Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I've been openly transgendered with my parents for a couple of months now. I've cut my hair boy-short and am saving up to buy a binder. I've also thought a lot about names, which isn't something I want to jump into right away in real life: it requires some thought, so I think about it. Online, I've started to go by the name George. My mom found out in one way or another. She said "Please don't tell me we have to start calling you George now." and began to laugh. I really couldn't see what was funny, so I asked her. She replied "George? I mean, seriously, George?" and continued to laugh. I got a little upset, we had a bit of an argument, and that was that.

Do you ever get the feeling that being transgendered is a bit of a joke to your family, that they consider it a "phase" that your going to grow out of sooner or later? I love my parents, and I know they're doing the best they can with the whole situation, so I have to be patient, but I get a little fed up with the "if we don't take it seriously, it will go away" mentality.

What about you guys?

I got a sister that's "laughed" at me even when I didn't do anything to deserve it.
Some people just are that way.

It's definitely regarded as one of my crazy schemes by a few family members. My sister especially, who I live with. She's obviously in denial, she doesn't bother with my name or the male pronouns at all and treats it like a joke if I correct her.

For example, she'll do things like buy me a really feminine top and then when I tell her I won't wear it, she acts completely oblivious to the situation. "Why not? I'll look lovely on you, it'll really show off your figure"

....yeeeeah my figure is hidden away in baggy clothes all the time for a reason

Then I just get the eyerolling "oh whatever, you're being weird still" look I have come to know and love.

My sister didn't laugh, but I'm pretty sure she thought this was just one more crazy scheme I had come up with.  (Now why would she think that? ::))  One month into me being Kate full time, she asked me to resurrect old-what's-his-name for a party she was giving.  When I said I just couldn't do it, she started to realize that this is real.  We've visited several times since then, with me being more completely Kate each time.  Now she realizes this is real and is begining to treat me as the sister she never had but always wanted.

Junpei, your mother may take a while to realize that this is, indeed, real for you.  Or it may have been that the name George just struck as her funny.

Family can be the toughest.  Be patient and keep talking.

*hugs*
Kate

I simply dont care what others have to say or think if it is neg.  I live my own life.  Until one starts paying my bills or living my life, i own it no one else.  Why waste time on ppl like that?

Quote from: K8 on September 02, 2009, 07:48:21 PM
Or it may have been that the name George just struck as her funny.

George is a rather old-fashioned name that comes attached to some serious baggage.  (Which would you rather be associated with?  The monkey, or the worst president this country has ever had?  Or how about the old cartoon - "Duuuh, where did he go, George? Where did he go?"  George of the Jungle?  Watch out for that tree!)

That being said, I suspect it wasn't just this incident that has you upset, and I can understand the frustration.  It's tough for parents to deal with their kids changing.  They have enough of a hard time with their kids just growing up - something they fully expect and approve of - let alone something so out-side the norm as changing genders.  At least she isn't completely freaking out.  Hopefully with time she'll come around.  Here, have a hug in the mean time.  :icon_hug:   :)

Also on a totally off topic note, I have to ask, did you get the name Junpei from persona 3?

My family members laugh at me and gossip all the time. What's funny is that they think I don't notice. My one sister is the most supportive. Most of my family wont talk to me or acknowlege my existence  :P

When I came out as a child my parents would not accept it.

When I came out to my wife's family and friend 40 years later no one has not accepted it. I still get the mixed pronouns though. I did get from my sisters in laws (2); We think of you as Cindy all the time, but what do we call you when you are in male clothes, is calling you Cindy still OK? Love em. Has lead to some hilarious events. (BTW my situation is a little more complicated than many as you may find in earlier posts).

BTW why George?


Love and Hugs
Cindy

I feel so alone most of the time. But I don't want to be a wah wah girl. I am so glad for the friends who are there

Well I read stories in here about people who were physically beaten, hauled off to church to be saved (I'll take the beating please), kicked out into the streets, cut off from the entire family - so a little laughing, on a scale from one to ten, its about a 3.5.

I'm going to second the sentiment that "George" is probably what made her laugh, not you. As I posted in my name thread in the TS board, my wholly supportive ex who said during our relationship that we were basically a lesbian couple and had no problem kissing me in public, told me that the name I've been using makes her stomach churn (because it's her hated sister's middle name.)

