Susan's Place Transgender Resources

so after my session with my parents and therapist, i have decided that when i go back home to visit this summer, i won't stay with my parents. i've set up a place to stay and finally got the guts to tell my parents that i won't be staying with them. i managed to make it past my dad begging me to stay, but now my moms doing it. this is the first contact with my mom (except for the meeting) since feburary. i was totally set on not giving in, but now...i don't know what to do...i know that if we have any more run ins, there is no way that i could handle it. but they've promised not to fight...that we would all just have a nice visit. any advice??????? 

you really believe they'll be nice?

no....but i would like to think that they would...i know that no fights is basically a false sense of hope...but there is hope...maybe...maybe not...most likely not...

Stay at your pre-arranged place, if things go well, you can always stay with them after you know things are okay.

Quote from: Leslie Ann on June 12, 2009, 05:43:51 PM
Stay at your pre-arranged place, if things go well, you can always stay with them after you know things are okay.

+1

Quote from: Jessica Oz on June 12, 2009, 08:39:16 PM
I think it's a good idea to keep your alternate place to stay and visit them. That way you have a place to retreat to if they start on you.

I concur. This is good advise.

Are they expecting you to visit dressed as female? I'd be telling them straight out it's not going to happen.

Perhaps this is driving home to them that their lack of acceptance is pushing you away for good, and they're going to try to make amends... but I think it's too early for that. Hard to tell, you need to sus it out for yourself.

That said - if you do stay with them, I'll take "day 2 lunchtime" in the "When are Kody's parents going to start screaming again" pool ;).

My parents usually start going at it by day two without any outside provocation, just the increased commotion of visitors.

I'd suggest Sunday brunch would be a wonderful time to see your parents. If my parents were "begging" me to stay with them, I would take it as a sign that there's already waaaay too much drama for me to even consider sleeping under their roof. Not a chance! My response would be (and has been when the issue has arisen of where to stay during visits), "I will stay where I feel like staying and I am welcome, and I will tell you where that is when I decide." End of story.

How long are you going for, by the way?

Hi Kody
I agree with the others, keep your alternate place and visit for lunch etc, as Kody. They may get use to Kody and start to accept him. Rather than, this is just a phase "she" will grow out of it. Apologies for the wrong pronoun but I think you know what I'm meaning.

Cindy

Quote from: Teknoir on June 13, 2009, 01:17:41 AM


Are they expecting you to visit dressed as female? I'd be telling them straight out it's not going to happen.



That said - if you do stay with them, I'll take "day 2 lunchtime" in the "When are Kody's parents going to start screaming again" pool ;).

Can't...got to be dressed female in order to see my little brother... :-\...

Quote from: Jessica Oz on June 13, 2009, 01:45:23 AM
I'll take Day 1 'Dinner Time'. Dinner time seems to be the time for 'Lets talk about some stuff....

I put my money into that one....




Thanks everybody...I guess I was just trying to convince myself that everything would work out with my parents. I know that they wouldn't though, so I'm staying at my prearranged place.

Quote from: Alyssa M. on June 13, 2009, 01:52:42 AM


How long are you going for, by the way?

Only gonna be in the town for four days...but I'm going up on a sunday as Kody, so i won't be with my parents but for three days. too long if you ask me...

Quote from: kody2011 on June 13, 2009, 09:45:02 AM
Can't...got to be dressed female in order to see my little brother... :-\...

So if you did show up dressed as yourself, you'd get a door in the face? Daaaaaamn.... harsh  :(.

Considering all genders can wear things like t-shirts and pants without any odd looks, your folks must have some pretty high standards for "dressing female".

You sir, have my sympathy.

Quote from: Teknoir on June 13, 2009, 12:24:06 PM
So if you did show up dressed as yourself, you'd get a door in the face? Daaaaaamn.... harsh  :(.

Considering all genders can wear things like t-shirts and pants without any odd looks, your folks must have some pretty high standards for "dressing female".

You sir, have my sympathy.

Thanks Teknoir!

Quote from: Teknoir on June 13, 2009, 12:24:06 PM
So if you did show up dressed as yourself, you'd get a door in the face? Daaaaaamn.... harsh  :(.

Considering all genders can wear things like t-shirts and pants without any odd looks, your folks must have some pretty high standards for "dressing female".

You sir, have my sympathy.

I agree. Unless I have to dress up I always wear jeans/pants/shorts and a t-shirt. If I visited my family not dressed that way they'd be concerned. :D

I believe you've answered your own question. If your parents won't allow you over or let you see your brother unless you're dressed as a female, guess what it would be like staying at their house? Either you dress as Kody and get living hell, or you dress as a female and deny your true self. Both are lose-lose situations for you. Staying with them will only cause great pain. :(