Susan's Place Transgender Resources

this morning i oke up and started to get ready to go to church, like i do every Sunday. However this day as i stood in front of the mirror i noticed how much of a freak i am. so i started to cry. i realize we all have to go thru this stage of our "development" but i'm so tired of being the "FREAK" at the top of the stairs. do any of you ever feel this way.

No I am a special individual, part of the reason that I do not go to church.

ths actually had nothing to do with church, i go to a accepting church. it had to do with the way i look.

like a man with tits or a woman with a penis!!!!

Quote from: Blaire on July 26, 2009, 06:31:16 PM
ths actually had nothing to do with church, i go to a accepting church. it had to do with the way i look.

like a man with tits or a woman with a penis!!!!

Hmm. Freak is relative. I'm a man with a bush and I don't feel freaky. Not in that sense anyway.  :laugh:

so nero you had your top surgery!
that's what brought this on i think, it seems like an impossible dream ,right now, for me to get my GRS.

yep and I'm happier than I dreamed possible.
yeah, dysphoria inducing parts can disgust. I hated my mirror before surgery.

well brother please accept a big hug from sister. congratulations. stay in touch ok i love transmen  ;D

aww (big nero hug)

thanks brother that helps me feel better

freak. yeah i feel that way alot of times. i spend some time in front of the mirror everyday  scrutinizing myself about every little thing feeling ugly. but alot of times  you can get over it and go about your day

Before I had my bottom surgery, I used to refer to myself as The Cockless Man like I was some sort of sideshow act.  Initially I was kidding, but I began to internalize it.  The more you call yourself a freak, the more you'll truly believe you are one.

I think I am God's gift to Earth... so not really.

I feel obese and ugly, but never a freak.

Hi Hon
I agree with Mister.
It's easy to phase out and say I'm the gal with a dick or a dude with bush. I'm so ugly, so not there. Look at the positives, every second we need to look at the positives. Hang in there Hun.

I'm told the road gets easier, hasn't so far Sis. But one day !!!!!!!!!!!

Cindy

Yeah, I've thought I was a freak some times.  There seems to be a fine line between different and freak.  But then I think - hey!  Freaks are people, too!  I pay my taxes.  I keep my yard neat.  I've only been arrested once, long ago, for doing something stupid, so I'm not a threat to the community.  Freak or no freak, I'm just another person.

It seems every time I mention to one of my girlfriends how awful I look in the mirror, she'll dismiss it as something all of us gals do.  We're all hard on ourselves. 

Be gentle with yourself.  You're not a freak.

*hugs*
Kate

Thank you all it helps to have people to encourage you.


"Starting today i will try to NOT call myself a freak"  ok

I am the freakiest person I know.. yet somehow everyone seems to like me and wants me to be around them and I have more than one "best friend".

I am the only one who doesn't seem to like me!

My grandma just wants my hair though :D she'd give for free me any day! ^^

Yeah we do all feel this way. Its alright though. Stay true to yourself, never call yourself a freak, and NEVER let anyone tell you if this is right or not

Positive thoughts darlin.  Dream it, believe it, achieve it!

You know Blaire , i feel like i freak 24/ 7 . There is no surgeries that can make my body right. Hang in there girl.

Transitioning is not easy.  There is always a bigger mountain, that will seem just as unclimbable when you get to it.

If it's your look you don't like then change your look.  There is no better evidence that women come in all shapes and sizes than all of us.  Find a style that doesn't make you feel weird.  Don't be discouraged, turn your fears into action.  Try and focus on the things you can change, and accept that the things you can't change right now might take a little longer.

Don't be a victim of yourself, life is too short.

 yeah... plus i have no initiative to change id rather just be naked.. and find the open minded folk.. ->-bleeped-<- ya know?
i feel like its just about coming to a place where i can accept myself, doing it in front of an audience isn't so much of an issue anymore.. long as i feel good about it, though i love people.. we just have different ways i guess.. oh wells

but of course this is just one step on the cycle.. its the one im usually at when i come here, but its all kind of ways

like idunno we should just start the world over again from here

brothers n sisters and everyone!! i love you guys however u be.. <3

No I don't feel like a freak, never have, other people might think that I am but that's their problem. 

And I'll be honest I am full time now and work as a woman, wear my wig at all times to go out now, as I can't grow my hair due to MPB (male pattern baldness) quite severe actually. I don't wear my wig at home as I live alone anyway, and my hair is getting quite long but like I say too thin on top to go without a wig. But I don't feel too bad now, hormones are kicking in quite well now, breasts are growing well, skin softening, body hair reducing, and face seems to be softening in features a bit now and that's after nearly a year on mones.

I just feel like I am becoming the woman that I was always meant to be, sure I wish I had transitioned younger and maybe testosterone wouldn't have polluted my body so much over the years, and masculinised me to an extent that it has, but that's life you can't turn back the clock, I am what I am a woman with fairly strong masculine traits particulary in my face, but well I count my myself lucky in some ways, as for surgery well I live in England and can't afford to pay for it, so I am reliant on a NHS health system, that will hopefully pay for it, we pay into a system here, but it will be at least 2 to 3 years before I can get SRS, that's if they agree to fund to the op. Luckily for me I am not strongly body dysmorhic so can live it for the time being, like I say the hormones are helping, changes are happening, and any labido I had has pretty much gone now anyway thank god.

Hi, sure, some times I look in the mirror and get that feeling of "freak" or "man in a dress" etc... it is part of getting used to transformation.  Rome wasn't built in a day and neither can we expect to flip a switch and dump our own self viewpoint ( or the built up social stigma's).  Just feel it, and then move on.  Of course you are not a freak any more than I am.  Remember, natal females and males have the same feeling some mornings, just for other reasons.

I used to feel like a freak until I saw the woman inside shinning back at me. Don't internalise the thought patterns that condemn you.

All the best

Stardust