General Discussions => General discussions => ARGHHH! => Topic started by: mickie88 on May 26, 2009, 08:22:39 AM Return to Full Version
Title: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: mickie88 on May 26, 2009, 08:22:39 AM
Post by: mickie88 on May 26, 2009, 08:22:39 AM
yes, i'm bitching. and i'm bitching on here, because i have no one else to really bitch to. fair warning, i may use words not becoming of a lady, but dammit it really reaaly pisses me off. and could be very long.
when my transistion first started, i thought everything would be great, and my wife and i would stay together. she told me she would try and stay with me, but she wasn't a lesbian. i tried to tell her, that she didn't have to identify as one. all i wanted was for her to stay with me and support me. i never asked her once to call me her wife. not effin once. she wouldn't tell people that i was her spouse or partner, and if she did on the phone they assumed her spouse was male, and she continued with that in the conversation using masculine pronouns. she says she tried to switch, but i never heard it once in my earshot. she wouldn't correct anybody else when they got it wrong either, said she didn't feel right. in my opinion, helping me correct family that i normally see or people i work with, is PART of supporting me, whether you feel right doing it or not. everybody elses actions confirms it. and if she couldn't tell people, i was her spouse she said husband and used masculine pronouns, just pretty much telling everyone i'm some kind of perv who runs around wearing women's clothes and she doesn't understand how devastating and life threatening these "mistakes" can be to someone like me. and if she couldn't tell people i was her partner, she told them i was her sister, especially at her work, when new people showed up, i didn't know how to effin act, cuz i didn't know what the hell she had told them. they wouldnt understand why she was outside passionately kissing her sister, it'd only weird them out. and when she told people the truth, she would go hide in the bathroom and cry, or sit in the corner and cry at work. but it's my fault she left. any time i tried to calmly correct her, she would get mad and bitch that i was doing nothing but bitching.
6 months ago, we separated and now are in the process of a dissolution of marriage, because she cheated on me. not just with any person. but a guy, i use to work with at least 5 days a week, in the SAME department. i was livid, as this guy has never shown me any respect at work or here in my own apartment. only AFTER she left did i ever hear her refer to me as she and her. her sister has only done it twice, when around me in ear shot.
it was nice, when we went to mcdonalds one day, and she asked my son, if Aunt Mekayla would get him some ketchup. i sat and listened and watched her facial expressions and my son's as well, he was hungry and tired. her face was a little taut with emotion at having to say such a thing and her speech was slow so that she would get it right. i felt so touched that she had used my name, my poor son sat there with a kinda confused look on his face, but asked me his question (he's only 3), and i got him what he wanted.
my ex blatantly refuses to use Mekayla as my name, she refuses to call me by it "cuz it's not legally my name." i feel that that's a load of crap, and think even after it's changed, she still won't do it and neither will her family because she refuses to correct them. in the beginning i tried to tell her and her sister, and even now i still try to tell them, that if you don't call me Mekayla and use she and her, neither will anyone else. she says she even corrects people now, but i only have her word for it. but i know damned well by other people's actions it's pretty much extremely too little way too late. i still have people at work coming and asking for me by my old name, and she blatantly refuses to correct her family when it comes to my name and pronouns. she uses my full legal name on applications whenever she fills one out, and i've repeatedly asked her to just use initials, but she won't. and yes, initials are legal if they are the same for those that want to get technical about it. that's what the old man at work filled out his application with and it's what's on the schedule board EVERY week, and ALL other paper work.
she also still uses "Mickie" and i've repeatedly asked her and told her to call me Mekayla, she blatantly refuses, cuz "she doesn't know what to call me." if she needs something, she calls me, hey or doesn't address me at all, and almost a year later, she still doesn't get that this hurts me and offends me very very deeply. and if i ignore her, she gets violently pissy with me.
