Community Conversation => Non-binary talk => Topic started by: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 05:44:10 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 05:44:10 PM
Post by: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 05:44:10 PM
I think transition means a lot of things to different people. It is often seen as a linear process but I think the reality is very different.
A non-binary transition I feel is an even more murky concept considering that there is no collective non-binary target and very few role models to follow.
Transition for me is transitioning to living openly as myself and freely expressing my inner gender, mentally being comfortable with that and having a body that I am comfortable living in. In some ways the body stuff would just be icing on the cake for me. The mental stuff has been the real transition for me. I have known I was transgendered for years, but it has only been in the last year working with a counsellor that everything has come together. I can't really say what has happened but it is like a switch or a valve, I can now put my inner face forward. I don't know what I was projecting before but I did not feel like I was being authentic. I can't put my finger on what has outwardly changed. I still tend to dress the same, but somehow I look different. People react to me differently. It feels like I move differently, and the way I speak has changed and my gestures feel more natural. I've started to connect with people in ways I have never done. It kind of just happened, but really is a culmination of self learning and learning to express what is inside me. This has been my transition, the outside has been worn away to reveal the gem.
I'm not finished yet, but life already feels richer.
A non-binary transition I feel is an even more murky concept considering that there is no collective non-binary target and very few role models to follow.
Transition for me is transitioning to living openly as myself and freely expressing my inner gender, mentally being comfortable with that and having a body that I am comfortable living in. In some ways the body stuff would just be icing on the cake for me. The mental stuff has been the real transition for me. I have known I was transgendered for years, but it has only been in the last year working with a counsellor that everything has come together. I can't really say what has happened but it is like a switch or a valve, I can now put my inner face forward. I don't know what I was projecting before but I did not feel like I was being authentic. I can't put my finger on what has outwardly changed. I still tend to dress the same, but somehow I look different. People react to me differently. It feels like I move differently, and the way I speak has changed and my gestures feel more natural. I've started to connect with people in ways I have never done. It kind of just happened, but really is a culmination of self learning and learning to express what is inside me. This has been my transition, the outside has been worn away to reveal the gem.
I'm not finished yet, but life already feels richer.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Lori on July 01, 2009, 06:03:01 PM
Post by: Lori on July 01, 2009, 06:03:01 PM
I think you are right. Transition does mean a lot of things to different people. Some would consider losing 30+ lbs transition. I would hope that transition for me would mean the same though as it does for you. To change from within so others see me as a different person. I'd like to really change the outside though. To be comfortable with who I am that is what it will take. Sounds like you have done some sort of transition if others see the difference. I bet it feels good. I guess I have to do the binary transition.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Renate on July 01, 2009, 06:50:38 PM
Post by: Renate on July 01, 2009, 06:50:38 PM
You mean me? Personally? My opinion?
To me, personally, a non-binary transition is a failure, an act of timidity.
Don't jump on me, that's just my opinion.
To me, personally, a non-binary transition is a failure, an act of timidity.
Don't jump on me, that's just my opinion.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 06:54:11 PM
Post by: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 06:54:11 PM
Quote from: Renate on July 01, 2009, 06:50:38 PM
You mean me? Personally? My opinion?
To me, personally, a non-binary transition is a failure, an act of timidity.
Don't jump on me, that's just my opinion.
That's ok, you don't have a non-binary gender identity so that is totally understandable. But I think you underestimate the reality of living a non-binary expression. To be visibly gender queer is not an act of timidity. It is easier in some ways (compared with a binary transition) as there is no 'gold star' at the end, but it is hard in terms of constant social preasure and a lack of a clear path.
Applied to you it would be a failure, just as a binary transition would be a failure for me and an act of timidity.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Shana A on July 01, 2009, 09:39:09 PM
Post by: Shana A on July 01, 2009, 09:39:09 PM
Quote from: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 05:44:10 PM
I'm not finished yet, but life already feels richer.
That's wonderful Nicky!!!
Z
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 09:47:30 PM
Post by: Nicky on July 01, 2009, 09:47:30 PM
Quote from: Zythyra on July 01, 2009, 09:39:09 PMI think so too!
That's wonderful Nicky!!!
