Susan's Place Transgender Resources

It'd be interesting to see the results of this poll, as most TS that I've seen around TV and forums and stuff all talk about unbearable dysphoria.

Yet I don't really get it at all. I'd definitely prefer the male parts, yet I'm not really fussed about what I have at the moment. I can just kinda get on with it.
I don't feel comfortable going out without a binder on, yet I don't know if I want top surgery.

So yeah, do you get dysphoria? If so, how bad, how long have you had it, how do you deal with it etc.

Thanks :)

Near the end, just prior to SRS, it was pretty severe.  I couldn't look at myself in a mirror and closed my eyes when I showered.

Prior to that it wasn't quite that bad, though I never really felt comfortable with it between my legs.  I just viewed it as raw material or my birth defect.

-Sandy

I'm not a transexual, but I suffer from dysphoria. I'm not particulalry upset with my male genetalia. When I was in school I had this massive case of vagina envy. I felt that men got a rough deal in the pleasure stakes and was emensly jelouse of people that had a vulva - as a teen 'boy' my little brain seemed to rule my waking thoughts. I now realise why I felt that way. That was the dysphoria talking.

I close my eyes now and I feel my body should have curves, they are there but I can't touch them. Often it is just a sense of something not being right and it is pretty non-specific. Sometimes the dysphoria makes me feel like I could just spew a river of filth. Not that I feel physically sick, more mentally in pain. I'm expecting that when I start hormone therapy the frank'n'beans will start to feel less congruent compared with the rest of my body.

I've had it from my teens. But as a kid I had a differnt kind of dysphoria - more a longing to be like the girls, to play how they play and wear what they wear, to not be a boy. I'm not sure if my body factored much in that equation but I definitly felt dysphoric.

I don't know if I have ever dealt with it at all, I can't cope with it. All I know at the moment I am moving forward to resolving it through physical change and that helps, but it makes you greedy for more. Doing things to change your presentation can help, though sometimes it just highlights the dysphoria. Being asleep is good.

Interelia is probably the resident expert on dealing with dysphoria.

very damn time he contacts me.

Janet

List of parts I've had dysphoria about:

toes (yes, really)
feet
legs
bits
waist
chest
breasts
fingers
hands
elbows
shoulders
jaw
chin
nose
eyes
eyebrows
brow ridge
forehead
body hair
facial hair
scalp hair
skin
vocal chords

(I might have missed a few things)

How do I deal with it? Well, I focus on changing the things I can change now, and shift visual attention away from the things I can't (either now or ever).

Also -- is it "unbearable"? Well, I'm "bearing" it, so I guess not. But it ranges in intensity from quite mild to all-consuming. It's like my own little Orwellian telescreen that follows me around watching and criticizing and that never goes completely off, and sometimes crescendoes to Hate Week intensity.

I'm not TS, but it was my understanding that I had never experienced dysphoria, combined with a greater understanding of what it means to be Transsexual that helped me understand where I fit on the continuum.

Hmm...I think i feel a lot like Gizzy. I hardly ever feel any sort of dysphoria. I prefer male pronouns, but at the same time, i'm very comfortable with my body. I use a binder, yet i doubt that i'll ever want top surgery. Maybe it's because i'm still trying to figure everything out. I would rather have a boy parts, but having girl parts isn't that bad. The only time I think about it is when i'm having sex. Then i'm like "Wow, i wish I had a penis". Other than that, dysphoria doesn't usually affect me.

Yes.

It wasn't as bad in the beginning, but the longer things go on, and the more accurate my presentation gets - the worse I feel about my current physical form.

There are good days and bad days. Some days I just don't want to be seen, I want everything to be fixed and finished RIGHT NOW and I can feel rather impatient. Most days I'm a bit more level headed, planning and waiting, going though my self imposed RLT and looking forward to the future.

What keeps me sane is a feeling of clinical detatchment, and continually visualising the end result. It's important to stay positive, be it by concentrating on what you do have, or concentrating on what you can change.

