Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Since I first thought about my problem, I've become obsessed and very stressed out over it.

I believe something is wrong with me because I have come to understand that me, an FtM, like to crossdress. In skirts. And lipstick. And long hair. And high heels.

I feel like a guy, I identify as male, and soon, in the fall, I will be starting my new grade as a boy! Yet I like women's clothing!

As of now, I'm not sure if crossdressing has become something... "arousing", or what not, but I'm still confused!

What phases me is that, I want to wear male clothing, I want to be seen as male, but I like to dress as a woman would.

This is confusing the HECK out of me. I just need some kind of help from you guys. I feel like something's wrong, and I don't want this to hinder my plans of transitioning. Also, these... feelings, I suppose, are making me feel guilty... like I'm not man enough if I act on my feelings.

All replies are most definitely appreciated.

Have you started therapy? I think that if you're having doubts talking to a therapist would help

But aside from that, the only thing I can really say is to not worry about labels.  So you're FtM, but you like to wear women's clothes. So what?  There are men who are completely comfortable in their gender identity as male, and yet enjoy crossdressing.  So it would make sense that there could also be transguys who identify as male and enjoy crossdressing

Quote from: Chamillion on August 01, 2009, 12:07:18 AM
Have you started therapy? I think that if you're having doubts talking to a therapist would help

But aside from that, the only thing I can really say is to not worry about labels.  So you're FtM, but you like to wear women's clothes. So what?  There are men who are completely comfortable in their gender identity as male, and yet enjoy crossdressing.  So it would make sense that there could also be transguys who identify as male and enjoy crossdressing

I'll try to talk to him about it, but often I don't confide such problems because I'm scared of what he'll think of me.

I didn't know that there are transguys like that! Now that I know that, it lifts some pressure off my shoulders, but I guess the essential "I'm doing something bad" feeling is just wreaking havoc on my conscience.

Well, I hate women's clothes but love eyeliner. Growing up as females, some of us may have become accustomed to behaviors and preferences we wouldn't have if we were born male. I think it's difficult for some of us to go into a rigid male dress code when we've been able to present ourselves however we like our entire lives. I want to be able to fake the look of not having invisible blond lashes. I want to cover up zits now even more than before because I have so much more!  :laugh: Maybe you learned to enjoy female clothes. A lot of things are an acquired taste.

I think you have nothing to worry about, otherwise we would not have crossdressers! :laugh:

I don't necessarily mind male clothing, and I'm not a super feminine clothing fanatic. I saw a guy wearing ladies jeans just last weekend, and it was quite awesome to see ;).

I can definitely understand how you feel in that you are doing something wrong, as I've had that in other areas besides clothing. I like a lot of male dominated things and such, and I thought at one point it was an invalidation or something to that effect for me, when it very much wasn't/isn't.

I'm very much inclined to agree with Nero that many things are acquired tastes, foods, entertainment, clothing, etc.

Do whatever makes you comfortable! And if your therapist thinks it wrong or an invalidation just cause you like to wear female clothing.....I think it'd be time to find another one! 

I'll join the chorus.

If bio guys like to cross-dress but identify totally as male I really cannot see anything odd in a trans guy doing so. Besides we have years and years of conditioning. Don't beat up on yourself. And lots of guys have long hair.

Luv

Cindy

Quote from: findingreason on August 01, 2009, 02:15:59 AMI don't necessarily mind male clothing, and I'm not a super feminine clothing fanatic. I saw a guy wearing ladies jeans just last weekend, and it was quite awesome to see ;).

Indeed it is. In fact, I suggest all (thin) guys should wear form fitting clothes. :3

EDIT: Wait, I take that back. Some guys look good in baggy clothes too. Wear whatever the hell you want.

I enjoy what personally looks good on me I just prefer guy's clothing when it comes down to it. If you like woman's clothing go for it. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, or you for that matter.

You're just a transvestite. There's no shame in that.

Not like there's any classic FTM "mold" that we were all formed from. If anything, it's further proof that we're just normal men, not an odd minority of out-of-control women as others seem to think. Don't sweat it. Although if your therapist doesn't have much FTM experience he might take it wrong and think you're not really a TS.

SilverFang

My psychiatrist will sometimes start talking about transgender things in general (like MTF). I'm kind of embarrassed by how little I know about MTFs. :eusa_shifty:

Anyway, we started talking about male transvestites. I couldn't understand why a heterosexual male- who identifies as a male- would want to wear women's clothes, make-up, etc. He said the common belief is that the man becomes sexually aroused for being in a woman's role... or something like that. The point is- you can have a heterosexual male identity but like to cross-dress, just like some bio-males.

