Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I'm only on week 2 and had thought I was doing pretty well until today.  I didn't sleep well last night, which doesn't help.  And then today I feel particularly unlovely because I couldn't shave.  Tomorrow is my first electrolysis treatment and I have to let the stubble get long enough for her to work with.  (Yuk :P)  I'm far enough along on laser treatments that I need to start working on the white hairs.  I'm a little anxious about the electrolysis.

I had to get my car serviced.  I've known the service people for years and always liked them.  We have a very cordial relationship.  But when I got there I just couldn't tell them I am Katherine now.  They called me by my male name and I didn't correct them.  I was wearing typical women's clothing for around here – jeans and t-shirt and light jacket – but walked with my magazine to my chest to hide my breasts.  I think it was the very masculine environment that had me off my pace.  I've been all over town as Katherine, but the car dealer service area was too much.

Then I got an email from my best friends, who live 1500 miles away.  I had written saying I was changing my name to Katherine and most of my friends here are calling me Kate now.  They wrote back a supportive letter, including "there is a small element of sadness as we 'lose' the male friend we dearly love. We appreciate your sharing what is going on step by step as this makes it easier to love the new Kate as much as we love [male name]."  Other friends have expressed this and I don't know how to handle it. 

But then they mention how they discovered their sexuality (gay) and "while not as dramatic, perhaps, as a sex change, it was like being reborn as a new person."  A nice letter, but for some reason "sex change" hit me like a blow.  Is that what I'm doing? ??? Of course, but I had thought it of it more like presenting myself as I am rather than pretending to be a man.  Maybe the term just hit me hard because 1) I had just come from my awkward trip to the car dealer and 2) no one had ever used the term before referring to what I'm doing.

Oh well, one day at a time.

- Kate

Ah I called those days beard thursdays, as for a long time I had electro on friday mornings.  I'm on my third year of electro but beard Thursday is gone by the wayside. 

Well it is a gender change and most "Normal" (what ever that is) people still think of it as a sex change. 

Best of luck starting electro.

Beni

Hi Kate

Since they are close friends I would gently reply that you are not having a sex change, but aligning your physical body to your true sex.

On another note why electrolysis and not laser? I'm going through the choices now. I'm "mature" and definitly more white/grey. Just interested in your opinion.

BTW your town may be too small for this, but there are quite a few lesbian car mechanics around where I live and they are very good and very friendly, tend to have mainly female clients and are totally supportive. None of the "Well little lady you're riveter diveter needs new sprockets, we can fit it in as an emergency for $400"

LoL

Cindy James

Never, ever, get on the wrong side of your mechanic! ;D

Quote from: CindyJames on May 01, 2009, 04:05:24 AM
On another note why electrolysis and not laser? I'm going through the choices now. I'm "mature" and definitly more white/grey. Just interested in your opinion.

My understanding is that the laser only works on the pigment in the hair, so it won't zap the white hairs.  I've had enough treatments now that almost all of my whiskers (yuk) that are left are white.  So I need electro to zap those buggers.  :P

Quote from: CindyJames on May 01, 2009, 04:05:24 AM
BTW your town may be too small for this, but there are quite a few lesbian car mechanics around where I live and they are very good and very friendly, tend to have mainly female clients and are totally supportive. None of the "Well little lady you're riveter diveter needs new sprockets, we can fit it in as an emergency for $400"

Quote from: imaz on May 01, 2009, 04:30:36 AM
Never, ever, get on the wrong side of your mechanic! ;D

This is really my problem, not theirs.  They are very nice and have always treated me right.  I don't expect that to change if I show up in a skirt.  It's just I was feeling very vulnerable and wasn't up to talking to them about it.  (Also they were doing something that may or may not have been on warranty, and I was anxious whether I'd have to argue about that.  As it turned out, there was never any hint that I would have to pay for any of the work.)  I've decided that one day when I feel confident and look pretty good - chinos or skirt, not jeans - I'll just march in and tell them what's going on.

Thanks for your comments.  I have lots of friends here in town, but this is really at heart a lonely process.  I really appreciate your help.  :-*

- Kate

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Post Merge: May 01, 2009, 07:07:42 AM

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Quote from: Beni on April 30, 2009, 11:03:55 PM
Well it is a gender change and most "Normal" (what ever that is) people still think of it as a sex change. 

Quote from: CindyJames on May 01, 2009, 04:05:24 AM
Since they are close friends I would gently reply that you are not having a sex change, but aligning your physical body to your true sex.

You're both right.  I'll write them.  Along with everything else, this is a process of educating those around us.

*hugs*
Kate

I am working on restarting the laser, because I have to shave daily.  I hate it when any kind of beard shows.  Then I can start on the white ones.

