Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Hi...I don't exactly know how much is customary for this intro, but I've been having personal breakthroughs of acceptance and understanding about who I am, so I came here to just find a place to kind of spill, so I hope you don't mind.  :)

I'm a twenty one year old biological male, born and raised in the white-collar, heavily-caucasian and Republican cradle of South Carolina.  In truth, my childhood was pretty ordinary, and I wasn't made miserable by who I am, or how I looked, or anything like that.  I was a boy and I got along well enough with that; I was content.

But, from as early as maybe seven or eight, I've been fascinated with the female form and essence.  I've always been attracted to it, as any boy should, but what separated me from everyone else, in my secret mind, was my burning desire to emulate that beauty too.  This desire has always been there.  It's always at the back of my mind, and is a force that is just as fulfilling in regards to 'wholeness' as it is sexually stimulating.

This desire has influenced me as an person; I relate to stereotypically feminine things as easily as I relate to the stereotypically masculine (for example, I take real pleasure in looking appealing and primp constantly, but I am an assertively competitive person, etc.).  I admire females physically as well as men.  I keep my hair long and love to straighten and style it, and I intentionally watch what I eat so I remain slender and androgynously figured (I have a 28 inch waist).  I secretly revel when people tell me I'm 'pretty' instead of 'handsome.'  And of course there's a thousand other things.

However, the conflict is: the way of things is that I value the life I have as a male, the friends, the reputation, the path I have laid before me; I am an actor and a performer, and have relative success with that career and intend to follow it through (moving to Chicago in the fall to form a pro troupe with some contemporaries).  I do really well in social situations, get along just fine with the circumstances I'm dealt with, and fit in as a male just fine. 

So as happy as I am most of the time as a male, I am urged to be feminine.  It's really hard to pinpoint...I fantasize about being presumed and accepted as a female, to be pretty enough to mistake for the fairer sex.  I don't necessarily feel I was born the wrong gender...I just feel I would have been just as happy as a girl. 

So, I crossdress and take pictures.  Kehehe.  Sorry, I kind of blurted...I'll save the rest for the forums.  :)  I'm still on a self-discovery journey.

So, after a lot of research, I associate myself as an androgyne, so far.  I looked up stuff by Richard Blanchard (I think) and sort of fit along the lines of his "autogynephile," but I've noticed his theories are despised by the TG community, so I'm still unsure about it. 

Well, just wanted to intro!  Hope you all weren't bored to death.  Here I am!

~Gav

Hello and Welcome Gavroche,

Hi Gavroche, :icon_wave:

Welcome to our little family. Over 2230 strong.  That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers.  Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now.  And it is always nice to have another member. :icon_hug:

And be sure to check out

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Janet

Quote from: Gavroche on April 30, 2009, 12:32:24 AM
I looked up stuff by Richard Blanchard (I think) and sort of fit along the lines of his "autogynephile," but I've noticed his theories are despised by the TG community, so I'm still unsure about it. 

I had a moment like that too -- until I learned more about the rest of what along with that theory.  What may not be immediately obvious on first reading about it is that he considers 'autogyephiles' as still *men* who are just so crazily heterosexual that they want to make their own bodies feminine as well.  But they're still men.  According to him.  Causes a lot of aggravation for people who abhor the idea of being considered men (aka many of us).

So anyway, welcome and hope you can get things sorted out with some of our help :).

Hi Gavroche

We all have slightly different journies and finding what suits us is our own decision. In this site I think most of us are just supportive, and self opinionated ;)). But I think most are not interested in labels.
You may be particularly fortunate as being in the performing arts. My understanding is, that as a group, they tend to be more understanding of self expression.

Have a Wonderful life and Journey

Cindy James

Welcome, Gavroche.

Quote from: Gavroche on April 30, 2009, 12:32:24 AM
I was a boy and I got along well enough with that; I was content.

But, from as early as maybe seven or eight, I've been fascinated with the female form and essence. ...

I...get along just fine with the circumstances I'm dealt with, and fit in as a male just fine. 

So as happy as I am most of the time as a male, I am urged to be feminine.  ...  I don't necessarily feel I was born the wrong gender...I just feel I would have been just as happy as a girl. 

I'm still on a self-discovery journey.

I can identify with much of your story.  I never thought I was a girl.  I could see that I wasn't.  I just thought I'd make a better girl than boy and would be happier as a girl.  I passed as a man for a long time and was comfortable with myself, although my need to crossdress increased as I got older.  Now I'm living fulltime as a woman and have never been happier.

Each of our stories is our own but each has elements of each other's.  This is a wonderful place to help explore who you might be.  Take your time and enjoy the journey.

*hugs*
Kate

Welcome Gavroche :)

Don't believe a word Blanchard says! Just friendly advice. ;)

Hi Gav,

welcome.  The more you discuss your feelings, the better you'll feel.  It can be entirely liberating once you don't have to be secret all the time.



Rebis

You seem like someone who is very introspective and aware of yourself and your own idiosyncrasies.  That is an excellent trait!  I look forward to seeing future posts from you.