*****i also forgot to add earlier, that when i had finally went to see the gyno to get my hormones, her sister came out to watch my kids so i could go by myself, when i got back i told her how it went, cuz it was quite goofy, but we got on the subject of dating because my ex was already seeing someone and i have been talking to girls online and my ex sees herself as my Supergirl or something and believes she needs to protect me(which would of been good had she helped with pronouns and other things from the start). anyway, the girls i talk to are lesbians some aren't, but most i get intimate with over the net are lez. that is my sexual orientation and my ex and her sister don't seem to understand it, especially her sister cuz she had the audacity to ask me if i tell them i'm a man, i had to really bite my tongue(hurt too) and keep myself from smacking her cuz that question just proved to me that she didn't get how serious my situation really is and that i identify as a lesbian woman and not a straight man. i don't put crap like i'm a pre-op or a non-op transsexual on my profile and then put my picture up, cuz around here a LOT of people get on the sites i go on, read my profile and are barely 50 miles away. so if they really had a problem with me, i would be an easy target, and everyone would pretty much say i had it coming to me.
this doesn't go to say if i did meet someone in real life, off the internet or otherwise, that i wouldn't be up front with them from the start, cuz if they don't want to get past knowing me for other than a sexual encounter then that is not the person for me and i am not for them. i believe a good relationship is important before any sexual encounter is even tackled with. if they love me for me, other things won't be a problem and they'll love me regardless of my flaws and whether or not i can get them fixed.
i dunno what to do anymore, it's driving me crazy and severely depressing me, that i'm shown such complete and utter disrepect for something so minor. a girl can only take so much..... >:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(
when my transistion first started, i thought everything would be great, and my wife and i would stay together. she told me she would try and stay with me, but she wasn't a lesbian. i tried to tell her, that she didn't have to identify as one. all i wanted was for her to stay with me and support me. i never asked her once to call me her wife. not effin once. she wouldn't tell people that i was her spouse or partner, and if she did on the phone they assumed her spouse was male, and she continued with that in the conversation using masculine pronouns. she says she tried to switch, but i never heard it once in my earshot. she wouldn't correct anybody else when they got it wrong either, said she didn't feel right. in my opinion, helping me correct family that i normally see or people i work with, is PART of supporting me, whether you feel right doing it or not. everybody elses actions confirms it. and if she couldn't tell people, i was her spouse she said husband and used masculine pronouns, just pretty much telling everyone i'm some kind of perv who runs around wearing women's clothes and she doesn't understand how devastating and life threatening these "mistakes" can be to someone like me. and if she couldn't tell people i was her partner, she told them i was her sister, especially at her work, when new people showed up, i didn't know how to effin act, cuz i didn't know what the hell she had told them. they wouldnt understand why she was outside passionately kissing her sister, it'd only weird them out. and when she told people the truth, she would go hide in the bathroom and cry, or sit in the corner and cry at work. but it's my fault she left. any time i tried to calmly correct her, she would get mad and bitch that i was doing nothing but bitching.
6 months ago, we separated and now are in the process of a dissolution of marriage, because she cheated on me. not just with any person. but a guy, i use to work with at least 5 days a week, in the SAME department. i was livid, as this guy has never shown me any respect at work or here in my own apartment. only AFTER she left did i ever hear her refer to me as she and her. her sister has only done it twice, when around me in ear shot.
it was nice, when we went to mcdonalds one day, and she asked my son, if Aunt Mekayla would get him some ketchup. i sat and listened and watched her facial expressions and my son's as well, he was hungry and tired. her face was a little taut with emotion at having to say such a thing and her speech was slow so that she would get it right. i felt so touched that she had used my name, my poor son sat there with a kinda confused look on his face, but asked me his question (he's only 3), and i got him what he wanted.
my ex blatantly refuses to use Mekayla as my name, she refuses to call me by it "cuz it's not legally my name." i feel that that's a load of crap, and think even after it's changed, she still won't do it and neither will her family because she refuses to correct them. in the beginning i tried to tell her and her sister, and even now i still try to tell them, that if you don't call me Mekayla and use she and her, neither will anyone else. she says she even corrects people now, but i only have her word for it. but i know damned well by other people's actions it's pretty much extremely too little way too late. i still have people at work coming and asking for me by my old name, and she blatantly refuses to correct her family when it comes to my name and pronouns. she uses my full legal name on applications whenever she fills one out, and i've repeatedly asked her to just use initials, but she won't. and yes, initials are legal if they are the same for those that want to get technical about it. that's what the old man at work filled out his application with and it's what's on the schedule board EVERY week, and ALL other paper work.
she also still uses "Mickie" and i've repeatedly asked her and told her to call me Mekayla, she blatantly refuses, cuz "she doesn't know what to call me." if she needs something, she calls me, hey or doesn't address me at all, and almost a year later, she still doesn't get that this hurts me and offends me very very deeply. and if i ignore her, she gets violently pissy with me.
