Community Conversation => Transitioning => Coming out of the closet => Topic started by: Cassandra on July 21, 2005, 04:54:55 PM Return to Full Version
Title: Own the part!
Post by: Cassandra on July 21, 2005, 04:54:55 PM
Post by: Cassandra on July 21, 2005, 04:54:55 PM
Greetings all,
We as a group tend to obsess over passing. Some of us not as much of an issue others more so to the point of paralysis. As someone who is living full time, and doing it quite well, if I do say so myself, : ) I thought a tip I don't see too often might be helpful. This is a long tip so I'm composing
offline for later posting.
First a little background. I spent most of my youth in community theatre. If you think people might be critical of you out in public, try getting on a stage in front of 3 or 400 people and convince them you are the character you are playing. At least when going out in public as a woman you don't have
to pick up a paper the next morning to read the critics reviews of your performance.
As a woman I found her performance lacking. Says the New York Times.
I laughed till I cried, you call that a woman. Says the Chicago Tribune.
Well fortunately we don't have to go through that, Exactly. But people can be cruel at times and if
you're one who is certain every time you look in a mirror that you will never pass don't worry. You
see passing isn't an end all or be all. You know who and what you are. But, there is hope. It's all in
the attitude.
"All the worlds a stage and all the people in it merely players" William Shakespeare
Even when you are you, being you, your entry into the world each and every day is like walking out
onto the stage. It might be helpful to remember the old stage trick of imagining that every one is
naked. (shudder, now there's a frightening thought).
The main thing to remember is when you go out into the world you have to own the part. Never
doubt for a moment that you are every bit the character you are playing. As Shakespeare said we
are all playing characters in life's tableau.
"Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue; but if you
mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines, Nor do not saw
the air too much with your hand, thus; but use all gently. " Shakespeare's instruction to his players.
As in the theatre preparation is everything. It takes time. You must rehearse endlessly until you
have the part down. After many rehearsals there is of course the dress rehearsal. This is wear you
try on your costume, dawn your makeup and practice your lines.
There are many tools you can use in preparation for this. I got a speech DVD and makeup DVD
along with a feminine movement DVD. All of these helped immensely in my preparation.
Do a trial run. This would be were you go out, all dolled up, preferably with a friend to someplace
close and safe. I was having trouble with my fingernail polish. Unfortunately this was not covered in
the makeup video and I was seriously botching the job. I made an appointment at a nail salon very
close to my house. I figured just watch what she does and then do the same at home. The
experience was fantastic, and also my first time out. There I was in the inner sanctum getting my
nails done. It was my first manicure ever. What happened later is another story.
What I did next was go home and mulled over everything that happened while I was out and
about. I reviewed the videos and noted were I had made mistakes that might have given me away.
I practiced over and over at home and did not go out again for many months. When I did go out
again I did as I said earlier, own the part. Cassandra had become as natural a person as my old self
had ever been.
Did I pass? Men opened doors for me and called me mam. At the grocery although I only had a few items a clerk brought a grocery cart over so I would not have to carry my groceries to the car and
asked "May I take your groceries for you mam". I smiled and said no, but thanked him for offering.
People smiled and nodded hello. I even got a few admiring stares and smiles from some of the men.
I think I passed.
One other thing to remember is that just because someone may be looking at you oddly does not
mean they have read you. It may be thier in thought about something and don't even realize they
are even looking in your direction. Even if they do, don't act like "oh my god I've been read" act
natural. The natural reaction is to blush red and becom self conscious causing you to drop
character. Don't drop character, ever!
If you blunder don't try to correct your mistake just keep going as if nothing happened. Attempting
to cover a mistake is the surest way to point up the fact that you have made one, and will make
you self conscious. Most of all have fun with it. If you look like you are enjoying yourself you will also
look very natural. Be at ease with yourself and even if you are read chances are no one will let you
know that they have. Sometimes because they are not sure and don't want to embarrass
themselves if they are wrong.