Just gonna echo everybody else: if you identify as male but like to wear womens' clothing, that would make you a crossdresser and there's nothing wrong in that.  Plenty of cis-males are also crossdressers (Eddie Izzard comes to mind, because he's awesome).

That said, if you want to pass pre-T, dressing in womens' clothes won't be in your best interest.  It may also confuse a lot of people about your intents.  I would say the majority are going to have a hard enough time wrapping their heads around the concept of an FtM, let alone an FtM who is also a crossdressing male.  Which of course sucks (and I could rant on about the rigid stereotypes placed on gender expression, particularly for males), but there it is.

There's nothing wrong with you!
There are so many people on this world, and every one of us is a unique person...

So what if you like to crossdress?

i've heard similar things throughout the years and I've never understood them.  OP isn't yet living as male, is still female bodied, female appearing, etc...  yet being in traditional women's attire is something they enjoy?

Sorry, this is way too much of a contradiction for me to ever understand.

Quote from: Mister on August 01, 2009, 06:12:22 PM
i've heard similar things throughout the years and I've never understood them.  OP isn't yet living as male, is still female bodied, female appearing, etc...  yet being in traditional women's attire is something they enjoy?

Sorry, this is way too much of a contradiction for me to ever understand.

I can't really understand it either, but it's a sort of "whatever floats your boat" thing I reckon.

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with you at all. I am in the same boat. I am ftm, but I like wearing skirts/dresses. It's confusing...I'll try to explain my way of thinking best. It's like...when I think about wearing a dress as a girl, I feel sick. As a guy? I love it. I love male cross-dressers. (Mana-sama of the band Moi dix Mois[previously of Malice Mizer] being my favorite famous cross-dresser..he's from Japan) It's confusing and hard to explain, but the idea of being a guy in a dress is great to me. But being a girl in a dress...just confuses and depresses me. I am backwards, and I don't care. I love me, so yay. It's all about how you view yourself and what makes you feel good.

Theres nothing wrong with you. Its similar to why a biological male crossdresses. I admit it is fun to dress like a girl every now and then, but it never feels natural, I consider it to be crossdressing but ive accepted it. So don't worry, its totally normal.

When I get down about my "feminine tendencies," I always look to my avatar for inspiration.  If Pete Burns counts as a man, so do I!

Although there have been many replies, I'll just throw my two cents worth in – which is practically identical to everyone else's.

No less, I do logically understand why someone would do that, but I know I am not one of them.  I wanted to wear my father's clothes when I was 5, and feminine things are just... not... Me.  But that being said, that is me.  Women's clothes, men's clothes... They're just clothes.  Put on your body what you want to put on it.  Which color your socks are doesn't determine your gender, right?  Our society has rather rigid gender roles, but we're breaking them at this point, anyway.

Quote from: Adrian on August 02, 2009, 02:04:02 PMI wanted to wear my father's clothes when I was 5, and feminine things are just... not... Me.

When I was little I'd put my Dad's clothes on too (mostly his work clothes). My parents didn't really care as long as I didn't ruin his clothes. I just couldn't figure out the tie though, so my Mom would do it for me. She tried to show me how to do it but it was too hard. ^-^ I'd also put on his Old Spice deodorant (which I still love) and aftershave.

Now that I think about it it's weird. It was O.K. to be this way as a kid but when I became a teenager- and my family saw this wasn't just a phase- they really pounded into me to act more female. >:(

Quote from: Radar on August 02, 2009, 02:36:28 PM
When I was little I'd put my Dad's clothes on too (mostly his work clothes). My parents didn't really care as long as I didn't ruin his clothes. I just couldn't figure out the tie though, so my Mom would do it for me. She tried to show me how to do it but it was too hard. ^-^ I'd also put on his Old Spice deodorant (which I still love) and aftershave.

Now that I think about it it's weird. It was O.K. to be this way as a kid but when I became a teenager-  >:(

Kind of the same for me but they just bought me my own work clothes. so why they have such a hard time understanding now, I will never get. I never had girl clothes growing up.

Quote from: LordKAT on August 02, 2009, 05:57:32 PMI never had girl clothes growing up.