*****i also forgot to add earlier, that when i had finally went to see the gyno to get my hormones, her sister came out to watch my kids so i could go by myself, when i got back i told her how it went, cuz it was quite goofy, but we got on the subject of dating because my ex was already seeing someone and i have been talking to girls online and my ex sees herself as my Supergirl or something and believes she needs to protect me(which would of been good had she helped with pronouns and other things from the start). anyway, the girls i talk to are lesbians some aren't, but most i get intimate with over the net are lez. that is my sexual orientation and my ex and her sister don't seem to understand it, especially her sister cuz she had the audacity to ask me if i tell them i'm a man, i had to really bite my tongue(hurt too) and keep myself from smacking her cuz that question just proved to me that she didn't get how serious my situation really is and that i identify as a lesbian woman and not a straight man. i don't put crap like i'm a pre-op or a non-op transsexual on my profile and then put my picture up, cuz around here a LOT of people get on the sites i go on, read my profile and are barely 50 miles away. so if they really had a problem with me, i would be an easy target, and everyone would pretty much say i had it coming to me.
this doesn't go to say if i did meet someone in real life, off the internet or otherwise, that i wouldn't be up front with them from the start, cuz if they don't want to get past knowing me for other than a sexual encounter then that is not the person for me and i am not for them. i believe a good relationship is important before any sexual encounter is even tackled with. if they love me for me, other things won't be a problem and they'll love me regardless of my flaws and whether or not i can get them fixed.
i dunno what to do anymore, it's driving me crazy and severely depressing me, that i'm shown such complete and utter disrepect for something so minor. a girl can only take so much..... >:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(>:( :'(
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: Miniar on May 26, 2009, 09:01:00 AM
Post by: Miniar on May 26, 2009, 09:01:00 AM
*hugs* I'm sorry you have to deal with this hun.
If only the world was acceptant.
If only the world was acceptant.
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: stephanie_eve on May 26, 2009, 12:47:56 PM
Post by: stephanie_eve on May 26, 2009, 12:47:56 PM
*sniffle* *hug*
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: LordKAT on May 26, 2009, 03:55:33 PM
Post by: LordKAT on May 26, 2009, 03:55:33 PM
Ouch is right. It does hurt when the people who are closest and should be there for you can't or won't. I am sort of lucky in that so far my family is trying but work is not, and except for mostly the name won't acknowledge anything. You certainly have every right to be upset, frustrated and angry over your needs being ignored by someone who you trusted to be "on your side". I do hope that life get better for you as I have gained much insight from your posts, and you are a very supportive lady far as I can tell. You deserve to have the same.
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: Janet_Girl on May 26, 2009, 09:40:49 PM
Post by: Janet_Girl on May 26, 2009, 09:40:49 PM
Mekayla,
I totally understand. My ex use to say "I am not a lesbian!'. And I would say "But what if I am?". And of course it ended in the big "D". But I have discoveried some thing about myself. I am Bi, with a leaning towards straight.
I thought she would support me because she already knew. But she cheated and many times.
I feel for you, Hon. And at least you have a sister in your corner.
Janet
I totally understand. My ex use to say "I am not a lesbian!'. And I would say "But what if I am?". And of course it ended in the big "D". But I have discoveried some thing about myself. I am Bi, with a leaning towards straight.
I thought she would support me because she already knew. But she cheated and many times.
I feel for you, Hon. And at least you have a sister in your corner.
Janet
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: Cindy on May 27, 2009, 04:30:21 AM
Post by: Cindy on May 27, 2009, 04:30:21 AM
Hi Mekayla,
I feel for you. Doesn't help though :(
Do you and your ex work together? It wasn't clear and that of course makes the whole situation worse. I have a theory that women cheat on their TG partner because they feel we have cheated on them. Not physically but emotionally. I think there is also the need to "to feel like a woman again" "can I attract a man?"