When speaking unless you have been doing speech therapy for some time and have a really
convincing voice keep things brief. "Brevity is the soul of wit", So says the bard. Use a soft voice
and avoid people with hearing problems. Having a GG friend with you helps as they can step in, in a
sticky situation. One time I was asked for ID when using my bank card, something which almost
never happens, but my wife was there and acted as if the clerk had asked for her ID. "Oh, here
you go" and handed it to her. Whew! Dodged that bullet. Got to get that name change.
When speaking I use a little trick from my speech therapy. I hum a little ditty to myself using my
upper register. It just sounds like I'm happy and have a song I can't get out of my head. In reality
I'm keeping the pipes tuned up so when I start speaking I start off in the right key. I hope you
find this useful. Remember to be safe and don't go out into situations which breed disaster.
Cassie
We as a group tend to obsess over passing. Some of us not as much of an issue others more so to the point of paralysis. As someone who is living full time, and doing it quite well, if I do say so myself, : ) I thought a tip I don't see too often might be helpful. This is a long tip so I'm composing
offline for later posting.
First a little background. I spent most of my youth in community theatre. If you think people might be critical of you out in public, try getting on a stage in front of 3 or 400 people and convince them you are the character you are playing. At least when going out in public as a woman you don't have
to pick up a paper the next morning to read the critics reviews of your performance.
As a woman I found her performance lacking. Says the New York Times.
I laughed till I cried, you call that a woman. Says the Chicago Tribune.
Well fortunately we don't have to go through that, Exactly. But people can be cruel at times and if
you're one who is certain every time you look in a mirror that you will never pass don't worry. You
see passing isn't an end all or be all. You know who and what you are. But, there is hope. It's all in
the attitude.
"All the worlds a stage and all the people in it merely players" William Shakespeare
Even when you are you, being you, your entry into the world each and every day is like walking out
onto the stage. It might be helpful to remember the old stage trick of imagining that every one is
naked. (shudder, now there's a frightening thought).
The main thing to remember is when you go out into the world you have to own the part. Never
doubt for a moment that you are every bit the character you are playing. As Shakespeare said we
are all playing characters in life's tableau.
"Speak the speech, I pray you, as I pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue; but if you
mouth it, as many of your players do, I had as lief the town-crier spoke my lines, Nor do not saw
the air too much with your hand, thus; but use all gently. " Shakespeare's instruction to his players.
As in the theatre preparation is everything. It takes time. You must rehearse endlessly until you
have the part down. After many rehearsals there is of course the dress rehearsal. This is wear you
try on your costume, dawn your makeup and practice your lines.
There are many tools you can use in preparation for this. I got a speech DVD and makeup DVD
along with a feminine movement DVD. All of these helped immensely in my preparation.
Do a trial run. This would be were you go out, all dolled up, preferably with a friend to someplace
close and safe. I was having trouble with my fingernail polish. Unfortunately this was not covered in
the makeup video and I was seriously botching the job. I made an appointment at a nail salon very
close to my house. I figured just watch what she does and then do the same at home. The
experience was fantastic, and also my first time out. There I was in the inner sanctum getting my
nails done. It was my first manicure ever. What happened later is another story.
What I did next was go home and mulled over everything that happened while I was out and
about. I reviewed the videos and noted were I had made mistakes that might have given me away.
I practiced over and over at home and did not go out again for many months. When I did go out
again I did as I said earlier, own the part. Cassandra had become as natural a person as my old self
had ever been.
Did I pass? Men opened doors for me and called me mam. At the grocery although I only had a few items a clerk brought a grocery cart over so I would not have to carry my groceries to the car and
asked "May I take your groceries for you mam". I smiled and said no, but thanked him for offering.
People smiled and nodded hello. I even got a few admiring stares and smiles from some of the men.
I think I passed.
One other thing to remember is that just because someone may be looking at you oddly does not
mean they have read you. It may be thier in thought about something and don't even realize they
are even looking in your direction. Even if they do, don't act like "oh my god I've been read" act
natural. The natural reaction is to blush red and becom self conscious causing you to drop
character. Don't drop character, ever!
