Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I may be taking this to the extreme, but I first found out my sixteen year brother maybe gay a year ago. I let the topic go, since if he was he would come out in his own time. I went to his room, and found a make up book, and some girl magazines he took from room. I didn't think much of it, besides thinking he's gay and I wouldn't tell my parents because they would disown him or 'fix' him through the church. Well something strike me odd, he had my new dress in my room and some make up! I do not want to bring the topic up, but I am thinking he is a transsexual. I think he wants to be a girl, since he's looking at a plastic surgery book for women. That's far worse than being just gay if my parents found out, and I cannot imagine how they would react if that happen.  It was a bit surprising since he didn't really appear

When he was little he used to play with my Barbie dolls, but my parents stop him. We are about a year apart, so he sometimes used my stuff, but it had to stop.  I am not disturb he might be a transsexual, since if that what makes him happier than that is good. I just want to help him transistion if he is, so he can do it while he is young rather than just be depress about this. I saw a few Jerry Springer shows, and I saw the Tyra Bank show about this topic so besides that I think they turn out happy if they change but might end up depress or worse... My family is big catholic so I know I cannot tell them he could be transsexual, and that's his job to do when he feels ready.    :o

How should I approach him about this? I don't want to freak him out by saying "Why do you have girl stuff and my dress!! ". That would be too harsh I think, lol, and I would never do that. Any advice?

Perhaps you could just casually let him know you're there if he wants to talk about it...e.g.  "Hey, can I borrow that eyeliner?  Oh and you ever want to talk about it, I'm here for you".  He'll probably be nervous but at least you're letting him know there's support waiting, when he's ready.

It sounds to me that he's subconsciously wanting to let something out because if it's that obvious that he's got makeup, mags, your dress, etc. then he's leaving clues for a reason. If he wanted to hide that side of himself, he's surely be a great deal more subtle :)

just make sure he knows that your ok with it and that you are willing to listen. something along the lines of: "hey, just so you know, if there is anything you need to talk about, I'm here. and i'm willing to listen only...and not talk about it with anyone else." don't push the issue though. just let him know that you're there and you are willing to respect his wishes.

Offer to take him shopping.

Katy, he probably envies a lot, especially if you're almost the same age. If you think that you can support him, be a good sister to him and treat him like your sister too, and let him know that he can really trust you. Instead of telling him you know or suspect he is transsexual, maybe you can give him a chance to tell you. He's probably very afraid of coming out, and he might freak out if you just tell him you know -- but you probably know better than anyone here whether that's true or not.

And once it comes out -- definitely take him shopping. ;D

Hi Katy,

You are one cool sister and now you have a younger sister to teach.  Just approach it as that.  Talk to her and let her know that you are in her corner, regardless of the parents.

And as an older sister learn to share everything.

I just wish I had an older sister to learn from.  Ok I do and they are all here.

Janet

hard to say.  I like the suggestion of making yourself available, or the light-hearted joke about borrowing the eyeliner.  I think it's important to let your brother find his (or her) own way without assuming that he's automatically trans and wants to transition. 

Your support and willingness to listen will probably be a huge relief, and might do more for him at this point than anything else.  Knowing that it's not something that has to be kept secret will be a really big deal. 

And BTW, you are such a cool sister!  I really respect your openness and willingness to accept your brother on his terms, whatever they might be. 

Let us know how things turn out. 

I like the idea of not confronting him about your suspicion he's a transsexual and instead just offer support whether it be just to talk or go shopping. Then if he comes out you can possibly look into local resources/transgender support groups and give him that information.

Easy!
Ask him to come to your room and ask him directly "do you want to be a female?" and quickly add "if you are, just know that I am totally fine with this, I am wondering because I saw..." "so I was wondering if this is what's happening, and if it is, you might feel a bit better knowing you have me here for you"

Just like that :)
Good luck!

hi katy
i wish i had a sister like you growing up
If i had someone to confie to and share fun experiences
i would have loved it if you would have dressed me up and did a makeover

Hi Katy,

For a start you are very understanding and a great sister. All the other posts are correct. You need to decide the approach given that you know or at least have a fairly good idea as to how he may react. One suggestion is when no one is home say to him that you would like to try your make up skills and make him up. See how he reacts to that, if he is fine then when having made him up, if his reaction is still positive say to him that he looks nice/beautiful and perhaps he should try a dress on to complete the look before he gets a chance to say no, go  to your wardrobe and quickly pull out some dresses and hold them up against him and say how good it looks and ask him which one he would like to wear. As he will most likely say no gently/playfully encourage him to try on a dress. 

If he does try on the dress you may then say how cute he looks and ask him how he feels all dressed and made up.   As long as you do not ridicule or smirk in any way but offer gentle support and understanding then this may be enough for him to confide in you.

I wish my sister would have taken me shopping.  Invited me in to see how items looked and asked if I wanted to try some things too.  You probably borrow his shirts.  If it's curiousity, he'll get over it.  If it's not your parents will have to get over it.