In so called straight relationships, if the male has an affair the female invariably feels an emotional insult that is massive. "I gave myself to him, he took me and I wasn't enough". The male says I didn't do anything to upset our relationship, I just wanted a ->-bleeped-<-. So What?
My feeling is this is the sort of stuff that develops in your situation, and the situation that Janet Lynn was in.
Her sister can accept you because there is no implied reference to her sexuality or to her sexual success. In practice she can be seen as an understanding person and win social points.
Ever ask a women at the time she is getting married, why is the affair so elaborate; is it to show your husband how much you love each other? No it's to show off to my success to my friends.
I'm totally sorry Mekayla, I think you, me, Janet and many others are in the same boat.
I also understand that my post may not help your feelings. I'm sorry. :-*
When you are buried in an avalanche, the structure of a snow flake seems immaterial.
Love and Hugs
Cindy
I feel for you. Doesn't help though :(
Do you and your ex work together? It wasn't clear and that of course makes the whole situation worse. I have a theory that women cheat on their TG partner because they feel we have cheated on them. Not physically but emotionally. I think there is also the need to "to feel like a woman again" "can I attract a man?"
In so called straight relationships, if the male has an affair the female invariably feels an emotional insult that is massive. "I gave myself to him, he took me and I wasn't enough". The male says I didn't do anything to upset our relationship, I just wanted a ->-bleeped-<-. So What?
My feeling is this is the sort of stuff that develops in your situation, and the situation that Janet Lynn was in.
Her sister can accept you because there is no implied reference to her sexuality or to her sexual success. In practice she can be seen as an understanding person and win social points.
Ever ask a women at the time she is getting married, why is the affair so elaborate; is it to show your husband how much you love each other? No it's to show off to my success to my friends.
I'm totally sorry Mekayla, I think you, me, Janet and many others are in the same boat.
I also understand that my post may not help your feelings. I'm sorry. :-*
When you are buried in an avalanche, the structure of a snow flake seems immaterial.
Love and Hugs
Cindy
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: mickie88 on May 28, 2009, 10:13:55 AM
Post by: mickie88 on May 28, 2009, 10:13:55 AM
I feel for you, Hon. And at least you have a sister in your corner.
she's only there when she wants to be there, and i know them using "mickie" isn't going to help them one damned bit. because they knew Mickie as male too. my ex not correcting her family does not help me one bit, and i refuse to visit them so i can be voluntarily insulted. she refuses to use Mekayla, tho i've repeatedly begged and pleaded for her too, telling her Mickie is dead, and it's Mekayla now and forever. she'll type it if she wants to bitch about somebody on my profiles, but other than that it's meaningless to her.
Do you and your ex work together?
LOL, a big NO!!! i have MORE than enough drama still living here with her because i can't afford a place on my own. her employer was hiring, and she told me to apply. half of them know about me, they treat me nice as a customer(i don't bank here), but most of them still use male pronouns because she did, and i'm quite sure of how it would all turn out if i was to start working there. it's the same crap i have to deal with at walmart. i have some guy who i believe now just thinks i'm some guy pretending to be a girl because i enjoy it. he said he's one of those people that it doesn't bother, but this image i believe he now has of me, thanks to another associate is NOT who i am.
the so-called straight relationship that she wanted that you refer to is, she needed someone who was all man, she never had to tell me, i could see it in her eyes that when we had intercourse, she was fantasizing i was a man. that was probably the start of our downfall.
I have a theory that women cheat on their TG partner because they feel we have cheated on them. Not physically but emotionally. I think there is also the need to "to feel like a woman again" "can I attract a man?"
trust me, she has absolutely NO problem with any of this, but i was the one flirting with every damned customer that came in for vehicular services, but i'm not allowed to be pissed and i've only got myself to blame.
:'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:(
she's only there when she wants to be there, and i know them using "mickie" isn't going to help them one damned bit. because they knew Mickie as male too. my ex not correcting her family does not help me one bit, and i refuse to visit them so i can be voluntarily insulted. she refuses to use Mekayla, tho i've repeatedly begged and pleaded for her too, telling her Mickie is dead, and it's Mekayla now and forever. she'll type it if she wants to bitch about somebody on my profiles, but other than that it's meaningless to her.