Z
(plus my new antidepressents agree with me far more than my last ones did so I am feeling pretty good - not that they are in effect yet, just no nasty side effects so far unlike the old ones)
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Nero on July 02, 2009, 03:30:02 AM
Post by: Nero on July 02, 2009, 03:30:02 AM
yay Nicky! happy for you!
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: sparkles on July 02, 2009, 06:03:46 PM
Post by: sparkles on July 02, 2009, 06:03:46 PM
i have felt all the things you put in your post that i had flicked a switch and i was now able to be myself for the first time i really dont know what i was doing before and now people have started to react to me diffently, which i like and i have meet so many more people than i would have im more open to them. though the phyiscal is like you extra it as helped to show that i am not male anymore though now most people know im not i have found that im pulling away from that a little as i dont need to show that im not as most people know that now. i think if i had just gone on looking the same then people would not have seen a different me
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Nicky on July 02, 2009, 07:03:16 PM
Post by: Nicky on July 02, 2009, 07:03:16 PM
I have made physical changes too - I think the same as you if I had not made them people would not see me differently.
Interestingly the thing that has tipped the balance is shaving my sideburns (the rest of my face is now relatively free of hair because of laser). Suddenly I am being mamed all around. I still get some stares from people not sure what I am but it is becoming really common to be treated as a woman. Me and my wife went to the docs today for our son to get his 6 week vacinations and the nurse thought I was a support person and was taken aback when I said I was the dad. But then she acted surprised when we said it happens all the time. I guess perception plays a big part and for those that perceive you initially as female or male just sort of run with it untill you say otherwise.
My wife has been fantastic about it. Communication and moving slow have been the key things for us.
Interestingly the thing that has tipped the balance is shaving my sideburns (the rest of my face is now relatively free of hair because of laser). Suddenly I am being mamed all around. I still get some stares from people not sure what I am but it is becoming really common to be treated as a woman. Me and my wife went to the docs today for our son to get his 6 week vacinations and the nurse thought I was a support person and was taken aback when I said I was the dad. But then she acted surprised when we said it happens all the time. I guess perception plays a big part and for those that perceive you initially as female or male just sort of run with it untill you say otherwise.
My wife has been fantastic about it. Communication and moving slow have been the key things for us.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Raye on July 07, 2009, 08:51:03 PM
Post by: Raye on July 07, 2009, 08:51:03 PM
Transition does mean a lot of things for different people, just as gender does. :)
In my case, I look like both genders (or sexes) rolled into one, so androgyny for me is a combination of both and doesn't look neutral at all. But yes, I've got several characters where it is completely neutral, and I would try to be more neutral myself if I had another body.
In my opinion, to force the binary on anyone is cruel, and in a way, it's also cowardly to be a member of only one group. When you're in the middle, you tend to face more from both sides. :)
There are many sides to one coin, and everyone has a different coin.
In my case, I look like both genders (or sexes) rolled into one, so androgyny for me is a combination of both and doesn't look neutral at all. But yes, I've got several characters where it is completely neutral, and I would try to be more neutral myself if I had another body.
In my opinion, to force the binary on anyone is cruel, and in a way, it's also cowardly to be a member of only one group. When you're in the middle, you tend to face more from both sides. :)
There are many sides to one coin, and everyone has a different coin.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Lori on July 07, 2009, 09:02:06 PM
Post by: Lori on July 07, 2009, 09:02:06 PM
Quote from: Nicky on July 02, 2009, 07:03:16 PM
I have made physical changes too - I think the same as you if I had not made them people would not see me differently.
Interestingly the thing that has tipped the balance is shaving my sideburns (the rest of my face is now relatively free of hair because of laser). Suddenly I am being mamed all around. I still get some stares from people not sure what I am but it is becoming really common to be treated as a woman. Me and my wife went to the docs today for our son to get his 6 week vacinations and the nurse thought I was a support person and was taken aback when I said I was the dad. But then she acted surprised when we said it happens all the time. I guess perception plays a big part and for those that perceive you initially as female or male just sort of run with it untill you say otherwise.
My wife has been fantastic about it. Communication and moving slow have been the key things for us.
How long have you been on HRT?
