Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Sorry if there's been a thread like this before.

I've been told by my counsellor to look into the way that men and women act and how it's different, etc. I'm finding it kind of hard though. Mainly cause I don't go out much, and when I do, I just get on with things and forgot to watch people.

It'd be great if you could list any typical male or female behaviours.

Cheers,
Gizzy

Go to a shopping mall, buy a coffee, sit and watch.

-={LR}=-

Quote from: Gizzy on June 19, 2009, 01:59:56 PM
I don't go out much, and when I do, I just get on with things

That's a typical male behaviour right there  :laugh:

The PC Gender Police may come around and go RAWR over some of the generalizations that this thread might bring up. In reality, everyone displays a range of both masculine and feminine behaviours.

Now on to "sweeping generalization fun time!"

Women can't go anywhere alone - least of all the toilet. I have no idea why. Interestingly, men will avoid going with other men at all costs!

Women will all talk at once, each louder than the last. Interestingly enough, they'll also be able to listen and follow the conversation at the same time. Men will be completely baffled at this, as they generally speak one at a time (with interruptions handled by merit of content, and length of time the first speaker has been going).

Men seem to stand as if they are standing at a urinal ALL the time. Shop counter? Urinal stance. Having a smoke? Urinal Stance. Waiting for a train? Urinal stance. Women seem to put their weight on one leg only, and throw their hips to the side.

Men and women both engage in one-up-man-ship to determine social pecking order. It's just carried out in different ways. Men seem to gloat more, women seem to cut down other women who aren't present. Men will freely admit this, women will not.

Women tend to be more emotive in their speech. Men tend to be quicker to the point.



... Urinal stance.

To be hounest the best advice I can give is to relax just do what feels right to you. We all have to unlearn a few things that have been forced upon us but this journey is about finding ourselves and not just acting out a role.

Ann

Yeah.
I'm not looking for new behaviours to adopt though. I am who I am. I'm not gonna live in urinal stance just because it'll make me look like a man.

Quote from: Gizzy on June 19, 2009, 04:45:34 PM
Yeah.
I'm not looking for new behaviours to adopt though. I am who I am. I'm not gonna live in urinal stance just because it'll make me look like a man.

lol good for you, dude ;)

I have found that if I just relax, and sink into that place where the knowledge is held that it comes to the surface naturally.  And we have been observing all of our lives, subconscienely.  Just let if flow from within.


Janet

Yeah I noticed the urinal stance thing too. I myself don't do that because my right leg is messed up and I can't put as much weight on it as the left. so I do the shifting weight from one side to the other. Who knows if that'll change after being on T and center of gravity shifting.

Anyway, a great way to go people watching is to just take a walk, especially if you have a busy downtown area. The mall idea is good too. If you have an mp3 player listen to some tunes and watch people go about their day. And if you wanna have some fun try to look as menacing as possible and see how they react in fear/discomfort. :D

Quote from: Anonymouse on June 19, 2009, 04:22:31 PM
To be hounest the best advice I can give is to relax just do what feels right to you. We all have to unlearn a few things that have been forced upon us but this journey is about finding ourselves and not just acting out a role.

Ann

I'll second what Ann said.  Relax.  Be yourself, finally.  Be surprised at what comes out.

To contine on Teknoir's theme, though...   (With the understanding that these are gross generalizations. :P)

Men will talk about things; women will talk about people and feelings.

Men will tend to strut their stuff while talking; women will try to connect while talking.  (I had heard this for years but didn't really understand it until becoming Kate.  I find that I do it too, now, and absolutely love relating to people in this way.)

Men will tend to face away from each other while talking; women will face each other while talking.

Men will talk about themselves; women will talk about each other.

Men will look in the mirror when shaving in the morning and never look again for the rest of the day; women are much more conscious of how they look and will check to make sure they are still put together acceptably.

And so it goes...  Go to any busy place and observe.

Cheers,
Kate

Y'all are mostly talking about straight men, I hope? Because a lot of these behaviors are not so consistent with many gay men I have known.

Well, they're sweeping generalisations of men. And the majority of men are not gay.
So I'd imagine these are all typical straight men examples.

Read some books honey, such as" Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", "Why Men Don't Listen & why Women Cannot read Maps." etc.

Understand the differences in how our brains work and then you will figure out why there are gender differences in behaviour, speech etc.

Buffy

I like the "people watching" suggestion.

