Site News and Information => Introductions => Topic started by: Cynn on May 25, 2009, 12:06:37 AM Return to Full Version
Title: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Cynn on May 25, 2009, 12:06:37 AM
Post by: Cynn on May 25, 2009, 12:06:37 AM
Greetings from Nowhere, Arizona!
My name is Abbey and I'm 20 years of age living near Phoenix, Arizona. I'm a female force being barricaded inside of a males body =x.
I've always had a feeling something wasn't right with me since around the 7th or 8th grade...probably earlier if I could remember that far back =p. As I went through high school the feeling actually increased instead of withering away...the feeling as though i really did not fit into what I've been sexually assigned as (but i did not know this yet). Because of my extremely rough childhood (My mother had an extreme alcohol addiction while my step dad had a short fuse) I was challenged to mature very quickly in order to cope with the situations that i was facing on an everyday basis. Due to this issue of always having to cope with parenting my mother and trying to smooth things over with my step dad I had built an extremely tough emotional wall in which i was able to bottle up even the most harshest of feelings so I could function and goto school worry free.
During around my junior year this wall i had built up inside my mind was starting to deteriorate, not because of my family issues but because of something else...that feeling of something within myself not being right. Now I always known 2 sides of me..almost like 2 different people within the same mind, but as i went into my senior year this other side of me started to have a different personality...it had different tastes and alternate views of the world around me. I adopted this other side of me and i became a different person, i was more outgoing, talkative, happy, and essentially a better person in my perspective. Even with my dating life (which has been all females) before my relationships were awkward and uneasy..but then after i let this other side of me take over every relationship after that was an exciting journey (even when they ended it was on good terms xD)As my senior year ended i had been transformed on the inside, i was able to deal with harsh situations with a clear and precise mind with my family and with my friends they would say I really had changed that final year in school. But as this personality flourished, it soon became clear that it had more intentions in mind.
As i started attending ASU (Arizona State University) the feeling of always being out of place started to clear up..and i began to see why i was experiencing this feeling. One night after work i came home and watched T.V with my parents (THings within my family have toned down alot now since my early childhood) CSI came on and it was an episode that involved a transsexual. I truly believe watching that episode triggered some internal switch within me, like my personality had to be shown what it was missing to be able to define what it needed..almost like knowing what you want to say but not knowing the words to say it. After this i soon started research on Issues dealing with transgender and was able to connect with all of it..this was what my soul was longing for...my other personality which had been trying to get out for so long was female.
There so much more that i can type but i think ill try to shorten it as much as possible now so no one falls asleep =p. Soon after doing research...and cross dressing (If felt amazing and further more...it felt right) I decided to see a therapist on how I could move forward towards completing myself. All while this was going on the female side of me become more and more prominent to the point where i was facing deep depressions because this is what Ive been wanting all my life and I couldn't "just" have it...it was a process.
This probably brings me to where I am now...I've stopped seeing my therapist for awhile because I am at the point where I can start HRT...while i would want nothing more to proceed I'm at a mental block because i haven't told my parents yet. I'm so scared telling them would reenact the past, driving my mom back to alcoholism and shortening my step dads fuse. So here I am now...finally reaching out and attending some LGBTQ meetings and trying to find forums like here for support...I've never had a conversation with someone whos transgendered and i've been searching for months now..wanting to find some answers to my questions by just talking with someone...rather then reading up on everything like a book. A site like this seems to be a goldmine of kindhearted and helpful people that I would love to get to know =D.
So this is my short little introduction =p, I look forward to getting acquainted with everyone as well as getting involved in these forums =).
This is my first post....so i guess 14 more and i get to actually have a profile XD!
My name is Abbey and I'm 20 years of age living near Phoenix, Arizona. I'm a female force being barricaded inside of a males body =x.
I've always had a feeling something wasn't right with me since around the 7th or 8th grade...probably earlier if I could remember that far back =p. As I went through high school the feeling actually increased instead of withering away...the feeling as though i really did not fit into what I've been sexually assigned as (but i did not know this yet). Because of my extremely rough childhood (My mother had an extreme alcohol addiction while my step dad had a short fuse) I was challenged to mature very quickly in order to cope with the situations that i was facing on an everyday basis. Due to this issue of always having to cope with parenting my mother and trying to smooth things over with my step dad I had built an extremely tough emotional wall in which i was able to bottle up even the most harshest of feelings so I could function and goto school worry free.
During around my junior year this wall i had built up inside my mind was starting to deteriorate, not because of my family issues but because of something else...that feeling of something within myself not being right. Now I always known 2 sides of me..almost like 2 different people within the same mind, but as i went into my senior year this other side of me started to have a different personality...it had different tastes and alternate views of the world around me. I adopted this other side of me and i became a different person, i was more outgoing, talkative, happy, and essentially a better person in my perspective. Even with my dating life (which has been all females) before my relationships were awkward and uneasy..but then after i let this other side of me take over every relationship after that was an exciting journey (even when they ended it was on good terms xD)As my senior year ended i had been transformed on the inside, i was able to deal with harsh situations with a clear and precise mind with my family and with my friends they would say I really had changed that final year in school. But as this personality flourished, it soon became clear that it had more intentions in mind.
As i started attending ASU (Arizona State University) the feeling of always being out of place started to clear up..and i began to see why i was experiencing this feeling. One night after work i came home and watched T.V with my parents (THings within my family have toned down alot now since my early childhood) CSI came on and it was an episode that involved a transsexual. I truly believe watching that episode triggered some internal switch within me, like my personality had to be shown what it was missing to be able to define what it needed..almost like knowing what you want to say but not knowing the words to say it. After this i soon started research on Issues dealing with transgender and was able to connect with all of it..this was what my soul was longing for...my other personality which had been trying to get out for so long was female.