If you blunder don't try to correct your mistake just keep going as if nothing happened. Attempting
to cover a mistake is the surest way to point up the fact that you have made one, and will make
you self conscious. Most of all have fun with it. If you look like you are enjoying yourself you will also
look very natural. Be at ease with yourself and even if you are read chances are no one will let you
know that they have. Sometimes because they are not sure and don't want to embarrass
themselves if they are wrong.
When speaking unless you have been doing speech therapy for some time and have a really
convincing voice keep things brief. "Brevity is the soul of wit", So says the bard. Use a soft voice
and avoid people with hearing problems. Having a GG friend with you helps as they can step in, in a
sticky situation. One time I was asked for ID when using my bank card, something which almost
never happens, but my wife was there and acted as if the clerk had asked for her ID. "Oh, here
you go" and handed it to her. Whew! Dodged that bullet. Got to get that name change.
When speaking I use a little trick from my speech therapy. I hum a little ditty to myself using my
upper register. It just sounds like I'm happy and have a song I can't get out of my head. In reality
I'm keeping the pipes tuned up so when I start speaking I start off in the right key. I hope you
find this useful. Remember to be safe and don't go out into situations which breed disaster.
Cassie
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: tiffani66 on July 25, 2005, 11:56:44 PM
Post by: tiffani66 on July 25, 2005, 11:56:44 PM
Hi, Cassandra. As I just finished writing in a post on another list in this forum, I have acted in a community theatre. I enjoyed it immensely.
Passing is something of a problem for me, as I have fairly dark facial hair and noticeable shadow. I do what I can to minimize the noticeability, but I can never seem to find a decent make-up that will cover the shadow satisfactorily. It can make my life very frustrating at times.
I am a writer and a poet, an actor of sorts and a person who loves to sing, anywhere and everywhere. I have posted my website on the "tough decision" list.
I participate in a karaoke night every second Saturday. I can sing in the female registers, but prefer to do that as part of a group of women, not alone, because the female voices enable me to hit full soprano. I have, on two separate occasions, as a result of singing with women, hit high C and ended up shattering glass items that were nearby. You might say that heads turned to find out who had done the dirty deed, so to speak. They were amazed that I could hit that note at all.
My biggest regret in that regard, i.e. singing, is that I am partially deaf, bilaterally, due to damage to my middle ears as a result of my noise sensitivity. Because of the partial deafness, I have often spoken more loudly than is truly necessary. I have a very strong baritone voice to start with; I am capable of making an entire roomful of people be quiet just by raising my voice to a certain level.
Only a few of the people at the karaoke know that I am a trans person; those that do know are close friends or people who are accepting of those, like you, me and who knows how many others, that live what is known as an alternative lifestyle.
Like you said, in most cases people don't even notice you, even though it might look like they are staring right through you at the time.
I guess I was pretty brash when I began my transition almost thirteen years ago. At the beginning, I had a lot of fun trying to explain to my friends that, even though the package was changing, the person inside was still me; I wasn't going to suddenly grow fangs and claws and tear them all apart. Eventually, they got used to what I was doing and began to understand more of what my reasons were for the transition.
Reactions to my transition have crossed the spectrum from "Wow!" to "Freak! Get away from me!" I have tried, over the years, to help people to understand what it is to be a trans person. Some have been willing to listen; they would ask questions and I would answer to the best of my ability. Others have shunned me and have tried to deny my very existence, but I was still there after they left.
Passing is something of a problem for me, as I have fairly dark facial hair and noticeable shadow. I do what I can to minimize the noticeability, but I can never seem to find a decent make-up that will cover the shadow satisfactorily. It can make my life very frustrating at times.
I am a writer and a poet, an actor of sorts and a person who loves to sing, anywhere and everywhere. I have posted my website on the "tough decision" list.
I participate in a karaoke night every second Saturday. I can sing in the female registers, but prefer to do that as part of a group of women, not alone, because the female voices enable me to hit full soprano. I have, on two separate occasions, as a result of singing with women, hit high C and ended up shattering glass items that were nearby. You might say that heads turned to find out who had done the dirty deed, so to speak. They were amazed that I could hit that note at all.
