Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I was told by a coworker that when I do finally appear as a guy, that everybody would think I was a gay guy. and that sucks....i mean, i'm a gay chick not a gay gay. i want to be a "normal guy". not that there is such a thing as normal. i don't want to stick out, i guess is what i mean. i want to blend in and if people think that i was gay, that wouldn't really be blending in, would it? i'm just so....so...well i don't know what i am. idk if i'm mad or upset or what. it just bugs me that this person said that. does anybody else get this response and reaction?

In my college, if you're a gay guy you're in the majority. ;) That's what you get for going to school in NYC, I guess.

Gay can be normal.  There's lots of guys who are slightly effeminate/stereotypically 'gay acting'.. it doesn't make you not normal.

On what grounds did your co-worker say you'd appear gay? If it's because you appear somewhat "girly" now, they're probably unaware of how dramatic the effects of T can be!

The chances are that once your voice breaks and you get some facial hair you WILL blend in with the general population. If your mannerisms aren't flamboyant and camp now, they're hardly likely to become like that once you start taking T. Don't dwell on it - just wait and see what happens as you progress further down the transition path...

:)

At least they think you're a guy...it's a step in the right direction haha. Give it time.

If they knew you at a time when you didn't "pass" (as much as I dislike the term), then that could account for why they see you making for a "girly" guy (tainted first impression).

If it makes you feel any better, I know a straight bio-guy that gets read as gay often - and he's popular with the ladies!

I look like a gay guy now. EVERYONE thinks I am gay. I am 100% straight but girls do find it easier to talk to a gay guy.. unfortunately it does kind of scare them when you eventually tell them that you are straight.. they kind of walk away. I am a metrosexual looking guy I like to keep myself looking good if you know what I mean.

I used to get so upset about it, but now I have come to the decision now that I am who I am I will dress who I want to dress. Screw anyone who doesn't like it. If women dig me they will dig me for who I am not how I look.

It does suck but never mind eh! Just glad that I am passing as male! ;D

Jay

I was at a trans conference this weekend, and I was noticing how most of the FtMs did appear to be gay, even if they were completely passable.  I suspect it comes from the fact that we were all brought up to talk and move in a feminine way.  If there are any voice coaches in your area who work with the trans community a lot, it might be worth while to have a few sessions to work on "masculinizing" your voice.  For example, straight men tend to use a much narrower range of tones.  Using a wide range of tones will give the impression that you're gay. 

Quote from: kody2011 on May 17, 2009, 02:26:41 PM
I was told by a coworker that when I do finally appear as a guy, that everybody would think I was a gay guy. and that sucks....i mean, i'm a gay chick not a gay gay. i want to be a "normal guy". not that there is such a thing as normal. i don't want to stick out, i guess is what i mean. i want to blend in and if people think that i was gay, that wouldn't really be blending in, would it? i'm just so....so...well i don't know what i am. idk if i'm mad or upset or what. it just bugs me that this person said that. does anybody else get this response and reaction?

if you're a "gay chick", why do you care what you'd look like or present as if you were male?

Well... I agree with what others have said, that no one has any idea how you'll look on T. It can make a big difference. Personally, I'm stuck at the other end... NO ONE believes I'm bi. They think I look far too masculine to be into guys... which yes, obviously that's fairly discriminatory in numerous ways, but I've had a few gay guys question me extensively about my interest in guys, because they don't believe my orientation.

If you do end up looking like a gay guy, but you're into chicks, consider yourself lucky... most chicks dig a feminine guy.

SD

Mister brings up a good point I missed (all-nighter again....).

Quote

Quote from: Mister on May 17, 2009, 05:16:03 PM
if you're a "gay chick", why do you care what you'd look like or present as if you were male?

I'd say it has something to do with not "sticking out", and a driven need to blend into society judging by the post.

No disrespect intended, but you may want to consider that even after transitioning, there are times when one can be "outed" or "read". It's not a silver bullet to the end of awkward social situations! (quite the opposite, most people understand "gay", but have NFI about "trans").

If you relate to yourself as a "gay chick" (as stated in your post) in any way then I implore you to have a SERIOUS think about what you are doing, and where you want to end up before you do anything permanant (like T).

Presentation does not make a man.

To answer the question in the op - as an inhabitant of "uncanny valley" (pre-T), I get read as either a young guy or a very butch lesbian most of the time. Yeah, it's annoying, but it helps if you consider it as honest feedback and an indicator that you may still be giving off more feminine cues than you think you are.

Quote from: Mister on May 17, 2009, 05:16:03 PM
if you're a "gay chick", why do you care what you'd look like or present as if you were male?

This statement reminds me of the therapist I saw a few days ago who I thought was experienced with transgender persons but apparently I knew more than him. He called me genuinely transgender, but then told me I was a lesbian because of my physical body and said he thought I was a girl to 'cheer me up'.

if you're a "gay chick", why do you care what you'd look like or present as if you were male?

by this I mean't how I am right now without my binders on and having no surgries or being on T.

thanks for all the words of encouragement guys!

yeah people have told me this too. I actually take it as a compliment, all the gay guys I know are pretty fly lol. I wouldn't worry too much mate. and like a couple people said before, nobody really knows how you'll look after being on T for a while. of course now you're going to look more feminine than the average guy, but after some months on T it could be totally different

Gay men (some of them, but we're playing to the stereotypes here I think) LOOK male, but act all kinds of nelly which makes them ACT gay. 

Since I've been young I've had more masculine mannerisms. When I was a teenager my family would get on me about some of them and I was taught to "act more like a woman". I've had to work really hard to incorporate more feminine manners in my life. I would also do it so I wouldn't seem more like a lesbian- which I've never seen myself as.

Now I'm working towards showing the world the real me, so I'm throwing those obtained mannerisms aside. I do catch myself doing a feminine mannerism out of forced habit, but I'm mindful of them and work towards not doing them. Anyway, my point is I think a good amount of mannerisms are taught or forced on us. For me I'm working on untraining myself and teaching my mind I don't have to incorporate those mannerism anymore. It's starting to become quite liberating. :D