Sometimes, a rose by any other name, sounds better to other people.

Sometimes people laugh about things to try to ease the discomfort. With my own family, I often joke and laugh about the changes I'm going through. It makes it easier on me. Less discomfort. Maybe your mom is attempting the same thing.

Hmmm... yeah I have had my family laugh at me, namely my mother. Depending on her tone it can be either a good or bad thing. When my mom makes a joke about my gender and laughs its more of a sign of warming up. But that all varies from person to person.
When my dad laughs at me about these kinds of things, it is a bad sign.

My 3brothers use to laugh at me, 2brothers reluctantly excepted me, but my other brother who was just a year older than me thought it was a silly sissy girly phase I was going thru, then when I was going thru the different changes of transition he use to laugh said Id never be excepted as a woman, nearly freaked out when I had my first boyfriend, my 3brothers had girlfriends and are now married, why should I not have a boyfriend, I hope to marry my boyfriend next year, yes my brother USED to laugh, well he's not laughing now, my transition is long complete, my brother no longer has 3brothers, he has 2brothers and 1 very happy feminine girly sister, who's fully excepted as a woman, turns heads and gets chatted up by guys all the time, its horrible getting laughed at, my brothers giggling when myself and my Mam going shopping for the most gorgeous dresses and helping me to become the woman I am today, it was a big joke and a laugh to my brother when Paul became Pauline,, not laughing now.
p

Quote from: tekla on September 03, 2009, 03:26:00 PM
Well I read stories in here about people who were physically beaten, hauled off to church to be saved (I'll take the beating please), kicked out into the streets, cut off from the entire family - 

This all happened to me at various times. Some of my family has come back to me though

Family, now there is an interesting topic. My family (mum,dad,sister) thought I was going through some weird phase, but luckily for me I had full support my many of my aunties, uncles and cousins. Interestingly enough this acceptance of theirs has created a slight rift among our family.

Sadly but true, my mum is dying of cancer and she still refuses to accept that I am a person, let alone her daughter.

For me I have just accepted that not everyone will embrace me and support me in this journey. And really the way I see it is that my mum, dad and sister are the ones missing out. Oh, ya they have laughed at me....
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Hi. Thank-you for your replies. It helps to know I'm not the only one out there, even if it is only a matter of something a simple as being laughed at. I become frustrated with my life sometimes, and I'm sorry if It may have seemed as though this was the end all to be all of issues. I've had my share of really hard things in life, and this isn't one of them. I posted here because I'm horrible in understanding non-verbal communication and a laugh could mean anything to me. Reading that many of you weren't taken seriously in the beggining and that that changed over time makes me feel like less of a island. I'm very alone in much of my life and in being transgendered, I am more alone than I've ever been, so thank-you again.

Why George? It was the name I used to pretend was mine when I was alone as a child. I guess I associate a lot of good feelings with the name George.

And no, Junpei is not a name from persona 3. It was a name in my Japanese textbook.

Lastly, I have been thrown out onto the streets for different reasons, and I'm glad I'm at a point in my relationships where people just laugh.

Quote from: junpei on September 02, 2009, 06:00:57 PM
I've been openly transgendered with my parents for a couple of months now. I've cut my hair boy-short and am saving up to buy a binder. I've also thought a lot about names, which isn't something I want to jump into right away in real life: it requires some thought, so I think about it. Online, I've started to go by the name George. My mom found out in one way or another. She said "Please don't tell me we have to start calling you George now." and began to laugh. I really couldn't see what was funny, so I asked her. She replied "George? I mean, seriously, George?" and continued to laugh. I got a little upset, we had a bit of an argument, and that was that.

Do you ever get the feeling that being transgendered is a bit of a joke to your family, that they consider it a "phase" that your going to grow out of sooner or later? I love my parents, and I know they're doing the best they can with the whole situation, so I have to be patient, but I get a little fed up with the "if we don't take it seriously, it will go away" mentality.

What about you guys?

*Nods head in complete agreement*

As for the name, I'm lucky I guess, as I already have a female first name. So my parents can never complain about it.

As for now, only my sister knows about my GID, my mother knows only part of the truth. My sister is very supportive, my mother is afraid, but I'm waiting for her to get used to the idea my body is becoming female before going further. As for my father, he will never know.