I'll go with Alyssa and throw in lips, ears, shoulders, hips.

I'm also dealing with it. But I can get so intensly jealous and angry with some GG who are not taking care of their being. Pregnant women smoking. Overweight, and not trying.
Sorry a bit of a rant
Cindy

Most major dysphoria:  The dreaded period.  ::shudder!::
Second:  top
Last: bottom - missing what I don't have, yes.  Hating what I did have, not really.  Now that there has been growth, it's okay.  Will I have bottom surgery?  Not likely, but a release would be nice.


Jay

Quote from: Jude_ on June 19, 2009, 02:00:17 AM
Hmm...I think i feel a lot like Gizzy. I hardly ever feel any sort of dysphoria. I prefer male pronouns, but at the same time, i'm very comfortable with my body. I use a binder, yet i doubt that i'll ever want top surgery. Maybe it's because i'm still trying to figure everything out. I would rather have a boy parts, but having girl parts isn't that bad. The only time I think about it is when i'm having sex. Then i'm like "Wow, i wish I had a penis". Other than that, dysphoria doesn't usually affect me.

Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel.

I'm also finding that the more masculine I look, the more uncomfortable I become with female pronouns and stuff like that.

Yes!! I'm disgusted, by every feminine aspect of my body. The worst part for me, first is periods, and second is the general femininity of it.
Tho, sometimes I imagine myself as a transman, after T, top surg and hysterectomy, and it doesn't sound so bad. However, I despise the feminine hips. And I just know they will not fully go away after T. That pee's me off. And things like how I'm short and small but so is my dad. Any way I can compare my body now to a guy's makes me feel better tho. But still, my body's female, so I feel screwed over. ok I'm done whining. :)

So.. I read this thread and tried to reply.
I've started the reply at least a dozen times and always erased it or wondered off, done "something" else.

I was okay, for a while. Or maybe I was just in denial.

Then it didn't work anymore, and I was ready to physically pull off of my body everything that didn't fit.

At first, I was relieved, like I'd been set free from pretending to be something I'm not.
But since then..
The dysphoria has slowly been increasing.

And now...
The thought that I may have to wait a long period of time before I can move forward is severely depressing.

I'm in an unhappy place right now.

My laser packages have run out, and even at 75% off... that's a lot of money to spend. Plus, their damn laser broke and I wasn't able to get my face done. Facial stubble, especially, just makes me shut down and feel like a lump in the world. Combined with body's next cycle of body hair... I'm not happy.

I feel much better when I'm wearing a bra and my chest has more shape, the absence of breasts has bothered me for several months now. The hair has bothered me for years.

Curves, I'll probably never have quite right due to spine problems.

The worst part for me is having upper lip shadow and still passing when I'm not trying to. It's all manner of awkward.

Interesting question. For the most part I have found an acceptance of myself. But I now even hate showering. I need to hide from myself. Kooky. I never used to mind how I was. But as so many others are saying, the more I move along, the less I accept myself in the raw.

yep.  Weird things trigger it, like being in a crowded place and realizing that statistically speaking, I'm probably the only person in the room that's trans.  Everyone else is fine with their bodies and gender (at lest relatively speaking.  I have found that pretty much all women can find fault with their body no matter how beautiful they might be).  Some of it is just a vague feeling of "it sucks to not be normal".  But there are a lot of people that deal with that feeling, in one form or another. 

Dysphoria has definitely gotten worse as I move through transition.  I used to not mind so much.  Now I'm disgusted by the sight of "it". 

Gender dysphoria used to be the single most debilitating thing in my life.  Well the truth is it probably still is, but I handle it much better now than before.  That being said, I had the beginning of a bout with it yesterday.  What provoked it?  I'm not totally sure, but somewhere between walking from Petsmart and Ross it hit me and hit hard.  Situational factors always tend to factor in to it especially when I am depressed or on the verge of depression.  Currently I've been looking for a job the past 5 months with no interviews and was actually out looking for a job (at Petsmart, and then Ross).