There so much more that i can type but i think ill try to shorten it as much as possible now so no one falls asleep =p. Soon after doing research...and cross dressing (If felt amazing and further more...it felt right) I decided to see a therapist on how I could move forward towards completing myself. All while this was going on the female side of me become more and more prominent to the point where i was facing deep depressions because this is what Ive been wanting all my life and I couldn't "just" have it...it was a process.
This probably brings me to where I am now...I've stopped seeing my therapist for awhile because I am at the point where I can start HRT...while i would want nothing more to proceed I'm at a mental block because i haven't told my parents yet. I'm so scared telling them would reenact the past, driving my mom back to alcoholism and shortening my step dads fuse. So here I am now...finally reaching out and attending some LGBTQ meetings and trying to find forums like here for support...I've never had a conversation with someone whos transgendered and i've been searching for months now..wanting to find some answers to my questions by just talking with someone...rather then reading up on everything like a book. A site like this seems to be a goldmine of kindhearted and helpful people that I would love to get to know =D.
So this is my short little introduction =p, I look forward to getting acquainted with everyone as well as getting involved in these forums =).
This is my first post....so i guess 14 more and i get to actually have a profile XD!
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: findingreason on May 25, 2009, 12:25:53 AM
Post by: findingreason on May 25, 2009, 12:25:53 AM
Hi Cynn! Welcome to Susan's ;), you have come to the right place! There is an enormous amount of information, support, and advice on this website. Remember to check out the site's rules too ;).
I can relate with you in that I didn't really start having any female side showing till later around 11 years old or so, and I didn't really understand what was going on (in some ways I still don't :laugh:). But I did feel unusual before that point, and not really *normal*.
Coming out can be probably one of the most, if not the most scary thing you could do in the process of transition, especially with what you outlined with your parents. Are you still living with them at all?
I can relate with you in that I didn't really start having any female side showing till later around 11 years old or so, and I didn't really understand what was going on (in some ways I still don't :laugh:). But I did feel unusual before that point, and not really *normal*.
Coming out can be probably one of the most, if not the most scary thing you could do in the process of transition, especially with what you outlined with your parents. Are you still living with them at all?
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Cynn on May 25, 2009, 12:38:08 AM
Post by: Cynn on May 25, 2009, 12:38:08 AM
Thank you =D..and yes I still am living with them....while they are pretty crazy they still want me to live with them until forever ~.~. Recently I've been looking at homes with some friends though so that's the next biggest step I'm going to take on.
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Carmen on May 25, 2009, 12:47:13 AM
Post by: Carmen on May 25, 2009, 12:47:13 AM
Hi Cynn
Welcome to Susan`s and thanks for that nice introduction.
Carmen
Welcome to Susan`s and thanks for that nice introduction.
Carmen
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: findingreason on May 25, 2009, 12:50:23 AM
Post by: findingreason on May 25, 2009, 12:50:23 AM
You're welcome! :)
Yeah, I know what you mean there :-\, I had controlling parents, particularly my mother, and I pretty much blew the cover and left after I got outed to her.
Good step! ;)
Yeah, I know what you mean there :-\, I had controlling parents, particularly my mother, and I pretty much blew the cover and left after I got outed to her.
QuoteRecently I've been looking at homes with some friends though so that's the next biggest step I'm going to take on.
Good step! ;)
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Cynn on May 25, 2009, 03:36:08 AM
Post by: Cynn on May 25, 2009, 03:36:08 AM
Haha yeah...moving out is the best thing for me at the moment...give me a little more freedom and not having to worry if I removed all the eyeliner from the previous night =p. Also my friends closet and the back of my car serve as my closet space for all my feminine attire...so I would be more then thrilled to have an actual closet of my own to put them in =\
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Miniar on May 25, 2009, 07:07:22 AM
Post by: Miniar on May 25, 2009, 07:07:22 AM
heyhey and Welcome
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Feever on May 25, 2009, 07:13:45 AM
Post by: Feever on May 25, 2009, 07:13:45 AM
Hi, and welcome.
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Jay on May 25, 2009, 02:19:12 PM
Post by: Jay on May 25, 2009, 02:19:12 PM
Welcome to Susans! :)
Jay
Jay
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Janet_Girl on May 25, 2009, 07:36:02 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on May 25, 2009, 07:36:02 PM
Hi Abbey, :icon_wave:
Welcome to our little family. Over 2230 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out
Janet
Welcome to our little family. Over 2230 strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.
Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams. Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.
But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister. :icon_hug:
And be sure to check out
- Site Terms of Service and rules to live by (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html)
- Standard Terms and Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html)
- Post Ranks (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.)
Janet
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: gennee on May 25, 2009, 07:37:21 PM
Post by: gennee on May 25, 2009, 07:37:21 PM
Welcome to Susan's, Abbey. Thanks for your intro.
Gennee
:)
Gennee
:)
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Wendy C on May 27, 2009, 08:30:16 PM
Post by: Wendy C on May 27, 2009, 08:30:16 PM
Hi Abbey, welcome to Susan's :icon_wave: That you are willing to talk about your issues is a big step in itself. Transitioning is a step by step process, when you are comfortable enough and feel the need, you will take another step forward. Good luck Hon and hope this site helps you find your path.
~Wendy~
~Wendy~
Title: Re: Finally reaching out!
Post by: Lori on May 27, 2009, 08:39:32 PM
Post by: Lori on May 27, 2009, 08:39:32 PM
Welcome to Susan's.
Baby steps.
Baby steps.