Laughing would of been a blessing. I got raped in a bar, got told it was my fault, told my mom i think i might be a women, and got kicked out.

I'd take laughing any day.

Quote from: bigrift on September 06, 2009, 10:00:53 PM
spooky stuff

Sweety are you seing a therapist? Seriously. County mental health departments are cheap or free, if you aren't already for your own sake please do.

My oldest brother, who is a doctor but is still utterly ignorant about trans issues, refuses to use my new (and legal) name. When I last confronted him about it, three years post-transition, he laughed and said "whatever." I'll never forget it. I haven't spoken to the man since, and don't plan to.

I think they laugh because there's nothing else that they can do.  They have no basis of comparison to go off of.  They're not laughing at you - they're laughing for the sake of laughing.  It really depends on the situation.  In this case, she was laughing because it's an unusual name now-a-days.  It reminds me of Curious George or Jimmy Stewart(as George Bailey) - but if you like the name, and you identify as George, then go for it!  Some will go with it, some won't - and to hell with those who won't.:)

Whatever is another word that hurts. I remember I was singing the song "It's raining men!" and I asked my mom what kind of men she would like it to rain, and see said "I don't know". So, I said, "well I would like it to rain lesbian men, so that even all straight women can have a lesbian's love" and there was a pause. Then she said, "So you're going up to Seattle to get a sex change operation?" and I said, "Don't know" (which I did mean). And in the coldest voice imaginable she said, "Whatever."

Stupid b*t*h. I hope I commit suicide and she feels guilty the rest of her life. But she won't, because it's all my fault. Because I ate mushrooms one time, and after that I started having breakdowns. So she sees mushroom use, breakdowns, and says "Mushroom use causes breakdowns. Stupid kid, its all his fault because drugs are bad so he's bad." Never got the differences between "cause and effect" and "correlation". Stupid bithc. If she were dying I would just watch, and as she begged, I would coldly look her in the eye and say "Whatever". And if you knew me, how much I have loved not only her but the whole world, (Jesus, I love Hitler), you would understand the significance of that. And if you don't, either please PM me to find out, or go die for being such an intolerant, bigoted, scum of the earth.

Usually I would say "Peace and Love", but the emotions I just expressed I'm probably just going to take a Klonopin before someone (myself included, and the most likely) gets hurt.

Bigrift, honey, please find someone to talk to.  There's a lot of stuff in there eating you up.  Don't let it eat you and destroy you.  You can sort it out and find a better place to be if you talk to someone who is trained to help you make sense of it.  Please, for your sake, get some help.  Life doesn't have to be this bad.

*hugs*
Kate

Quote from: K8 on September 08, 2009, 07:58:42 AM
Bigrift, honey, please find someone to talk to.  There's a lot of stuff in there eating you up.  Don't let it eat you and destroy you.  You can sort it out and find a better place to be if you talk to someone who is trained to help you make sense of it.  Please, for your sake, get some help.  Life doesn't have to be this bad.

*hugs*
Kate

God Damn it, I so mind ->-bleeped-<-ed and drained i can't even leave my room unless I take a Klonopin (and then I REALLY can't leave the room). I honest to god NEED someoone to find me a therapist and take me there, because I'm so drained I can't handle the stress of it. Please don't take this as a poor me, this is the first time I've ever said this, and the idea seems to be shared among anyone who talks to me for more than five minutes...I had a f*d life.

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Post Merge: September 08, 2009, 11:57:46 AM

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QuoteIf she were dying I would just watch, and as she begged, I would coldly look her in the eye and say "Whatever". And if you knew me, how much I have loved not only her but the whole world, (Jesus, I love Hitler), you would understand the significance of that.

The fact that I have been pushed to this point makes me just want to paint an incredibly beautiful painting, say "La tristesse durera toujours", and...

My mother did when I first came out to her while the therapist was present and we left soon after. While on the route home she even said she though I had been gay and if that was the case I'd hvae been on the street.  This?  This we can fix though.  That leads into the -fun- years.  Laughing is a terrible way to cope even if that is their reason and I think they should learn to stop or rather?  Should have learned to stop doing that years ago to anyone.

My dad has known for a few months but I recently told my mother, sister, and brother. None of them laughed at me, they're too worried to think it's funny in any way heh.