My biggest regret in that regard, i.e. singing, is that I am partially deaf, bilaterally, due to damage to my middle ears as a result of my noise sensitivity. Because of the partial deafness, I have often spoken more loudly than is truly necessary. I have a very strong baritone voice to start with; I am capable of making an entire roomful of people be quiet just by raising my voice to a certain level.
Only a few of the people at the karaoke know that I am a trans person; those that do know are close friends or people who are accepting of those, like you, me and who knows how many others, that live what is known as an alternative lifestyle.
Like you said, in most cases people don't even notice you, even though it might look like they are staring right through you at the time.
I guess I was pretty brash when I began my transition almost thirteen years ago. At the beginning, I had a lot of fun trying to explain to my friends that, even though the package was changing, the person inside was still me; I wasn't going to suddenly grow fangs and claws and tear them all apart. Eventually, they got used to what I was doing and began to understand more of what my reasons were for the transition.
Reactions to my transition have crossed the spectrum from "Wow!" to "Freak! Get away from me!" I have tried, over the years, to help people to understand what it is to be a trans person. Some have been willing to listen; they would ask questions and I would answer to the best of my ability. Others have shunned me and have tried to deny my very existence, but I was still there after they left.
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Cassandra on July 26, 2005, 06:54:28 PM
Post by: Cassandra on July 26, 2005, 06:54:28 PM
Tiffani,
Glad to here from you. It's about time somebody commented on this post. Not that it needs comments but I am a Leo and this lioness likes some praise for her performances. ;D
Fortunately I don't have a dark beard but I remember my theatre makeup and Max Factor has a cure for just about anything.
You might look for something in the theatrical makeup department. Be careful though that stuff is thick and designed for the hot lights of the stage were your face can completely disappear. It may be possible to find something in between that can actually cover a dark beard. I stated in another post to an FtM that I keep my trusty triple blade remington handy for late afternoon touch ups.
Since you probably start sporting a dark shadow early in the day this might be a useful option.
Also in the morning I use a Gillette Quatro and I shave in every direction to get as close and as thourough as possible. A good start in the morning keeps you pretty fresh most of the day. Again I do have a light beard so I have some leeway in this matter.
You said you sing Kareoke. If the Kareoke stage has hot stage lights the max factor stage makeup would work real well there. And if anyone says anything about the thickness of the makeup you can tell them you sing there regular and the makeup keeps you from looking washed out on the stage. Like I said it's all about playing a part on or off stage.
Now I mentioned earlier about being the center of attention. Well actually I said I was a Leo, same thing. On the stage I was notorious for upstaging the other actors. One time one of the actors I was playing a scene with kept trying to upstage me. we ended up all the way back to the backdrop were upon I rushed forward with a flourish downstage left while spouting my line. The spotlight had to follow and left the poor guy upstage right in utter darkness, from were he had to deliver his next line, and I left my back to him. The director was furious but there was little he could do. The show after all must go on.
Hope the Max Factor can help you.
Cassie
Glad to here from you. It's about time somebody commented on this post. Not that it needs comments but I am a Leo and this lioness likes some praise for her performances. ;D
Fortunately I don't have a dark beard but I remember my theatre makeup and Max Factor has a cure for just about anything.
You might look for something in the theatrical makeup department. Be careful though that stuff is thick and designed for the hot lights of the stage were your face can completely disappear. It may be possible to find something in between that can actually cover a dark beard. I stated in another post to an FtM that I keep my trusty triple blade remington handy for late afternoon touch ups.
Since you probably start sporting a dark shadow early in the day this might be a useful option.
Also in the morning I use a Gillette Quatro and I shave in every direction to get as close and as thourough as possible. A good start in the morning keeps you pretty fresh most of the day. Again I do have a light beard so I have some leeway in this matter.
You said you sing Kareoke. If the Kareoke stage has hot stage lights the max factor stage makeup would work real well there. And if anyone says anything about the thickness of the makeup you can tell them you sing there regular and the makeup keeps you from looking washed out on the stage. Like I said it's all about playing a part on or off stage.