I cared less about clothes when I was a kid. I basically wore whatever my Mom bought me. It was almost completely pants, slacks and shorts. I had some dresses but did not enjoy wearing them at all- so they were worn only during certain occasions. When I reached middle school I didn't have any dresses or skirts anymore.

Quote from: LordKAT on August 02, 2009, 05:57:32 PM
I never had girl clothes growing up.

Wow. you were lucky. I was forced into dresses for church and skirts for school (private school dress code). No fair!  :laugh:

Quote from: Nero on August 02, 2009, 06:30:07 PM
Wow. you were lucky. I was forced into dresses for church and skirts for school (private school dress code). No fair!  :laugh:

I flat-out refused to go to one private school because they didn't have a pants alternative for girls.  Fortunately my family was never very religious, so we only had flat out brawls on holidays, and then only until 6th grade, or so, when my mom finally gave up the fight.  :D  Do you know, wearing dresses was the only thing that I fought with my mom about in all my years growing up.   We had the odd disagreement, but that was the only thing that brought me to the point of crying fits and near-tantrums.

Whatever you like, but you're never going to be taken seriously as a man if you keep wearing women's clothing.

Quote from: Asher on August 03, 2009, 01:42:35 PM
Whatever you like, but you're never going to be taken seriously as a man if you keep wearing women's clothing.

harsh much?  if someone said they were male and were serious, id go with it.  its kindof like FTMs being gay.  "isnt it just easier to stay a girl?"  no.  not really.  lol

Quote from: Josh on August 03, 2009, 03:22:40 PM
harsh much?  if someone said they were male and were serious, id go with it.  its kindof like FTMs being gay.  "isnt it just easier to stay a girl?"  no.  not really.  lol

It might seem harsh on the surface, but it's true.

No, clothes don't make the gender. So, he wants to wear a skirt on occasion. Big deal. It doesn't matter who wears what - it matters how they identify. WE all know that.

Society at large does not.

Do the opinions of society even matter, and if so then to what degree? Well, that's an individual thing.

Quote from: Asher on August 03, 2009, 01:42:35 PM
Whatever you like, but you're never going to be taken seriously as a man if you keep wearing women's clothing.

Harsh, but someone has to be. OP, it's fine and dandy if you like crossdressing - but if you want to be seen as a man, you're going to have to keep it in the comfort of your own home until you've been on T a few years. The public will not see "Man dressed as a girl" no matter what you insist - they will see "Girl dressed as a girl". And even when you are noticeably male enough to pass despite wearing a skirt, you're suddenly going to find life quite a bit more difficult when you actually ARE seen as a "man dressed as a girl". That is why crossdressing is mostly a Friday-nights-and-weekends-at-home activity for cismen.

(Sorry, it's been a hectic couple of no-internet-vacation-like weeks, so I haven't been able to reply.)

I'm going to put my two cents in and I'm going to say that it was most likely my pre-transition anxiety, as I am going back to school as male this year. I say this just because the last time I felt like crossdressing was when I wrote this topic, and it hasn't really plagued me since.

Also, I was in fact only crossdressing in the safety of my home, so as to not to be confusing.

Now I'm just feeling a lot better about my previous... "urges" to dress as a woman, and I don't think I'm going to crossdress any time soon. =)

Thanks so much, everyone, for saying something about this. I'd honestly never heard anything about FtM crossdressers.

Quote from: SilverFang on August 01, 2009, 03:32:58 AM
If anything, it's further proof that we're just normal men,
SilverFang

Just like there is variance in cisgendered men there is variance in transmen!
I like to put it this way: Trans people are normal, because variance and adaptation is normal, in fact it's one of the most important things any living organism can to do in order to survive and evolve.
The "weirder" you are the more important you are for the evolution of humankind  ;D

Quote from: Len on August 29, 2009, 02:10:11 AM
The "weirder" you are the more important you are for the evolution of humankind  ;D

Well if that's true, then I'm the frickin' *king* of evolutionary importance... lol! ;D

I'm going to disagree with the contention that male crossdressers are comfortable in their gender role as men.

If you're starting a new grade, I'm assuming you are still young.  Youth is almost a synonym for confusion.  I wouldn't worry too much about your feelings, if I was you; but I wouldn't think anything about your identity is set in stone either.

You might be bi-gendered.  Your brain is not fully formed until you're 25, and the sense of self is one of the last things to develop.  I think you should keep up with counseling, be honest with your counselor, keep an open mind, and don't make any permanent decisions until you're older.