I know what I did to deal with it though, I started to talk myself up, that I wasn't stupid, or unhireable, that the situation was temporary and an anomaly that I have been jobless so long, and no my life would not be magically better if I were female; it might fix some problems, but not the ones currently bringing me down - if anything I'd probably be LESS hireable.

My brain tends to romanticize the time I was a girl.  Granted it was pleasant and peaceful, but so are most days, but I recognize that when my dysphoria hits, it distorts things significantly - makes a normal day as a girl seem extraordinary and a normal day as a guy seem abysmal.  Being able to see that has been a key in battling and controlling my dysphoria.

Oh, and thanks for the plug, Nicky! ;)

I responded Yes, but the real thing is that I don't know. I've some bad feelings about my body, but not SO much. I used to not perceive my body at all...and it lasted since some years ago. Now I think that I hate my breast, but I don't know if I want it removed. About my bottom...I still don't perceive. Something like that's not my body. I have problem masturbating and also having sex with someone (even if I have less problems, because I can thouch someone else who's not me).
I don't know what I think about my period, I hate it, I don't want it but it doesn't make me going mad. Also, a lot of women hate their period.
So, well...reading about other's experiences, sometimes I feel like I'm a lucky guy, and sometimes I'm afraid that I'm not trans and I'm just doing a lot of mess.  :-\

Anyway, worst thing I hate in my condition is my gender, not my body. I really hate being called "she" and I felt very very bad when I had to wear skirts and so on just because I was born female. :-\

The degree and waxing and waning of gender-dysphoric feelings and their effects are different for every transperson.  There's no true typical case.  Some transpeople never have HRT.  Some never have SRS.  I'm don't know how to tell you to deal with it.  It sounds like you're doing very well though.  Hope it all works out for you.  You're young, so time is very much "on your side."  Best wishes!  Hugs!    :)

Oh wow, it must be going around this week. I finished taking the monthly pictures earlier today to document the changes to my face from hrt, and I made the mistake of looking at them. Ugh, that was traumatic. People have told me they will be worthwhile in the long run, but still, ugh. Looking through this thread and some of the archived ones I see that the dysphoria seems to actually get worse before it gets better, something that I have definitely noticed since starting hrt. I guess on the bright side, it seems that it does get better. That's kinda hard to believe right this very minute though, and I think I need to work on some coping strategies because those pictures just drained every drop of strength and confidence I thought I had.

I feel for you Autumn sweety, lets go get some milkshakes or something.

Yeah I get dysphoria. But not as badly as some guys get. I only want my breasts gone and sadly they're on the bigger side so binding wouldn't help. Having no "man parts" doesn't bother me though


It gets pretty annoying when I walk into a store with my mom and the worker calls us "ladies"...I just hide in my cowboy hat and pretend I didn't hear it

QuoteYeah I get dysphoria. But not as badly as some guys get. I only want my breasts gone and sadly they're on the bigger side so binding wouldn't help. Having no "man parts" doesn't bother me though

I'm exactly the same way, big breasts and everything. Sure, it would be nice if I had a penis but I don't really care. And my period isn't that big of a deal for me, it's just a nuisance.

I can agree with many here that say it gets worse as transition progresses, but there are certain times when it's hardly there at all.

Although thankfully they are now few and far between, those times I am forced for whatever reason to crossdress (ie, wear men's clothes) really bring it on bad. It goes back to what I have identified as the number one trigger for my dysphoria- feeling utterly trapped in a male existence with no hope of escape. I will be unbelievably glad to get finished with SRS because until that time I don't think I will ever feel truly complete.

Yep I get it, although it wasn't bad at first, but it seems to be getting worse these days...

I'm not that worried by what I have down there though, I would love a penis but I don't think I want bottom surgery.

Boobs and periods affect me worse, they truly disgust me. I have issue with my hips too and my voice. The other stuff doesn't affect me much.