Now I mentioned earlier about being the center of attention. Well actually I said I was a Leo, same thing. On the stage I was notorious for upstaging the other actors. One time one of the actors I was playing a scene with kept trying to upstage me. we ended up all the way back to the backdrop were upon I rushed forward with a flourish downstage left while spouting my line. The spotlight had to follow and left the poor guy upstage right in utter darkness, from were he had to deliver his next line, and I left my back to him. The director was furious but there was little he could do. The show after all must go on.
Hope the Max Factor can help you.
Cassie
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Chaunte on August 03, 2005, 10:36:51 PM
Post by: Chaunte on August 03, 2005, 10:36:51 PM
Cassie,
I think your advice is absolutely solid! After reading your post, I am thinking about doing my dress rehearsal by going to see my therapist en fem. (Give me a couple of sessions with her before I ask!) Of course, I would first ask if she was comfortable with that before I showed up on her doorstep in a skirt. (Simple courtesy.)
While I don't have the voice down yet, I can't think of a more safe and secure way of being my female self than practicing with my therapist.
Thoughts?
Chaunte
I think your advice is absolutely solid! After reading your post, I am thinking about doing my dress rehearsal by going to see my therapist en fem. (Give me a couple of sessions with her before I ask!) Of course, I would first ask if she was comfortable with that before I showed up on her doorstep in a skirt. (Simple courtesy.)
While I don't have the voice down yet, I can't think of a more safe and secure way of being my female self than practicing with my therapist.
Thoughts?
Chaunte
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Cassandra on August 03, 2005, 10:58:03 PM
Post by: Cassandra on August 03, 2005, 10:58:03 PM
I think that is an excellent first time venue. Yes most definetly give your therapist a heads up on your plans. I doubt she will have a problem and she will appreciate your letting her know in advance.
A little pre-fem preparation might be in order. Remember you still have to get from your house to her office. If you get all dressed up and get in your car only to realise you need to gas up, will you be ready to meet the cashier? If you are not comfortable with that idea it will be too late once you're in the car, "the show must go on". Retreating to the house to change will make you late for your appointment, if it is not missed entirely, and that would be rude.
Try to think of things you might need to do the night before so you can make it a straight shot for your first time out and minimize exposure before you are fully confident. I'm sure your therapist will give you an honest assessment that will be useful to you in your rehearsal notes. Keep me posted.
Good Luck and Good Journey,
Cassie
A little pre-fem preparation might be in order. Remember you still have to get from your house to her office. If you get all dressed up and get in your car only to realise you need to gas up, will you be ready to meet the cashier? If you are not comfortable with that idea it will be too late once you're in the car, "the show must go on". Retreating to the house to change will make you late for your appointment, if it is not missed entirely, and that would be rude.
Try to think of things you might need to do the night before so you can make it a straight shot for your first time out and minimize exposure before you are fully confident. I'm sure your therapist will give you an honest assessment that will be useful to you in your rehearsal notes. Keep me posted.
Good Luck and Good Journey,
Cassie
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Shelley on August 04, 2005, 08:52:10 AM
Post by: Shelley on August 04, 2005, 08:52:10 AM
Hi Cassie,
Not only is it sage advice that you have provided but it is also so beautifully written. I think that a persons writing can be a window to their soul. If your window is anything to go by......
Shelley
Not only is it sage advice that you have provided but it is also so beautifully written. I think that a persons writing can be a window to their soul. If your window is anything to go by......
Shelley
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Cassandra on August 04, 2005, 11:17:35 AM
Post by: Cassandra on August 04, 2005, 11:17:35 AM
Thank you Shelley,
Your very sweet to say so and as I've said before I do love praise.
ooo & xxx
Cassie
Your very sweet to say so and as I've said before I do love praise.
ooo & xxx
Cassie
Title: passing
Post by: Ben on August 05, 2005, 09:59:07 AM
Post by: Ben on August 05, 2005, 09:59:07 AM
Cassie,
Even though I'm going to try to pass as a man rather than a woman, it's sound advice for those on this side of the spectrum too. Thanks. :)
Even though I'm going to try to pass as a man rather than a woman, it's sound advice for those on this side of the spectrum too. Thanks. :)
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Brenda32 on August 05, 2005, 10:02:40 AM
Post by: Brenda32 on August 05, 2005, 10:02:40 AM
I have had much theatre experience as well as some television and film and understood all your sayings and titbits. I'm not even close to the stage of going out dressed, but when I do I'll need all the help I can get. I don't have the most femme body around that's for sure.