Janet

Yes Laser only works on darker hair and not the lighter grey...er blonde hairs.  Thats why I did laser on the dark and electro on all the rest.

Beni
You are living proof that it works, your face is gorgeous.
:-*
CJ

Quote from: K8 on April 30, 2009, 07:05:05 PM
Is that what I'm doing? ??? Of course, but I had thought it of it more like presenting myself as I am rather than pretending to be a man.

Oh well, one day at a time.

- Kate

Even now, Kate, I still have to remind myself that I did, in fact, have a sex change.  I still view what I did primarily as being able to present myself as I truly am, not who I was pretending to be.

Yes, one day at a time, hon, one day at a time.

You're dong fine!

-Sandy

Kate, several friends have said if you say you are changing your gender that some may not know what you are talking about, but everyone knows what a sex change is, i think your friend means well and just used the term everyone knows. When others start asking me what's going on I'll tell them I'm getting a sex change, it's direct and too the point, and if they want to discuss it further i have no problem doing so.

Paula

Quote from: paulault55 on May 02, 2009, 11:53:08 AM
Kate, several friends have said if you say you are changing your gender that some may not know what you are talking about, but everyone knows what a sex change is, i think your friend means well and just used the term everyone knows. When others start asking me what's going on I'll tell them I'm getting a sex change, it's direct and too the point, and if they want to discuss it further i have no problem doing so.

I usually just tell people I'm trying to become a woman.  They understand that. ;D

I'm getting used to the idea of this being a sex change.  To me, of course, it doesn't seem like a change at all - just further growth or development, an unfolding.  And the sex change term implies external changes when to me most of the changes are internal.  Anyway, I'm getting used to it.  ;) 

I just want to be Katherine, and more and more I am. :icon_joy:

- Kate

it's such a voyage of self-discovery... I'm learning things about myself I never knew, finding the roots of old traumas and conditioning that was so ingrained I had forgotten it all but the scars of enduring sadness it left behind. This is stuff you mostly don't see mentioned associated with 'sex-change', but it is an integral part of it it seems. It's difficult enough to break some of our own habits concerning ourselves and "maleness", I just have to be patient as my friends try to break theirs. I know they're doing it for me.

Quote from: imaz on May 01, 2009, 04:30:36 AM
Never, ever, get on the wrong side of your mechanic! ;D

Absolutely right.  My mechanic has not seen me in over 2 years.....maybe 3.  Marcy or the kids take vehicles in, not me.
Then, maybe 2 or 3 times a year, when "Mike" has to communicate with them, it's by phone.  That's one of the few times when Bev invokes the voice of "Mike".  It bothers me, and hurts my vocal muscles a bit, and Marcy is always sorry for it, but it has to be.  The mechanic's world is a world of dirty, sweaty, manly men........men who would take advantage of a sex changed ->-bleeped-<-got pussy (although there are plenty of quite gay mechanics in the closet).

Anyway, that's right.....never get on the wrong side of yoiur mechanic.



Bev

Quote from: FairyGirl on May 03, 2009, 12:08:47 PM
it's such a voyage of self-discovery... I'm learning things about myself I never knew, finding the roots of old traumas and conditioning that was so ingrained I had forgotten it all but the scars of enduring sadness it left behind. This is stuff you mostly don't see mentioned associated with 'sex-change', but it is an integral part of it it seems. It's difficult enough to break some of our own habits concerning ourselves and "maleness", I just have to be patient as my friends try to break theirs. I know they're doing it for me.

Oh yes, FairyGirl.  I found that as I opened to other people, I opened to myself.  I hadn't realized I had managed to suppress so many of my feelings and desires.  I was always wrapped pretty tightly, but now the wrappings are coming loose. ;)  Some people used to call me rigid, but I just thought of myself as very constrained.  That rigidity/constraint has definitely loosened, and I love this new freedom.  Sometimes I just want to run down the street singing the old spiritual at the top of my voice: Free at last, free at last, thank God I am free at last!  (Except I can't sing. :P)

My friends have been wonderful during this time of self discovery.  It is only now that I am really beginning to understand how much of a change this is for them.  I think it is harder for those who don't live here in town, because they haven't watched the transformation.

I feel like an emerging butterfly after living so long as a caterpiller.

- Kate

"Wrappings coming loose" is an excellent way to put it. I'm right there singing with you sister  :laugh: (and I can't sing either lol)

Quote from: K8 on May 04, 2009, 07:49:17 AM
I feel like an emerging butterfly after living so long as a caterpiller.
- Kate

My feelings exactly, Kate!  Congratulations!

-Sandy

Another option in regards to the mechanic thing is to just switch mechanics.  Hard if you really trust the one you have.  I switched dentists and hair people just to avoid the awkwardness.  I did keep the same ophthalmologist.


Jay