Do you and your ex work together?
LOL, a big NO!!! i have MORE than enough drama still living here with her because i can't afford a place on my own. her employer was hiring, and she told me to apply. half of them know about me, they treat me nice as a customer(i don't bank here), but most of them still use male pronouns because she did, and i'm quite sure of how it would all turn out if i was to start working there. it's the same crap i have to deal with at walmart. i have some guy who i believe now just thinks i'm some guy pretending to be a girl because i enjoy it. he said he's one of those people that it doesn't bother, but this image i believe he now has of me, thanks to another associate is NOT who i am.
the so-called straight relationship that she wanted that you refer to is, she needed someone who was all man, she never had to tell me, i could see it in her eyes that when we had intercourse, she was fantasizing i was a man. that was probably the start of our downfall.
I have a theory that women cheat on their TG partner because they feel we have cheated on them. Not physically but emotionally. I think there is also the need to "to feel like a woman again" "can I attract a man?"
trust me, she has absolutely NO problem with any of this, but i was the one flirting with every damned customer that came in for vehicular services, but i'm not allowed to be pissed and i've only got myself to blame.
:'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:( :'( >:(
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: Krisstina on May 31, 2009, 02:24:56 PM
Post by: Krisstina on May 31, 2009, 02:24:56 PM
Hi Mekayla, I can understand your frustration. Many things happened to me I wasn't very pleased with in my first couple of years also. I lost friends, my Dad was floored. I transitioned at work everything was fine to my face but People laughed at me alot behind my back. My sister didn't accept me as a woman, my ex refused to also. Worst of all as hard as I tried I was clocked everywhere.
One day I was shopping I had just started the relationship I'm currently in now and it was my turn to get the food. So im going down the store aisle and this Mexican dud looks at me and says (Nigga Please) Ok well that sucked big time! Then I get into the check out and the clerk says thank you SIr. Now I'm just blowing it, here I am all dressed up and these people cant even give me a simple Ma'am. That were I brook, coupled with my family stress, my friends stress, my work stress I put my good in my car and ran back into the store to the clerk and said thats she not not sir, got that. She looked shocked and said yes ma'am.
I went home and told my sig other what had happened still feeling that I was right in what I did. I put her in her place. Tami blew up at me telling me I had know right to do anything like that. The lady just said what she saw and she has a right to her opinion. The same goes for everyone good bad or indifferent to what I feel they should feel they have a right to react to me how ever they want to within reason. They have their opinion and I cant force anyone to accept me.
Mekayla thats were I started to learn I cant control what other people think and do when it comes to my transition. I can just do the best I can and accept some people are not going to go alone with the program the way I would like them to.
That makes things a lot easier and still 10 years later the challenges still keep coming. Ive learned to pass most the time and if some one sees I was once a male they can see im comfortable and leave me alone. But the next big thing is my kids one is now 4 and one 2 both girls who are going to want to have friends and I'm getting older and I'm afraid that it will be painfully embarrassing for them to bring boyfriends home or whatever.
so soon as you get one thing solved there is the next big hurtle. You really have to loose the baby gut if you want to live the life and accept everything will never be perfect. An it isnt perfect for anyone reguardless so enjoy your life as a woman (its beatiful way to live) :)
Hugs
Kristina
One day I was shopping I had just started the relationship I'm currently in now and it was my turn to get the food. So im going down the store aisle and this Mexican dud looks at me and says (Nigga Please) Ok well that sucked big time! Then I get into the check out and the clerk says thank you SIr. Now I'm just blowing it, here I am all dressed up and these people cant even give me a simple Ma'am. That were I brook, coupled with my family stress, my friends stress, my work stress I put my good in my car and ran back into the store to the clerk and said thats she not not sir, got that. She looked shocked and said yes ma'am.
I went home and told my sig other what had happened still feeling that I was right in what I did. I put her in her place. Tami blew up at me telling me I had know right to do anything like that. The lady just said what she saw and she has a right to her opinion. The same goes for everyone good bad or indifferent to what I feel they should feel they have a right to react to me how ever they want to within reason. They have their opinion and I cant force anyone to accept me.
