Susan's Place Transgender Resources

This really applies to people who have changed their names, but I would love everyones comments!

After you changed your name, how long were you making mistakes by using your old name?

So, for example today I was running talking to a friend and referred to myself as my old name.  Most of the time I don't even have to think and I use Valerie, but some random times I use my old name.

Any thoughts?

Quote from: Valerie Elizabeth on May 23, 2009, 03:42:41 PM
This really applies to people who have changed their names, but I would love everyones comments!

After you changed your name, how long were you making mistakes by using your old name?

So, for example today I was running talking to a friend and referred to myself as my old name.  Most of the time I don't even have to think and I use Valerie, but some random times I use my old name.

Any thoughts?

My thoughts are simply this: The human brain gets mapped, and the longer the mapping has gone on, the harder and longer it takes to change the mapping.

I am extremely patient with others and myself in regards to getting my name and pronoun right. I've been full-time three months and almost answered my work phone as my male name the other day.... part of the problem is that I get few phone calls, so I haven't yet "remapped" that behavior.

But even when I was sure I was Jennifer and hurting badly when family kept insisting they would keep calling me <boi name>, I'd still struggle with my internal monolog that called me <boi name> too. All those years need time to be overwritten.

Work, people did a great job the first two months of full-time, then they got comfortable and stopped thinking so hard about it, and immediately people started screwing up more and had to start correcting themselves again.

In any case, it could take months, years, longer, to really get over it, depending on how old you are. The younger you are, the less amount of ingrained behavior you're fighting again. So I am forgiving of myself and of others, as long as I know their intentions are to honor me and they're just messing up.

Such things will take time....

You have been using your old name for many more years. It will take time for your mind to adjust to the new one. All you really can do is wait and your brain will adjust.

Cloe'

You can choose what you want to be called, but that doesn't mean they don't have the right to call you what they want.  Be happy at least it's not obscene.

Quote from: Jennywocky on May 23, 2009, 09:46:42 PM
My thoughts are simply this: The human brain gets mapped, and the longer the mapping has gone on, the harder and longer it takes to change the mapping.

Isn't that true!  I worked at a well-known store for about 5 years before taking a management position with another, similar store.  The first time I did the closing announcement, I thanked everyone for shopping at the competition.  :D 

Quote from: Jamie-o on May 23, 2009, 11:14:51 PM
Isn't that true!  I worked at a well-known store for about 5 years before taking a management position with another, similar store.  The first time I did the closing announcement, I thanked everyone for shopping at the competition.  :D

That's amusing.  Thanks for sharing!

I really appreciate everyone's responses.  Makes me feel better that I am not the only one who is screwing up.  My inner monologue messes up from time to time as well.  Surprisingly, I can't think of a single one of my friends who have screwed up really.  Everyone has been really supportive and most people ask if I want to go by he or she.

I hope that everyone can have similar experiences, and I wish everyone the best of luck!

I haven't changed my name yet, but find myself having to think and not give my "Preferred" name at the video shop (they put your name into the computer so they know who's rented what).

Quote from: Jennywocky on May 23, 2009, 09:46:42 PM
My thoughts are simply this: The human brain gets mapped, and the longer the mapping has gone on, the harder and longer it takes to change the mapping.

I am extremely patient with others and myself in regards to getting my name and pronoun right. I've been full-time three months and almost answered my work phone as my male name the other day.... part of the problem is that I get few phone calls, so I haven't yet "remapped" that behavior.

But even when I was sure I was Jennifer and hurting badly when family kept insisting they would keep calling me <boi name>, I'd still struggle with my internal monolog that called me <boi name> too. All those years need time to be overwritten.

Work, people did a great job the first two months of full-time, then they got comfortable and stopped thinking so hard about it, and immediately people started screwing up more and had to start correcting themselves again.

In any case, it could take months, years, longer, to really get over it, depending on how old you are. The younger you are, the less amount of ingrained behavior you're fighting again. So I am forgiving of myself and of others, as long as I know their intentions are to honor me and they're just messing up.