Something else you might find is that you have already been defying some of these "standard behavior" things all along.

For instance...some of the stuff cited above about women I tended to do anyway...mostly subtle stuff that only a student of the subject might notice.

One thing that I picked up on right away though, and have incorporated a lot, is how often you'll see a woman standing on one leg while setting the other foot back on her toes....or crossing it in front of or behind the weight bearing leg....there are all sorts of these things which most people never note.

But it's true that there has to be a balance between noticing such things and affecting a false front - the latter is what we are trying to STOP doing, lol.

I watched Grand Torino this week.  Great 'man lessons'.  LOL


Jay

Of course it would be.  Clint Eastwood, a man's man.

Still love him.

Janet

Quote from: Arch on June 19, 2009, 07:25:13 PM
Y'all are mostly talking about straight men, I hope? Because a lot of these behaviors are not so consistent with many gay men I have known.

I was being tounge in cheek regarding both the male straight macho man and girly girl woman stereotypes, yes  :P

Though there's nothin' wrong with being a "regular stereotypical guy" sort of man that likes other men, either  ;D

Typing a reply? Urinal stance.

o.O

*goes home and practices his urinal stance*

Not sure I'm an expert here, but I have noticed one thing. When a guy leans over a counter, say to look at something on the floor on the other side, he typically puts both hands on the counter like he doing a pushup with both legs straight (urinal stance) and firmly on the ground. When a gal leans over a counter, she typically put her hands right next to each other and center in front of her. She also tends to have both feet right next to each other or (in my case   ::)) one foot lifted up and back of the other.

Quote from: Teknoir on June 20, 2009, 08:34:48 AM
I was being tounge in cheek regarding both the male straight macho man and girly girl woman stereotypes, yes  :P

That's me!  :-*

OMG! This is like ,you, know, just way too confusin for like you know, me. Ann Taylor Loft is having this like awesome sale and I got the CUTEST dress in all five colors.

*urinal stance*

Transgender women often go out alone a lot more than GG's because we usually don't have a large network of friends. Especially me because nobody likes me.

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Post Merge: June 21, 2009, 06:51:01 AM

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A lot us believe if we go out together our chances of getting read goes up. This creates a problem in our community in forging friendships within our community

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Post Merge: June 21, 2009, 08:30:43 AM

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Real men look at their reflection in their newly polished car

Every time a thread like this is started, I have the "Damn, I'm stereotypically female" realization.

Quote from: xsocialworker on June 20, 2009, 09:36:57 PM
Real men look at their reflection in their newly polished car

What if you don't have a car?

Then you steal one, 'cause yer a man.

Quote from: Mr. Fox on June 21, 2009, 01:09:16 PM
Then you steal one, 'cause yer a man.

... that makes absolutely no sense what so ever.

Quote from: Miniar on June 21, 2009, 02:25:51 PM
... that makes absolutely no sense what so ever.

I'll field this one, Miniar  ;D

Quote from: xsocialworker on June 20, 2009, 09:36:57 PM
Real men look at their reflection in their newly polished car

But not because we want to actually see our reflection, but because we're admiring just how damn shiny it is, and how awesome a polishing job we've done!  :P

Then we take a few steps back, and stare at the whole of our shiny sexy car for a good minute or two until....

The obligatory post-polish drive! Ahhh.... Job Done!

I have photos of me walking past and perving on my own car... I didn't realize they were being taken until after the fact, nor did I realize that I actually do perv so chronically and obviously on my own cars (and other peoples, of course!).

Mmmm... now I have the urge to post before and after pics of my last machine cut and polish job!  :laugh:

(Yes, I own a polishing machine  8) )

Sorry, but I have to ask, I've never understood....

what is it about cars?  ??? 

Quote from: SoShy on June 21, 2009, 07:16:27 PM
Sorry, but I have to ask, I've never understood....

what is it about cars?  ???

Cars are fiercely independent. And fast. And a way to wave your penis around.

I drive my mom's car. But I can wave my penis at 95mph in it, so it's all good.


I actually really don't understand the fascination exactly. A former best friend of mine was obsessed with them, but he got obsessed with everything. I think they're wonderful tools for getting away and for living life. I can see how some people take pride in expressing themselves with a car, but I've never bought into the whole name brand/label/etc thing.

Something about fast cars and faster women, I think.  I was, still am I guess, an auto mechanic.  Cars were a means to a living.  I never really could get all that wrapped up in them.  But a cute guy in a hot car and ooooo lala.