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Nicky on July 08, 2009, 03:50:10 PM
Post by: Nicky on July 08, 2009, 03:50:10 PM
I am not on hormones yet.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Jaimey on July 11, 2009, 04:18:01 PM
Post by: Jaimey on July 11, 2009, 04:18:01 PM
For me, it's all about perception. I don't have any desire to change my body, but I intend to dress androgynously from here on out. I feel so uncomfortable in feminine clothing that it's to the point that I just refuse to wear it (although I will don a skirt if it's too hot for pants...I don't own any shorts :P). I'm not a man and I'm not a woman, so those don't fit...and they aren't roles that I'm good at playing anyway. :)
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Pica Pica on July 20, 2009, 08:27:48 AM
Post by: Pica Pica on July 20, 2009, 08:27:48 AM
Well I've always been pretty forthright about my opinion that the mental part is the nub of it all.
"Transition for me is transitioning to living openly as myself and freely expressing my inner gender, mentally being comfortable with that and having a body that I am comfortable living in."
Seems to sum it up clearly and concisely. I reckon I am pretty much there in my mind and given a little more money could be there in my appearance - though money is the block to all my desires at the moment.
"Transition for me is transitioning to living openly as myself and freely expressing my inner gender, mentally being comfortable with that and having a body that I am comfortable living in."
Seems to sum it up clearly and concisely. I reckon I am pretty much there in my mind and given a little more money could be there in my appearance - though money is the block to all my desires at the moment.
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Nicky on July 20, 2009, 09:29:26 PM
Post by: Nicky on July 20, 2009, 09:29:26 PM
I've been slowly 'transitioning' my wardrobe. I think on the balance I probably have more female clothing than I have male stuff though probably 50:50 in terms of what I wear at the moment. My ideal is to not have male clothing at all (except maybe my hunting gear which is purely funcitonal). I chucked out a whole bunch of clothing in the weekend - 3 big rubish bags full! That was good. It was like clearning out the cobwebs, chucking out some man bagage. I never realised how just many black tshirts I owned :)
If only I had more money too, I would shop shop shop..
If only I had more money too, I would shop shop shop..
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Kinkly on July 24, 2009, 11:01:52 AM
Post by: Kinkly on July 24, 2009, 11:01:52 AM
To me a non binary transition is what i have to do to be the person I am. It's a lot harder to be true to yourself when you can't find anyone like you there are plenty of binary trans-people around.
I envy those whose path is clear and have no issues with gatekeepers, aswell as those who are able to be true to themselves without the need to transition I'm mostly speaking of part time cross dressers. of which I've met a fair number.
when I do frock up I'm not a man in a dress i'm a bearded lady despite what others might think
I envy those whose path is clear and have no issues with gatekeepers, aswell as those who are able to be true to themselves without the need to transition I'm mostly speaking of part time cross dressers. of which I've met a fair number.
when I do frock up I'm not a man in a dress i'm a bearded lady despite what others might think
Title: Re: Non-binary transition - what does it mean for you?
Post by: Mr. Fox on July 27, 2009, 05:25:59 PM
Post by: Mr. Fox on July 27, 2009, 05:25:59 PM
Although I wouldn't really consider myself androgyne, I guess my transition is a bit non-binary because I have my gripes about hormones. I welcome almost all the changes that will occur below the neck, and I can deal with body and facial hair (razors, a nice invention), but I don't want to get very masculine facial features. If I had a disgustingly feminine face right that might only get androgynous with hormones, I would have no reservations, but I already have an androgynous face. I would like to be somewhat feminine looking after transition, so that I could pass as female with some effort. Maybe a lowish dose of hormones will help with this (I have no clue), but mostly I'm just going to have to deal with it and accept the changes I don't like; overall my body will change for the better.
Everything else is pretty much binary. I want both top and bottom surgery as well as hormones, and to be referred to with male pronouns. I do wear women's clothing as well as men's and plan to continue to do so, but so do plenty of lads.
Everything else is pretty much binary. I want both top and bottom surgery as well as hormones, and to be referred to with male pronouns. I do wear women's clothing as well as men's and plan to continue to do so, but so do plenty of lads.