encounter with the violent man at a couple of websites where I am a member.  Below is a response from one of the members and my answer to him.  I realize that by sending you the original story that it might appear that I was puffing myself up.  Actually, I wrote about the encounter as a form of therapy after I realized how close I came to becoming badly hurt or killed.  Maybe my explanation to Dom might allow you to see where my mind and heart were when I started telling the story.


Jeanette, great story! Two points I'd like to make.

1) You can never go back, I saw you picture, and you have one of the loveliest female face I've ever seen. And I make it a practice to study women's faces. The most physical attribute of any person that defines who they are is the face.  Hell I could wear women clothes and I'd still look like a man, no getting away from it! :)))

2) Be careful, remember you're a lady and you might not have the physical strength to defend against a guy who's a nut job. This time you got away with it, next time maybe not. I'm not being disrespectful just point out another
possible scenario in which you may no be so lucky. :)))

~Dom   


Dom,   

Thank you for the very kind words and the very good advice.  I can do a better job of explaining why I posted this incident than why it took place.   

I have always looked at the world through silly colored glasses.  I will use humor to make others and I feel better during times of fear and sorrow.  God gave some folks brown eyes.  He gave me a very quick sense of humor.  I have used this gift throughout my life to avoid problems, get me out of trouble, and put smiles on the faces of people who were hurting.   You will notice that my story is interspersed with silly comments or observances.  I added those to make me feel better.  The truth is I still am having a hard time coming to grips with how close I came to becoming the smaller, weaker person that this moron was hurting.   

I have said many times before that you cannot make a lady out of a transgendered girl if she had not been raised as a gentleman.  Civility is civility.  Manners are manners.  Doing what is right is not exclusive to one gender.  I am not sure what the feminine equivalent of chivalry would be but I know a strong (character not physical) woman would not stand by and allow another human to be abused if it were in her power to protect that person.   

There has always been a woman hidden beneath the thin veneer of masculinity I have portrayed.  It has only been over the last few years that I have had the support from others and the permission from myself to become the person I truly am.  Unfortunately, the person I am now is considerably smaller, weaker, and (damn it) older.  I was not well equipped to fight younger, stronger men 20 years ago.  Now, it appears, the only ability I have in this scenario is availability.   

I hope that I will never again be faced with a need to become violent.  It is not in my nature to become hostile.  It has been about 20 years since it last happened and then it was an adult male violently shaking a child and I responded basically in the same manner.  Using this timeline, maybe I will at least be able to use my walker as a weapon in my next encounter.     

That's awesome. :) I often wish I could pound scum into the ground.  What you said about the 'feminine equivalent of chivalry?'  I suppose if a girl [or anyone, really] was in trouble all I could do is call for help.. but what I would want to do is what you did.  Alas I am but a skinny weakling.

He he thats both a sad and at the same time an amusing story.

Hon' those nails are probably your best weapon. Dig in above the eyebrows and tear, not merely scratch, downward. Its much harder to land a punch when your opponent is blinded by his own blood.*

That and knock his head into the wall, puch to the gut, knee to the jewels.

I'm a nasty b#tch when push comes to shove but aint never lost a fight.

*she didnt do it for real but was explained while mutual flirting with a female "friend."

It's good to be aware of what could have happened, but in a situation like that, intimidation is more important than actual strength, I think.  I think it's great that you were willing to stand up for a stranger.  It says a lot about your character.  :)

I was reading about bullies earlier and it said that looking into a bully's eyes and telling them to "stop" (whatever your particular word choice may be) is generally effective since bullies are insecure.  They are unaccustomed to be being called out on their actions.  Or something like that...

I studied for years under Master Cho, and his three rules were 1) don't fight, run if you must, 2) there is no such thing as a fair fight on the street, 3) if you put them down, make damn sure they can't get back up.

I think everyone should take some martial arts, if only to know that knowing some martial arts in most cases is not going to help.  Idiots who attack you are skilled in violence for the most part, and for every really good above board martial arts school, there are two more that are little more than training school for thugs.

Way to go, GF!

To heck with being Miss Manners if that guy was doing what you described.  If he ever tries that again, I hope he gets mauled by a convention of diamond girls!

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