A bit of advice on make up though. If you're having trouble covering up your facial hair, find a theatrical supply shop (even online) and buy stage makeup. It comes in many colors and is much heavier and covers more than store makeup. You'll probably have to play with it a bit to make it look natural close up, but you'll get the hang of it after awhile.
A bit of advice on make up though. If you're having trouble covering up your facial hair, find a theatrical supply shop (even online) and buy stage makeup. It comes in many colors and is much heavier and covers more than store makeup. You'll probably have to play with it a bit to make it look natural close up, but you'll get the hang of it after awhile.
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: gina_taylor on August 24, 2005, 05:54:59 PM
Post by: gina_taylor on August 24, 2005, 05:54:59 PM
As long as I've got eveything right: like my makeup, my dress, and I look good, I know that I can pass. Most poeple will look at my presentation before they'll look at my face or listen to my voice. I was once sitting in the library, and a librarian commented that she used to have curly hair like mine, so I smilled and thanked her, and I continued with what I was doing so as not to draw any attention to myself than what was needed.
Gina
Gina
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: LostInTime on October 04, 2005, 03:08:03 PM
Post by: LostInTime on October 04, 2005, 03:08:03 PM
Good post. I began passing pretty well when I stopped overly obsessing over passing. Not that I do not give myself a check in the mirror, I just try not to allow what I know to influence what I show. :)
Problem is now that I have to remind a few people from time to time that I am T and that there are certain things (or acts) I am not able to do. ;)
Problem is now that I have to remind a few people from time to time that I am T and that there are certain things (or acts) I am not able to do. ;)
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Sarah Louise on October 04, 2005, 03:22:39 PM
Post by: Sarah Louise on October 04, 2005, 03:22:39 PM
Your right there, if you are nervous and looking around to see if anyone is looking, you will certainly give yourself away. The more self confident you are, the better you will do in public.
Sarah
Sarah
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: stephanie on October 13, 2005, 12:57:07 AM
Post by: stephanie on October 13, 2005, 12:57:07 AM
Quote from: Sarah Louise on October 04, 2005, 03:22:39 PM
The more self confident you are, the better you will do in public.
Sarah
Well then I'm screwed, lol.
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Shelley on October 13, 2005, 05:12:05 AM
Post by: Shelley on October 13, 2005, 05:12:05 AM
I agree Stephanie,
The problem with confidence is that you have to have to show it. ;D
Shelley
The problem with confidence is that you have to have to show it. ;D
Shelley
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: LostInTime on October 13, 2005, 09:59:55 AM
Post by: LostInTime on October 13, 2005, 09:59:55 AM
Shelly, I disagree.
I built up my confidence by faking it. I had a lot of people around me waiting for me to fail. They were expecting it. I refused to let them see me sweat. So even though I was nervous as hell, I went out with my head held high. Somewhere along the line I actually picked up the confidence (passing, being hit on, etc helped out with that) and now actually feel the part I was playing.
YMMV.
I built up my confidence by faking it. I had a lot of people around me waiting for me to fail. They were expecting it. I refused to let them see me sweat. So even though I was nervous as hell, I went out with my head held high. Somewhere along the line I actually picked up the confidence (passing, being hit on, etc helped out with that) and now actually feel the part I was playing.
YMMV.
Title: Re: Own the part!
Post by: Shelley on October 14, 2005, 09:27:18 AM
Post by: Shelley on October 14, 2005, 09:27:18 AM
I stand corrected YMMV,
That does remind me of sincerity though once you can fake that you've got it made ;D.
Shelley
That does remind me of sincerity though once you can fake that you've got it made ;D.
Shelley