I agee with Jennifer (whom i am absolutely in love with and adore!) it can take some time for me it was like a week or so. but i started going by my name before it was legally changed ant the first week was the hardest since i use to go by the nickname Ally. had to go from say hi my name is ally to my name is Sarabi/Tristan

That would be difficult to reprogram ones thoughts after many years. Maybe if you talk to yourself and refer to yourself as Valerie it would help. When you you look in the mirror say hello and use your chosen name. Tell yourself how beautiful you are today. You are very pretty by the way. People may think you're crazy but that's Ok. Just a suggestion.

It just takes a while to change habits.

This has happened several times: I'll run into a friend in town.  They'll say "Hi Kate."  We'll chat for a while.  Then as we part they say "Bye [male name] - oops!" ;D

It just takes time.  Some people are better than others.  The people I see most often changed quicker than those I seldom see.  My brother, who lives 1800 miles away and whom I haven't seen in over a year, has decided it's too much trouble to try to remember to call me Kate - to change a lifetime habit. ::)  Perhaps if I go see him he will change. ;)  Or not.

- Kate

Quote from: Miniar on May 24, 2009, 08:06:48 AM
I haven't changed my name yet, but find myself having to think and not give my "Preferred" name at the video shop (they put your name into the computer so they know who's rented what).

I haven't changed my name either.  I was walking through the office at work when a coworker blurted my female name (nobody at work knows anything about the female me) and I stopped in my tracks and whirled around.  It turned out she was on the phone ... but it scared me half to death.

I still get called by my birth name at home and by a few friends it doesn't really bother me but my friends don't do it in public. However I did it for a few weeks after changing my name last year. I am still very aware though when people use he or him.. strangely..

Jay

Sometimes my SO calls me by my female name, other times my male.  Since I haven't really transitioned into anyting yet, well just starting, it doesn't bother me.  I'm sure it'll be easier for people at work to use my new name, since Adrian is interchangeable between male and female.  As such it should make it easier if I just tell them to call me Adrian.  Oh well, sometimes I get called Nicky, that's kinda feminine so it works too lol.  All in all, I don't really care, a name is simply that.

While I haven't legally changed my name, I haven't really had any problems like you're describing. Somehow, introducing myself as "Alyssa" just works fine. The only problem is that if I say "I'm Alyssa," the person introducing myself to inevitably says, "Melissa?" I guess that's okay, because then I can repeat it and it's easier to remember. :)

I'm getting more used to hearing my name and hearing people use female pronouns to refer to me -- I definitely notice now whether people use male or female pronouns and which name they use.

I really haven't had a problem, except by my ex and only if she is pissed at me for some stupid reason or another.  Then she calls me He, Him or by my old name.  I just ignore her.

I did catch myself the other day.  I was closing the store and had to repeatably sign my name on register pickups.  I was tired and was signing 'JOBrien", instead of signing it in full.  I got myself wanting to sign by my old name.  OMG I was tired.  ;D

Janet

I signed my old name once on a check about a year into transition.  Luckily my old/new names are similar and my handwriting sucks-- no one was the wiser.

Quote from: Jamie-o on May 23, 2009, 11:14:51 PM
Isn't that true!  I worked at a well-known store for about 5 years before taking a management position with another, similar store.  The first time I did the closing announcement, I thanked everyone for shopping at the competition.  :D

I love it!  ;D

Quote from: Janet Lynn on May 25, 2009, 11:07:52 PM
I did catch myself the other day.  I was closing the store and had to repeatably sign my name on register pickups.  I was tired and was signing 'JOBrien", instead of signing it in full.  I got myself wanting to sign by my old name.  OMG I was tired.  ;D

Yesterday I was exhausted.  When I went into the coffee shop and they wanted a name to call out when it was ready, it took me a while to come up with Kate. :D 

I try to remember to be patient with others because I'm having enough trouble changing my own habits. :P

- Kate