Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Today I went to my sister's open house celebrating her wedding anniversary.  It went very well.  The relatives that I see at least every five years know my status.  The neighbors who were there don't know and don't need to know.  And then there were a few others.  My sister would introduce me using both my first and last names.  Usually I would chime in that she is my sister, so people would know I was part of the family.

My nephew's in-laws were there.  I hadn't seen them in about 10 years.  I don't think they would recognize me anyway.  They are politically conservative but fairly worldly.  I was talking to my nephew's mother-in-law when she asked if I had been at the wedding.  I hesitated and then told her that actually I used to be my sister's brother.  The woman immediately gave me a big hug and told me I look really good.  We chatted for another twenty minutes about all sorts of things.

When I was ready to leave I went to find my brother-in-law to say good-bye.  The man he was talking to is the son of a long-time friend of his.  I know this man to be politically conservative in a more closed-minded way.  He is athletic and fit, very masculine, probably in his early fifties.  He came up to me, stood pretty close, looked me in the eyes and said: "Now don't tell me we've met before."  I replied "Well, actually we have."  He acted devastated.  (So far, so good.)  Then I told him what I had told the mother-in-law – that I used to be my sister's brother. ::)

I am transitioning in a small town, so I have no secrets.  (My sister lives two hours away.)  Also, I am not good at dissembling.  Only later did I realize this guy was probably hitting on me.  It was completely unexpected.  I am at least ten years older than he is.  If he had been gay, I would have known how to play it because I've been hit on by gay guys all my life.  (I let them know I'm flattered but not interested.)  I thought later I should have been a little coy and flirted with him a little, but his coming on to me was about the furthest thing from my mind.

It was just a weird ending to a stressful but mostly fun day.  All sorts of unexpected things are opening up.  I think I need to start thinking of myself as a woman and not as was/will-be.

What an odd journey this is. :D

- Kate

I can't help but see the contradiction in your post...   stating that your sister's neighbors don't know and don't need to, and then outing yourself twice when it wasn't necessary to do so.  Figure out what your stance is and stick to it.

Good news there, Kate.  Getting on is always a boost to the ego.  I modify my past by changing gender pronouns, and referring to my ex wives as my exes.  I do not lie about my past.  If things begin to go towards a relationship then I will out myself, but that has not happened yet.

If I may alter your tale to illustrate my point.

Quote from: K8 on June 21, 2009, 09:19:31 PM
Today I went to my sister's open house celebrating her wedding anniversary.  It went very well.  The relatives that I see at least every five years know my status.  The neighbors who were there don't know and don't need to know.  And then there were a few others.  My sister would introduce me using both my first and last names.  Usually I would chime in that she is my sister, so people would know I was part of the family, after I had discuss this with her.

My nephew's in-laws were there.  I hadn't seen them in about 10 years.  I don't think they would recognize me anyway.  They are politically conservative but fairly worldly.  I was talking to my nephew's mother-in-law when she asked if I had been at the wedding.  I hesitated and then told her that actually I was.  The woman immediately gave me a big hug and told me I look really good.  We chatted for another twenty minutes about all sorts of things.

When I was ready to leave I went to find my brother-in-law to say good-bye.  The man he was talking to is the son of a long-time friend of his.  I know this man to be politically conservative in a more closed-minded way.  He is athletic and fit, very masculine, probably in his early fifties.  He came up to me, stood pretty close, looked me in the eyes and said: "Now don't tell me we've met before."  I replied "Well, actually we have."  He acted devastated.  (So far, so good.)  Then I told him where we had met, but said that he probably doesn't remember. ::)

I am transitioning in a small town, so I have no secrets.  (My sister lives two hours away.)  Also, I am not good at dissembling.  Only later did I realize this guy was probably hitting on me.  It was completely unexpected.  I am at least ten years older than he is.  If he had been gay, I would have known how to play it because I've been hit on by gay guys all my life.  (I let them know I'm flattered but not interested.)  I thought later I should have been a little coy and flirted with him a little, but his coming on to me was about the furthest thing from my mind.

It was just a weird ending to a stressful but mostly fun day.  All sorts of unexpected things are opening up.  I think I need to start thinking of myself as a woman and not as was/will-be.

What an odd journey this is. :D

- Kate

It is not a lie but it is taking literary license.

Janet

Quote from: Mister on June 21, 2009, 09:23:50 PM
I can't help but see the contradiction in your post...   stating that your sister's neighbors don't know and don't need to, and then outing yourself twice when it wasn't necessary to do so.  Figure out what your stance is and stick to it.

You're right, Mister.  And Janet is right.  I am stuck in transition mode.  My sister's event was a watershed.  It is time to move on.  Even with my mistakes yesterday, I am a lot more confident as Kate than I was two days ago.

I leave tomorrow for a week-long conference of about 5,000 people.  Only 3 or 4 of those will know of my past.  *He* is gone - he's in a better place now.  It is time to nail the lid down on his coffin. ;)

(BTW, I usually refer to my deceased wife as my partner.)

Thanks for your guidance.  This is tough.  I can't imagine doing this without your help. :-*

- Kate

The strains of the Grateful Dead song have played through my mind over and over again...

"...What a long strange trip its been..."

Yeah!

Should I congratulate you on getting hit on?

Hon, this is one of the areas women like us have to hit the ground running.  Most girls growing up get hit on quite a bit and know the tell tale signs.  (What you do with them after that is your business.  :D)  Anyway, we have to figure it out as we go along.  It'll happen again, trust me.  And it won't be from just gay guys.  Though lesbians can be quite forward.  Straight men can be quite insistent.  You'll have to learn to keep your guard up.

Enjoy!

-Sandy

K8, please don't take my previous post to mean you need to be totally silent all the time.  By all means, if you want to out yourself, do it.  But yeah, lady...  you can quit telling everyone you used to be a guy anytime now. :)

I agree, Mister.  I've decided I've already come out to way more people than I need to.  I decided - with your and Janet's urging - to not offer explanations to anyone other than doctors, therapists, and the police, and then only when needed.

Today I ran into the woman who sold me my car.  Once again, it was someone I hadn't seen since becoming Kate.  I offered no explanations and she asked for none, but we had a nice talk nonetheless. :)

And Sandy - I know what you are saying.  I just didn't expect it so early in my transition and at my age.  I called my hairdresser, an ex-beauty queen, who is very frisky.  (We went drinking a couple of times - she and Kate - and she had men around her like flies to honey. :D)  She said she often doesn't know what to do when hit on, either. :P

Oh well, life is a learning experience.  And transition is all of that, concentrated.

*hugs to all*
Kate