Janet

I can understand the "means to an end", I just can't fathom the behavior teknoir posted about, and since it is one of the "classic" male generalizations, I just had to ask..

I can understand admiring whats in the car, or that are car might be really really comfortable and I agree about getting away or taking trips, but the whole thing about "perving" (not even sure how you perv a car) eludes me.

Without being called sexist, "It's a guy thing".


Janet

A car, to me, is a device for effectively and cheaply travel a long distance in a reasonable amount of time. Nothing more and nothing less.
It's not a fashion accessory (Like some women treat it!).
It's not a penis extension (Like some men treat it).

None the less, I would like my device for fast, cheap, and effective travel to not look like it hasn't gotten any love for centuries. After all, if he (yes, I tend to refer to the cars as he-s.. I don't know why) rusts apart due to never getting cleaned and waxed, then he can't take me places.
And if I don't make sure he's running good, then he can't take me places.

So treating it with loving care and making sure it looks good is a matter of practicality and giving due thanks to something that is fun, affective, and helps you out.

At least, that's "The car thing" to me.

Here in my car I feel safest of all - I can lock all my doors and It's the only way in, in cars!  ;D

I'm not taking offence to those who don't "get" the car thing - but it's not a penis waving any more than a women enjoying her clothes and jewellery is a boob waving.

Most of us don't feel we're better than other people because of our car(s). We just have something we find beautiful, we take pride in, and we want to use it and show it to the world!

It's the engineering. The complexity. The logic behind the machine. The mixture of form and function that makes a beautiful car.

It's sad, but cars nowerdays (last 15 years or so) are consumer goods - not the beautiful pieces of engineering and design they once were. They're designed with the enthusiasm of a kitchen whitegood, and built down to a price. I couldn't get into these "things" either!

But a mk1 (think 80's) Toyota MR2 4AGE? Someone get me the drool bucket! 4AGZE? Creepy sleezy leering time! Leave a Thinkpad and an eight core Xeon file server running linux on the front seat... and I think I'd need to go somewhere private for a while... ;)  :eusa_drool:

It's the classic Tbirds that do it to me...

Memorize a bunch of useless sports trivia. Talk about football and NASCAR. Chewing tobacco is a manly disgusting thing in some areas. You could merely use Larry the Cable Guy as a mentor and Git R Dun.

Quote from: Genevieve Swann on June 22, 2009, 07:35:37 AM
Memorize a bunch of useless sports trivia. Talk about football and NASCAR. Chewing tobacco is a manly disgusting thing in some areas. You could merely use Larry the Cable Guy as a mentor and Git R Dun.

That's not manly... that's just a redneck.

'68 Chev Camaro
'57 Chev Belair
'57 T-bird
'68 Pontiac GTO

Oh Yeah Baby, this girl wants one of each.

Janet

Quote from: Teknoir on June 22, 2009, 07:24:58 AM
It's the engineering. The complexity. The logic behind the machine. The mixture of form and function that makes a beautiful car.

It's sad, but cars nowerdays (last 15 years or so) are consumer goods - not the beautiful pieces of engineering and design they once were. They're designed with the enthusiasm of a kitchen whitegood, and built down to a price. I couldn't get into these "things" either!

Yes, this.  There are some cars that will 'do it for me,' but for the most part...  they've become passionless things.  Utilitarian, sterile, a way from A to B.  But a car that one feels passionate about, a car that is a joy to drive and to see?  It becomes gratifying to take care of it.

And yes, I do wax my car and revel in the uniform shine of chrome and paint when it's done  ;D

Here in my car I feel safest of all - I can lock all my doors and It's the only way in, in cars!

Um... its

Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars


Besides cars are for pussys.  Real men drive trucks to work, and stupidly fast motorcycles when they are not at work, except for the really, real guys, who ride bicycles, because that's not just transportation, it's also health.

Really? Ah, my bad. I fail at listen.

Actually, in Guyville, the real way, real men, really judge each other has more to do with the quality and quantity of their work, and secondly, the paycheck.

Quote from: tekla on June 22, 2009, 01:59:09 PM
Real men drive trucks

I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

My diesel rig is northward bound
It's time to put that hammer down
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel
While I'm still waiting for my nails to dry

Hehe!  :icon_joy: I found someone else who likes Weird Al!