Mekayla thats were I started to learn I cant control what other people think and do when it comes to my transition. I can just do the best I can and accept some people are not going to go alone with the program the way I would like them to.
That makes things a lot easier and still 10 years later the challenges still keep coming. Ive learned to pass most the time and if some one sees I was once a male they can see im comfortable and leave me alone. But the next big thing is my kids one is now 4 and one 2 both girls who are going to want to have friends and I'm getting older and I'm afraid that it will be painfully embarrassing for them to bring boyfriends home or whatever.
so soon as you get one thing solved there is the next big hurtle. You really have to loose the baby gut if you want to live the life and accept everything will never be perfect. An it isnt perfect for anyone reguardless so enjoy your life as a woman (its beatiful way to live) :)
Hugs
Kristina
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: Julie Marie on May 31, 2009, 03:06:50 PM
Post by: Julie Marie on May 31, 2009, 03:06:50 PM
Well if it's any solace for you I had pretty much the same thing when "it was decided" I was transitioning. My then wife told me and almost everyone else I was transitioning even though I had not decided that myself. But when I asked her to refer to me with female names and pronouns she said that wasn't my legal name or gender. I asked if I had GRS then what. Her reply was "Then you'll be a woman."
I had a legal name change in September and GRS in March. But I'm still the old name and gender to her when she's talking to others. When she's talking to me she just avoids using names or pronouns. And of course my kids followed suit.
But none of that defines who I am. I know who I am and if they want to keep using old names and pronouns that's their issue and not mine. There's nothing I can do about what they want to do so there's no sense in wasting any time concerning myself with it.
Julie
I had a legal name change in September and GRS in March. But I'm still the old name and gender to her when she's talking to others. When she's talking to me she just avoids using names or pronouns. And of course my kids followed suit.
But none of that defines who I am. I know who I am and if they want to keep using old names and pronouns that's their issue and not mine. There's nothing I can do about what they want to do so there's no sense in wasting any time concerning myself with it.
Julie
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: tekla on May 31, 2009, 03:17:09 PM
Post by: tekla on May 31, 2009, 03:17:09 PM
You seem to stake a whole lot on the approval of people you don't like or respect all that much in the first place - does that seem strange?
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: mickie88 on June 01, 2009, 11:59:30 AM
Post by: mickie88 on June 01, 2009, 11:59:30 AM
Quote from: tekla on May 31, 2009, 03:17:09 PM
You seem to stake a whole lot on the approval of people you don't like or respect all that much in the first place - does that seem strange?
so you think i don't like or respect these people? you've got that all wrong. i respect them as a PERSON, i don't respect what they are DOING!!! that's a COLOSSAL difference!!!
i have people that are getting confused because people are doing everything wrong. i'm no one's husband, i'm certainly not a gentleman, and i'm surely not a damned crossdresser/drag queen like some of the men want to ASSUME i am. if anyone should know what assuming means tekla, it should be you.
one woman at work, doesn't address me at all, she doesn't even use my nickname she's that damned confused, and it's left to me to straighten it out. i don't like people confused or assuming they think they are right when they are not.
also the other thing i don't like is some of their policies, they only have a dress code policy for transgender people and that's it. what you don't seem to understand is these people need educated badly before the next transperson comes along and they are facing a lawsuit, cuz they think they have it right.
Title: Re: they just don't get it.....and NEVER will..
Post by: Julie Marie on June 01, 2009, 01:24:05 PM
Post by: Julie Marie on June 01, 2009, 01:24:05 PM
Quote from: The Only Warrior Princess Mekayla on June 01, 2009, 11:59:30 AMwhat you don't seem to understand is these people need educated badly before the next transperson comes along and they are facing a lawsuit, cuz they think they have it right.
I did everything I could to keep my company from breaking state and federal law as well as their own company policy. It didn't work. Now they have a lawsuit on their hands.
If your company is discriminating against you, know the law and document EVERYTHING! Do as much correspondence in writing as you can. If it's verbal, have a witness you can count on. Just the TG only dress code is discrimination but be prepared for more. People can be blinded by their prejudice. I've seen it first hand as I went from a highly valuable employee with a small group working for me to one of the lowest paid positions in the company. And it happened in a heartbeat. So CYA!
Julie